New Year – The High Heeled C*ntessa

The Most Depressing Time of Year

My aunt and uncle’s Victorian tree is always a highlight of the season

I am sitting here on the night of January 4th, sober, bored out of my mind, hungry and depressed. Why can’t the beauty and magic of the holiday season last until at least February? January is the dreariest month…. the festive decorations come down, there are no more get-togethers and family dinners to look forward to (although not all of these functions are ones you may necessarily look forward to…); no more copious amounts of freely-flowing booze and platters of cookies and cheese. No more classic Christmas tunes and holiday cheer, no more pretty lights, and seasonal bouquets and boughs of holly to brighten up the ordinary and everyday spaces we inhabit. The fact that today was 64 degrees in NYC does not help – it just hits home that climate change has fucked everything up and we will likely never have real winters again. Don’t get me started….

My tree, which was purchased at Home Depot despite the fact that I vowed to cut one down myself this year. Dead as disco upon arrival (it literally sucked up no water at all), and now just a straight-up fire hazard in my living room. I will take it down on Saturday; I can’t bear to part with it yet

I am going to try my hardest not to consume any alcohol until my birthday in February. It’s only been a few days without now and I am so fucking bored I am jonesing for a glass of wine right now (yes – being bored is an absolutely TERRIBLE reason to want to drink, which is why I needed a break). I also want to eat because I am bored. I don’t even think I’m really hungry right now… just fucking bored. I couldn’t go on my usual 2-hour walk tonight because of foul weather. I did start a new painting tonight, but it’s not bringing me the joy I anticipated it would; also, I needed the paint to dry before I could continue. Even my cats are bored. Sometimes I feel like I’m failing as a cat mom because I don’t get down on my hands and knees and play with them as much as I should. What I/they/we really need, is a house and a yard. This would surely keep all of us much more entertained and occupied.

I can’t even cook right now, which is my very favorite thing to do. My fiance is on a diet, the diet to end all diets. He’s not eating anything fun – no pasta, no carbs, no fatty sauces. How much time and effort does it take to make a salad or omelette, you know? Those take no time and effort. What I need are the challenging and time-consuming dishes. I can’t cook these meals I love to cook since he’s not eating them, and neither am I. His diet regime and fitness regime have put me into a very competitive place and now I am also determined to lose weight and get back on track. It’s all so boring… very, very boring. And the scale is fucking with me… I won’t go into details about my weight, but it just has to be wrong and it changes every time you step on it, even seconds apart. It’s whack. Also, I wear the same clothes as last year and they fit the same way they fit last year, and the scale is telling me I’ve gained 15 lbs since last year… this can’t be possible. I feel like I’m going crazy. I weighed myself on January first and almost needed to be committed due to the meltdown that ensued after weighing significantly more than I’ve weighed at any given point in the last ten years. A new scale arrived tonight, but it doesn’t work, so for now I have a cursed bathroom scale that clearly wants me to go mad. Maybe a frienemy I don’t know I have has done some voodoo spell and the possessed bathroom scale and my ensuing insanity is the result.

I had THE most boring NYE of my entire life this year. I stayed in, sad, lonely, depressed, and bored out of my mind. As usual, and for the 9th consecutive year that we’ve been together, my fiance had to work. I didn’t feel like going out and getting plastered or spending $300+ to get into a venue and buy party favors just so I could wake up hungover and poor on January 1st. Perhaps waking up hungover and poor would have been worth it though, because I sat home alone feeling sorry for myself. I was asleep before midnight, and my fiance came home from work at 3AM exhausted after a 15 hour shift and dealing with all sorts of drunken wrecks at his job. I don’t know how we used to go to after-hours at 7AM back in the day. I mean, at least back then they were actually worth the effort, the parties were way better and the party favors were way better. Everything today is a shell of its former self. Nothing has been good, fun or worth the expense since 2016.

I spent the week leading up to Christmas at my parents’ house with my cats (naturally, my fiance was working; maybe some day, before we are geriatric, we can have a single, fucking holiday season together…). I love being home and I love my family, but I think 8 days with my parents/family was just a bit too much. I know that said I wouldn’t, but of course I did end up binge-eating the entire time I was home. I ate from 9AM until I went to bed at 10:30/11PM each night, and this is not an exaggeration. I’m thankful to be back in my apartment with no snacks available or cookies of boxes of chocolate.

We had a white Christmas upstate, which was amazing. You know me and my love of snow. I wish the entire duration of winter could be filled with snow storms and a white blanket covering the bare trees and ground; winter is so ugly without snow. It was freezing cold for several days running (11 degrees), but that didn’t stop me from getting out for a daily walk! The sunrise on Christmas Eve was beautiful – mornings at my parents are just like I remember them as a kid: pink skies in the morning, snow on the ground, deer and birds in the backyard every morning and evening… It’s pure magic and peace.

Check out my Instagram for more snow videos and wildlife videos

11 degrees on this day. I had wind-burned cheeks when I washed my face that night

Tuna was my bed-buddy each night, in absence of his father

Back in the city, depressed the holidays are over, fatter than ever (according to my scale), poor from buying Christmas gifts, and sober, so the pain of it all is very raw and real

I purchased a mini elliptical in early December, thinking it would help me achieve my fitness goals, but it made me gain muscle weight. My ass is like a horse’s ass right now. Like I can crack nuts when I clench my butt cheeks. Now, this is not me trying to brag, because if you know me at all, I am NOT into huge asses or boobs. That is not the body that I strive for or idolize like most of my female compatriots. I returned the machine to Target on New Year’s day, after the scale got me all sorts of fucked up in the head. When the cashier questioned why I needed to make the return, I told her straight up “I thought this machine would help me slim my butt and thighs, but I’ve gained muscle weight.” I’m sure her and her coworker talked shit after I left, but it’s true: not every woman wants a donkey-sized derriere! New Year’s day was my last day of drinking, since it was my day to celebrate the New Year with my fiance. We had a couple of drinks at Ludlow hotel (amazing and lovely, will definitely go back), and then we had dinner at St. Anslem. St. Anslem used to be great, but they switched chefs and it was a disappointment this time. I will just go to Quality Meats next time, which is what the original plan was that day, but then we decided we wanted to stay in Brooklyn. The prices at St. Anslem are the same as Quality Meats, and they don’t even have my favorite dish, steak tartare. What kind of self-proclaimed steak house doesn’t carry a staple like steak tartare?! The mushroom appetizer we had (because the one we wanted was sold out) was over-priced AF at $25 for 7 mushrooms. The mushrooms were gritty from being cooked on the grill and had no seasoning what so ever. They were tasteless. They also did not have any sort of steak sauce, but instead offered chimichurri… um, no thanks. The steak is now sold by the ounce there, and the giant T-bone in our steak was definitely the bulk of the weight. From now on, I am sticking with Quality Meats.

Ludlow Hotel has an awesome bar area and fireplace (albeit being gas and not real)

Happy New Year everyone! I hope it’s off to a good start…

A Quiet Christmas and my New Year’s Resolutions

I was thankful to actually have some snow for Christmas this year, even if the major snow came a week before Christmas and all but melted away on Christmas Eve, due to 24 hours of torrential rain and 50 degree weather. Tuna also enjoyed seeing the snow and taking in that crisp, upstate air!

Peeps hanging out under my parent’s tree on Christmas morning

What a year it has been for all of us! I’m hoping 2021 will be an improvement and things will start to get better by Spring, but I won’t hold my breath (with this new strain of COVID and the entire restaurant/hospitality industry in shambles, shit might get a lot worse before it gets better). I’m just thankful I am still here, having survived a mild case of COVID, my friends and family are all healthy, my boyfriend’s parents are healthy, and I am still gainfully employed (for now…. ).

I thought my senses of smell and taste had fully returned after my October bought of Corona-virus, but for some reason I am now smelling a phantom smell of wood smoke 24/7. It started when I was at my parent’s house for Christmas – they have a wood stove, and I thought there was a back-draft because even in the bedroom at the opposite end of the house, I was smelling smoke. Well, I am back in my Brooklyn apartment and I still smell wood smoke, even in the absence of a fire. I guess there are worse phantom smells I could be smelling. I am hoping that eventually my senses will return to normal one day soon. There are obviously much worse things that could have happened to me with this virus, but I feel I am starting to go insane when I can’t focus on anything but the smoke I am smelling that’s not actually there.

The view from our friend’s road, where we took a nice after-Christmas walk on Sunday

Christmas was quiet one, but I was thankful to be home with my family for several days, instead of just the 48 hours I usually seem to have with them for Christmas (it was the first year in 8 years that my boyfriend didn’t have to work on Christmas Eve… what a treat….). We spent Christmas day at my parent’s house with my sister’s family, and had breakfast and dinner together. It was nice to stay home and not have to cart a bunch of presents and hot dishes elsewhere for the larger family dinner we would normally have. The next day, once the rain and snow had stopped, temps dropped to about 20 degrees Fahrenheit, and the windchill made it feel like 12 degrees, but that didn’t stop us from getting together with my mom’s side of the family for a 3-hour outdoor get-together. It was frigid, but we had a fire and hot beverages and certainly made the most of it.

My feet were freezing after three hours in 20 degree weather with inappropriate footwear, but it was nice to see everyone.

Soddy, with his deer friends in the backyard

My aunt and uncle’s tree – always a favorite with the Victorian styling to match their Victorian house!

I wish I could post quality videos here, but the quality is always compromised. I saved all of my Christmas pictures and videos of deer, the big snow fall, and peaceful mornings upstate to my Instagram highlight reel titled “Winter 2020” (in case you need some bucolic scenery in your life).

Anyhow, here we are on the last day of 2020. I would say good-riddance, but 2020 had a few perks. It was nice to have an excuse to say ‘no’ to people more often, regarding social functions etc. Before this year, I was constantly feeling burnt-out and never had any real down-time. Any time not spent working I felt like I had to engage in social functions or hanging out with friends, even when what I really needed was some quiet time to myself. It has always been hard for me to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty, but this year’s emphasis on self-care really opened my eyes. It’s OK to do nothing sometimes.

With that being said though, I think I’ve had enough quiet time now, and cannot wait to go to a mega-concert or a rave. I miss being surrounded by happy, united people – all sweaty and smiling, having fun and enjoying themselves. That is what I miss the most. I hope that by summer 2020 we can all attend concerts and big parties again.

I never keep my New Year’s resolutions, and the resolutions I made last year were pretty much impossible to keep with the global pandemic and lock-downs happening worldwide (ex. “travel more”….. RIGHTTTT). This year, I’m sticking to resolutions that won’t be influenced by outside forces, and also giving myself some leniency!

My New Year’s Resolutions:

Stop drinking alcohol (will make exceptions for social occasions such as birthdays, holidays, and romantic dinners out (if those ever happen again….)).
Go *mostly* vegan (will make exceptions for bivalve-mollusks, farm-fresh eggs (i.e. eggs picked up directly from the farm where I can see the chickens for myself), and from time-to-time, cheese (if it is a special occasion and good-quality cheese)).
Get out for a walk each and every day, no matter what (2.5 miles minimum).
Write more often.
Save more money (should be easier to do since we still can’t have social lives, and also since I won’t be spending money on wine and booze).

That’s it. These should be fairly easy goals to stick to for me, minus the daily walking, which can be difficult when the weather is shitty or if I get stuck working a 15-hour day (which has sadly happened a few times over the course of this year).

Cheers to healthy, happy and prosperous New Year – let’s hope 2021 is even a fraction better than 2020 has been!

Soup For the Soul – New Year’s Introspection and Borscht

Another year has come and gone, and we are back to the boring, dismal, no-holiday-having month that is January. I don’t mind winter – I honestly love winter, as long as there is snow and not the dreary, depressing rain that is falling today. Today’s nasty rain is especially devastating, since most of the pretty Christmas lights have been taken down and everyone has kicked their poor tree to the curb. If snow was falling, I don’t think the city would feel so drab right now. NYC currently feels like a hole I can’t escape from – but we’ll leave that topic for another day.

I’m obsessed with Christmas lights and Christmas trees… my aunt and uncle’s tree is always one of my faves because they use those old fashioned bubbler lights

I always get sad when both Christmas and NYE are over…. people return to their foul, sour-faced, pretentious city-dweller dispositions instead of the fake, cheerful ones they assume during the holidays – smiling and wishing everyone well with a smile on their face. Now it’s back to avoiding eye contact and looking miserable with a sour face on the subway. If I ruled the world, every day would be Christmas! I kid, I kid…

Me and my “son,” Mr. Peeper (aka Peeps). We both love Christmas, cheese, and rolling around on the shag carpet

Now that the holidays are officially over, it is time to start planning something to look forward to again and working towards my New Year’s goals (hence me sitting here working on this blog). I am trying to invest more time into writing again, whether it’s about food, short-stories, or just general, self-centered thoughts. The older I have become, the harder it is to find enough time in the day for all the things I not only have to do, but want to do. Work, and commuting to and from work, takes up such a large portion of each day, week, month, and year, that I now truly understand why it is important to love the work you do…. If I can’t make a full time living doing what I want to do at this point in my life, I can at least devote as much time as possible to work towards those goals.

Between work, general household upkeep, maintaining my cat, maintaining relationships, cooking/cleaning, errands, and self-care, it sometimes seems like one more chore to make myself sit in front of my computer at night and write. Although, once I do sit down and start writing, it is never a chore; quite the opposite. Writing is like cooking is for me – pleasurable, relaxing, and often times hard to put a cap on it once I start.

Since we are in the throes of winter (despite the lack of snow thanks to global warming), my next few blogs will focus on comfort food and soups. Honestly though, I’m not sure who I’m trying to kid… pretty much everything I cook seems to constitute as comfort food, given that it’s usually laden with cheese, wine soaked, or carb heavy. Comfort food and comfort soup is the way to go when the weather is cold.

I had never made borscht before, but I had a craving for beets (I’ve always love beets and I always will…) and also for a thick, pureed soup, so it was only natural that borscht was on the menu! Since one of my other New Year’s goals is to completely cut out meat from my diet, I made a vegetarian borscht using vegetable stock in place of beef stock, and obviously did not put any beef in the soup.

The finished product: Thick as hell, topped with a dollop of sour cream and fresh dill

INGREDIENTS:

4 fresh, large beets (or 5-6 smaller ones) (**beets should be cleaned, skinned/peeled, and cubed)
2 medium-sized carrots (chopped)
1/2 of a large white onion (finely chopped)
4 cloves of garlic (finely minced)
2 stalks of celery
1 large potato (Idaho or russet)
1 cup thinly chopped cabbage
2 bay leaves (dried are fine)
3 tablespoons of olive oil and/or butter
4 cups (one 32 oz. carton) of vegetable stock
2 tsp smoked paprika
2 TBS white vinegar
1 tsp celery salt
pinch of cayenne pepper
salt and pepper to taste
sour cream*to garnish
fresh dill *to garnish
YOU WILL NEED A BLENDER OR IMMERSION BLENDER!!!!

DIRECTIONS:

Prep the veggies – the beets should be washed, peeled (using a regular carrot/apple peeler), and cut into cube size chunks; carrots should be chopped, onion finely chopped, garlic finely minced, potato chopped into cubes, celery chopped, and cabbage thinly sliced and set aside (this will go in to cook when everything else has been blended)
In a large pot, heat olive oil and/or butter (I prefer a combination of the two for added richness) over low heat, add in the onions stirring occasionally and cooking over low-heat until translucent and yellow.
Add in the garlic and bay leaves and continue to cook over low heat for another minute or two. DO NOT BURN GARLIC.
Add in all of the other veggies, APART FROM THE CABBAGE (beets, carrots, celery, and potato), and then add in entire container of stock.
Increase heat to medium temperature so that the contents of the pot comes to a low boil. Continue to cook over medium heat for about 25-35 minutes, stirring occasionally. Check to see that vegetables are thoroughly cooked (soft) by poking with a fork. I suggest testing the beets and potatoes this way, since they will be the last to finish cooking.
REMOVE THE BAY LEAVES BEFORE BLENDING!
Using an immersion blender or a ladle to move soup into an actual blender, blend around 3/4 of the contents of the pot of soup. This creates a rich, thick puree, but also leaves some chunks of veggies for texture and aesthetic.
Continue to keep soup over medium heat once fully blended, add in the cabbage, smoked paprika, celery salt, pinch of cayenne, and regular salt/black pepper to suit your tastes (**the smoked paprika gives it a richer, smokier flavor and complements the earthiness of the beets!)
Once the cabbage is cooked through, add in the vinegar and stir
Serve hot, with a generous dollop of sour cream in the middle of the bowl (it takes it to another level that is orgasmic to the taste buds), and some fresh dill.

I also served some potato and cheese pierogies on the side to make it a heartier meal!!!! Very Eastern European…. but hey – when you’re just a boring, fourth-generation American, you’re allowed to pick and choose which 25% of your ethnic background you occasionally want to play up… on this day we went with the polski :p

Such a beautiful color – just be careful you don’t wear white while cooking 😉 Beets are also really good for you – not that I actually give a f*ck, but they’re loaded with fiber and vitamin C

There are so many other soup recipes I plan to share in the upcoming weeks; everything from my mom’s seafood chowder, to a thick-ass split pea soup, to a Tuscan bread soup called Ribollita. I just fucking love soup – I could probably live on a diet of soups, chowders, and stews!