dining – The High Heeled C*ntessa

The Most Depressing Time of Year

My aunt and uncle’s Victorian tree is always a highlight of the season

I am sitting here on the night of January 4th, sober, bored out of my mind, hungry and depressed. Why can’t the beauty and magic of the holiday season last until at least February? January is the dreariest month…. the festive decorations come down, there are no more get-togethers and family dinners to look forward to (although not all of these functions are ones you may necessarily look forward to…); no more copious amounts of freely-flowing booze and platters of cookies and cheese. No more classic Christmas tunes and holiday cheer, no more pretty lights, and seasonal bouquets and boughs of holly to brighten up the ordinary and everyday spaces we inhabit. The fact that today was 64 degrees in NYC does not help – it just hits home that climate change has fucked everything up and we will likely never have real winters again. Don’t get me started….

My tree, which was purchased at Home Depot despite the fact that I vowed to cut one down myself this year. Dead as disco upon arrival (it literally sucked up no water at all), and now just a straight-up fire hazard in my living room. I will take it down on Saturday; I can’t bear to part with it yet

I am going to try my hardest not to consume any alcohol until my birthday in February. It’s only been a few days without now and I am so fucking bored I am jonesing for a glass of wine right now (yes – being bored is an absolutely TERRIBLE reason to want to drink, which is why I needed a break). I also want to eat because I am bored. I don’t even think I’m really hungry right now… just fucking bored. I couldn’t go on my usual 2-hour walk tonight because of foul weather. I did start a new painting tonight, but it’s not bringing me the joy I anticipated it would; also, I needed the paint to dry before I could continue. Even my cats are bored. Sometimes I feel like I’m failing as a cat mom because I don’t get down on my hands and knees and play with them as much as I should. What I/they/we really need, is a house and a yard. This would surely keep all of us much more entertained and occupied.

I can’t even cook right now, which is my very favorite thing to do. My fiance is on a diet, the diet to end all diets. He’s not eating anything fun – no pasta, no carbs, no fatty sauces. How much time and effort does it take to make a salad or omelette, you know? Those take no time and effort. What I need are the challenging and time-consuming dishes. I can’t cook these meals I love to cook since he’s not eating them, and neither am I. His diet regime and fitness regime have put me into a very competitive place and now I am also determined to lose weight and get back on track. It’s all so boring… very, very boring. And the scale is fucking with me… I won’t go into details about my weight, but it just has to be wrong and it changes every time you step on it, even seconds apart. It’s whack. Also, I wear the same clothes as last year and they fit the same way they fit last year, and the scale is telling me I’ve gained 15 lbs since last year… this can’t be possible. I feel like I’m going crazy. I weighed myself on January first and almost needed to be committed due to the meltdown that ensued after weighing significantly more than I’ve weighed at any given point in the last ten years. A new scale arrived tonight, but it doesn’t work, so for now I have a cursed bathroom scale that clearly wants me to go mad. Maybe a frienemy I don’t know I have has done some voodoo spell and the possessed bathroom scale and my ensuing insanity is the result.

I had THE most boring NYE of my entire life this year. I stayed in, sad, lonely, depressed, and bored out of my mind. As usual, and for the 9th consecutive year that we’ve been together, my fiance had to work. I didn’t feel like going out and getting plastered or spending $300+ to get into a venue and buy party favors just so I could wake up hungover and poor on January 1st. Perhaps waking up hungover and poor would have been worth it though, because I sat home alone feeling sorry for myself. I was asleep before midnight, and my fiance came home from work at 3AM exhausted after a 15 hour shift and dealing with all sorts of drunken wrecks at his job. I don’t know how we used to go to after-hours at 7AM back in the day. I mean, at least back then they were actually worth the effort, the parties were way better and the party favors were way better. Everything today is a shell of its former self. Nothing has been good, fun or worth the expense since 2016.

I spent the week leading up to Christmas at my parents’ house with my cats (naturally, my fiance was working; maybe some day, before we are geriatric, we can have a single, fucking holiday season together…). I love being home and I love my family, but I think 8 days with my parents/family was just a bit too much. I know that said I wouldn’t, but of course I did end up binge-eating the entire time I was home. I ate from 9AM until I went to bed at 10:30/11PM each night, and this is not an exaggeration. I’m thankful to be back in my apartment with no snacks available or cookies of boxes of chocolate.

We had a white Christmas upstate, which was amazing. You know me and my love of snow. I wish the entire duration of winter could be filled with snow storms and a white blanket covering the bare trees and ground; winter is so ugly without snow. It was freezing cold for several days running (11 degrees), but that didn’t stop me from getting out for a daily walk! The sunrise on Christmas Eve was beautiful – mornings at my parents are just like I remember them as a kid: pink skies in the morning, snow on the ground, deer and birds in the backyard every morning and evening… It’s pure magic and peace.

Check out my Instagram for more snow videos and wildlife videos

11 degrees on this day. I had wind-burned cheeks when I washed my face that night

Tuna was my bed-buddy each night, in absence of his father

Back in the city, depressed the holidays are over, fatter than ever (according to my scale), poor from buying Christmas gifts, and sober, so the pain of it all is very raw and real

I purchased a mini elliptical in early December, thinking it would help me achieve my fitness goals, but it made me gain muscle weight. My ass is like a horse’s ass right now. Like I can crack nuts when I clench my butt cheeks. Now, this is not me trying to brag, because if you know me at all, I am NOT into huge asses or boobs. That is not the body that I strive for or idolize like most of my female compatriots. I returned the machine to Target on New Year’s day, after the scale got me all sorts of fucked up in the head. When the cashier questioned why I needed to make the return, I told her straight up “I thought this machine would help me slim my butt and thighs, but I’ve gained muscle weight.” I’m sure her and her coworker talked shit after I left, but it’s true: not every woman wants a donkey-sized derriere! New Year’s day was my last day of drinking, since it was my day to celebrate the New Year with my fiance. We had a couple of drinks at Ludlow hotel (amazing and lovely, will definitely go back), and then we had dinner at St. Anslem. St. Anslem used to be great, but they switched chefs and it was a disappointment this time. I will just go to Quality Meats next time, which is what the original plan was that day, but then we decided we wanted to stay in Brooklyn. The prices at St. Anslem are the same as Quality Meats, and they don’t even have my favorite dish, steak tartare. What kind of self-proclaimed steak house doesn’t carry a staple like steak tartare?! The mushroom appetizer we had (because the one we wanted was sold out) was over-priced AF at $25 for 7 mushrooms. The mushrooms were gritty from being cooked on the grill and had no seasoning what so ever. They were tasteless. They also did not have any sort of steak sauce, but instead offered chimichurri… um, no thanks. The steak is now sold by the ounce there, and the giant T-bone in our steak was definitely the bulk of the weight. From now on, I am sticking with Quality Meats.

Ludlow Hotel has an awesome bar area and fireplace (albeit being gas and not real)

Happy New Year everyone! I hope it’s off to a good start…

Eggplant Parm and My Undying Love for Malls

Eggplant parm – something I truly love to eat and cook any time of the year

Things I don’t love:

Most things
Most people
Myself…JK (…but not really kidding)

Things I DO love:

3$%#$%
Platform Heels
Wine
Hot tubs
Wine IN hot tubs
crop-tops
Fireplaces
Faux fur jackets
Snow, but only when it’s clean and white
Steak Tartare (I’m a heathen)
Eggplant Parm
Truffle (of the fungi variety, not the chocolate)
Malls…

Ah yes, the good ol’ American mall – a timeless institution! All of the stores a girl could ask for under one roof (listen – even if you’re extra fancy, there are malls with Chanel…); the smells of Auntie Anne’s Pretzels mixing with Yankee Candle, Bath & Body Works, the fragrance counter of Macy’s and the food court lulling you into a false sense that everything in the world is good and peaceful.

I have a sick obsession with malls – I think it’s because I grew up going to the mall every weekend with my mom, and now the mall is basically the one place left that makes me feel a sort of comforting wash of nostalgia when I set foot in one – it’s like stepping back to the safety and pleasantry of childhood. They’re always the same – which is what I really like the most I think. Regardless of whether they’re high-end or middle-brow, you always know what you’re getting. There will be a food court, several chain restaurants, an H&M, Journey’s shoes, Sephora, Abercrombie, and two big department stores. These days, a trip to the mall is a rare treat, since I live in NYC and do most of my shopping on line, or in person in brick-and-mortar stores around the city. I usually don’t even end up buying anything in the mall to be honest, but I like walking around sniffing candles, reminiscing about my college stint piercing ears at Claire’s, and of course, doing a walk-through of Hollister. How could I not?! I worked for Hollister for almost four years, so I like to walk through the store to relive my best memories while taking in the scent of SoCal…. it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. What can I say? Can’t go wrong with a pair of $25 boyfriend jeans…

Anyhow, sometimes it’s really nice to drive out of NYC and go spend a couple of hours at a mall upstate, or in Long Island or New Jersey just to GTFO of the rat race that is life in NYC. Escaping to a mall for a couple of hours is like stepping back to a time when life was simple, and all I cared about was weather my mom would by me that $60 sweater from Abercrombie or sparkly skirt from Limited Too. There is also something to be said for the comfort of chain restaurants. Living in NYC you have the best of the best and all of the variety in the world, but sometimes it’s just as satisfying to get Ruby Tuesday’s, or my new favorite: Zin Burger.

Anyhow… apart from malls, &$%28!, and cheese, one of my other favorite things is eggplant parmigiana. If I go to an Italian restaurant and eggplant parm is on the menu, you can be almost 98% certain that that is what I will be ordering. One of my very favorite eggplant parms in the city, is the one served at Fiat Cafe. If you’ve never been to Fiat Cafe in Nolita, you should go. It’s on Mott Street between Spring Street and Kenmare. The prices are really affordable, the food is amazing, the servers are always friendly, and its cozy. It’s not fine dining by any means, but for a cozy date night, or intimate dinner with a couple of friends or small family, it’s perfect. They also do brunch and lunch, though I’ve never been before 4pm.

Everything on the menu is fantastic. Their meatballs are honestly some of my favorite in the city, apart from D.O.C. Wine Bar, in Williamsburg. Honestly, my boyfriend and think the meatballs served at Fiat Cafe are not made in house and in fact, we believe they’re of the frozen, store-bought variety. I am not 100% certain, so don’t quote me on this – but they taste store bought, but like in the most delicious, fucking way you can dream of. It helps that the marinara they have is perfect.

Apart from the eggplant parm, which is a substantial size and dripping in hot mozzarella and Parmesan cheese, the layers of eggplant are super thin, and fried and then baked to perfection – it melts in your mouth. It is absolutely perfect, and I’m salivating just thinking of it. The hairs on my arms are standing straight up, because that shit is SO GOOD, it gives me goosebumps, the same way a good song or good cocktail would.

If I had to pick my favorite eggplant parm upstate, I’d say the Spot restaurant/diner in Binghamton has pretty excellent eggplant parm… or at least they used to… I haven’t been in like 10 years.

Ever since having Fiat Cafe eggplant parm about 6 years ago, I’ve been trying to recreate it when ever I make my own eggplant parm – and this weekend, I’d say I can pretty damn close.

The key, I’ve learned through trial and error, is to NOT use any bread crumbs at all, and to use substantial amount of oil when frying (deep-fry style) The eggplant is first dipped in beaten egg, and then instead of going into breadcrumbs, it just goes into a mixture of flour (Parmesan cheese, salt, pepper, and garlic powder) before going into the hot oil.

The marinara sauce is also important – if you’re not making your own, you’ll want to splurge on a good jar of sauce (Rao’s, Meatball Shop, or Victoria brands are all really good quality when going with store bought). You don’t want a sauce that is too sweet (which many brands are – I’m looking at you Classico and Newman’s Own…), or chunky.

It’s also important to cut the eggplant length-wise (long ways, instead of horizontally into rounds), and fairly thin (although, not TOO thin, otherwise you’ll be frying all night… and this is already a time consuming dish to make).

57499876218__64964CA5-489D-4886-A0E6-0CF8B0C16097 — Layer’s upon layers of fried eggplant, marinara, and mozzarella and Parmesan cheese… this is right before topping with the final layer of sauce and cheese and going into the oven!

INGREDIENTS:

Two medium-sized eggplant, or one really large eggplant
3-4 eggs, well beaten in a bowl
3 cups of bleached baking flour
2 cups of finely grated Parmigiano-Reggiano (aka Paremsan cheese)
Salt and pepper to taste
1 Tbs. granulated garlic or garlic powder
Finely chopped fresh basil
1 cup olive oil or vegetable oil, or a combination of the two
1 ball (8 oz.) fresh mozzarella, or 1 bag pre-shredded mozzarella
Homemade marinara or large jar (or two smaller jars) quality marinara sauce (feel free to spice it up with arrabiata sauce or any other variety within reason)

DIRECTIONS:

Wash and dry your eggplant(s) ans slice vertically (length-wise) into thin slices (1/4 an inch or 2cm, maybe? I don’t have a ruler on me…sorry)
Beat 3-4 eggs in a shallow bowl; beat well enough that you can’t differentiate between yoke and egg white – should be consistent
In a separate, shallow bowl or container, mix together the flour, 1 cup of finely grated Parmesan, 1 TBS. granulated garlic, and salt and pepper to taste (be generous)
Heat the oven to 375 degrees fahrenheit and set aside a shallow casserole dish or baking pan
Cover the bottom or a frying pan/large sauce pan with enough oil that the bottom is actually totally covered (this will be a lot… I didn’t say this was a healthy dish 😉 ) and turn to a medium-low heat
Next, you’ll dip the slices of eggplant one by one, first into the egg wash, and then lightly coat in flour
cook over medium-low heat about 1 minute on each side: the flour should brown ever so slightly – just a nice golden color
Be careful NOT TO BURN or get the oil too hot, otherwise everything in your house/kitchen/hair/clothes will smell like a deep-fryer (Believe me, I’ve been there…. makes for a terrible headache)
It’s a process you must finesse, cooking, turning, battering at the same time – obviously you cannot fit all of the eggplant slices in the pan at one time, so you’ll have to get the rhythm right (don’t worry… it takes time. Practice makes perfect)
You’ll want to either set the finished pieces of fried eggplant directly into the baking pan, if you have a good system down between frying, turning, and creating the layers within the pan, or, if you are not that skilled yet, just set aside all of the finished fried eggplant and then you will build the layers when you’re done!!!
After you have a layer of fried eggplant that covers the baking dish, you’ll top with an even mix of mozzarella slices and grated Parmesan, followed by a light layer of sauce
Once your sauce jar is half empty (if you’re using jarred sauce), add some water (enough to almost fill the jar again), and shake vigorously – most marinara out of the jar will be too thick by itself to create a moist and juicy eggplant parm – so adding water is a necessary step!
Keep layering until you’ve used up all of your fried eggplant layers (in my experience, you’ll end up with 3-4 layers of eggplant and subsequent toppings, depending on how thin you’ve sliced your eggplant)
Add a final topping-layer of marinara, cheese, and sprinkle with the chopped parsley and put into the oven
Bake for about 25-30 minutes until cheese has melted and is browning ever so slightly

57500179395__74572C8F-8DE8-4D37-88FA-8D08035AF690 — Out of the oven and left to cool for about 15 minutes – ready to serve!

Once the eggplant comes out of the oven, let it cool/sit on the counter for about 15 minutes – otherwise it will be too sloppy to serve
This is one of those dishes that almost tastes even better in the following days, so enjoy your leftovers… you should have plenty – unless you’re cooking for a family of four or more!

Enjoy 😀

Oh, also, in other news – despite what negative things my family has to say, I can’t fucking wait for my kitten (Lord Simon Pier Tuna) to arrive. Mr. Peeper has been so hard up for a friend that he now waits by the door when he knows our neighbor across the hall is taking her dog out. He sits by our door and meows until we let him into the hall so he can go sniff and greet Quincy (the neighbor’s little dog)… that’s how much he wants a friend/brother. I pray he gets along with/likes another cat for a friend as much as he likes the neighbor’s dog. My poor boy.

OH . MY . GOD…

In other, other news – while I just had my back turned typing the above paragraph, I heard Peeper (speak of the Devil) licking something on the counter behind me, and turned around to find him licking olive oil out of the sauce pan I just readied to make Bolognese sauce… AWESOME. He’s probably going to shit his brains out now. Fabulous.

15D9D4F5-75D0-47B5-B8D9-6BB6BEB8F52C — My pride and joy

Polpette

What are polpette you ask? They’re basically a croquette – a fried meatball, wherein the meat is mixed with mashed potatoes, bread crumbs, and a bunch of seasonings and/or cheese. Oftentimes, they are stuffed with cheese, so that when you bit into it warm, it oozes out of the center. In a word, they are delicious.

Polpette are the authentic, Italian version of the bastardized Italian-American meatball. The ‘meatball’ as we know it here in the U.S., is the result of Italian immigrants making use of the abundance of meat that was readily available in every butcher shop or grocery when they moved from the homeland to New York/Brooklyn, etc.. If anyone enjoys food documentaries or cooking shows as much as I do, I highly recommend “Food on the Go.” It’s a documentary that is currently available on Netflix and is all about the evolution of Italian food into American-Italian food as we know it today! It was really informative and made me hungry for pasta, calamari, and meatballs.

The finished product: I used turkey and mashed potatoes to make these polpette, which I stuffed with mozzarella (recipe is below) – they can be served with a side of marinara or not… they’re equally delicious either way

Polpette, since they are prepared like a croquette, can be comprised of a variety of ingredients – anything from fish, veal, mortadella, or even squid. What really distinguished this ball, is the fact that it combines mashed potatoes with the protein and is fried. They originated in ancient Roman times, and today they are served as appetizers, snacks or bar food all over Italy, however, they are especially popular in Venice where you might take them as cicchetti, with a glass of afternoon wine. My favorite activity in Venice is probably sampling the variety of cicchetti each bar has to offer while drinking far too much red wine… and it’s so cheap compared to the U.S…. you don’t have to worry about breaking the bank.

Venice – I snapped this pic crossing a bridge on the way to one of my (three) favorite cicchetti bars

View from a little cicchetti bar we randomly stumbled upon while shopping… it was a Monday or Tuesday afternoon so the street was empty… nothing better than a leisurely glass of vino at 2pm when everyone else is working

To make the best possible polpette or meatballs, you should hypothetically use a combination of ground beef, ground pork, and/or veal. I don’t support the veal industry because it’s totally fucked up, and I also don’t like buying ground pork anymore because it’s impossible to find organic and ethical pig meat (unless it comes from a super small farming operation, industrial pig farms are not OK). I used turkey instead (I’m sure it was still abused, but at least it claimed itself to be cage-free, hormone free, antibiotic free, etc…). It’s pretty tasty and stays moist when combined with the milk-soaked bread crumbs and eggs.

INGREDIENTS:

2 Idaho potatoes (these will be peeled, cut, boiled, and mashed)
1-1.5 lbs. meat of your choice (turkey, or any combination of beef, pork, or veal if you’re a real sadist)
1/2 cup milk
2 slices of white bread, or baguette, or any white-ish bread you have
2 eggs
2 cups seasoned bread crumbs
1 cup finely grated Parmesan or pecorino cheese
2 Tbs. freshly chopped parsley
1 ball fresh mozzarella, cut into cubes
Salt (add to desired taste)
Pepper (add to desired taste)
Granulated garlic ( ” ” )
Dried Basil ( ” ” )
Onion Powder ( ” ” )
Dried oregano ( ” ” )
Olive oil or canola oil for frying

DIRECTIONS:

Use the potatoes to make mashed potatoes (peel, cut into large chunks, and boil in salted water until penetrable with the tines of a fork… usually 15-20 min)
You can go ahead and season the potatoes as you normally would with mashed potatoes – a generous cube of butter, salt, granulated garlic and pepper

The key to really good mashed potatoes, is leaving some of the potato water you boiled them in in the pot… not enough to make them watery though

Set potatoes aside in a large bowl – the bowl needs to be big enough for the meat to be mixed in, along with all of the other seasonings.
While the potatoes cool, chop up the parsley, which you will be adding into the mix.
Chop up the mozzarella into small cubes and set aside – you will use this to stuff the polpette when the time comes:

Next, in a separate bowl, crumble/rip up the two pieces of white bread and pour the milk over them – there should be enough liquid that it is all absorbed and all the crumbs are saturated

White bread breadcrumbs soaking in milk ^^^ this helps keep the ballz extra moist 😉

Now it’s time to combine all of the ingredients – add the meat, eggs, seasonings, milk-soaked bread crumbs, grated cheese, and fresh parsley to the big bowl holding the mashed potatoes
Set aside 1 cup of bread crumbs – you will roll the balls in this reserve before frying
Add 1 cup of the breadcrumbs to the mixture and dig in! You have to use your hands – it’s impossible to do it right with a spoon. Make sure everything is thoroughly mixed – especially the eggs and breadcrumbs.
Heat up the oil in a large sauce pan/frying pan over low-medium heat – you should use enough oil that bottom of the pan is covered.
Now for the really fun part – making the ballz! Grab a small handful of the meat mixture and form it into a thick patty on your palm

The “patty” with the mozzarella in the center – next you’ll shape the meat over the mozzarella as if you’re making something with playdough

Before rolling the patty into a ball, place a cube of mozzarella in the center.
Form the meat around the cheese center, and roll into a ball
Roll the polpette in a light layer of breadcrumbs before placing in the frying pan
You can make all of the balls and set on a plate so that they’re ready to go at the same time into the frying pan, although it is unlikely that they will all fit at the same time, so you’ll probably have to do two or three batches.
Heat the over to 350 degrees and get a large baking sheet or casserole dish ready to place the fried balls in (I finish them in the oven to ensure they’re thoroughly cooked and not overly browned)
Fry the polpette over low-medium heat in the saucepan, turning with a spoon or fork to ensure all sides are evenly browned.
As they are browned on each side, remove from saucepan and place on baking sheet/casserole dish

Before going into the oven to finish cooking – notice how they’re browned on all sides… I like to sprinkle a little more chopped parsley on them for extra flavor and aesthetics

The polpette will only need about 15 minutes in the oven before they’re fully cooked through and ready to serve! These are great to re-heat the next day as well (or the next or the next… they can also be frozen)!

What a week it’s been… I can’t wait to be home-home (aka my parent’s house) for some quality R&R. Work was insane this week, and the cold made it impossible to get any walking done. I will miss my cat immensely while I’m gone – I’m riding home dirty on the Greyhound bus instead of the train, so he unfortunately has to stay here all weekend (they only allow pets on MetroNorth and NJTransit). He loves being at my parent’s house 😦 … poor thing 😦

Peep’s new cat tree – this is basically the face I made every time my phone rang at work today…

I am also looking forward to my hair appointment tomorrow to get some red low-lights added in. My hair has been going white, probably from stress. I’m not old enough for white hair yet… fuck that shit. I’ll just enhance my natural color and tell the hairdresser to concentrate the color near the front of my face where the whites are coming in hot and heavy.