Come as You Are

Well, it’s been over three months since I last wrote an entry and shit has only gone further downhill in the good ol’ USA.  In some respects, things are improving, but only nominally. NYC is no longer a hot-bed of COVID activity, but other states have spiraled out of control and various states/regions have shut down again.  Much needed (and long overdue) discussions and protests regarding systematic racism and police brutality in the United States have swept across the nation (and other parts of the world) in a movement to address and end racism, and societal reform seems (thankfully) inevitable, so long as we all keep doing our parts to raise awareness, demand justice, and make changes where we can.  Hopefully this world will get better in some respects, although it is bound to get worse in others (*cough* GLOBAL WARMING *cough* POVERTY GAP).

I haven’t written in a while because I’ve been so depressed over the current state of the world.  What can I write that hasn’t already been said, you know??? The city (NYC) has gone downhill tragically.  Everyone who can afford to is moving out (I wish I was part of this demographic), and crime has increased everywhere, including neighborhoods that were once exempt, like the Upper West Side.  There are homeless encampments everywhere, junkies fighting over who had the last hit of crack down the street from me, and heroin junkies openly shooting up in Times Square (my boyfriend sent my photos from the lobby of his work building)…. classy.  We’ve had degenerates somehow gain entrance into our building lobby and rip open half a dozen packages that were sitting downstairs for the building residents, even though there is clearly a camera facing the door.  Like whoever has the balls to come into a building where people live and tear open packages in front of a security camera has no fear of being caught, and this scares me.  What if myself or someone else came out of the elevator or down the stairs and caught this person in the act??? I’ve never in my life felt scared to live here before, but it honestly feels lawless here now… like the wild fucking west, but without saloons and horses.

I am terrified about what will happen when Fall/Winter arrives, since indoor dining and entertainment (movie theaters, bowling alleys, bars, restaurants etc.) has yet to open back up.  If restaurants and bars cannot open once colder weather hits, and outdoor dining on the disgusting streets is no longer feasible, we are all literally fucked.  More than we already are.  I have so many friends that have been out of work or forced to move home since the beginning of this pandemic since they worked in the hospitality industry and lost their jobs indefinitely.  NYC has already fallen so far, that it will never recover if restaurants, bars and entertainment venues cannot reopen soon.  What is the point of living in this city if you are able to work remotely?  What is the point of living in a city that was once the epicenter of culture and dining and entertainment, when all of that is gone???

We (my boyfriend and I) have been wanting to leave NYC for the past few years, but now we are basically desperate to .  Owning our own business (a small farm-to-table restaurant and farm) has never looked better.  I want to live in the country and I want to live a simple life (kind of like Paris and Nicole).  I want to rely on myself for work and do something I love.  I am sick of the fear and uncertainty that comes with being employed by a company who could furlough or cut my position at any time and without notice.  Of course there are benefits to working for a company: health insurance, a 401K, paid time off, etc.., but I mean, even with health insurance my deductible is astronomical and my basic-bitch birth control isn’t covered by my insurance and thus costs $225 out-of-pocket each month, so like, fuck it. Before COVID my biggest fear of living in this city was getting blown up by a terrorist in the subway, but now my biggest fear is getting raped or murdered by some degenerate who broke into my building lobby and is opening FedEx packages when I intrude on them.

The 2020 presidential election is only a couple of months away and things are looking… well, scary.  Don’t even get me started on Trump supporters and his evil chronies. I’ve almost gotten into physical altercations trying to reason with Trump supporters before.  Despite the increasingly hot frying pan that is our world right now, I try to remain positive where I can.  Global warming will probably kill us all in the next 10 years, or at least be the catalyst to wars or plagues that will kill us all, so I try to remember that life is short and to do things that make me happy each and every day, whether it’s buying some platforms I’ll never have a chance to wear outside the house because parties and raves are a thing of the past, or eating another helping of pasta, despite bitching about my burgeoning thighs.

I’m not sorry if this is depressing, because it really is fucking depressing, and sadly this is our reality (unless you’re filthy rich and on a yacht in Mykonos right now, with a plastic surgeon on-call to administer your botox injections, a private tutor for your spoiled brats, and rapid COVID tests being administered to your private guests).  We should all be doing everything that we can right now as individuals and collectively, as a society, to turn this fucking world around, or this world is not going to be here for future generations or even for us in the next 5-10 years (if you’re selfish like that…).  Life is already an increasing struggle each and every year… imagine life another few degrees hotter and with water and food shortages here in America, on your own land, instead of countries you don’t give a fuck about (generally speaking here, because I’m sure some of you do give a fuck, as you SHOULD) like India and Yemen.  Imagine all of the bad things you think only happen to other people happening here on your own soil, because they will happen and you are not exempt (unless you’re Jeff Bezos or Mark Zuckerberg).

I am trying harder than ever to change what I can and control what I am able to, in order to improve myself and make this world a better place for all (including, and especially, animals (since I care more about the well-being of animals than most people)).  Even if all I can control is eating less animal products and buying oat milk… or shopping second-hand so as to eliminate the carbon waste from the clothing industry, at least I’m helping somewhere down the line, as trivial as it sometimes may seem.  I think it’s important for us to remember this – and I’m not trying to be preachy here – because lord knows I am an deeply-flawed and sometimes sadistic person – but, if we can all make small changes in our own lives, collectively, these changes make a huge difference.  Take a stand for your black/gay/trans/disabled friend, or even for a random person, next time you witness them being treated unfairly or discriminated against.  Stop eating factory-farmed (abused animal) meat.  Stop being a dick to people who upset you, because at the end of the day, we are all going through some rough shit right now.

I won’t leave you with any recipes because I’m emotionally spent after writing this.  But here are some photos from the past couple of months.

I probably end every entry like this, but hopefully I’ll write another entry sooner than later and include a good recipe.  I have been cooking, it’s just that writing the recipes from my head is so taxing at the end of a work day.  I hope everyone who reads this (all five of you) are staying safe and healthy and sane #cheers.