family – The High Heeled C*ntessa

Vegetarian Polpette and Vacation Plans (that had Better Not be Cancelled)

I probably start most blogs off by saying this, but HOLY SHIZZLE – can you believe it’s already mid-August?! I can’t… wasn’t it just February?!? I swear, time flies when you spend every day working just to pay rent and bills.

My dad is turning 70 next week, but we will all have to celebrate next month, since my parents leave for their vacation that day. I’m really happy they’re going on a vacation – they deserve one. We all do at this point. I am going to see Korn on Tuesday, so that’s also something to look forward to. I’ve only been waiting for this concert ALL summer. The last band I saw before the pandemic was Korn in August 2019, and they’ll be the first band I see… well – I guess the pandemic is still happening so I can’t say “after the pandemic.”

Speaking of which, we are finally going on a well-deserved and much needed vacation in just three, short weeks. We will finally be able to visit my BF’s parents for the first time in forever, and will be traveling to Venice on September 5th. We are then flying to Nice on the 15th, renting a car, and road-tripping to Paris. I have literally been living, I repeat: LIVING, for this trip. We booked for September thinking that things (the pandemic, COVID, vaccination rates) would only continue to improve over the summer. Now that Delta variant has reared its ugly head, I must admit that I fear the worst – foiled travel plans, another lock-down in Italy, curfews, restrictions, etc.

I swear to God, I will swim the Atlantic if I have to. In the event that our vacation plans are ruined or put on hold YET AGAIN, I will likely want to die anyhow, so I’ll just take my chances of swimming across the ocean and being eaten by sharks or drowning; which ever comes first. Fuck it. What will I have to live for if this trip doesn’t happen next month?! My cats and my family, I guess. But I will be one miserable bitch. And yes, this is my jealous side showing itself, but after everyone else I know took their vacations this summer and was able to travel, if my plans get fucked-over after everyone else had a break, I will be pissed. Let’s hope it doesn’t come down to this. I have a lot to be thankful for, I know this. But at the same time, I haven’t been to the beach, a pool, or a weekend away once this summer (*weekends spent at my parents’ house don’t count). I haven’t worn a swimsuit once, and I haven’t been in a hot tub since last Fall. I’ve just been working non-stop and walking 5 miles daily to feed my sister’s cat for the last three weeks; I’ve had only one day a week off with my boyfriend (sometimes not even that…) since last Spring – he probably needs this vacation way more than I do. I’ve been mentally checked out for the last three months… call it ‘burnout’, call it ‘not giving a fuck’ – I just really need to get away.

I’ve been busy trying to figure out how I will get the required PCR test with results back in the 48 hours before I board the Alitalia plane for Venice. In addition to requiring vaccination to travel to Italy, we need to present negative PCR test results. I also have to drop off my cats at Misty Ridge Cat Lodge upstate. I think I’m going to get tested early Friday morning, and then I’ll drive my cats to my parents’ house and drop them off on Saturday and then take public transit back to NYC. Everyone is worried about me driving home – I relinquished my car back in 2012 when I moved to NYC and my boyfriend has only owned stick-shift vehicles up until this year, so I am very out of practice. I’m basically like Mr. Magoo behind the wheel. I think it’s my vision, honestly…. I mean I’m not the worst driver, but I do suck. Driving isn’t my strength. It’s going to be stressful and exhausting to swing it all, doing all of that rushing around and traveling before our flight on Sunday, but I will reward myself with copious amounts of vino and cicchetti upon arrival in Venice.

I’ve been daydreaming of drinking wine in a vineyard in Provence, doing a cicchetti/wine crawl in Venice, visiting a friend in Bologna, and seeing the south of France. Naturally this daydreaming involves fantasies of all the outfits I will wear. I hope I actually wear all of the dresses I’ve purchased specifically for this trip… I feel like I over-pack and then end up in the same pair of jeans every time I go away. Let’s face it – it’s more practical to wear jeans when you’re being a tourist and walking 6 miles a day.

My sister has this dress in grey, and it looked so good on her that I had to buy one of myself! It was like $30 on Amazon.. I hate that I supported Amazon with this purchase, but I truly love this dress. It will be perfect for dinners out. I still can’t decide if it gives off fairytale princess vibes, or Manson family recruit.

Not sure if this will get worn on vacation… but surely to a party (IF I ever party again…). If anything comes in the way of our travel plans/vacation, I’m going to treat myself and go on a week-long bender.

It’s a romper, which I LOVE – I feel like it just allows more freedom and less worry about the wind blowing it up and exposing my cheeks. I think that’s part of the reason I rarely wear dresses – I love them, but hate feeling like I need to constantly be aware that nothing is getting exposed when I bend over, etc. I also love that it’s a halter and backless – super flattering!

Now I’m just waiting on a new pair of Superga platform sneakers to arrive for my trip. I have been averaging about 37 miles a week (walking) these past two months, and I burn through sneakers like crazy. I hate it – it makes me feel very wasteful, but I literally run them into the ground. Having a go in the washer isn’t going to save them when they have holes burned through the rubber soles, you know what I mean? I got a nice discount on Superga’s website since I signed up for emails though… so I don’t fee terrible about what I spent.

I think our balcony garden peaked earlier this month – we harvested the large eggplants, the Japanese eggplants, four peppers, and the cherry tomato plant was producing about 8-10 ripe tomatoes a day. It’s just been so ungodly hot, that now the plans are kind of fried, despite watering them. There are still a lot of green Roma tomatoes though that should be ripe in another couple of weeks, and the basil is still growing like crazy. Last year we were lucky enough to still have cherry tomatoes ripening into late October! Global warming, am I right? (don’t even get me started on global warming…. it’s been one of my biggest sources of anxiety lately).

The cherry tomato plant is a winner again this year… if I ever have a yard/proper garden, I’ll definitely plant a lot of these.

Our lone pepper plant produced about 4 bell peppers!

We got two, medium-sized eggplants off of this plant. There are a couple more little ones – let’s see if they keep growing though. This heat has been devastating…

So many cherry tomatoes! We did manage to grow a few very tasty San Marzano’s, however, a lot of them had a weird brown/rotted tip and were inedible… such a disappointment

It’s been extremely hot here in NYC, so I’ve mostly been sticking to meals that do not involve the oven or multiple burners going at once. I did make some awesome polpette a couple of weeks ago (I dare say, the best batch I’ve ever made), using Field Roast vegetarian sausage. If you’re curious as to exactly what polpette are, and how they differ from regular meatballs, you can read all about it in this post from 2019. The recipe in the past post also uses real meat, if that is your jam.

These were literally so good I couldn’t stop eating them…. and it shows. I wanted to upload a cross-section of the polpette, but I’m not very technology savvy and therefore cannot figure it out… sorry.

INGREDIENTS:

3-4 Idaho potatoes (these will be cut up, boiled, mashed and seasoned)
3 Tbsp vegan butter
4 Field Roast brand “sausages” (I prefer the Italian Garlic and Fennel ones)
2 cups seasoned breadcrumbs
1/2 cup finely grated Parmigiano
1/2 cup finely diced white or yellow onion
3 brown eggs from free range chickens (1 egg goes into the Polpette mixture and otthe other two eggs are whisked and use for breading purposes)
2 Tbsp freshly chopped parsely
2 Tbsp freshly chopped basil
1 Tbsp granulated garlic
1 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp dried basil
salt and pepper
olive oil (for frying)
1 jar quality marinara sauce for dipping (Rao’s marinara is perfect)

DIRECTIONS:

Use the potatoes to make mashed potatoes (cut into large chunks, and boil in salted water until penetrable with the tines of a fork… usually 15-20 min)
Drain the potatoes, reserving 1/3 cup of the potato water to be mashed with the potatoes
Go ahead and season the potatoes as you normally would – I prefer a generous amount of vegan butter, salt, granulated garlic and pepper. Mash away! Once mashed, set aside.
Finely dice 1/2 of a yellow or white onion
In a medium saucepan, heat 3 Tbs. of olive oil on low heat and add in the onions
Chop the sausages into a rough/crumble consistency and add the crubmles into the saucepan with the onions. Cook over low-medium heat for 3-4 minutes and spoon mixture into a large mixing bowl.
Add in about 1/2 of the mashed potatoes (the other half can be eaten as is, or used in another recipe)
Add in 1 egg, the seasonings (granulated garlic, dried oregano, dried basil, salt and pepper, the chopped parsley and fresh basil), 1/2 cup grated Parmigiano, and 1/2 cup breadcrumbs
Thoroughly mix everything together using your hands, and roll into meaball-sized balls (*you may need to add more breadcrumbs depending on the consistency)
Set the balls aside and prep your breading station:
Whisk 2 eggs together in a bowl
In another bowl, add in the remaining breadcrumbs, salt, pepper, 1 tsp. of granulated garlic, and some dried oregano and mix together
In a large saucepan, heat 1/3 cup olive oil over low-medium heat
Take each ball, dip into the egg mixture and then gently roll/coat in the breadcrumb mixture and add into frying pan
You’ll want to gently turn the balls every 1-2 minutes so all sides achieve the same, even golden-brown color
Each ball will probably need a fry time of around 6 minutes or so, just remember to keep track of which balls have just gone into the pan, and which ones are finishing up and need to come out of the pan (assuming that your pan will not be big enough to fry all the balls at once)
Heat up the marinara sauce in a separate saucepan and serve on the side of the polpette once warm. Garnish the polpette with fresh basil or parsley and a sprinkle of grated Parm! Enjoy 🙂

Now I want to make polpette… perhaps that will be my Friday night excitement. Here are a couple of pics from a walk I took last week – the sunset was beautiful. I kind of wish I had made it to my boyfriend’s venue prior to sunset, since I would have had an even better view from a skyscraper!

Lower east side, Rivington Street. I wish the to-go-drinks were still legal, because I really wanted to stop by Verlaine for a cheap lychee martini….

A Quiet Christmas and my New Year’s Resolutions

I was thankful to actually have some snow for Christmas this year, even if the major snow came a week before Christmas and all but melted away on Christmas Eve, due to 24 hours of torrential rain and 50 degree weather. Tuna also enjoyed seeing the snow and taking in that crisp, upstate air!

Peeps hanging out under my parent’s tree on Christmas morning

What a year it has been for all of us! I’m hoping 2021 will be an improvement and things will start to get better by Spring, but I won’t hold my breath (with this new strain of COVID and the entire restaurant/hospitality industry in shambles, shit might get a lot worse before it gets better). I’m just thankful I am still here, having survived a mild case of COVID, my friends and family are all healthy, my boyfriend’s parents are healthy, and I am still gainfully employed (for now…. ).

I thought my senses of smell and taste had fully returned after my October bought of Corona-virus, but for some reason I am now smelling a phantom smell of wood smoke 24/7. It started when I was at my parent’s house for Christmas – they have a wood stove, and I thought there was a back-draft because even in the bedroom at the opposite end of the house, I was smelling smoke. Well, I am back in my Brooklyn apartment and I still smell wood smoke, even in the absence of a fire. I guess there are worse phantom smells I could be smelling. I am hoping that eventually my senses will return to normal one day soon. There are obviously much worse things that could have happened to me with this virus, but I feel I am starting to go insane when I can’t focus on anything but the smoke I am smelling that’s not actually there.

The view from our friend’s road, where we took a nice after-Christmas walk on Sunday

Christmas was quiet one, but I was thankful to be home with my family for several days, instead of just the 48 hours I usually seem to have with them for Christmas (it was the first year in 8 years that my boyfriend didn’t have to work on Christmas Eve… what a treat….). We spent Christmas day at my parent’s house with my sister’s family, and had breakfast and dinner together. It was nice to stay home and not have to cart a bunch of presents and hot dishes elsewhere for the larger family dinner we would normally have. The next day, once the rain and snow had stopped, temps dropped to about 20 degrees Fahrenheit, and the windchill made it feel like 12 degrees, but that didn’t stop us from getting together with my mom’s side of the family for a 3-hour outdoor get-together. It was frigid, but we had a fire and hot beverages and certainly made the most of it.

My feet were freezing after three hours in 20 degree weather with inappropriate footwear, but it was nice to see everyone.

Soddy, with his deer friends in the backyard

My aunt and uncle’s tree – always a favorite with the Victorian styling to match their Victorian house!

I wish I could post quality videos here, but the quality is always compromised. I saved all of my Christmas pictures and videos of deer, the big snow fall, and peaceful mornings upstate to my Instagram highlight reel titled “Winter 2020” (in case you need some bucolic scenery in your life).

Anyhow, here we are on the last day of 2020. I would say good-riddance, but 2020 had a few perks. It was nice to have an excuse to say ‘no’ to people more often, regarding social functions etc. Before this year, I was constantly feeling burnt-out and never had any real down-time. Any time not spent working I felt like I had to engage in social functions or hanging out with friends, even when what I really needed was some quiet time to myself. It has always been hard for me to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty, but this year’s emphasis on self-care really opened my eyes. It’s OK to do nothing sometimes.

With that being said though, I think I’ve had enough quiet time now, and cannot wait to go to a mega-concert or a rave. I miss being surrounded by happy, united people – all sweaty and smiling, having fun and enjoying themselves. That is what I miss the most. I hope that by summer 2020 we can all attend concerts and big parties again.

I never keep my New Year’s resolutions, and the resolutions I made last year were pretty much impossible to keep with the global pandemic and lock-downs happening worldwide (ex. “travel more”….. RIGHTTTT). This year, I’m sticking to resolutions that won’t be influenced by outside forces, and also giving myself some leniency!

My New Year’s Resolutions:

Stop drinking alcohol (will make exceptions for social occasions such as birthdays, holidays, and romantic dinners out (if those ever happen again….)).
Go *mostly* vegan (will make exceptions for bivalve-mollusks, farm-fresh eggs (i.e. eggs picked up directly from the farm where I can see the chickens for myself), and from time-to-time, cheese (if it is a special occasion and good-quality cheese)).
Get out for a walk each and every day, no matter what (2.5 miles minimum).
Write more often.
Save more money (should be easier to do since we still can’t have social lives, and also since I won’t be spending money on wine and booze).

That’s it. These should be fairly easy goals to stick to for me, minus the daily walking, which can be difficult when the weather is shitty or if I get stuck working a 15-hour day (which has sadly happened a few times over the course of this year).

Cheers to healthy, happy and prosperous New Year – let’s hope 2021 is even a fraction better than 2020 has been!

Love in the Time of Corona

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I’m sure many of you reading this feel the exact same way that I do right now, but holy shit… what a time to be alive!! Am I right?! As if the last few years haven’t been mentally and emotionally taxing enough given the current political environment, global warming, mass extinction, catastrophic natural events, threats of war, and impending societal collapse, it now feels like we’re all living in some surreal world, or, rather, in one of the many apocalyptic movies that came out between 2006 – 2016.

We’ve basically reverted back to medieval plague times – I feel like Beetlejuice when he makes the joke about having ‘lived through the black plague and had a pretty good time during that.’ All I can do to stay sane right now, is keep cracking inappropriate jokes and making memes about Coronavirus. I know this virus isn’t a joke, but we’ve basically shut down the entire world, the economy is crashing and isn’t going to be able to recover for a long time, many are losing their jobs and sources of income (depending on the industry they work in), and people are going insane stockpiling supplies and food like they’re anticipating nuclear fallout! It’s the insanity of the media whipping everyone into a crazed frenzy that is going to lead to the most devastation, I believe.

How is it that people have gone so far off the deep end, that grocery store shelves are empty, and psychos are fighting over packs of toilet paper and hand-sanitizer? This is everything that is wrong with our world, and more specifically our country today. This is why the world is going down the toilet. I understand the immense pressure being placed on the healthcare system and hospitals and healthcare workers right now, and the lack of testing and resources – it’s a major issue, and certainly one that the U.S. should be panicking about and enacting cautions around (i.e. recommending people to stay at home and cancelling concerts and events). But how is hoarding toilet paper going to help with that?

I am worried about the elderly and those with compromised immune systems as much as the next person. I feel sympathy for anyone who has already lost a family member or loved one due to this virus. I worry about my boyfriend’s parents in Venice, and my own parents upstate. The fact that there is now a travel ban in place is what really makes me nervous though – what if we needed to go to Italy to take care of his parents???? It’s crazy to think that weddings, funerals and births have all been affected, postponed, or not gone as expected as a result of the travel bans in place and red-zoning happening around Europe.

I’ve still been commuting from my apartment in Brooklyn into my office in Manhattan all week. The subways have been empty and the streets quiet, not only because of people working from home, but also for the lack of tourists. It took my company until today to recommend that we all work remotely, starting on Monday. I was excited at the prospect of this a couple of months ago when I first started reading about Coronavirus, but now? Not so much. I like having routine in my life, and I’m scared if I am home I will be bored and binge eat and start fights with my boyfriend. I honestly don’t care if I get the virus, I know that I will be fine. I understand the reason we’re all going into quarantine mode, working remotely, and avoiding public gatherings is to stop the spread of the virus, and to protect the most vulnerable members of our society. It is also an attempt to not overwhelm our already-fragile healthcare system. But the media really does seem to be going overboard.

This virus is really making class disparity all the more visible. People who have the capacity to work from home (‘white collar’ jobs, so to speak), have been doing so for over two weeks now. In my own office, all of the partners haven’t come into the office in about two weeks time, as they have the luxury of working from home. Retail workers and workers in the hospitality industry (hostesses, servers, dishwashers, line cooks, bartenders, managers, etc.) have no such luxury, unless they’re working in the corporate sector of their respective industry. They have to show up to a brick-and-mortar store or restaurant to work their shift, and on top of that, be exposed to a rotating cast of the general public who patronize their venue. Same goes for teachers, gym instructors, dog-walkers, nurses, daycare workers, construction crews, etc.. People who are financially well off enough have been taking Ubers or other car services into work so as to avoid the subway or public buses. Most people can’t afford to take private cars into and from the office each day. Now that everyone has seen what happened in Italy, with towns being locked-down, those who have secondary homes are fleeing NYC to go to the countryside, so they don’t get stranded here in the event that no one is allowed out or in.

What about the rest of us poor slobs? I guess we’re just left exposed to extra germs and carrying on as usual. I walked to work a couple of days this week, just because I am ambitious and enjoy walking, but what about everyone who has been mandated to come into an office or restaurant or retail store, and has had no option but to ride a train or subway or take a bus? I feel especially bad for gig workers – the babysitters, personal trainers, tutors, pet-sitters, etc. of the world who have had jobs/gigs cut since everyone who employs them currently has reduced need for them. We live in a society where 78% of the population lives paycheck to paycheck. Unless the government steps in with stipends or some sort of compensation, how will these people pay for rent and food and medical expenses? Especially considering that the majority of gig workers do not have insurance….

Maybe this will be part of the wake-up call that Americans need regarding the need for universal healthcare and/or childcare.

If this city does get shut down, I have approximately 1 large sack of white rice, 1 bag of oats, 1 bag of split peas, 1 bag of lentils, a couple boxes of pasta, and 2 rolls of TP (TP = toilet paper, for those of you who didn’t already know that) to see me through a quarantine. Hopefully, in the event that I am housebound for a few weeks, I’ll come out looking ‘as thin as a needle,’ to quote Britney Spears. I also hope to come out on the other side with better skin, since I will be getting way more sleep if I don’t have to commute into work each morning. I’m looking on the bright side here guys….

Maybe the Illuminati sold our entire world/human population to aliens, and they need us all to be complacent and contained when the aliens touch-down their UFOs to enslave us next week. We will all be like sitting ducks, trapped in our homes and cities when the alien takeover occurs.

Just kidding with the above. I’m not really one for conspiracies, but I am pretty sure this virus was intentionally released or accidentally released from a lab in China. I don’t doubt that. I don’t really know what to think or how to feel in today’s world, honestly. Anything is possible. I put nothing past anyone or any government.

In the event that “they” tell us not to leave our residences (like they have recently enacted in certain cities in Italy – Venice, included), I think I may go insane. If I can’t get fresh air and some physical activity, I risk going off the deep end.

I hope everyone out there (all five of you who read this), and everyone’s family and friends are staying safe and healthy during this trying time! Hopefully it will be over soon and we can all resume life as usual.

All About My Cats… and Maine

Sunset behind our hotel, the Newagen Seaside Inn, Boothbay Harbor Maine

I am back from my “grand” vacation of the year… a week in Maine with my family and boyfriend. It was relaxing, as was to be expected, way too full of eating (also to be expected) and not nearly a long enough escape from the hell that is my job and this wretched city (also, to be expected…). What vacation would be long enough though? Apart from a permanent vacation….

Lobster bake at the hotel… one of the best parts of Maine for me is the abundance of not just lobster, but all seafood – especially chowders. I FUCKING LOVE chowders.

I didn’t do as much physical activity as I had hoped to do prior to embarking on my vacation. The hotel had bikes to take out, but the roads surrounding the hotel were not at all conducive to biking as there was no shoulder on the road at all. I also thought the hotel would have kayaks, but sadly all they had were some pitiful rowboats, which I conned my boyfriend into taking out with me one afternoon. We didn’t last more than 40 minutes in the row boat, as the waves around the island we were attempting to skirt around got very choppy on one end, and the oars kept slipping out from the oar holders.

Naturally the one time I took the row boat out the tide was going out and the waters were getting rough… it was still fun. I love being on water, or in water, as long as it’s above 90 degrees.

Boothbay Harbor itself is a sleepy little town with not much to do besides eat, drink, and relax… or go boating. Which is precisely what we did. We took a chartered sail boat out one day as a family which was really nice. We also walked around the little town and explored the shops and restaurants. I’d have to say, my favorite meal of the week was honestly at the local Italian restaurant, Ports of Italy. Who would have thought that a coastal town in Maine would have such a good Italian restaurant?! Not me. I had the frutti di mare, and this amazing cold seafood salad as an appetizer. Everything was awesome, including the wine. My second favorite meal, was probably at the hotel’s dining room on the last night of our stay.

Mussels everywhere! I ate a lot of mussels while I was in Maine…. I’d have to say they’re my favorite mollusk besides oysters.

View from the sail boat… the captain and his first mate were very knowledgeable of the area, the history of the area, and very friendly and hospitable sailors! I would definitely take another sailboat with the Schooner Eastwind again.

More mussels… and a whole lot of butter.

There was also an alpaca farm near the hotel, where my niece, my sister and myself got a lovely tour from one of the owners and learned a whole lot about alpacas and agriculture! They also had some beautiful chickens that I was obsessed with spotting each and every time we passed their farm in the car.

We made a day trip to Freeport to hit up L.L. Bean’s and the outlets… I got some sweet plaid pants from Calvin Klein that I am VERY excited to wear this fall. I’ve been looking for plaid pants for the last year, and these are JUST what I was looking for. My other “big” purchase for myself was a copy of Anthony Bourdain’s Kitchen Confidential, which I cannot put down once I pick up to start reading. Sadly, my work schedule and demanding cats have been preventing me from picking it up more than I would like this week….

My boyfriend and I also took a drive to downtown Portland to explore. Portland is such a nice, clean, small city with a lot of awesome bars and restaurants. We are planning on going back for a long weekend stay this winter to do more exploring and see just how much worse winter in Maine could be than in NYC.

On our way back from Portland, we checked out a suburb called Cape Elizabeth, which had a surprisingly awesome park that we explored. I was disappointed to find there was no beach though – just a bunch of rocks. The rocks were beautiful, but I am sad to say I didn’t don a swimsuit once this vacation to either get in the pool, hot tub, or ocean. I didn’t go to the beach even once this summer… now that is sad.

I know… I know… I basically take the Instagram/fashion blog shots of others that I would hope they could take of me. Sadly, no one ever takes good candids of me. They get me when I’m looking down and have five chins, or from some weird angle where my body looks like Jabba the hutt. I just know people’s angles… what can I say? I mean, even the shot of the alpaca up above is flattering.

B951B3FB-570C-4FC5-8C4D-E547E19D5B73 — As you can see, the fake tan from my last post is long gone, and sadly not coming back anytime soon. I did, however, acquire plenty of freckles on my face, shoulders, and arms.

I milked my vacation for all it was worth, and scheduled a hair appointment when I came home for some red low lights (I’m going white in my temples, and color is now a necessity if I don’t want to look older than I am), and continued eating like a fatted calf for the remainder of the weekend spent in Bainbridge (you name it, I ate it… I did resist meat however, which I am very proud of). I cooked a mean carbonara for my parents upon returning home Friday night, and then on Saturday night, feeling inspired and not wanting to let the trend of devouring seafood die, I made a linguine with clams for family dinner.

When I came back to NYC, fatter and broker than ever on Sunday evening, I entered into a dark vortex of negative thoughts and resentment towards this city and towards my job, which I am still trying to turn around. I have to get out of this city as soon as I can… I’m just so over it. I also started resenting my choice to get low lights… I think the red is too dark and doesn’t flatter me. But that could just be me being me. I am hoping the color fades/lightens in the next couple of weeks. I’m trying to eat healthy this week, so sadly, I won’t be cooking anything fun.

Ah yes, almost forgot – the second part of this blog: while I was bored out of my mind one night on vacation (since the entire town of Boothbay Harbor shuts down after 8pm, and even the hotel bar was dead after 9pm), my boyfriend and I somehow came up with human profiles for each of our cats, which continued to escalate in absurdity until I wrote the full biographies on Sunday to post on IG. If my cats were humans, here is the type of humans they would be:

MEET TUNA:

Tuna is a door man at a strip club in Queens. He isn’t allowed at his uncles or grandparents house for the holidays because he was caught stealing Christmas ornaments off the tree to sell for cash to buy meth. He spent his high school days in remedial math classes and detention. When Tuna comes home, his parents have to lock up their medications. He usually shows up to family dinners with a 6-pack of Budweiser, and a half-eaten box of Enntemmen’s powdered donuts. Tuna enjoys tailgating at high school football games, fixing dirt bikes, dabbling in psychedelics, and fights at dive bars. Tuna’s idea of a perfect vacation is a week at Water Safari. Tuna’s greatest aspiration in life is to own a worm farm and grow magic mushrooms, as well as to make it to the Trump 2020 rally in Cincinnati. Tuna is a Dooms Day prepper who keeps a stash of ammo, AK-47s and ramen noodles in his parents’ attic. Tuna has a girlfriend named Crystal, who is five months pregnant with another man’s baby… but he doesn’t care, it’s true love. Tuna prefers to be called Chip.

MEET MR. PEEPER:

Peeper is a professor of anthropology studies at University of Oxford. He has a Ph.D. in law and women’s studies from Harvard. Growing up, he was the pride and joy of his parent’s lives – he was a straight-A student, Eagle Scout, and spent his summers voluntarily de-worming orphans in underdeveloped nations. He speaks 5 languages fluently and works as a volunteer, teaching deaf children Cantonese. He enjoys wine tasting, oil painting, baking clotted cream scones, throwing elaborate dinner parties, and donating money to Harvard and Yale science departments. He was also a good friend of The late Jeffrey Epstein – for 10 years they ran a mathematics camp for underprivileged teenagers. When Peeper isn’t working or volunteering, he enjoys traveling to the Cayman Islands, South Africa, and to his winery in Provence. He is married to a woman 25 years his junior, and together they have three perfect, little globe-trotting protégées named Theodore, Eloise, and Amadeus who are all geniuses.

Bad Luck, Veggie Ballz, and Elton John

Another week has come and gone, and what a week it was! I saw Elton John perform Saturday night with my mom and sister at Barclay’s Center which was literally a dream come true. I am so happy I had the opportunity to see him on his farewell tour since I have wanted to see him since I was 12. I know what you’re thinking – what kind of weirdo, freak 12 year old is obsessed with Elton John? Me. That’s who.

I found an Elton John “Greatest Hits” cassette tape the summer that I was 12 in the upstairs bedroom of my Grandma’s house, and she said I could have it – which is what my grandma always said whenever I found something I liked or wanted in her house. The tape had belonged to my uncle Bill, who had passed away six years earlier due to complications of AIDS. I brought that tape home and listened to it front and back and on repeat all summer long. I memorized all of the lyrics to every song and found myself wanting to know more about the life of Elton John, since all of his songs seemed to be deeply personal and I, as a deeply emotional, 12 year old girl entering puberty, related to them on so many levels (or so I thought at the time…). Little did I know, I would end up relating much more once I had actually experienced real life…

I was never particularly close to my uncle Bill when he was alive since I was young and I didn’t see him that often. When he passed away, his life (and then subsequently his death) was kind of shrouded in mystery to me. He was an openly gay man and brought boyfriends home to my very-Catholic-grandmother’s house for holidays etc.. No one had an issue with how he lived his life, but no one ever really talked about why he died – in fact, I didn’t find out until I was much, much older. I do remember making him a ‘get well’ card when he was sick with a picture of Marilyn Monroe that I drew on it, which is pretty awesome in retrospect… he really loved that. I also remember a couple of times he took me grocery shopping with him when he went to the store for my grandma, and all of the ladies would coo over me and over him pushing me in the shopping cart, and he seemed to eat that shit right up. My memories of him are very few.

Anyhow, I digress. The point I am getting at, is that I finally felt some sort of connection to my uncle through this shared love of Elton John music. I was only 7 when he died, and grew up feeling like I really missed out on a relationship with him. As I’ve grown older and heard some of the stories relayed from other family members about my uncle’s love of partying and the practical jokes he liked to play on people, I’ve also realized that perhaps we have much more in common than just the mutual love of Elton John :p I think we would have gotten on quite well were he still alive.

Thank you mom 🙂 (even though you don’t know this blog exists)

It really does mean so much to me that my mom, who I’m pretty sure was quite concerned with the fact that her 12 year old daughter was obsessed with Elton John, bought me these tickets. I don’t think I can thank her enough or tell her how much it really means, but I will try regardless. The concert was a solid three hours of Elton John entertaining – singing, playing the piano, and talking to the audience about his music and his life. It was awesome. HE was AWESOME. Such a good singer and piano player, even in his 70s. He played ALL of my favorite songs (minus ‘Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word’), which really surprised me. I didn’t think he would play ‘Someone Saved My Life Tonight’ or ‘I Guess That’s Why They Call it The Blues.’ The concert was surreal.

I finally filed my taxes yesterday… all I can say is ‘someone please come put me out of my misery.’ It ended up being worse than I thought. I legit think I’m going to be destitute forever unless I start stripping or something. I really can’t catch a break in this life. I also had a severe case of cystitis last week, having not had it in like 4 years. I was sitting at work on Thursday morning when it started to feel like someone was beating my kidneys with a baseball bat. By the end of the day I knew I was totally f*cked for many more reasons which I won’t elaborate on here – let’s just say if you’ve ever had it, you know what I’m talking about. Brutal. I don’t know how I made it through the work day.

I’m back to normal now (as normal as I’ll ever be), and trying to figure out what to look forward to now that EJ concert is over. You know when something seems so far away, and then before you know it, it’s over? I’m the same way with vacations, parties, etc. – I just look forward to something for so long and put all of my stock into it, and then once it’s over, I’m so emo and empty inside. I remember my mom got tickets to this concert last February for my birthday, and I kept thinking “wow, that’s so far away!” Well, here we are, over a year later, and now it’s over. I guess I’ll just look forward to paying off my taxes and being poor now and hopefully getting shredded for summer. JK… but not really. What else????

Vegetarian lentil “meatballs” in homemade vodka sauce

I used to make these balls all the time and haven’t in a while. It’s honestly easier to just make fish, seafood, or pasta than it is to try to create a ‘meatball’ without meat. These balls are time consuming, but totally worth it if you have the time, or if you just cook the lentils in advance, so that they’re ready to make into ballz when the time comes! This dish is super healthy, super filling, packed with protein, and if you’re anything like me, will also make you super bloated for a solid two days (I love legumes… but my gastrointestinal tract begs to differ). Whatever… it’s choc full of fiber, delicious, and cruelty-free… it’s worth being bloated.

I made the same vodka sauce I made last week, since it’s a real hit in this house. You can find the recipe HERE by scrolling down. These balls also match well with any store-bought or homemade marinara, or pesto. I guarantee you that if you cook this dish for someone (whether they’re a vegetarian or not), they’re going to love these ballz and be very impressed.

INGREDIENTS (FOR THE BALLZ):

1 cup dry (uncooked), brown (“french”) lentils
3 cups vegetable stock (you can also use beef, but then it’s not really vegetarian)
2 eggs
1 cup chopped mushrooms (or carrots, if you’re in a pinch – which I was when I made these… mushrooms are better!)
1/3 finely chopped yellow or white onion
3 cloves finely minced garlic
Dash of Worcestershire sauce
1/2 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 cup bread crumbs
2 Tbs. finely chopped parsley
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 tsp. dried basil
salt and pepper to taste
4 Tbs. olive oil
***Sauce of your choice*** (tomato/marinara work best!)
***Pasta of your choice to serve with***

The lentils before cooking – these babies take about 20-25 minutes at a rolling boil to cook through

DIRECTIONS:

Cook the lentils in the vegetable stock until soft; this means cooking for 20 – 25 minutes at a rolling boil… taste test to make sure they’re soft and all liquid is absorbed.
While the lentils boil, in a large saucepan, add 1 Tbs. of olive oil, and cook the minced onions, garlic, and mushrooms (or carrots, if you went with carrots)… cook until onions are translucent and veggie is cooked through:

I used carrots, but mushrooms are honestly preferable. I wasn’t thinking when I did my groceries earlier in the day.

After the lentils are cooked and liquid has been absorbed, dump into a large mixing bowl and let cook until malleable (should be ready to handle in 5 minutes or so)

Cooked lentils should be free of excess liquid, soft, and edible.

Mix the remainder of ingredients (apart from the olive oil – which you will use to fry the balls in) into the bowl with the lentils:

Looks like one egg here because the other one is hiding – you will need 2 eggs if you want your balls to be moist!

Mix all of the ingredients together thoroughly and by hand.
Heat the remaining olive oil (plus more as needed) in a large saucepan over low-medium heat.
Form the balls by hand, packing and rolling the mixture into golf-ball sized balls, and dropping into hot oil

Lightly brown on all sides over low-medium heat. Unlike actual meat, these balls will lose their shape if they are not lightly fried/crisped on all sides.

Rotate the balls so as to lightly brown/crisp on all sides… these balls will fall apart if you simply plunk them into hot sauce, whereas balls made from actual meat will be fine to cook by submerging into boiling sauce, these will not.
Once balls are browned on all size, add into sauce, or set aside, and then top your finished pasta with the balls and sauce.

Avoiding Taxes, Beets, and The Best Vodka Sauce You’ll Ever Have

Here I am, yet again…. avoiding my taxes like the bubonic plague…. 😀 After I write this blog post, I’m really going to try to make myself finish them – no matter how devastating the outcome. Time to face reality….

I had a most relaxing day yesterday, as one is wont to do on a Sunday. I found a new wine bar that’s so amazing – they have way better pricing than most wine bars do ($9 – $13 a glass as opposed to the typical $13 – $18), a great tasting menu (I had a cheese plate), and the bar was super cozy with a real stone fireplace, which I was lucky enough to sit right in front of. Major score on my part. The place is called Black Mountain Wine House, and despite being about a 15 minute drive from my apartment, was totally worth it. If you live in Brooklyn, I highly suggest.

The fireplace in the wine bar was super hot and cozy and made me reflect on Panther Room (the side room of Output, which closed forever a couple of months ago). I used to love going to Panther room on a Sunday night when I had Monday off and getting all kinds of funked up and then sitting in front of their fireplace… it was so perfect in the winter. I will always hold a special place in my heart for Panther Room and all the good times I had there… I digress….

So nostalgic right now… ❤ (sigh)

Moving on. I have recently become obsessed with beets. I really love foods with earthy (aka ‘dirt’) flavors, hence my love of anything with truffles, mushrooms, super rank cheeses, and BEETS. Lately, I’ve been cooking them once every couple of weeks. They pair so well with goat cheese, and also sour cream and dill – you can use them in a hearty winter salad, or as a main in a thick-ass borscht.

This weekend, I prepared beets for a salad with (you guessed it) GOAT CHEESE. A match made in heaven – right up there with peanut butter and jelly. I know… I get it – beets aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. But this recipe is simple, healthy, and could honestly be made into a main meal if you want to add some hot lentils or quinoa to make the salad a main dish!

C8DF4E57-3D5E-464C-9358-37BC1E36D888 — Beets aren’t just tasty – they’re packed with nutrients and such a pretty color – just be careful and don’t wear white while cooking them!

When you buy fresh beets, you’ll want to first trim off the beet greens (the leafy stems) as well as any root portion growing out the end of the beet. Next, while they’re raw, use a vegetable peeler and peel the beet all the way around. Give the beets a final rinse in cold water just to make sure any dirt is rinsed away (they are a root vegetable, after all). In order to ensure the beets cook faster and evenly (since a bunch of beets usually includes beets of differentiating sizes), quarter or cut them in half depending on their size.

The peeled, cleaned, and still raw beets… yes, the vodka you see is for the vodka sauce I also made that day.. and yes, it is 50 Cent’s brand… I love me some 50 cent (Candy Shop, anyone?)

Quel Couleur! Boil the beets until you can easily penetrate (hahaha… penetrate …) them with a fork. Usually about 25 minutes.

Boil the beets in some salted water for about 20-25 minutes, at a rolling boil. Stab them with the tines of a fork to make sure they’re cooked through before removing from heat.

Baby spinach or baby kale pairs best with beets….beets are definitely not a good mix with romaine or iceburg lettuce (and lord knows I really actually prefer romaine to spinach or kale …). Then of course, the goat cheese is essential – any time you add cheese, nuts, beans or any sort of protein to a salad it becomes more than a salad… it becomes worthy of meal status… this is great if you’re trying to be healthy but also want to feel full.

I also threw in some pine nuts, which really complimented the beets, goat cheese and spinach. Cherry/grape tomatoes go well with just about anything (apart from blue cheese… the acids from the blue cheese and tomatoes do NOT mix… take my word), so I threw some of those in, and then drizzled with olive oil, balsamic vinegar reduction, and sprinkled with freshly ground salt and pepper.

In the past, I have found thinly-sliced, green apples really pair well with beets and goat cheese, as well as walnuts – but this is more of a summer salad to me. As I previously mentioned, you can very well make this salad into a meal by adding some cooked lentils or quinoa.

Now for the main attraction:

DC7D8958-4D5C-4C42-82A1-8BCF74ED6FFE — Turkey meatballs in homemade vodka sauce… you can also use beef/pork or lentil (vegetarian) meatballs… I am going to make the lentil ballz later this week and will post a recipe for them then…it’s been too long since I’ve made them (really time consuming, but worth the effort if you don’t eat meat!)

The vodka sauce – yet another example of bastardized Italian food. Vodka sauce is uniquely Italian-American… doesn’t exist in Italy, only in America. But if you’ve had it, you’ll know it’s fucking amazing:

INGREDIENTS (for the vodka sauce):

1 cup vodka (can be cheap vodka – the alcohol cooks out regardless)
1 large can crushed tomatoes (preferably San Marzano) (28 oz.)
1 tiny can tomato paste (6 oz.)
1/2 Spanish (yellow) onion, finely minced
4 cloves garlic, finely minced
3 Tbs. olive oil
2 Tbs. butter
1 cup finely grated Parmigiano Reggiano (aka Paremsan)
3/4 cup heavy cream
1 tsp. granulated sugar
1 tsp. crushed red pepper flakes
1 tsp. dried oregano flakes
1 tsp. dried basil flakes
Salt and pepper to taste
3 Tbs. finely chopped fresh parsley

DIRECTIONS (for the vodka sauce):

Heat the oil over low heat, and add in the minced onions – cook about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally, until onions are translucent and cooked through.
Add in the minced garlic AND the red pepper flakes. Cook another 2-3 minutes over low heat, stirring occasionally and being careful not to burn garlic.
Add in the can of crushed tomatoes, stir and increase the heat to medium.
Add in the vodka and continue to stir for another minute.
Add in the can of tomato paste, and stir thoroughly.

Add in all of the seasonings (basil, oregano, sugar, salt, pepper)
Taste test the sauce to see if it needs more seasoning… add as necessary
Add in the heavy cream and reduce to low heat. Sauce should be a nice orange color after adding the cream
Add in the grated Parmesan cheese AND the chopped parsley, and stir until incorporated
Add in the butter (this can be optional – it gives the sauce an extra richness)

This sauce is perfect to serve as is with the pasta of your choice after completing the above steps.

If you want to make a heartier meal, go ahead and make the ballz too. In this case, I used turkey meat (recipe for vegetarian ballz coming up this week…).

INGREDIENTS (for Ballz):

One package (1.3 lbs) turkey meat (93% lean, 7% fat)
1 large egg
1 cup panko bread crumbs
1/2 cup finely grated Pecorino Romano or Parmesano
1 tsp. onion powder
1 tsp. granulated garlic
1 tsp. dried basil
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 and 1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. black pepper
2 Tbs. mayonnaise
2 Tbs. chopped parsley
Dash of worcestershire sauce
*** more bread crumbs if too soft when you attempt to roll into ball

DIRECTIONS (for Ballz):

Add all ingredients listed above together in a large bowl, and mix thoroughly with your hands (yes, your hands… don’t be a pu$$y – a spoon isn’t gonna work)
Turn the pasta sauce to a medium heat – you’re going to cook the ballz directly in the sauce this time! (it keeps them so tender and moist)
Once all ingredients are mixed together, grab a chunk of the mixture at a time and roll into a small ball (or large, if that’s how you likey…. 😉 )
Drop the ballz as you make them into the hot vodka sauce
Keep making and dropping ballz into saucepan until you’ve used up all of the meat mixture
Stir EVER SO GENTLY with a wooden spoon or rubber spatula, so as not to fuck your ballz up and massacre them (gently rotate them around the hot saucepan)
Cook on low-medium heat for 15-20 minutes
Serve finished ballz and sauce over pasta or polenta (or if you’re on a “diet,” without either)

Yeah… definitely not doing my taxes now. Oh well. I should just pull an Anthony Bourdain and not file my taxes for years … except unlike Anthony Bourdain (God rest his soul), I will never get rich and be able to pay them off in a major lump sum someday after neglecting them for 10 years running.

Kitchen Accidents and Wasted Cake

I’m a clumsy person by nature, I always have been and I always will be – drunk, sober, in-between… it doesn’t matter. At any given time, I have at least three (usually more) bruises on my body from running into shit or hitting myself on some object. My hands are usually covered in a splendid assortment of cat scratches, or burns from cooking. Spending so much time cooking, I’ve had several incidents involving knives to fingers, burns from the oven and boiling water, etc., but this week’s accident really took the cake. I was making an artichoke pasta using fresh artichokes, which are evidently hard AF, when I attempted to quarter them with a large knife. The knife slipped off the artichoke and came down on my fingernail – one of the worst pains I have ever felt. I was honestly scared to look as I thought I’d cut through to the bone. This is the second time I’ve ever had an injury involving a nail/toenail, and let me tell you – I totally know why they torture Prisoners of War by ripping their nails off now….

The pain doesn’t go away – my finger was THROBBING all night to the point that the pain kept waking me up out of my sleep, and the next day at work, it hurt to type at the keyboard. Naturally I was slammed with work that day and therefore wanted to die. My finger still hurts, although it isn’t pulsating now. The nail is basically cracked 3/4 of the way through from a horizontal angle starting at the cuticle… sexy, I know. What can I say? I’m not a kept woman or lady who lunches, and therefore I will never have the unblemished, manicured hands of my dreams. Unless someone wants to make me a kept woman or afford me the life of a lady who lunches… but even then, I am so clumsy and like cooking/doing crafts etc., so my hands would never actually be nice.

Fresh artichokes, although delicious, are such a pain in the ass to prepare – almost not worth it. Also, as I found out this week, dangerous as hell given their tough exterior… use caution.

My clumsy streak continued when I stubbed my toes so hard a couple of nights later, that I thought I broke a toe. Luckily nothing was broken, I just chipped the nail polish and now have a bruise covering the top half of my foot #blessed

This week’s injuries – check that bruise out! I haven’t bothered repainting my toenails, what’s the point? I’ll just run into more shit and chip them again.

In my last blog post, I was ranting about Dolly Parton not calling herself a feminist and how much it disappointed me – looks like I’m not the only one she disappointed: https://www.theguardian.com/music/2019/mar/03/dolly-parton-sister-ashamed-stars-silence-metoo-protest Dolly’s own sister is pretty peeved at her as well. Just thought I’d share – this is always a topic near and dear to my heart as a woman.

Anyhow, I feel like I’ve cooked such a random assortment of things over the last couple of weeks that I’ve neglected to share. Work was insane this past week, and I worked late three out of five nights, so my cooking was kept to a minimum until this weekend. I made these really awesome shrimp tostadas the week before last:

I cooked the shrimp in some minced garlic, smoked paprika, onion powder, cumin, salt, pepper, splash of hot sauce, and a splash of freshly squeezed lime juice. I also used purple (red) cabbage, which I now have a weird obsession with for some reason – it’s so much heartier and tastier than lettuce in salads, and so good for you vitamin wise. I made a sauce that I both tossed the chopped cabbage in and then put a dollop of over the shrimp once plated.

For the sauce, I used a dollop of sour cream, about 2 Tbs. of mayonnaise, fresh lime juice, smoked paprika, and a generous squirt of sriracha sauce (hey – I never said these were authentic Mexican tostadas…).

I made fresh guacamole to top it off (smashed avocados, diced cherry tomatoes, granulated garlic, cayenne pepper, fresh lime juice, and chopped cilantro), and then fried the corn tortillas in hot vegetable oil. Voila! A relatively fast meal to prepare, yet very impressive when plated, semi-healthy, and insanely delicious.

Sometimes I just want to bake – I don’t even like baked goods or sweets that much, but I think of baking as an artistic endeavor. I think I just like frosting things for the aesthetics of it.

I had some free time on my hands the week before last, and got the urge to bake a cake on a random week night. Since I am avoiding do my taxes for now, among some other things I should really sit down and make myself do, I decided it seemed like a great idea to follow through with my desire to bake a cake. Big mistake – it took so long start to finish (this is why I hate baking).

I usually only bake when I have to (Christmas, special occasions, etc.), but I really don’t like the process of baking. Not only is it time consuming (batch in – batch out of cookies over the course of hours, waiting for shit to cool before frosting it, etc.), but the precision required is painful for me. I guess I don’t really like to follow instructions or something, but in baking you HAVE to follow directions to a fault, otherwise it goes horribly awry. Cooking is great, because as long as you know the basics (how to make a sauce, how long to cook things, what combinations of food and seasonings go together), you can improvise. There really isn’t much improvisation to be had in baking. Anyhow, I think I enjoy the decorative part of baking. Sometimes I just want to see pretty, pink-frosted cupcakes, or in this case, frost and decorate a cake. I decided to make a red velvet cake, and it turned out alright – nothing to write home about. The recipe I used called for buttermilk and red food dye. I have heard the best recipes call for mayonnaise (sounds gross, but keeps cake moist) and beet juice to dye the cake (but ain’t nobody got time for that on a Wednesday night). Next time, I guess I’ll go all out with the beet juice dye.

Enough about my failed cake though, onto the pasta recipe that was out-of-this world delicious and nearly cost me a finger:

B580ECA5-A500-492E-873C-8652F08F44F7 — The finished pasta – rigatoni with artichokes, white wine, lemon, and Pecorino Romano – a really impressive pasta for the artichoke junkie in your life.

I’m a real junkie for artichokes – fried artichokes, artichoke dip, artichokes on salad, pizza – anything artichoke. *** A WORD OF ADVICE*** fresh artichokes are a real bitch to clean, whittle down to the edible parts, and also take FOREVER to cook. You’ve been warned.

INGREDIENTS:

4 large, fresh artichoke heads
1 cup grated Pecorino Romano cheese
1 cup dry white wine
3 lemons
4 cloves of finely minced garlic
1/2 red onion, finely chopped
4 Tbs. olive oil
3 Tbs. butter
Box of pasta – rigatoni or penne
Salt and pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS:

Peel the tough, outer leaves off of the artichokes and then trim the ends. You’ll basically end up with an artichoke that is 1/3 of the size of what you initially started with.
Using a small knife, shave/whittle the base of the artichoke (the point where the leaves were attached), so you see the white, tender part of the base.
Cut the artichokes into quarters – be careful… they’re hard to cut! :p
Place the artichokes in a pot of enough water that they are fully submerged, salt the water, and squeeze in the juice from a whole lemon
Bring the water to a low boil.

9E80DFDB-1A27-41C6-ACA2-551E0368332B

While the artichokes are boiling, put on a pot of heavily salted water for the pasta and bring to a high boil.
While you wait for the pasta water to come to a boil, heat the oil in a large saucepan over low-medium heat.
Add in the minced onion and cook about 6 minutes or until tender and translucent.
Add in the minced garlic and cook for another 3 minutes, being careful not to burn the garlic.
Once the artichokes have been cooking for about 15 minutes in the hot water, drain them and add them into the saucepan with the garlic and onion.
Add in about half of the butter (1 and 1/2 Tbs) to the saucepan and increase the heat to medium, stirring the artichokes so they’re coated with the butter/oil and cooking evenly.
Salt and pepper the artichokes, squeeze in the juice of half a lemon, and then add the white wine – the heat should be high enough at this point that the wine makes a sizzling sound and steam comes off the pan when you add it in. Stir the artichokes frequently.

Add the pasta to the boiling water, and cook according to time listed on pasta box.
You’ll want to occasional taste-test the artichokes, to make sure they’ve become tender, and also see that you’ve seasoned appropriately (add more salt, pepper, or lemon as necessary – do keep in mind that Pecorino is a very salty cheese though, and will add a substantial amount of salty once added to the pasta).

Remove the artichoke saucepan from heat once they’re cooked through and tender.
Grate about 1 cup of the Pecorino Romano into a separate bowl

Don’t make the mistake I always make when grating cheese and accidentally grate your finger – it hurts like hell

Once the pasta is cooked, drain the water and add the pasta into the artichoke saucepan, or add the contents of the artichoke saucepan into the pasta pot with the pasta (whichever pan/pot is more accommodating)
Add in the rest of the butter (another 1-2 Tbs.), the Pecorino cheese, and juice from another lemon
Stir everything together until the pasta is coated and all ingredients are evenly dispersed.
Serve hot and accompany with a glass of white wine… or two 😉

I’m so happy it is Sunday – I just wish every day was Sunday. The only day of the week geared specifically towards taking it easy, lounging around and consuming food in excess. Maybe I’ll get around to filing my taxes tonight – I know the outcome is going to be depressing, which is why I’ve been putting it off as long as possible. I wanted to attempt a food vlog this weekend, or at least set up a Twitch account – I’ll look into that later. I’m not the best at technology and have no video editing skills of which to speak, so I’ll see what I can do.

Bolognese and Home

Currently stress eating Bugles and dreading going back to NYC tomorrow after a lovely three days at home (lovely, minus my work inbox blowing up all day…the beauty of work email on your personal phone 🙂 LOVES IT).

I feel creatively repressed and personally stifled just thinking about going back to the office on Wednesday. Hence, the Bugle binge. It was so nice to be out of NYC for a few days, away from the crazies on the subway, the scents of the sewers and trash-strewn sidewalks, dealing with the MTA’s bullshit, the commute into and out of work, and of course, work itself. It’s so nice to wake up and be able to drink my coffee at a leisurely pace while watching daytime TV as opposed to swigging it down while simultaneously applying mascara. The pleasure to be had in taking a long walk while the sun is still up in the sky, or to be able cook or bake at 2pm is insurmountable. It’s so nice to have control over my own daytime schedule and not spend 10 hours a day split between commuting and sitting at a desk. I guess it’s time to become a stay-at-home cat mom, or a SAHCM. I must find a way to make this happen… even if means selling my soul to the devil (oh wait, I already did… JK).

I was able to spend some quality time with my brother and his girlfriend on Saturday, as well as with my parents. I also had a chance to hang out with my cousin at the Super Bowl party he hosted, and took a long walk with my other cousin (his mom) earlier that day. And then of course, there was the quality time spent with the family pets, which is the reason I came home in the first place – to watch them while my parents were away. I got in a couple of long walks with and without the dog, and ate a lot of deliciously unhealthy food – some of which I graciously shared with Ceely (the dog), as she came with me to the Super Bowl party with me.

Saturday night, after grocery shopping with my mom, I decided to make rigatoni Bolognese for my parents – they loved it!!! Such a great dish for the winter (even though the last couple of days were unseasonably warm).

Here is the recipe:

INGREDIENTS:

1 lb. of high-quality beef ( you can substitute in cooked brown lentils if you’re a vegetarian, or ground turkey if you prefer a healthier meat)
1/2 cup pancetta (OPTIONAL – I did not add this time, but I have in the past and it elevates to another level)
1 box pasta of your choice (rigatoni, spaghetti, penne, linguini all work great)
1/3 cup olive oil (enough to coat the bottom of a large sauce-pan)
2 large carrots, finely chopped
2 stalks of celery, finely chopped
1/2 of a white or yellow onion, finely chopped
4 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
1 cup dry, white wine (Pinot Grigio works well!)
1 cup freshly shaved Parmesan (plus more to sprinkle over finished pasta)
1 large can of San Marzano crushed tomatoes
1 small can of tomato paste
fresh parsley
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 Tbs. dried basil
1 Tbs. dried oregano
1 tsp. red pepper flakes
1 tsp. granulated sugar
1 tsp. granulated garlic
Salt and pepper (add to desired taste)

DIRECTIONS:

Start by heating the olive oil in a large sauce pan over a low-medium heat
Add in onions and cook until a yellow-y translucent color (about 6 minutes), stirring occasionally
Add in carrots and celery and continue to cook over low-medium heat, stirring occasionally for another 5 min.
Add in garlic and continue to cook and stir, being careful not to burn garlic
Add in the meat (or cooked lentils) and cook for a couple of minutes over low-medium heat. If you’re cooking ground meat, break it up using the spoon or spatula (should not be left in large chunks)

Add in the white wine and simmer for about 3 minutes
Add in the can of crushed tomatoes along with the granulated garlic, sugar, salt, pepper, dried basil and oregano, and crushed red pepper; stir together and reduce to low heat
Add in the small can of tomato paste and stir in thoroughly; continue to stir and cook over a low heat.
After cooking over low heat for another 10 minutes or so, add in the heavy cream and stir
Add in the Parmesan cheese and continue to stir and cook, making sure cheese is incorporated into the sauce

Add in the fresh chopped parsley and stir
I advise taste-testing as you go along (make sure meat is cooked through before taste testing!), to ensure the sauce has a good balance – feel free to add more salt, pepper, pepper flakes, oregano/basil, or sugar if needed
Let the sauce continue to simmer over minimum heat and boil a large pot of heavily salted water for the pasta
Cook pasta according to cook time advised on packaging; once pasta is cooked to al dente, drain and either add to sauce pan, if large enough, or back to pot and then add the Bolognese sauce into the pot of pasta – stir well
Serve in bowls with freshly grated Parmesan over-top and a garnish of fresh parsley or fresh basil!
Voila! A hit every single time

I cannot wait to be reunited with my cat tomorrow – I am going to take him out in his stroller since it is going to be about 60 degrees. I hope that the rest of this week goes smoothly and work isn’t too insane, like it was last week. It will be nice to get back to the city tomorrow and be able to organize myself, clean the apartment, and make a nice meal before going back to work on Wednesday… I’m already thinking about what I can cook. That’s how much I love cooking – I dream of what I will make in advance :p