Tag: pasta

Countdown to Italy: Linguine al Nero di Seppia

Sitting here in my apartment on yet another 98 degree day, waiting until the sun goes down and work is over so I can get out for walk. I had an entire entry written, including a recipe and all, but my 2015 piece of shit Chromebook refused to let me publish it when I tried hitting “Publish,” and then also deleted the entire entry, even though I had repeatedly saved it as I worked on it. So here I am, retyping it all… convinced the first version was the best and this won’t be as good as what I originally composed, since I am now angry and hurried. I make more money than I used to, and still can’t seem to justify buying a new $1,500 MacBook. So, I will continue to use this ChromeBook, a relic of 2015, a piece of technology that does me dirty every time I use it.

I am on a mission to lose 10 lbs. over the next five weeks, prior to my vacation. I WILL WEAR SHORTS and I WILL WEAR SUNDRESSES like a normal human – like a normal, average American woman – if it is the last thing I do. I am tired of hiding my lower body in black jeans on hot summer days, and I am taking action and holding myself personally accountable. I will reduce the size of my legs, and I will wear shorts with confidence.

I choose to focus on this seemingly attainable goal, since I am unable to control the political climate of this country, global warming, all of the helpless, homeless and sick animals I see on the streets of my neighborhood, and the out-of-control shootings and stabbings that happen daily here in NYC and also throughout the nation. I can only control myself. And so, I help sick animals when I see them, try not to buy single-use plastics, recycle, and try my hardest not to eat meat, which is easy to do here, but impossible to do when I visit my parents upstate, and now, I will try to lose 10 lbs. I can’t control the war raging in Ukraine, I cannot control the crimes committed in Myanmar by the national army (which I made the mistake of reading about yesterday), but by God I can call for help if I see a sick cat suffering on the street, and I can control the circumference of these thighs.

My neighborhood is trash… literally. Covered in trash and the people are trash. They get pets they don’t spay/neuter and then kick them to the curb when they get pregnant or, in the case of a male cat, start spraying. I wish I could abuse people the way they abuse animals. The sidewalks are a mean place around these parts, and the summer heat makes the psychos that walk these streets even more psychotic. I worry that I will die at the hands of a psycho due to gun violence or stabbing before I have the chance to get out of this God forsaken city. It is a legitimate fear. My fear of climate change that I cannot control is a daily undercurrent to all of my other activities and thoughts. Even when I am working or busy these days, I cannot stop thinking about how fucked the future of this planet is. There is nothing I can do though, apart from hold myself accountable for my own actions. I cannot control the people I encounter on the street though – and there are more crazies than ever before.

I want to leave this country, but mostly, I want to leave this city forever. I fantasize about going to Italy and not returning. Maybe we can buy a small property in Tuscany, and I can work remotely from another time-zone. Who has to know? Better yet, I would quit my job and just work on restoring the property and promoting it as a retreat and establishing a small farm-to-table restaurant. I can’t stay here any longer. Me and NYC are done. It has nothing left to offer me.

I wrote a recipe in my last entry that was deleted before I could publish, and now, I am too lazy to re-write it. Sorry. Here is a picture of the ingredients that I bought at Eataly though, and also a picture of my finished pasta dish:

It’s impossible to find/buy cuttlefish in this country, so rock shrimp had to do
lingue al nero di seppia (linguine with cuttlefish ink)

You can use your imagination and the picture of my ingredients above as a reference point if you want to make something similar.

I felt good about myself for .2 seconds after sweating out 2 lbs. in water weight during my 2.5 mile walk the other night.
I wish I had the confidence to actually wear shorts out of my house… I don’t like the sexual leering from men. I know I have thick legs and an ample ass…. but I don’t like people staring at it.

Five weeks until Italy. Wish me luck.

Paccheri, Saving Cats, and the Welcome Return of Low-Rise Pants

Last Sunday’s dinner. My entire life is dedicated to working a job to pay the bills, cooking, and worrying about cats… whether my own, or local strays.

If you came here for the recipe, scroll down…. because I’ve got a lot to say that isn’t about pasta.

I feel like it’s the Fall of 2011 again, because I am currently obsessed with looking after a couple of homeless cats in need, and the thought of saving them is currently consuming almost every waking thought. I don’t know why I get so obsessed with these things from time to time.

It’s literally like the year that Bijou, his sister, “Pot Pie,” and his mother showed up in my parent’s backyard when I was living at home after college, and my entire life’s focus and goal became saving those cats. After we were able to live-trap them and get them spayed/neutered, I built a shelter from scratch using a large, dog kennel, tarps, and my own, down coat. This shelter not-so-lovingly was soon referred to as “tent city”, and my dad, mom, and sister were all pretty appalled by the situation happening in the backyard, since my homemade shelter stuck out like a sore thumb when you looked out the living room sliding door. I must admit, it was pretty trashy looking, but it was functional and kept the cats warm and dry.

I remember coming home from work and checking on the cats to make sure they were all accounted for and using the shelter and had been fed. The only thing I would look forward to after each and every miserable shift at Hollister in Binghamton, was coming home to check on and take care of those cats. I even bought a fucking electric blanket that I made my parent’s keep plugged in on the front porch all winter long, and I turned the Adirondack chair into a secondary shelter for them – covered in blankets and sheepskins, with the electric blanket underneath.

I literally cannot stand to see or be aware of an animal in need or distress. I don’t give a fuck about most humans – judge me however you want. Unless a human is a baby or a child in a fucked up situation, they can ask for help and they have unlimited resources to get help. Animals are defenseless and at the mercy of humans who either are kind enough to help them out, or ignore them and let them suffer.

I am imploring anyone who is reading this right now, to ask around and see if anyone you know would like to take in a street cat as a pet, or knows someone who can help get them homed. I’ve reached out to several local organizations, but most of them are TNR (trap/neuter/release). They all seemed happy to hear the cats were spayed and had a regular feeder, but told me in order to have them fostered out, we will first need to know if the cats are friendly.

I met the cats’ feeder, an older lady, who “claims” that she feeds them twice daily. I have reason to believe her claim is bullshit though, since I now make the effort to walk by the parking lot where the cats live, twice-daily, to check on them. I also bring food and fresh water to feed them if I don’t see evidence that they’ve already been fed. At least I know the cats are both spayed, which she also told me, since they have the telltale clipped ears.

I left laminated notices on the the community garden next to the parking lot where the cats live, to see if the people gardening there would be ok with me placing a shelter for the cats in the garden. The garden is really shitty and adorned with crappy plastic lawn ornaments, etc., so I don’t know why they’d be opposed to me placing an nice, cottage-style cat lodge there. No one has responded to my post yet though, and I am getting more and more disturbed.

I will literally go on a fucking hunger strike if I need to, in order to get these cats the help they need. I am willing to throw down $200 of my own money to buy shelters, but I can’t just buy shelters and place them behind a gated garden without someone a) letting me into the gate, and b) ensuring they will not be thrown out.

Today, I saw the older, mangier looking cat sleeping on a discarded pillow that made its way under the front of a truck parked in the parking lot… it fucking broke my heart. I cannot let these cats go on living this way, when my own two, spoiled cats are fat, happy, warm, healthy and loved. I would take the cat in myself, but I have a one bedroom apartment and two male cats, so bringing in a third just isn’t going to work.

This is the cat I worry about the most – she is much older and unhealthier looking than the second one who lives here
This is the younger, healthier looking cat. She seems much more skittish and has not let me pet her.

Anyhow, enough about the cats. I will find a way to help them, whether it’s a shelter or helping them to be vetted and fostered out.

It was a rainy walk home to Brooklyn from Manhattan last Sunday.

Last Sunday, I was doing my usual walk home from Elsie Rooftop back to Brooklyn, when I was suddenly inspired to stop by Eataly and spend money I shouldn’t be spending on overpriced pasta.

The night before, I was scrolling through the ‘gram and saw an upright, tubular pasta dish that this Italian food blogger/cook I follow on Instagram had posted, and I felt the urge to make something similar. And so, in the pouring rain, I stopped by Eataly Flatiron for the key ingredients – a large, tubular pasta that could be stuffed and baked in an upright position, and a good quality ricotta. I was pleasantly surprised to find Eataly was not as busy as usual (I guess because of the rain), so I had time to meander the aisles and find the perfect ingredients without feeling stressed.

I have probably said this before, but I wish I could live in Eataly. I miss sitting at the wine bar though, which is still closed do to the COVID bar restrictions
I purchased this large bag of paccheri for $11. Because each noodle is so large, a little bit goes a long way. You only need about 6-7 noodles per serving, so I will be able to create two more dishes with this same bag.
I found a smoked ricotta in the cheese section, which I have never tried before, and couldn’t resist.

Have I ever mentioned I hating out these recipes from my head, and that’s why I don’t do it as often as I should? LOL. I know this was supposed to be food and recipe blog… I love cooking, but man do I hate taking the time to type out the recipe.

The Morning Star brand sausage patties are my favorite fake-sausage alternative for when you need crumbled sausage

INGREDIENTS:

  1. Large, tubular pasta (paccheri or cannelloni work best)
  2. 1/3 cup good quality ricotta (or smoked ricotta)
  3. 1/2 pound ground sausage (or meatless sausage)
  4. 2 cups fresh spinach or arugula
  5. Container of Mushrooms (baby bella), coarsely chopped
  6. 1/2 medium sized white or yellow onion, finely chopped
  7. 1/3 cup olive oil
  8. 2 Tbs. butter (or butter substitute)
  9. 2 Tbs. flour
  10. 1/2 cup finely grated Parmigiano-Reggiano
  11. 2 cups Whole milk (or milk substitute – I used oat milk)
  12. 1 tsp. granulated garlic
  13. 2 tsp. dried oregano
  14. salt and pepper to taste
  15. pinch of nutmeg
  16. coarsely chopped fresh basil or parsley

DIRECTIONS:

  • If using the recommended Morning Star Sausage, cook for 1.5 minutes in microwave, then roughly chop into crumbles and set aside
  • Heat about 3 tablespoons of olive oil over low heat in a large saucepan, and add in the minced onions. Stir occasionally until translucent.
  • Add in the chopped mushrooms, and cook over low heat, stirring occasionally, until soft (8-10 minutes).
  • Add in a 2 Tbs. of butter and let melt
  • Add in 2 Tbs. of flour, to form a roux
Pictured here: the onions and mushrooms in the roux (butter + flour)
  • Gradually add in milk or milk substitute, increasing the heat to medium.
  • Stir continuously, and add in the grated parm and the seasonings (it should go without saying, but taste your sauce to see what it needs more of)
Add the milk slowly, as you want the sauce to be the right consistency – it will get thicker after the cheese is added in as well
  • Once the sauce seems to be the proper consistency, stir in your sausage crumbles (or, if using real sausage, your ground meat), as well as the fresh arugula or spinach
  • Continue to stir over low heat until spinach/arugula is cooked and meat is cooked through (if you are using real sausage)
The finished sauce
  • Bring a pot of heavily salted water to a boil, and once boiling, cook the pasta to the al dente specifications on the the bag or box
  • Once the pasta is cooked, drain, rinse with cold water, and set aside
  • Heat oven to 350, and butter a casserole dish or dutch oven
  • Using a ladle, cover the bottom of the casserole dish in a layer of sauce… this will be the glue into which you’ll be able to stand the cooked noodles upright
  • Arrange the pasta noodles standing up
  • Once the noodles are organized and covering the floor of the dish, use a pastry bag, large ziplock, or a small teaspoon to fill the noodles with the sauce mixture
  • Bake uncovered for 25 – 30 minutes
  • Plate noodles standing in upright position, and top with ricotta and fresh basil or parsley
Voila!

The whole time I just spent typing up this recipe, I was thinking of those cats… I’m telling you, I won’t rest until something has been done and I know they have a home or at least a safe shelter. I can’t sleep or relax knowing they are three streets down without a soft and warm place to sleep.

Found these Free People jeans on Poshmark for $30

In other news, I probably should stop buying things I don’t need from Poshmark. I mean I found these awesome bell bottoms, but I also bought some heart shaped sunglasses I probably don’t need and might never get a chance to wear.

Time to go cook tonight’s dinner and brainstorm ways to save those cats. I might just go hang out around the community garden tomorrow and see if I can find a person to talk to about putting a shelter there.

Cheers fam.

New York is Dead… for Now

It’s true what they say, New York is dead. It’s not just dead… it’s a dirty, dangerous, ghost town, where crime is rampant, garbage is everywhere, and storefronts and restaurants are empty. Everyone with money left – they went to their houses in the Hamptons, or bought a house upstate. Others, who are not rich, but lost their jobs in the pandemic and couldn’t possibly continue to pay NYC rent, also left. They went back to whatever hometown they originally came from – either to live rent free with their family for a while, or if they could afford to do so, they made the move to another city or town somewhere other than here – perhaps to a city that is still alive with a hospitality industry that hasn’t been totally SHIT ON by the Governor. I’m still here, because I can’t afford to move (yet), and also because my job is based here (even though I work remotely, and pray we will be able to continue to do so for the rest of eternity). My boyfriend’s job is also here, and sadly his is a job that cannot be done remotely (restaurant/hospitality industry). If I had the money or option to just pick up and leave, believe me, I would have done so years ago… I’ve wanted to leave NYC for the last three years, but these past 10 months have been the nail in the coffin, my friend.

I’ve lived here since 2012, and before that, I did two years of college here from 2006-2008. I can honestly say, I’ve never seen the city so dirty, run-down, dangerous, or deserted as it is right now. Everyday, random people are getting slashed on sidewalks, pushed into oncoming subway trains, randomly attacked at subway stations IN BROAD DAYLIGHT, etc.. I’ve never been scared to ride the subway alone – especially during rush hour or in broad daylight (apart from when a terrorist attack happened elsewhere and made me dwell on an attack happening on the subway…). Now? I avoid the subway at all costs unless I’m with my boyfriend. I had to take it the other day to run an errand for work, and during rush hour, RUSH HOUR (8:30am) the train was totally deserted and the stations were totally deserted, save for a few homeless people. It’s eerie, and straight up dangerous. There’s not a soul around to see you if you get attacked or hear you scream for help. All of Chambers St. station in lower Manhattan was TOTALLY empty.

In the past 6 months or so, the times I do ride the train, what I see is tragic. There are more homeless people than ever before – also a lot of criminals and mentally ill homeless people, and also criminals that have been released from prison due to COVID. People who commit violent crimes are being released back onto the streets… and it shows. I’m not saying that the homeless people are the issue – although it’s clear HOMELESSNESS itself, IS an issue. It’s the violent, psychopaths starting fights and carrying knives that I’m talking about. The shit I’ve seen in the last few months, I have never ever seen before in my years in NYC… and believe me, as someone who rode the subway everyday and used it at night… I’ve seen some shit in my years (a guy masturbating into his coat, had my ass grabbed on a crowded train, people riding the train in underwear, people having psychotic breakdowns on the train, a fight on the platform… the list goes on).

A month ago, I was traveling back to Brooklyn from Manhattan with my boyfriend and I saw what appeared to be a homeless man, robbing another homeless man, who was either dead or hopefully just knocked out on drugs and in a wheelchair. I have seen junkies shooting up heroin on the stairs of subway stations at 5pm, making no effort to hide what they’re doing and had to step around them to exit the station. There are no cops to be seen anywhere these days. There used to be officers randomly patrolling the subway stations at all hours of the day – but especially the busy stations (Union Square, 34th Street, 42nd Street/Times Square) and especially during rush hour. Now? I never see a single officer. Like who would I even report what I saw to (in the case of the dead/drugged up homeless guy)? Who would I scream to for help if someone tried to assault me?

I’m not even scared to ride the subways because of COVID. I’m scared because of the lack of people, and the growing increase of subway violence. Just a couple of weeks ago, some guy was punching/beating up women at a subway station in Bushwick, not too far from my house. The attacks were happening around 8pm… a perfectly acceptable time for a woman to be riding the subway alone. Not that that should even be a FUCKING THING – “an acceptable time” for a woman to ride the subway….. Women should be able to safely ride the subway at any time of the day or night by themselves and be and feel safe. What I’m trying to say, is that it’s not like the attacks happened at an off-hour, like 2am. After six different women got attacked by the same dude and at the same station, they finally caught this asshole. I hope he stays in jail for a long time and doesn’t get released back onto the streets because of COVID. I never thought I’d have to anxiously wait up for my boyfriend every weekend when he comes home from work, alone, at 11pm and on the train. But I do worry – it’s fucking dangerous out there. We both have pepper spray key chains now, but I’m not sure what good that will do if a psycho with a machete shows up in your subway care and no one else is there but you and him.

There are straight-up tent cities/homeless compounds sprouting up everywhere – under the BQE (Brooklyn-Queens Expressway), on sidewalks, wherever. The trash removal and city cleaners have all experienced cutbacks, so there are just piles of trash and litter EVERYWHERE. I’m honestly not sure how the MTA is even going to survive since no one is riding it, apart from a few essential workers. The city is in legit shambles. SoHo, the mecca of tourist shopping, is also ghost town USA. More than half the stores are gone and the spaces remain empty with “For Rent” signs in them. I honestly don’t know how the city will ever recover from this. I don’t think it can.

And if all of what I’m saying here has you thinking about the rebuke Jerry Seinfeld wrote in the NYTimes regarding New York NOT being dead, I’m pretty sure that mega rich asshole wrote that think-piece from his multi-million dollar estate in the Hamptons… not sitting inside his NYC townhouse while trash bags piled up on the side walk and a homeless person took a dump on the sidewalk. Furthermore, unless you currently still live here, you have no fucking say.

I’m convinced all of the people who left have most likely realized they’re much happier wherever they went to – paying less rent, lower prices for groceries, people are pretty much nicer and more friendly everywhere else, and enjoying all that fresh air and more space. The only reason I ever came to NYC was for the job opportunities, culture, and nightlife. Now, that’s all gone. Why would I continue to live here as long as I can keep working remotely for the same company? Why would I choose to pay $2,350 a month for a 1 bdrm. apartment in a crappy neighborhood, when I could be putting that down on a mortgage for what is essentially a mini-mansion anywhere else in the country? Paying $20 for a fucking cocktail I can get for $9 anywhere else in the country? So I can have bragging rights that I live in NYC? I don’t think so….

Anyhow, darling, this blog has totally evolved from the food blog it was once supposed to be. So, on that note, here is my recipe for mushroom carbonara (vegetarian, but not vegan):

MUSHROOM CARBONARA

INGREDIENTS:

  • 1/3 cup olive oil (plus 2 TBS. more to finish)
  • 3 Portobello mushrooms
  • 3 eggs (I try to buy my eggs directly from a farm where I can see the chickens in action – I know this isn’t a possibility if you don’t live near any small farms, but please splurge on your eggs, and at the very least please make sure they come from cage-free, free-range, humanely raised chickens)
  • Linguini or spaghetti
  • Fresh basil (finely chopped)
  • Fresh parsley (finely chopped)
  • 1/2 small white or yellow onion (finely minced)
  • 4 cloves of garlic (finely minced)
  • 1 cup of good-quality Parmigiano-Reggiano (finely grated)
  • 1 lemon
  • 1-2 tsp. dried oregano
  • 1/2 tsp. Smoked paprika (*optional* – adds a nice smokey flavor, similar to bacon)
  • Salt and black pepper
  • 1/3 cup pasta water (taken from the pot of boiling pasta, when it’s almost finished cooking)

DIRECTIONS:

  1. Wash and chop your mushrooms and set aside; finely chop onion and garlic
  2. Heat olive oil over low heat in a medium-sized sauce pan, and add in finely chopped onion; stir occasionally over low heat until soft and translucent
  3. Once onion is soft and starting to yellow, add in the garlic and cook for another minute or so, being careful garlic does not burn
  4. Add in the chopped mushrooms, dried oregano, salt, pepper, a generous pinch of smoked paprika, and cook over low-medium heat for about 10-12 minutes or until mushrooms are thoroughly cooked
  5. Add in the chopped basil, cover, and turn heat to lowest setting (or off if your stove runs hot and will continue to cook)
  6. Prepare large pot of water (heavily salted) for pasta, but setting on high-heat and bringing to a boil
  7. While you wait for the pasta water to boil, beat together the three eggs, 1/2 cup Parmigiano, and juice from 1 lemon until you have a thick, rich “sauce”. Set aside
  8. Once the water is boiling, cook your pasta per the timing directions on the box (you’ll want it to be al dente)
  9. While the pasta is cooking, I will usually turn the heat back onto low (if I turned it off) to make sure the mushroom mixture stays warm; this is also when you want to use a ladle or measuring cup to extract and set aside 1/3 cup of the pasta water
  10. Drain pasta once it is done cooking, and then add it back into pot along with some extra olive oil, egg mixture, 1/3 cup of the reserved pasta water, an additional 1/3 cup of grated Parmigiano, and the chopped parsley
  11. You’ll want to taste-test now, to see if more pepper, salt, or fresh lemon might be necessary
  12. Mix together until the pasta is well coated and mushroom mix is uniformly distributed, and serve topped with an extra sprinkle of parm and fresh parsley!

Cheers.

Back to the Food – Split Pea Soup and Asparagus Fettuccine

Got a bit derailed there for a while, regarding the last several blogs… but hey – isn’t that how life goes?  What fun would life be if you never derailed a bit?  Good to stay on your toes and take the punches as they come… or something like that.

I am finally back to write about food/cooking after writing about my personal life, the quarantine, fictional characters by the name of Indigo, and whatever else I felt like writing about for the last several blogs.

It’s not that I haven’t been cooking – I have been… it’s just that I don’t ever use precise measurements when I cook, and so when I think about trying to transpose the recipe as into written word, it’s a bit daunting trying to mentally compute the measurements of each and every ingredient I used.  In other words, I’m fucking lazy sometimes and it’s difficult to transmit what’s in my head into words after another long day of being me.

IMG_1801
The best split pea soup I ever made (vegetarian option pictured here, with finishing touch of crème fraîche)

If you know me, you also probably know that I’m obsessed with soups, both making them and eating them.  Split pea is one of my favorites, and the one I make is vegetarian, but would otherwise be entirely vegan, if not for the finishing touch of crème fraîche! I also want to apologize for the lack of ‘process’ photos for this – I actually made it for lunch while I was “working” (aka working from home, aka my laptop is open and minimal work is coming in)… so I failed to take or post any pics and videos for the ‘gram.

INGREDIENTS:

  • 1 and 1/4 cups of dried, split peas
  • 2 medium-sized carrots (chopped)
  • 1/2 of a large white/yellow onion (finely chopped)
  • 4 cloves of garlic (finely minced)
  • 2 stalks of celery (diced)
  • 1 medium potato (Idaho or russet)
  • 4-5 tablespoons of olive oil (enough to cover the bottom of your pot)
  • 4 cups (one 32 oz. carton) of vegetable stock (**can use chicken stock if you’re not opposed)
  • 2-3 cups water (depends on how thick you want your soup to be!)
  • 2 tsp smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp celery salt
  • 1 tsp granulated/powdered onion
  • 1 tsp granulated/powdered garlic
  • a generous pinch of cayenne pepper
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • YOU WILL NEED A BLENDER OR IMMERSION BLENDER FOR THIS RECIPE

TO FINISH (OPTIONAL):

  • Small dollop (a generous teaspoon) of crème fraîche or sour cream
  • Crackers, croutons, or a side of toasted baguette… I used the below bruschetta toasts, which I’ve really been digging lately:
  • IMG_1841

DIRECTIONS:

  1. Prep the veggies – potato, carrots, celery should be washed; carrots should be chopped (relatively small pieces), onion finely chopped, garlic finely minced, potato chopped into cubes, and celery chopped.
  2. In a large pot, heat olive oil over low heat, add in the onions stirring occasionally and cooking over low-heat until translucent and yellow.
  3. Add in the garlic and continue to cook over low heat for another minute or two.
  4. Add in the split peas, all of the veggie stock, and a cup of water – raise temperature and bring to a gentle boil.
  5. Cook until the split peas are almost tender – about 25-30 minutes (I think?)… occasionally sample a pea or two to see how tender they are..
  6. Once the peas are almost tender, add in all of the other veggies (chopped carrots, celery, and potato), and then add in another cup of water.
  7. At this point, I add in my spices – add in the granulated (or powdered) onion and garlic, celery salt, a generous pinch of cayenne pepper, smoked paprika, black pepper and some salt.
  8. A TIP: Taste-test to see if anything more is needed spice/seasoning-wise. I honestly never measure my spices or salt/pepper when cooking – I start with a reasonable amount and add more as I go along.  This way you can achieve your desired taste, spiciness, level of salt, etc…. it’s always better to start with too little than too much!
  9. Continue to cook over medium heat (or at a low boil) for another 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Check to see that vegetables are thoroughly cooked (soft) by sampling.  Once the potatoes, carrots, celery and split peas are all soft, it is time to blend!
  10. Using an immersion blender or a ladle to move soup into an actual blender, blend around 2/3 of the contents of the pot of soup. This creates a rich, thick puree, but also leaves some chunks of veggies for texture and aesthetic. When blending the split-pea soup, I try to avoid ladling the carrot pieces into the blender (some are obviously fine), in order to achieve added color and texture to the finished soup.
  11. Continue to keep soup over low heat once fully blended, add in more seasonings if necessary.
  12. Serve hot, with a small dollop of crème fraîche and some crumbled crackers/croutons/toasted bread.

And now for the pasta dish!  This one was a hit – I topped with bacon for the BF and ate mine without, but it was every bit as flavorful!

IMG_1753
Fettuccine with creamed asparagus sauce, finished with bacon (*bacon is of course, optional)

INGREDIENTS:

  • Pasta of your choice (I prefer an egg noodle fettuccine for this dish, since it is lighter and holds the sauce well)
  • 3-4 strips of bacon, roughly chopped into bits (*this is optional)
  • 1 bundle of asparagus, cut into bite-size pieces (make sure to chop off the ends of the stalks and discard, as the base is very woody/fibrous)
  • 3 cloves of garlic (finely minced)
  • 4-5 tablespoons of olive oil (enough to cover the bottom of your saute pan)
  • 2 Tbs. butter (***if you opt not to use the leftover bacon grease)
  • 1 cup half and half
  • 1/4 cup water (*more or less depending on how thick your sauce is)
  • generous pinch of grated nutmeg
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • freshly shaved/grated Parmigiano-Reggiano to finish

DIRECTIONS:

    1. For the pasta: fill a large pot with water, add a generous amount of salt, and set on high heat to bring to a boil.
    2. In a large saute pan, heat the olive oil over low heat, and add in the chopped bacon.  Cook over low-medium heat until desired level of crispiness.  Remove with slotted spoon and set aside in separate bowl.
    3. You can use the bacon-grease/olive oil in the saute pan as it is, if you’re OK with eating bacon – it will add more flavor to the sauce.  If you’re not OK with eating bacon, you’ll have to start with a fresh saute pan and olive oil.
    4. Add the chopped asparagus to the saute pan, and cook over low heat, stirring occasionally.  You’ll want to cook the asparagus like this until it is fairly tender, but not mushy. Add in the minced garlic after the asparagus has been cooking for about 6 minutes, being careful not to burn the garlic.
    5. Once the asparagus has cooked for about 10 minutes in the saute pan, add in the half and half and the water and bring to a low, rolling boil.  Cook for an additional 10 minutes in the liquid, stirring occasionally, until the asparagus is very tender.

IMG_1848
Pictured here:  the asparagus and garlic simmering in the half and half and water

  1. Add in the nutmeg, and salt and pepper to taste.
  2. Now that the asparagus is tender, you can either pour the contents of the saute pan into a blender, and blend on low, or, you can manually mash with a fork or masher (this is what I did).  Mashing by hand leaves more texture and visible bits of asparagus so sauce is not a complete puree.
  3. Once you’ve mashed down the asparagus, you may find the sauce is too thick and you need to add a bit more water or half and half!  You should also taste test to see if more seasoning is needed.

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    I chose to hand-mash my asparagus, not only because the blender was dirty, but also because I like the added texture. You’ll know if you haven’t cooked the asparagus long enough, because it will be very difficult to mash by hand if not.
  5. Once you’ve achieved your desired level of thickness and taste, add in the butter, and stir until dissolved.  Leave the sauce on the lowest heat setting, so that it remains warm once pasta is done.
  6. Once your pot of pasta water is boiling, add in pasta and cook according to time suggested on pasta box.
  7. Drain the pasta once finished, and add to sauce, gently stirring/tossing to thoroughly coat the noodles.
  8. Serve on plate with freshly grated parm, and top with bacon (if desired)

PHEW!  Writing these recipes really does take a lot more brain power and work than actually cooking them!

I’m thankful that it’s Friday, so I don’t have to be on high alert watching my emails or glued to my laptop for the next couple of days.  I think the rest of the weekend is going to be cold and shitty, but honestly I don’t care… I’m kind of happy.  I’m definitely not feeling confident enough to wear summer clothes at this point, following almost 8 weeks of quarantine (aka binge-eating), so the cold and rain is a welcome relief… not like I could go out looking like a THOT anyhow since all bars, restaurants and clubs are still closed until further notice.  You hear that?  I’ve got a few more weeks to shape up… literally. LOL.

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I made pizza from scratch today… probably doesn’t help my quarantine body, but since it’s a cold day, it’s always a good excuse to use the oven.

In other news, I was tired of all of the white hairs springing up around my temples, and couldn’t possibly wait another month (or longer) to have a professional cover them.  I’ve never used dye at home before, and usually only get lowlights/highlights once every 4-5 months.  I was really overdue for some lowlights, and couldn’t bare the sight of the whites any longer, so I took a bold step and purchased custom dye from eSalon.  I was always scared to try anything with my hair at home because of lack of experience, but also I have a fear of burning off/chemically frying my hair to the point of no return.  My boyfriend assisted, and the result is pretty decent, in my opinion.

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Some vibrant red low-lights to help hide my multiplying whites and brighten me up.  I think I actually need to go a shade lighter next time, since my natural color is significantly lighter, and now my blonde brows look out of place… I’m going to wait for my hair dresser though.  It’s way better having someone else paint/wash your hair.

What else can I say… not much is new, if you know what I mean.  I’ve got my daily routine down pretty pat at this point.  Work, walk, work, car ride, cook, TV time, sleep. Sometimes I’ll throw in a walk before work to spice things up, or if work is slow, cook in the middle of the day.

 

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Pic from my BF’s job near Times Square… I like to go with him when he needs to go into Manhattan.  It’s basically like taking a mini vacation at this point to go into another borough or ride in the car!

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Pic (taken from inside the car) of Times Square in the rain the other day

I hope you’re all still staying safe and sane at this point.  I’m running out of inspiration for recipes since I’m kind of just over everything.  If there’s anything you want to see me cook or try my hand at, feel free to email me or DM on Instagram.  I’m always excited to try cooking new things (preferably without meat – but open to seafood)! #Cheers

Cacio e Pepe with Scrimp, and More Meditations on Life

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This dish truly was a perfect 10, by my boyfriend’s accord, and by my own accord… which really says something since I’m usually full from taste-testing by the time I sit down to eat whatever I’ve cooked… I wanted second and thirds

Tomorrow is Thursday (actually it’s going to be Thursday in about 30 minutes), so that means I have almost made it to vacation.  I cannot wait to have a full week off of work… I haven’t had more than a few days off since last summer when I went on an *almost* three-week vacation.

I cannot wait to be off work, first and foremost.  Being out of the city and in Maine is secondary. Is that sad?! Probably.  I just really cannot wait.  I don’t want to do anything I don’t want to do (I will be on my own schedule, I will not be conned into eating breakfast (I don’t do breakfast, darling), or even worse, conned into eating a breakfast at 8 a.m.).  Life is about to be so good for 7 days.

I’ve been off and on fake tanning for the last week or so.  I did a heavy application of St. Tropez self bronzing mousse last weekend and loved the result, but then went to my friend’s house where I marinated in a hot tub all night, and as a result, lost the entire tan.

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As you can see, there is always some discoloring on the palms and around the ankles, but for a redhead who is pale as fuck and doesn’t tan…. it’s totally worth it to have a few splotches.  I get so jealous in the summer when every single person is tan as fuck – everyone looks better tan!  You automatically look thinner and your muscles look more defined when your skin is darker.  However, I must admit that I feel self-conscious walking around in broad daylight with my fake tan, because I feel like I look orange (like Donald Trump orange) and people are staring at me.  Than again, it could all just be in my head…. I don’t know.

I do know the tan photographs well, but that might be about it.  I also know my legs look way better in shorts when they’re tan and/or orange.  It makes it hard to choose between the lessor of two evils… white and bruised, or fluorescent orange and thinner…

Anyhow!  I cannot wait for Maine.  I am going to go sea kayaking, and biking, and eat seafood chowder, and just fucking relax. It’s really hard for me to relax….

I cooked this awesome Cacio e Pepe on Monday night, with shrimp on top.  I was inspired by an Italian food blog I follow on Instagram, although I couldn’t locate the post again to share here.  The recipe that follows is my own, made-up version, as the blog I follow doesn’t post recipes.. only pictures.

 

INGREDIENTS:

  • Pecorino Romano (whole wedge/block which you’ll grate a full cup of)
  • 1/2 cup freshly grated Parmigiano Reggiano
  • 1 box farfalle (the Italian term for pasta “bow ties”)
  • 1 egg
  • 1 lb. fresh or frozen shrimp
  • Fresh basil leaves
  • 1 lemon
  • salt and pepper
  • garlic salt
  • pasta water (water taken from pasta pot)
  • 2 Tbs. butter
  • 1/3 cup olive oil

DIRECTIONS:

  • Peel and rinse shrimp (thaw first, if you’re starting with frozen), and then chop into fine pieces and set aside in small bowl

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  • Squeeze juice from one lemon over onto the shrimp, and add some salt and pepper to taste, along with 2 Tbs. olive oil; mix together and set aside.
  • Put on a large pot of heavily-salted water onto high heat and bring to a boil (for pasta)
  • While the water heats up…

FOR THE SAUCE:

  • In separate bowl, add 1/2 cup Parmigiano-Reggiano, grate in 1 full cup of fresh Pecorino Romano, add one egg, 1/4 cup olive oil, and a GENEROUS amount of black pepper (1 Tbs. plus some)

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  • Whisk the above mixture together until thick and uniform – set aside!
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  • Once the water is boiling, add in the box of pasta and stir occasionally
  • Boil pasta for recommended length of time (according to instructions on box)
  • BEFORE YOU DRAIN THE PASTA, ladle out 1/2 cup of pasta water using a measuring cup or ladle, and pour directly into your sauce mixture and whisk IMMEDIATELY until uniform!

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Whip it real good… or rather, whisk it real good

  • Drain the pasta and add back to pot and place over lowest possible heat setting, stir in the sauce, remove from heat, and set aside

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  •  You would have an amazing Cacio e Pepe at this point if you wanted to call it a day and/or you don’t want to cook or don’t actually like shrimp… the shrimp just brings it to another level of heavenly-ness and makes the dish look better

FOR THE SHRIMP:

  • Heat 2 Tbs. of olive oil over low heat in a saute pan
  • Add in shrimp and stir around until cooked through (shrimp turns orange when cooked)… DO NOT over cook.  Since the shrimp is chopped so finely, it should only take a couple of minutes max.

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  • Plate your pasta, and top with a couple spoonfuls of shrimp
  • Chop the basil and sprinkle fresh basil on top to finish

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Buon appetito bitches

Update:  I stopped writing last night because I was too tired to finish the recipe.  It is now Friday at 12:19 a.m. and I have only one more work day until I am home free and on vacation.  Hallelujah!

I have a great idea for my next blog… how to survive a recession from someone who has already been there and done that.  I have the ultimate tips for surviving on no money, minimal food, and the stress of being in a recession without a steady job or paycheck.

Stay tuned fam.

 

 

Triggered: A Political Rant & I saw Korn and Alice in Chains

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Here’s a picture of the lovely cheese pizza I ate on Sunday, before I launch into a tirade about the state of this nation and you wonder why you’re ready this “food” blog

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Here is a picture of my Sunday evening vino at Huckleberry Bar, where I relaxed for a couple of hours before the real world kicked my ass on Monday morning.  You’ll probably need some vino yourself after readying this blog…. 

#TRIGGERED   Usually I HATE when people say they’re “triggered,” but tonight, it’s the only way to describe how I am feeling based on everything that’s going on in this world and out of my control.

It’s 11:05pm on a Wednesday night in August, 2019, and I am already worrying about the outcome of the 2020 presidential election.  If Trump wins a second term, I am seriously convinced the entire government is rigged by the 1% (I mean, we already know it is, but…still….). I cannot continue to live in this nation as an American citizen, a nation that has become a disgrace among all of the other developed nations since November 2016.  My cat’s a$$hole would be a better president than Trump at this point in time. Furthermore, Lord knows, that in the year 2020, America is still not progressive enough (and certainly MUCH less progressive than we were even 10 years ago) to elect a woman as president of the United States.  At this point in time, I’m strongly Bernie or bust.  This country needs tax reform, gun reform, free health care, and better/free education for the masses.  We need someone who will lift of us up out of this dark spiral into which we’ve been dragged down for the last several years.

The whole Jeffrey Epstein scandal has made me sick to my stomach and furious since he was re-arrested back in July, and even more so since he “killed himself” last weekend.  I’ve been following this scandal since the first time he was convicted back in 2008.   I usually don’t believe in conspiracies, but I am quite certain that Epstein must have had the dirtiest of the dirt on a ring of high-profile pedophiles running our own government as well as others (hello Prince Andrew and Mohhamed Bin Salman… looking at you).  Dude was clearly murdered before he could spill the beans and create more issues within our government.  The government is the reason he got such a light sentence back in 2008 in the first place (Alexander Acosta…. all of the high-profile, government pedos involved back then).

I’m also sickened by the treatment of refugees and those seeking asylum or a better life for themselves and their families in this nation.  It’s a damn shame that in the year 2020, in America, our government is tearing innocent families apart, jailing both children and parents in deplorable conditions.

The government corruption, together with the ever increasing threat of destruction of environment and wildlife due to humanity has really brought me to a breaking point tonight.  My boyfriend just got home from work and told me he thinks Donald Trump will win a second term and it’s lit a fire I haven’t felt in months.   I am not being far-fetched when I say that I will have to pull a Hunter S. Thompson in the event that Trump is re-elected.  Either that, or I will have to move to Venice and live with my boyfriend’s parents, with or without him.  I can’t stay in this country that’s falling apart at the seams if there is no hope for the future.

I already assume we’ll all be dead, or at least in the midst of societal collapse, in the next 10-15 years given the impact of global warming, extreme weather, crop failure, destruction of top soil, plastic pollution, mass migration due to all of these factors, water shortages, etc..  I can’t just stay here as an American citizen and watch what used to be one of the greatest nations in the world with the most civil liberties slowly be ground into complete destruction beyond redemption by greedy corporations, corrupt government, and absolute ignorance and neglect in terms of saving what we have left of the natural world.  Instead, we have been turned against each other, the country has once again become rife with racism and sexism due to our esteemed leader and anti-right propaganda, we have to fear being shot as we go about our daily lives, not by ISIS, but by home-grown, white, domestic terrorist psychopaths…. this is no way to live.

Meanwhile, people keep eating factory-farm raised beef and processed chicken nuggets, throwing around plastic, and spraying chemicals on their lawns, with their phone in their hand 24/7, more concerned about the latest episode of the Kardashians, or with some celebrity’s tweet, than about taking what small steps they can to help save the Earth before it’s too late.  I am not perfect, FAR from it.  But at least I am AWARE and I am TRYING to help in whatever small way I can.  I saw some 10 year old girl throw a plastic bottle on the sidewalk yesterday and I almost lost my shit on her, but I knew her mom would have words with me/kick my ass if I reprimanded her child.  THIS is the world we live in… this is why people pollute and this is why people don’t give a fuck… they aren’t taught to care.

Anyhow…. before I self implode, let me pour myself a glass of wine to take some of the edge off and focus on something pleasant.  Like food.  Also, music.

I went to see Korn and Alice in Chains last Wednesday and they were everything I hoped for and then some.  Both bands honestly surpassed my expectations and Jonathan Davis of Korn was much hotter than I expected.  Oh, and somehow we were front and center!!!!!  Not sure how that happened…. but it was fucking awesome:

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Jerry Cantrell… up close and personal…. I can die happy now. 

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William DuVall – current lead singer of Alice in Chains.  Alice in Chains is one of my favorite bands and they sounded as good live as they do recorded… I am so happy we made the trek to Jones Beach for this concert

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Jonathan Davis in a kilt… that’s hot.  Also, this security dude is legit in every picture and video I took since I was in front of the stage… LOL. 

I’d have to say, apart from the perfect concert (and this one actually was PERFECT – right up there with NIN and Soundgarden in 2014), the other highlight of the day was getting back to NYC at 12:30am and getting empanadas at Empanada Mama on the Lower East Side because we were starving.

HOLY SHIT… if you haven’t been to Empanada Mama, you MUST GO.  Maybe we were starving from walking around all day, slightly drunk, and exhausted.  But damn, those empanadas were delicious and inspired me to try my hand at making my own the next day.  They have this one empanada that is off the hook called the “Viagra”.  It’s stuffed with shrimp and imitation crab and its beyond.  I have to go back to Empanada Mama soon.  The best part?  They’re open 24/7! Despite being open 24/7, it’s pretty nice inside with lots of seating, a full bar, good lighting, and decent decor.

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The Viagra empanadas were so good that when I woke up the next day, I was craving more and attempted to recreate them at home! 

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They turned out pretty good!  Not nearly as good as EM, but good for my first try and for making the dough from scratch.  I kind of want to get a part-time job at Empanada Mama so I can learn their secrets!

Last night, I made a vegetarian “sausage” and mushroom fettuccine dish, that was so good it fooled my boyfriend into thinking it was actually real meat (he had no idea it was a ‘veggie’ sausage).

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I’ll write the recipe for this one tomorrow.  Hopefully I won’t be feeling as triggered then.  LOL.

Homemade Pasta

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This is the second dish I used the homemade pasta in… the first night I made an artichoke pesto 😉

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The night we made the pasta – with an artichoke pesto and generous (clearly…) amount of Pecorino

Once again, I’ve been negligent about writing out blogs with recipes. I find that writing out the ingredients and process is not nearly as exciting as the actual preparation and cooking of the dishes.  I have, however, been invested in writing the tales of Indigo Wren.  I’m sick, I know. I invented this character and I’m basically living vicariously through him, or him through me. Whichever it is.

Anyhow, I made a collaborative dish with my boyfriend this past Friday.  I do the cooking 98% of the time, but I must admit, he has the golden touch when it comes to homemade pasta. If you have time to kill, and a pasta machine (*** trust me, you will need a pasta machine… I’ve tried to hand-roll and it does NOT work out), this is the perfect dish to make.  It’s going to take you about 3 hours start to finish… possibly more if you’re drinking and getting distracted dancing to 90s dance music.

I’m going to post the recipe for the shrimp dish… honestly it was better. If you want to make the artichoke pesto though: 1 can of artichoke hearts (don’t fuck with raw for this pesto), juice from 1 lemon, 1/3 cup olive oil, a handful of pine nuts OR walnuts (like 1/4 a cup), 2 TBS. chopped parsley, 1 clove of finely minced garlic, some salt and pepper to taste – throw it all in a food processor or blender and blend until pureed. Voila!

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This pasta is so delicate and light I honestly think it goes better with butter and olive oil or a light dusting of cheese, as opposed to this sauce, which was rather heavy and weighed it down.  This pesto would pair much better with boxed rigatoni or bucatini in retrospect… 

INGREDIENTS FOR THE PASTA:

  • 4 eggs, room temperature and slightly beaten
  • 3 cups flour (preferably 1 and 1/2 cup all-purpose, and 1 and 1/2 cup Semolina… but 3 cups of all-purpose does the job)
  • 1 Tbs. salt
  • 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
  • 2-3 Tbs. ICE COLD water
  • More flour to knead the dough and dust the surface you roll on, as well as to dust the noodles so they don’t stick to each other!

INGREDIENTS FOR THE SAUCE:

  • 1 lb. fresh shrimp, peeled, shelled, and de-veined
  • 1/4 cup olive oil
  • 4 Tbs. butter
  • 1/2 cup white wine (dry works better)
  • Juice from 1/2 a lemon
  • 1 tsp. dried basil
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • 2 cloves garlic, finely minced
  • 2 Tbs. freshly chopped parsley

DIRECTIONS:

  • Make sure you wear an apron and/or something light colored – you will end up with flour all over everything.  If you’re OCD about the cleanliness of your kitchen/counter tops and stove, you’ve been warned.
  • In a large bowl, combine the flour and salt
  • Slightly beat the room temperature eggs in a smaller bowl and dump into the flour
  • Add in the olive oil and water
  • Knead the dough with your hands until the mixture is consistent… add more flour or water as necessary, but you’ll want the dough to be more dry than sticky.  IF ITS STICKING TO YOUR FINGERS AND PALMS, IT NEEDS MORE FLOUR!
  • After kneading the dough for about 3 minutes, dust with more flour and divide into four parts.  Wrap in plastic wrap or a damp cloth and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes

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Don’t be stingy with the flour!  Drier dough is better than sticky in this case… as long as it’s not so dry it’s crumbling 

  • You’re going to want to make sure whatever surface the dough touches is dusted in flour, be it the counter top, the plate you put the finished pasta on, or the machine you use to press it and cut it!
  • I have made pasta by hand before with a rolling pin – it’s doable, but so much more time consuming, messier, and the pasta is obviously much thicker than it is when you roll it through a pasta machine… cutting the strips also takes longer and they won’t be uniform in size
  • I got my pasta machine from TJ Maxx for like $15 a couple of years ago.  I think we only use it twice a year so I’m happy I didn’t spend a lot of money – Amazon probably has really affordable ones too!
  • Once the pasta has been refrigerated, you’ll want to use a rolling pin to do the preliminary roll (again, make sure the surface you’re rolling on as well as the rolling pin are lightly floured)
  • Next, run the flattened slab of dough through the pasta machine several times (usually 3 times) until it reaches the desired thickness

If you’re like me, you’ll want your pasta Mary-Kate Olsen thin, so it may need to rolled through the machine upwards of 5 times

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This is the sheet of dough after it has been through the machine several times, but not cut yet! It’s very thin… but be careful because if you make it too thin, it will get holes or break

  • Next, you’ll run the pasta through the cutting side.  Most pasta presses have a setting so you’ll be able to choose desired noodle thickness.  I’d recommend fettuccine or tagliatelle thickness.
  • Keep repeating the process with the other slabs of dough, or you can put the dough in the fridge for another day.  I like to just roll and cut it all so I don’t have to fuck with the pasta machine again… because honestly, this is a messy process and you WILL have flour all over your kitchen.

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The beautiful fettuccine, lightly dusted with flour and ready to cook

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Make sure the plates/trays you place your noodles on are dusted in flour and so are the noodles themselves, or they will stick to each other and any surface they touch!  You can refrigerate this pasta for days at a time, or dry it (though I’ve never tried to dry it myself… so you may want to research that shit)

  • Next, put a LARGE pot of boiling water on to boil.  Make sure it is heavily salted.
  • You’ll definitely end up refrigerating at least half of this pasta…. the ingredients listed above produce enough for like 8 servings AT LEAST.
  • As the water is boiling, heat up 1/4 cup olive oil and 4 Tbs. butter in a large sauce pan
  • Add in the finely minced garlic and cook over low heat for 1-2 minutes (being careful not to burn)
  • Add in the shrimp (granted they have been peeled and cleaned at this point)
  • Raise the heat to medium, and add in the wine and squeeze in the juice from 1/2 lemon
  • Add in the dried basil
  • Stir occasionally until shrimp turn pink; season with salt and pepper to taste
  • Once the water is at a full boil, add in the fresh pasta.  It will take only 2 minutes or so to fully cook since it is fresh.  You’ll want to taste test to make sure it’s cooked, but generally speaking, once it floats to the surface, it’s done cooking!
  • Drain the pasta, and add back into the pot along with a drizzle of olive oil
  • Toss in the shrimp/sauce mixture and mix/stir lightly (you don’t want to damage the noodles)
  • Serve hot and top with some freshly chopped parsley

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Delightful salad I made to accompany the pasta tonight… I was joking that if I served this salad in NYC, I’d be able to charge $18 for what is essentially a plate of basic veggies as long as I gave it a fancy name like “Radish Carpaccio”… welcome to New York 

The above salad was awesome because of the dressing.  This dressing would also pair well with tofu or even a stir-fry:

SESAME DRESSING:

  • 1 Tbs. toasted black sesame seeds
  • 1 clove very finely minced garlic
  • 3 Tbs. sesame oil
  • 1/4 cup rice wine vinegar
  • 1/4 cup soy sauce
  • 1 Tbs. white sugar
  • Add all ingredients to bowl and whisk well

FOR THE SALAD:

  • lightly sauteed snow peas
  • shaved carrots
  • thinly sliced radishes
  • lightly sauteed yellow zucchini
  • Avocado

In other news, I finally finished a painting I was working on, had way too much to drink on Saturday night at some random Bushwick dance bar called Jupiter Disco where I saw a clone of my brother and McLovin’, was too hungover to go hiking on Sunday like I wanted to as a result of Saturday night’s gin and tonic consumption, binge ate empanadas in my vulnerable and hungover state, and am now only living for the Korn concert and mini family vacation in Maine I’ll be taking this August. Cheers.

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Finally finished

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Rat Meatloaf and Gross Negligence

It’s been over a week since I last wrote… I am living in a state of perpetual exhaustion. I average about 5 hours of sleep a night, and I don’t even have anything to show for my lack of sleep – that’s the saddest part.  You’d think I was up writing a novel or like, a cook book or something.  Or that I was painting the next greatest masterpiece. No.  Honestly, I don’t even know how I end up staying up as late as I do every night (usually until 12:30 – 1 a.m.). I’m not doing anything fun or worth while.  I am actually up that late scooping cat litter, brushing cats, and/or cooking dinner for a boyfriend I see about 20 minutes of each day, and yeah… that’s about it…. by the time all my chores are done, it’s time for bed.

I don’t know where the time goes, but clearly it hasn’t been spent writing or finding a better job.  I haven’t even cooked anything note worthy lately.  I’ve been too fucking tired to cook and too busy tending to cats and cleaning the house, since it now gets dirty even faster (double the cat hair, double the spilled litter and food messes, etc.).

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Can someone please come brush my teeth and wash my face for me?  It’s 9:20 p.m. on a Friday and I’m too tired to even get off the couch and get ready for bed.  That’s how tired I am.  I can’t even imagine having an actual human kid to take care of at this point in my life.  I’d literally fucking die, and if I didn’t die from sleep deprivation, I would surely die from a psychotic break down as a direct result of stress and sleep deprivation.

 

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Can someone also fix my mangled feet?  I think they need totally replaced at this point, given that they’re covered in popped blisters from my ill-fitting H&M sneakers and beyond the repairs a basic pedicure would offer.

Anyhow.  Another day, another dollar -am I right?

I am really proud of myself because I didn’t order delivery even once this week.  Not that I order in often – usually once a week and only when I’m drained.  But I’m impressed I didn’t order at all – since at some point in the week, I usually cave and use Seamless to order Chinese or Mexican food.  I cooked a lot of random shit this week though, that is for sure.  One of the many random things I cooked was this rat meatloaf:

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Rat (“mouse”) meatloaf… don’t ask. I couldn’t stop laughing as I prepared it, waiting to present it to my boyfriend like it was a goddamn lobster with a side of filet mignon

I made this really delicious dish that I absolutely LOVED, and my boyfriend hated (he hates small pastas for some strange reason (orzo, italini, orrechiette)… I, on the other hand, LOVE small pastas). Anyhow, I found this sick recipe for “Orzotto” (orzo cooked like risotto) on one of my favorite food sites, “Taste Cooking.” It was really easy to make (much less time than cooking actual risotto with rice), and warranted a trip to my favorite cheese shop.

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This was heaven.  I liked it better than actual risotto, because the orzo is lighter and fluffier. I cooked the orzo in chicken stock, and used Gorgonzola dolce to finish it.

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It was a beautiful Spring night in NYC, so I brought Mr. Peeper for a walk… Not sure the hipster trash dudes working in the Cheese shop appreciated, but whatever.  It’s my life.

Anyhow, Campbell (aka “Lorimer”) Cheese shop is my absolute favorite.  It’s basically what Bedford Cheese Shop was before they sold their soul to the devil and moved up the street into a gargantuan retail space with white everything and waitstaff that is unfriendly and probably doesn’t even eat cheese.

I digress…

Campbell (Lorimer) Cheese shop is the best – they always have Gorgonzola dolce and a variety of truffle cheeses, which means I leave happy every time.  The staff is friendly, and you can find all manner of jams, olives, specialty sausages, etc..

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The mortadella wasn’t the same as usual… it had no peppercorns or pistachios in it… they totally downgraded and I’m not sure what’s up with that.  I did pick up these awesome anchovies, which I used in the pasta dish I just made.  I also picked up the creamy, blue cheese I used to make my Orzotto.

I’m too fucking lazy to write out any recipes tonight.  But I made this pasta using the anchovies pictured above, and San Marzano tomatoes from a can:

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The anchovies add this delightful umami flavor …. so good

Anyhow.  It’s Memorial Day Weekend and I can’t fucking wait to be home (my parents house upstate).  I am so over this shit hole, rat-infested, fake fuck infested city.

Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone.  I hope the cats let me sleep in past 7:30 a.m. tomorrow.  I look haggard.

 

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Mussels and Potatoes, and my Week Cleaning Up After Cats…

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Not the comeliest of dishes (but than again, neither am I – so who am I to judge?), but it tastes like $1,000,000

DISCLAIMER:

This blog will eventually get to the food/cooking/recipe aspect that it was initially intended for.  I’ve taken a slight detour along the way and have started incorporating other bullshit into my blog, as I need a safe space to express myself and the world today is not a very safe place at all (no more abortion in the state of Alabama… like WTF?  I guess we’ve gone back to the dark ages…. don’t even get me started, we live in a fucking sickening time in history… how did we let it come back to this????).

If you’re wondering why I haven’t posted lately (which I doubt you are, since no one actually reads this piece of shit blog…), I’ve been too busy being a cat-mom (basically a full-time job within itself… unless you’re actually a BAD cat mom), and cleaning non-stop (obviously my TRUE calling in life).

Yes, what a gripping life I do lead! (I want to say that’s a line from Notting Hill, but I could be wrong… might be Bridget Jones… I used to be OBSESSED with Hugh Grant when I was 12… I still might be… I digress).

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All week long I wait for the weekend, so I can cast aside my Hillary Clinton slacks and unflattering, masculine button-ups in favor of something more my style… I really need to find a job where I can where whatever I want ergo, I need to be my own boss. I’ve also been searching for a replacement for this top for the last 4 years… it is my favorite.  I created it from a Zara top that I completely reconstructed but now it’s falling apart, along with my collagen and my ambitions in life… it’s all a mess here.

If you didn’t read my last blog, please do – it’s writing I’m actually really excited to share and want to do more of/with.  I have way too much fun writing this kind of stuff.  For the next installment of ‘Indigo Wren,’ Indigo is going to sail his hand-crafted raft to France, make his way to Paris, and then attempt to live like Ernest Hemingway while also becoming gender neutral. I know… this blog has basically evolved from what was originally supposed to be a food/cooking blog into the madcap nonsense of yesteryear (aka, the shit I used to write on my old blog, God rest its soul).  Yes, I’m twisted.

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Honk if you know where this is – we can only be friends if you do… JK

Last week, I spent basically the entire week cleaning up after my sick cats; first Tuna (the kitten), followed by Mr. Peeper.  I took Tuna to the emergency vet that’s open 24/7 last Tuesday, after several psychotic, older women on the ‘Persian Cat Health Board’ I belong  to, and subsequently posted to, advised me to do so, IMMEDIATELY!!!  Their reasoning was that I should bring Tuna to the vet ASAP since he is still a little kitten and was basically shitting his brains out in addition to vomiting last Tuesday night – they said he could dehydrate and die easily.  Obviously, that freaked me out and since they’re all cat experts and/or breeders, I listened to their advice and I went. The 24/7 vet not only cost a pretty penny (which I would have preferred to spend on new heels and/or partying), but it also ruined my entire Tuesday evening since I didn’t get home again until after 11 p.m. and then couldn’t sleep until 2 a.m.. In case you’re wondering why I haven’t cooked anything noteworthy lately (which you’re not, because you probably order take out every night), it’s because I’ve been so tired and busy raising a kitten that I have no energy left when it’s time to cook.

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This one is a real hell-raiser – like his dad.  This picture was taken before he let me attack those boogers with a Q-tip (so don’t judge me)… but how cute is that face?!  

Luckily, Tuna was fine and was back to his crack-baby self the next morning (he didn’t swallow any objects and doesn’t have any terminal illnesses – what a relief).  However, whatever he did have must have been a virus which he then passed it onto Mr. Peeper, and it was 10 times worse for poor Peeps.  Peeps started throwing up Wednesday night around 10 p.m., and threw up 6 more times before I went to bed at 1:30 a.m..  He also had a couple of explosive BMs (Bowel Movements), if you know what I’m saying…. (sorry for being gross, but it’s true).  I hadn’t slept much the night before because of Tuna, and then I had to stay up a second night in a row cleaning cat vomit and worried about my baby Peeps.

I hoped he’d be better when I woke up the next morning, but I walked out of the bedroom to a living room/kitchen/bathroom area covered with at least 6 additional puke spots.  But the worst part, if you must know, was that poor Peeps was laying behind the curtains in the living room window, with the 6:30 a.m. intense, dawn sunlight coming in directly upon him, not moving, non-responsive, not hungry for breakfast, and totally covered in his own shit. Good morning indeed!  I started crying because I thought he was going to die… he didn’t even acknowledge me when I came out of my bedroom and he didn’t want breakfast.

I called out of work immediately and spent all morning giving Peeper a bath (he hated me, but was so weak he hardly tried to escape), cleaning the floors, disinfecting everything, and feeding him liquids out of a syringe.  Yes… I transformed into a nurse. I thought I was going to have to drop another $300 I don’t have on the vet, and I happily would have it meant making my baby better, but luckily he didn’t throw up or shit again and kept down the combo of goat’s milk and Greek yogurt I gave him… I’m basically a registered cat nurse now.

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I love this cat more than I love myself… which isn’t saying much.  I love him more than most people though – that’s for sure. I lost Bijou last year, and I’ll be damned if I lose another baby anytime soon if I can prevent it (*** after writing this sentence, I’ve realized I am a full fledged cat lady who may or may not ever have human children)

Anyhow.  I haven’t had time to cook anything that spectacular lately.  I did make a pretty legit seafood risotto on Friday of last week, once the house was clean, the cats were better, and I finally had some ambition.

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Seafood risotto with shrimp, scallops and San Marzano tomatoes.

The dish I made the week prior though is where it’s really at:

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Pasta e potate e cozze = pasta with potatoes and mussels! 

Yes, this dish was time consuming as hell to make, and it took a lot of ingredients… but it’s fucking worth it (just like you, darling).

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INGREDIENTS:

  • 1 bag of small potatoes, unpeeled and diced, OR… 3 large potatoes, peeled and diced
  • 1/2 medium white (or yellow) onion, finely diced
  • 4 cloves garlic, finely diced
  • 1 cup, diced cherry/grape tomatoes
  • 1 cup frozen sweet corn (preferably shaved off the cob)
  • 1 lb. mussels, steamed and de-shelled
  • 2 cups chicken stock
  • 1/2 cup white wine
  • 1 cup heavy cream
  • 2 cups dried, gemelli (or similar shape) pasta
  • 4 Tbs. olive oil
  • 3 Tbs. butter
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • 1 tsp. dried oregano
  • 1 tsp. dried basil
  • 2 Tbs. freshly chopped parsley

DIRECTIONS:

  • Rinse/clean the mussels and then steam them until they open!
  • Once mussels have opened and are cool enough to handle, de-shell and set the meat aside in a bowl

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Steam me b*tch

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Mussel meat – YUMMMMM! Seriously – yum… especially with some melted butter… 

  • If you’re working with a bag of small potatoes, dice them; If you’re working with three large potatoes, peel the potatoes first and then dice them
  • Heat some olive oil and/or butter in a wok or large saucepan over medium heat
  • Sautee the diced potatoes in olive oil and/or butter until soft (aka penetrable with the tines of a fork)
  • Add the sweet corn into the saucepan and cook until it’s fully de-thawed
  • Set 1/3 of the diced potato/corn mixture aside (I just threw it on top of the mussels), and put the other 2/3s of the potato/corn mix into a blender, with a cup and a half of chicken stock – pulse until completely blended (add more stock as necessary until liquid is a thick consistency)

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The stuff that gets set aside…

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The stuff that gets blended into a creamy puree – I add some chicken stock and some heavy cream so I know what flavors I’m working with when the puree is done

  • Cut the cherry/grape tomatoes into halves and set aside

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  • Heat the butter and/or olive oil in a wok or large, deep saucepan
  • Add in the minced onions and sautee over low-medium heat until translucent
  • Add in the garlic and sautee another minute (*DO NOT BURN GARLIC*)
  • Add in the halved tomatoes and sautee until they become glossy and soft-ish
  • Add in 1/2 cup dry white wine and simmer for about 2-3 minutes
  • Add in the potato puree (the stuff you blended)
  • Add in more chicken stock if necessary and heavy cream
  • The sauce should be thick-ish, yet not so thick that it can’t fully coat other ingredients that will be added shortly!
  • FOR THE PASTA:
  • In another pot, bring heavily-salted water to a boil
  • Add in the gemelli (or other similarly-shaped-pasta), and boil until al dente (do NOT cook until soft… it will finish cooking IN THE SAUCE)
  • Drain and set pasta aside!
  • BACK TO THE SAUCE:
  • Throw in the rest of the potatoes/corn mixture that was previously set aside (this adds texture and makes the dish more aesthetically pleasing than if everything had been blended into a puree)
  • Add in the seasonings: Salt, pepper, dried basil, dried oregano
  • Add in the mussels and fresh basil
  • Cook for a few minutes over medium heat until everything is cooked through and warm again

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Right before the cooked pasta is added back in!

  • Add in the pasta and cook another minute or so
  • Let sit for 5-10 minutes and serve in a shallow bowl or plate
  • Garnish with fresh parsley and enjoy 🙂

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Enjoy with a glass (or two, or three) of white wine! 

Insert disco dancing emoji here.

The Grass is Always Greener and an Experimental Lasagna

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The finished product (aka ‘Experimental Lasagna’) – fresh out of the oven and delightfully melty.  I would consider this one of the best things I’ve ever made – and I’ve cooked a lot of dishes

If you’re looking to cook and/or eat the ultimate comfort food, you’ve come to the right place.  I don’t know what I would even call this dish – I guess it’s along the lines of a ‘white’ lasagna, but also kind of like a high-end casserole.  It combines potatoes (scalloped potatoes, to be specific), 3 different kinds of cheese (goat, mozzarella, and Parmesan), a rich, bechamel sauce, lasagna noodles, zucchini, and prosciutto… how can you possibly go wrong with that combo of ingredients???

I was feeling inspired to make something decadent, and considering that I follow more food blogs than I do people on Instagram (I also follow more animals than I do people, since I hate most people, but that’s a topic for another day), I found plenty of ideas. Most of the food blogs I follow are Italian food blogs, based in and/or around Naples, Rome, Sicily, Puglia, etc..  I also follow a number of what I refer to as ‘gluttony blogs’ (think “pizza stuffed with fried mozzarella, topped with french fries” or like, ‘fried chicken, on top of burger, sandwiched between two soft pretzels, and dripping in cheese’ – I’m sick… I know).  Anyhow, I was inspired by the fact that so many of the Italian dishes I see on my IG feed seem to combine potatoes with pasta, or multiple starches and/or carbs in the same dish, which isn’t something I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself.

I don’t think most of these dishes are “traditional Italian” cuisine, per se (although ‘pasta e patate’ is), but DAMN… do they always look enticing when I’m hungry and scrolling down! I’ve seen pizza topped with potatoes, pasta with potatoes, and more pizzas with white sauce than those with typical red sauce.  Being the fat bastard I am, and a lover of all of the ingredients I ended up using in this dish on their own, I decided to combine all of them into this masterpiece. I’ll get to the recipe in a bit….

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Now that the sun is finally coming out and temps are rising, I’m feeling the need to cut back on the number of decadent dishes and maybe aim towards some lighter fare. I’m also feeling the need for a spray tan… although I always end up Oompa Loompa orange when I try faux tanner

One of life’s greatest quandaries seems to be why the grass always greener on the other side.  Lately, my work schedule has been the opposite of my boyfriend’s and half of my friends (since many also work in the hospitality industry). It’s been so awful, that it makes me miss working retail … working retail AT Hollister, if you can believe it.  I know… I know what you’re thinking – but hear me out first.  You know how shit always seems so bad and awful when you’re actually living it, and then years down the road you look back on that time in your life, and it doesn’t really seem so bad at all in retrospect? Like, yesterday’s problems (the ones I had at 26) were few and far between, considering the problems I have now at the advanced age of 31. The biggest problem I had then was trying to get the fuck out of retail…. and making enough to pay rent since my salary was substantially lower.  But in retrospect, the past seems like good times now.

That’s how I’ve been feeling lately.  I think maybe it’s the pressure of being in my 30s now, when I have to actually have the future weighing more heavily on my shoulders than I did at 26-28.  It takes a while for it to sink in that you’re not going to be young and carefree forever (not that I was EVER carefree, but I certainly wasn’t considering the heavier subjects in life, like if I want to married, whether or not I want to have a kid(s) someday, or saving for retirement, or where I would and would not be willing to relocate based on ageing parents, where my family lives, etc.).

I’m not saying I would ever want to go back to working retail, but there were some very good benefits to be had working in retail management which I was too blind to see or even appreciate at the time.

  1. I could switch my shifts with other managers and usually requested Sunday and Monday’s off, or Mondays and Tuesdays, which was great, since the store closed early on Sunday and I could still do dinner with my boyfriend or go out and party on a Sunday night. I miss those days, since now my window to imbibe is limited only to Friday and Saturday nights when everyone else in the world is out doing the same. You can’t trade shifts working corporate, when everyone works the same damn shift.
  2. I miss having random week days off.  It was nice to be one of the few people who had the ability to do their personal shopping, groceries and run errands on days when the majority of people are working, since you have everything to yourself and a calm exists that just isn’t there on the weekend. I also miss (now that the weather is warming up), the ability to grab a glass of wine at 3pm when the sun is out and no one else is there.
  3. I miss having more than one day a week off with my boyfriend.  Right now, our only day off together is Sunday, so it’s become sort of a sacred day and I don’t want to make plans with anyone else on Sunday – unless it’s like a party or group dinner or something.  When I worked retail, I usually found there was a random weekday I’d have off that would match up with one friend or my boyfriend.
  4. I miss being physically active, moving around, walking, hauling cages of clothes, doing floor sets, folding and doing manual labor – I even miss interacting with customers and helping people.  Back then, I didn’t even have to consider how much I was walking in a day, or do push-ups, since my daily work was a workout in itself. Sitting still is awful. I also get bored when every day is the same and I’m not continually meeting new people or training new hires, or interviewing.
  5.  That sweet, sweet employee discount.
  6. New Merchandise always felt like Christmas morning – ripping into those boxes and seeing the new clothing before anyone else and trying on/setting aside all of the shit I was about to buy for 50% off…

These things said, I don’t miss working every holiday (Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Memorial Day, July Fourth), working on Saturday mornings after going out on a Friday night, and dealing with awful customers or, even worse, dealing with awful district managers or fellow managers.

These thoughts have been floating around my mind all week.  I secretly think I just miss the sense of camaraderie I felt then, since I actually worked with with people I built close friendships with outside of work, and we would talk about our lives and work place drama in the stockroom and while closing down the store each night.  It was nice to have people to leave work with and grab Dunkin’Donuts with, and ride the subway back to Brooklyn with each night.  I don’t have that now and I’m pretty sure I never will if I keep working corporate.

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Committing Carbocide: Self-sabotage, or self-care?

INGREDIENTS:

  • 1/2 box of cooked lasagna noodles (you won’t need a full box)
  • 3 large potatoes; washed and sliced into thin rounds
  • 1/2 white or yellow onion, finely minced
  • 3 cloves of garlic, finely minced
  • 3 TBS. butter
  • 3 TBS. olive oil
  • 1/3 cup flour
  • 3 cups whole milk
  • 1 log of goat cheese (I believe it’s like 4 ounces)
  • 1/2 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese
  • 2 tsp. fresh thyme
  • 1/2 tsp nutmeg
  • 1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • 1/3 lb. of thinly sliced prosciutto
  • 3-4 green zucchini, cut into thin slices, length-wise
  • 1 ball fresh mozzarella

DIRECTIONS:

  • Bring heavily salted water to a boil in a large pot and pre-heat oven to 400 degrees
  • Cook the lasagna noodles, drain, rinse with cold water, add some olive oil to prevent them from sticking to each other, and set aside
  • Peel and chop the potatoes, and place the slices in a bowl of cold, salted water (this prevents discoloring)

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Potatoes are one of the ultimate comfort foods, no matter how you cook them – french fries, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, scalloped potatoes, home fries, boiled-buttered potatoes… roast potatoes… and now I sound like Bubba from Forest Gump talking about shrimp….

  • Slice the zucchini and set aside
  • Next, you will make the bechamel sauce.  Heat the butter and a couple tablespoons of olive oil in a large saucepan/wok over low heat
  • Add in the minced onions, stirring occasionally until onions are translucent and yellow (about 5 min)
  • Add in the minced garlic and cook another two minutes
  • Add in the flour and stir to create a roux (this is the base for your sauce, and the step that makes it thicken while remaining clump-free)

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  • Next, add in the milk, and continue to stir constantly using a wooden spoon, or whisk
  • The liquid should thicken rather quickly

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A nice, thick bechamel in the making

  • Now, add in the goat cheese, continuing to stir until fully melted and incorporated
  • Add in the salt, pepper, cayenne pepper, nutmeg, and some fresh thyme
  • Taste test, and add more seasonings if necessary…. remove from heat.
  • chop the ball of mozzarella or peel apart into thin slices
  • Now for the fun part – it’s time to assemble the lasagna!

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Butter the casserole dish so nothing sticks.  Put down a layer of lasagna noodles first, followed by a layer of zucchini, the bechamel sauce, a layer of potatoes, cheese (a mix of mozzarella and Parmesan) and a layer of prosciutto

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Repeat these layers until the pan is full.  You should have two layers of everything (lasagna noods, zucchini, sauce, potatoes, cheese, prosciutto

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To finish, add another sporadically placed layer of potatoes and cheese and sauce – garnish with the rest of the chopped thyme

  • Once the lasagna is assembled, place it into the oven and bake at 400 for 50 minutes to an hour… the cheese should be browning on top and the sauce bubbling around the edges of the dish when you turn the oven off.

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This smelled like heaven and tasted even better… this is what you want to eat on a cold, rainy night, or a Friday spent at home watching movies with a glass of wine

  • Let the dish cool for at LEAST 10 minutes, before cutting and serving

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Enjoy!