THE BELOW WAS WRITTEN PRE-WEEKEND GETAWAY (11/1/2019):
I’m going upstate for two days starting tomorrow, and you’d think I was going on a three-week tour of Europe or like, staying on the beach in Bali for 10 days. That’s how excited I am. I feel like a child on Christmas Eve right now… waiting for tomorrow to arrive so we can pack up and get the hell out of here. I haven’t had two days in a row off with my boyfriend since the last week of August. In fact, I think we’ve only had one day off together in the last 15 days….
I don’t know if I’m more excited for myself or for my cats though – I know they love going upstate and being able to watch birds (other than city pigeons) and squirrels/chipmunks and taking in that fresh, upstate NY air. We had to split our stay between two places, because after we realized we could go away on Saturday instead of just Sunday, every rental was booked. It’s cool though – one of the guys we’ve rented Airbnb’s from before loves us and so we texted him and he gave us a great deal and told us we can stay in one of his houses that we’ve stayed in before! The cats are going to be stoked – so much more room to run and play, not to mention I can walk them around on the leash outside.
I am really so excited. I’ve been saying this all week – this is the only thing that has motivated me through another dull work week…. the prospect of getting out of this hell hole city, grilling seafood, chilling in a hot tub, walking around a lake, and just generally not seeing anyone other than my boyfriend, whom I legit haven’t seen all week due to our work schedules/sleep schedules. I am going to grill shrimp and fish. I’m going to drink wine in the hot tub and by the fire I build. That is all I need in life sometimes.
In other news, I went back on my regular birth control after being off of it for the last 10 months. I finally bit the bullet after 10 months of suffering in my own body, and decided that it’s worth it to spend $200 on a monthly prescription that used to be FREE with my old insurance. Fuck it. My sanity was at stake. I have been gaining 10 lbs in water weight every month… 10 lbs in like a week. That is NOT cool when you’re only 5’2″ with a small frame. My stomach has been unbearably bloated each month, and I feel like I have PMDD in the sense that I’m PSYCHOTIC before and during my period each month without birth control. I literally feel like the world is ending, I hate everyone, especially myself, and the 10 lb. weight gain that I can’t control (no matter how little/healthy I eat and how much I work out) sure as fuck hasn’t helped with my self-esteem or anxiety. I basically feel I’ve been living in a prison for the last 10 months… and that prison is my body. I have been hating myself and my body 2 out of 4 weeks each month and that is no way to live.
I’ve lost 5 lbs in the last two weeks that I’ve started back on Natazia again and finally feel like myself. I finally feel comfortable in my own skin again, well, apart from the severe breakout of cystic acne I’ve been experiencing since I started the pill two weeks ago. I have huge, painful, red and ugly cystic zits on my chin/jawline right now that haven’t gone away despite my best efforts. I haven’t touch anything greasy or sweet, I’ve been exercising and eating healthy. I’ve tried hot compresses, icing the cysts, tea tree oil, witch hazel, benzol peroxide, Prid’s Drawing Salve… you name it, I’ve tried it. I considered going to the dermatologist for a shot of cortisone (which is supposed to make zits of this nature subside within 24 hours), but since I am now committed to paying $200 each month for BC, I don’t really want to pay however much that would cost. I’m hoping these zits will go away once my body is used to being regulated by artificial hormones again.
I’ve also stopped drinking alcohol during the week. In the last month, I have only drank four nights, and all of those nights were Saturdays or Sunday. I feel so much better having cut out alcohol during the week. I was using it to kill boredom while I cooked since I’m home alone every night while my boyfriend works. I will admit, cooking is more fun while consuming a couple of glasses of wine. But I would always binge eat after a couple of glasses and then hate myself the next day. Not worth it. I also feel more rested, even though I still only average six hours of sleep a night. But six hours of sleep is a lot better quality sober than six hours of sleep after downing half a bottle of red wine.
FAST-FORWARD ONE WEEK (11/9/2019)…
Last weekend certainly was not the relaxing weekend I thought it would be. I really should have known better since this is usually how things in my life pan out. We had a beautiful day and night Saturday – the sun was shining on our drive there, we dropped the boys (cats) off at the house and went to the local grocery store to get provisions to make dinner. We had a couple of glasses of wine and chilled before we fired up the grill and made dinner. We also started up the nice little fireplace on the deck by the hot tub:
The cats were happy, running around the house and enjoying all of the space they don’t have here in the city. They liked looking out the many ground-level windows and watching us from inside when we used the hot tub later that night. Dinner was awesome and I was finally relaxing for the first time in a long time. We watched a movie and decided to go relax in the hot tub. Everything was going great until we finally decided to call it a night and head to bed around 3am. That’s when I noticed Mr. Peeper kept going into the litter box and scratching furiously around. I went to clean it each time he came out, and found nothing but a couple tiny spots of pee (usually there is a large clump of litter where he’s peed). I didn’t think too much about it, thinking maybe he was feeling nervous or territorial in the rental, but then when I climbed into bed and tried to sleep, he kept going into the litter box and scratching. I couldn’t sleep at this point, because of the noise he was making and because I knew something was wrong now.
I got about three hours of sleep and then the next morning I awoke to the sounds of Peeps in the litter box again…. he would go in and out every 10 minutes and was producing almost no pee. I started Googling and posted on my Persian Cat Health Facebook group. Naturally, these are two of the worst things I could do for my own mental health. Everyone who responded to my post told me to get him to an emergency vet ASAP because it could be a urinary blockage, which are apparently fatal in cats if untreated for as little as 48-hours. It was Sunday morning, I was running on 3-hours of sleep on what was supposed to be an enjoyable, relaxing, carefree weekend, and now I was convinced my cat was going to die. I started sobbing hysterically and researching 24-hour emergency vets in the area. We were supposed to move to the second Airbnb rental that afternoon and go to dinner at Peekamoose with my parents that night.
I called my mom crying and cancelled dinner plans since I didn’t know if we’d end up at the vet for hours or what was going to transpose of the current situation. Peeper peed a little bit, so I thought maybe the vet could wait until the next morning, but then he started laying in his box like this:
I spent the rest of the day stressed as hell, and then feeling guilty for cancelling dinner plans with my parents, whom I don’t see nearly as often as I really should. I was now feeling like a terrible mother to my cat for waiting to bring him to the vet, feeling like a terrible daughter for cancelling dinner plans with my parents who I know were looking forward to seeing me and my boyfriend and looking forward to eating at Peekamoose, and like a terrible girlfriend since I couldn’t relax and stop fretting about my cat and just enjoy what precious little time we have off together.
We packed up our cats and bags and headed to the next rental early that afternoon. The next Airbnb was in Stone Ridge, NY and was pretty awesome with a fireplace and brand new renovations/appliances. The cats seemed to enjoy this rental more than the first, because there were a couple of chipmunks hanging out that they could watch through the windows. Poor Peeps was still using his litter box every 20 minutes though and looked like he was straining to pee, and leaving nothing more than a drop of urine behind each time, so I was still on level red anxiety.
Dinner at Peekamoose was awesome as usual, however, I was feeling guilty that my parents weren’t there and also extremely tired since I was running on no sleep. That night, my sleep was again interrupted by the sound of Peeper scratching in the litter box and yowling when he peed. I couldn’t take it anymore when I heard him go in at 4am, and so I got up for the day. We were able to get him an appointment with the local vet that morning shortly after they opened. I was preparing myself for the worst, and praying he didn’t have a blockage or something that would warrant surgery.
The local vets were really awesome and after an examination, determined he did not have a blockage. I was so relieved. He was prescribed antibiotics and an anti-inflammatory – they thought it was most likely a UTI or cystitis. Apparently when cats get stressed, it can trigger bladder inflammation… awesome, right?! WTF. I am thankful we were able to bring him to the vet upstate, because the cost also would have been double what it was in Ulster county if we had brought him here in Brooklyn.
I know I get crazy about my cats, but they are my kids. I don’t have kids to worry about, so I put all of my stock into my pets – they are my life and one of the few things that bring me joy in life besides the few other things I actually like in this world.
After my weekend upstate went awry, it didn’t take long before the rest of the week followed suit. I’m never ordering from All Saints again. I bought my boyfriend’s present from All Saints and it’s been nothing but a fiasco. It took a full week for the order to even ship, and that was after I called customer service multiple times to see why I hadn’t received a shipping confirmation yet. Apparently the distribution center was backed up, but like, why didn’t they give me a head’s up after the order was first placed? The order I placed on 10/29 shipped ON his birthday 11/5, when that’s the day it was supposed to arrive. Then, ONLY HALF of the order shipped! They said they couldn’t find the pants I ordered in the warehouse so they were checking stores to see if they were available there…. 4 more days went by without them telling me if they had in fact located the pants, and so today, I cancelled the other half of the order (the missing pants). Like WTF All Saints?!
After I cancelled the pants today, I got an email saying they couldn’t cancel the rest of the order, because there was another problem with the warehouse or something. Seriously? Fuck this shit. I used to love All Saints and have ordered from them in the past with seamless delivery, but this has been a shit show and more stress I don’t need in my life.
On top of all of this, our heat stopped working (always on the coldest days this happens). So for the past two days, we’ve been dealing with our shitty building management company (literally THE WORST company in all 3 states), and technicians coming to fix the heat who still cannot seem to fix the problem in the long run.
We finally said fuck it. It’s time to move. So now, you can also factor in the additional stress of apartment hunting and moving into my life. We are looking at an apartment tomorrow and trying to get all of our ducks in a row for a December 1st move. We’re not even going to tell building management. This apartment has been nothing but a problem since the day we moved in. Fuck them.
I can’t wait to get the fuck out of here. No wonder I’m breaking out all over my face! I never get a moment to just chill and be before another issue or problem rears its ugly head and I have to find a solution. LOL. I guess that’s life, right? Imagine how boring our lives would be if we didn’t have a shit maelstrom coming at us 51 weeks out of the year?! I’d be so so SO bored. JK.