Catching Up – This Used to be a Food Blog…It still *Kind of* is

Annndddd … I just spilled hot coffee on this keyboard…. #WINNING!!!! <— This actually just about sums up my last two months, if not my entire life…

Despite the title of this blog, there isn’t really much to catch up on to be honest… the last two months have flown by at lightning speed, as all months tend to do once you’re over a certain age. I never believed my parents or grandparents regarding ‘how fast time goes the older you grow.’ It wasn’t until I hit about 25 that I began to experience this strange phenomenon first-hand.  The last seven years are a blur, punctuated only by precious moments and mental stills – both good and bad – nights, sunrises, people, lessons learned, the highs and the lows; experiences and memories that I wouldn’t trade-in for anything else.  I feel like the last seven years basically happened in the span of one or two.

I think we finally become our “true self” around the age of 25-26.  Before this age, you’re still a kid and don’t really know what’s up, because you just haven’t lived long enough or experienced enough or even met enough people to shape you yet.  I think our personality kind of solidifies by the time we hit 26 or so…. I still feel like the same person inside at the age of 32 that I did when I was 26.  I guess this is also the sad reason that elderly people look in the mirror and are shocked by the reflection they see once they hit a certain age – because even though their body is betraying them by aging physically, they still feel not a day over 26 on the inside.  Such is life.  My mom always says that ‘youth is wasted on the young’, and she’s not wrong.

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This is 32.  I figure I’ve only got a few decent years left in me before I start resorting to fillers (**if I can ever even afford them) and healthy living (i.e. green juices, yoga, no more partying, actual work-outs…). I’ve been wearing SPF all these years and avoiding the sun, so at least I have that going for me. It’s definitely hard being a woman and getting older though.  I know we hear female celebrities saying this all the time… but it is SO SO true, and I’m not even technically “middle-aged” yet.  There is so much pressure to not only stay young (literally impossible to do), but also to stay looking young (which takes effort and possibly money, if you have enough to spend on treatments, the best skin care, etc.).

Despite society telling us that as women, we are only valuable when we’re still young and attractive (and given how shitty that can make you feel inside once you start getting white hairs and fine lines), getting older is a blessing.  I feel more confident and more grounded than ever.  I know who I am and who I want to be, and I am less selfish and foolish than I was in my twenties.  To grow older is a gift and an opportunity that many people will never have.  So remember that next time you bitch about turning 30, or whatever age.  Some of your peers didn’t get a chance to turn 30.

We all have this idea in our head when we’re younger, of where we will be at a certain age.  When I was 25, I definitely thought I’d be married by my current age, possibly a home owner, and definitely working at a more fulfilling and creative job. Even if I am not where I once thought I’d be, I am happy to be where I am.  Even with the outside pressure that is put upon me by others and by society, I am OK with where I am right now in this time and place.  I sometimes feel like it is easier to grow older in a major city like NYC (at least up until a certain point), especially when you have failed to meet the stereotypical “milestones”  set by society.  If I were this age and living upstate right now (or in any small, rural town in America), I think I would be bored out of my mind, since almost everyone I know or went to school with is married and has kids now.  I don’t think I’d have any friends to go out with or who share the same interests as me at this stage in life given the fact that I am unmarried and child free. I also feel like it would also be 10x harder to live in a small/rural town and be single at this age, since everyone is either married or divorced with three kids. Slim pickings for singletons for sure.  Not really sure where this train of thought was going….

I think that what I’m saying, is that even though I ‘hate’ this city and want to move out someday sooner than later, this city has allowed me a chance to flourish as an individual and come into myself fully.  This city does not put same pressures to marry and have kids on me that life in a small town might. I guess turning another year older has had me thinking of all of this recently….

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I had a relatively low-key birthday this year – stayed in our favorite Airbnb in Woodstock and a nice dinner with my sister on my actual birthday.  Tuna also celebrated his birthday (1st birthday, to be precise!) the day after mine.  Here we are, together, basking in that birthday glory and, in my case, basking in copious amounts of sugar.

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My friend made me this awesome funfetti cake… my favorite cake is, in fact, FUNFETTI :p Hell yeah boiiiiiii
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The view from the back-side of the Airbnb house… I would buy this property in a heartbeat, if only I had the $1.5 million it was just listed for LOL LOL LOL …. #FML 

I was also spoiled with sweets at work – cupcakes and macarons.  I am not being sarcastic when I say that I feel so loved when people go out of their way to get me food or presents for my birthday.  I never feel like I deserve these things or the effort or thought that goes into them … it literally made my entire day, even if my skin paid the price for a full two weeks (major acne flair-up thanks to my diet of Cadbury creme eggs for breakfast,  cupcakes and macarons for lunch, and funfetti cake for dinner for a whole week straight).

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My For Love and Lemons for Victoria’s Secret dress/robe – totally obsessed and need more opportunities to wear it….

It’s been so long since I posted that I haven’t even posted this amazing dress/robe I got on sale at Victoria’s Secret.  Who knew that one of my favorite brands, For Love and Lemons, did a special line of lingerie and clothing just for VS? I know VS is tres gauche these days, but fuck it.  I get a gift certificate for VS every Christmas and it’s just about the only time of year I treat myself to overpriced underwear, etc.

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Really feeling myself, as the kids today say….

As per usual, one of the only things that gets me through each work day or lonely weekend where my BF works a 12-hour shift on a Saturday, is planning what I will cook for dinner and then executing it.  I’ve cooked some really time-consuming things in the last couple of months, including, but not limited to:  homemade pasta, homemade gnocchi, Focaccia and French-style baguettes from scratch, and recreated the amazing shrimp etouffee dish that I had on my birthday at Maison Premiere.

I truly hope that Maison Premiere never closes their doors.  They’re a Williamsburg institution at this point, serving oysters, cocktails, and a variety of raw-bar foods and plates in a cozy and cool atmosphere.  If you live in the greater NYC area, I would highly recommend for a nice date or intimate dinner or drinks with a good friend/couple of friends.

Anyhow, I’m too fucking lazy to write out any recipes, but here is some food porn…. use your imagination and go wild:

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Homemade gnocchi with shrimp in a white-wine/butter sauce
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The homemade gnocchi in all its’ glory
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Homemade orecchiette – easiest dough ever… literally only flour and water (and a wee bit of salt)
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The hand-made orecchiette, in all its’ glory
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Orecchiette with pesto and baked zucchini chips
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Some of the most delicious focaccia I ever had (not to toot my own horn…)
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Mussels in white wine sauce, served with slices of the homemade baguette
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And finally, the pièce de résistance… my recreation of the shrimp etouffee from Maison Premiere.  Literally tasted identical – the only difference is that the shrimp they used had the heads on, and I wasn’t about to fuck with that on a Friday night when I made this

I’ve been so bad at finding/making time to write food posts here these past couple of months.  If you want to see the process and ingredients behind my recipes/meals, feel free to follow my Instagram (instagram.com/lilywhitedaydream). I usually post stories to my IG while I am cooking, as long as what I’m cooking seems note-worthy enough to warrant as such.  I mean, if you’re even reading this blog, you probably already follow me on Instagram… since that’s the only way I think anyone can find this blog ;p Anyhow, I digress…

[Insert long rant here about the current state of world affairs, animal liberation v animal subjugation, why humans need to go extinct, why I want to get the coronavirus, etc.]

[Delete long rant, after realizing I sound like one of the preachy types of A-holes that I hate and realizing no one gives a shit… ]

Side note:  I am a work in progress and actively working on my anger management skills.

The end.

 

 

Tips for Surviving A Recession

***DISCLAIMER***

I started writing this post like two or three months ago (I want to say right around Thanksgiving), before Australia had totally burned to the ground and before Trump decided to provoke Iran, thus destroying any chance we have at all for a future.  Let’s be honest here, I don’t think humanity is going to make it another five years.

Since this post was initially written, the holidays have come and gone, the New Year has arrived, and I have decided to stop buying fast fashion, or any new clothes at all… yes, I will continue wearing the same damn shoes until I receive warnings from HR about how my foot odor is offending people at work.

I have also decided to become a vegan (not sure how long I can last without cheese or eggs, but I will try), and give up alcohol and other illegal substances.  I am also going to try to be more consistent with this blog.  Cheers, kids.

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Daydreaming about Robbie Williams….

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TIPS FOR SURVIVING A RECESSION (Blog entry from November, 2019):

I wanted to write this blog a few months ago when I started reading about another oncoming recession all over the news.  I figured I have some viable tips for those of you who were too young to really experience the recession of 2008 firsthand, or those of you who weren’t affected the first time around (consider yourselves very lucky).  I survived the great recession of 2008 – just barely though:  I haven’t touched my student loan debt, I don’t own a house nor can I afford to, I work just to pay bills, I throw money to the wind each month, renting an apartment I will never own, and at this rate (and given a number of other extraneous factors such as global warming, imminent nuclear war / terrorist attacks at the hands of Iran, and societal collapse on the horizon…) I doubt I will ever have children.  C’est la vie…. at least I’ve got my cats.

Anyhow, I’m currently sitting here browsing slutty clothes and 7-inch platform boots on DollsKill.com.  Hey – life is short, and no matter what, I’m not going to be able to afford a house or kids, so I might as well purchase some cheap thrills while I’m still semi-young (not that I’m young) and decent looking (not that I am that either).  I can honestly say I never spend money on lunch or coffee… I don’t even eat lunch. I think I deserve some frivolous party shoes once or twice a year to compensate. The press is always bitching about Millennials wasting money on Starbucks and avocado toast, but when you’re $50K in the hole with no future in sight, you kind of have to live in the moment and treat yourself to the tiny luxuries that you CAN afford. If we never went out for a night of drinks once every month, or bought a new winter coat we desperately need, our quality of life would be even more miserable than it already is, just trying to save and pay our bills.

I digress though.  I graduated in 2011 when the recession was at its’ worst and the unemployment rate at its highest.  The times were basically rock bottom in terms of available jobs/work.  I have two worthless degrees in fashion merchandising and theatre.  I still sometimes hate myself for not swallowing my pride and my passions, and just going to school for engineering or to become a doctor.  At least then I would have a lucrative career.  JK…. I would never.  I’d rather continue to struggle and live paycheck to paycheck with enough time to still pursue some of my passions on the side (i.e. this blog,  a social life, cooking, my cats, etc.).

When I graduated, and I’m speaking generally here, one was lucky to even find a part-time RETAIL job.  I’m being serious.  This isn’t a lie or exaggeration, kids. Even jobs that required no degree and minimal experience were extremely scarce and hard to come by.  And finding a job in your own home town (if you came from a small, rural town)???? FORGET ABOUT IT.  I started working at the Shiseido makeup counter at Macy’s, which was a 30 minute drive from my parent’s house where I lived after graduating.  I got “lucky” (I use this term very loosely here… ) to have a friend who worked for Abercombie & Fitch as a manager and hooked me up with an interview there after I’d spent the summer of 2011 playing with makeup.  I thought I’d scored big-time, because at least the job with Abercrombie required a 4-year degree, had benefits like a 401K and insurance, and paid time off.  Little did I know, I was in for a real ride….

One day, when life affords me the luxury of no longer having to work a 9-5 day job, you can read all about my days with Abercrombie/Hollister on my old blog, which is currently incognito on the inter-webs.  I had to make the blog private for the purposes of my current, corporate job…. since I didn’t hold back in terms what I wrote about or discussed online back then. I could write a book about my time with A&F/HCo., and one day I truly hope to do so…

Enough about that though.  I eventually saved up a decent chunk of money and moved to NYC with no job lined up in the fall of 2012.  This is where the struggle truly began, and how I learned to thrive (or just barley scrape by, rather) in the midst of the economy’s worst recession since the Great Depression of the 1920’s.

It took me three whole months to find a “job,” and then, the job I had was working only part-time at a night club/concert venue as a cocktail waitress and weekend hostess.  I never knew if I’d be working 5 seated-shows a week (the most lucrative type since people would order food and drinks), or only 2 standing-room-only shows with an audience of underage kids (the least lucrative shows… obviously).  My paychecks ranged from $120 on a terrible week (i.e. 4 dark days and 2 nights of hostessing) to $480 on a decent week, working 4-5 seated shows.  Of course there were take-home cash tips, but those were usually spent going out for after-work drinks at the Irish dive bars on 14th street with my fellow co-workers, where we would commiserate over how little we’d made that night, how awful the crowd was, and how depressed and poor we were working at this shitty venue when the lot of us aspired to so much more in life (i.e. artistic endeavors, full-time employment… sugar daddies…).

My rent was only $650 when I first moved to NYC (don’t ask… I literally had the most baller apartment for what is the BEST DEAL ever heard of).  My rent quickly increased to $800 after a couple of months, and then to $1,000 after a year.  My fickle work as a server wasn’t allowing me to even make rent, so I swallowed my pride and went back to HCo. on fifth ave, working as a manager, where at least I had a consistent paycheck and health insurance.

Between 2012 and 2016 when I finally landed a decent job, were the toughest four years of my life, financially speaking.  This is when I really honed in on my skills as a chef, learning how to survive on one bag of frozen peas a week and a handful of uncooked rice.  I learned how to scrape together just enough money to pay rent doing whatever it took – whether it meant counting spare change, taking on babysitting jobs in the morning before working closing shifts at Hollister, or forgoing what most people consider household essentials, like coffee creamer, paper towels, and well…. food in general.

Given the current state of the economy, and the fact that things have been slow as hell for me at work in the last month or so, I’m growing nervous that it’s true that another recession is on the way.  This time, I’ll be prepared though…. bring it on baby.  Nothing can hurt me now. You know what actually makes me feel even more carefree these days?  The fact that we’re probably all going to die in a nuclear war or from complete global destruction due to climate change before I ever even begin to pay back my student debt….

MY TIPS FOR SURVIVING A RECESSION

  1. There is no such thing as job security.  Never get too comfortable – it can be taken away from you at any time through no fault of your own.  Never take your job for granted either, even though you hate it (we all do).  You need money to pay rent and bills and to purchase enough food to survive and/or enough alcohol and drugs to make you occasionally forget how fucking shitty and pointless your life is.  No job is permanent and any job can be taken away in the blink of an eye (usually when you least expect it to).  You could be laid off if the economy tanks and your company can no longer afford your position.  This happened in the last recession… workers who’d been with the same company for 25 years and were only 3 years away from retiring lost their jobs and their 401Ks.  Pretty shitty, right?  This is why I wake up each day with the fear of God in my heart.  It’s better to be scared about losing your job then it is to be too confident that it can’t happen to you.  It can happen to you, and living life with anxiety over job security simply prepares you for the worst. It happened to me once and it wasn’t even the recession.  The start up company I worked for in 2016 tanked after five months and couldn’t afford to pay me. No notice… no nothing.
  2.  Girl, you better WORK.  One does what one must to make rent and put food on the table.  Even if this means selling yourself short of your credentials/qualifications/education/desired salary, or, in some cases, literally selling yourself (I’ve never done it, but I know girls who basically have sex with someone they’re not really into, in return for having their rent paid or fancy dinners here and there or like, a Mysterland ticket and nice hotel).  I’m not saying this is noble or respectable, but sometimes desperate means call for desperate measures.  If you’re young and attractive and don’t have a family to hurt, stripping is always an option too.  In a major city it will definitely be much more lucrative than elsewhere, and people less likely to find out if you’re trying to keep it on the down-low.  If you’re attractive and young, in fact, I highly suggest capitalizing on it while it lasts – because it doesn’t last forever.  You might as well make a decent living off of what your mama (or your plastic surgeon) gave you.  There are always ads out for bottle servers, hostesses, bartenders, etc., and in this city at the right venue, you could make a SHIT TON of money doing any of those service jobs.  You don’t really need experience if you’re young and hot and/or know the right person.  It’s also good to be flexible in tough economic times, and willing to do shitty work.  I mean, if your standards are too high and the economy crashes, you’re not really going to survive if you’re not willing to do some less-than-savory jobs to make ends meet.  For example, I cleaned houses and a church on a weekly basis at one point in college, because it was impossible to even find a part-time retail job.  I’m not making this up.  In 2008-2009, I cleaned a church rectory on a weekly basis, and then a few older ladies at church inquired about me cleaning their personal residences, and I did.  It honestly wasn’t a bad job – kind of gross to clean someone else’s toilet and bathtub, but the money was decent and not taxed, and old people are generally very sweet and lovely to talk to.  I would do it again.  Hell, I would probably do it now, if someone asked me if I had availability to do so.  Could always use some extra spending money…
  3. Learning to live on a bare-bones diet.  Have you ever cried because you’re so hungry and all you have in your house is some white rice and mustard? I have.  Have you ever had to choose between buying paper towels to clean your counter tops, or some coffee creamer so you didn’t have to keep drinking your coffee black?  I have.  It’s all about priorities – and sometimes we think that we can forgo food, or at least eat minimally to save money, especially when we also prioritize thinness.  Well, when your parents already put some extra money in your bank account but you used it to pay rent and then foolishly bought a couple of $5 vodka sodas at McKenna’s (because you don’t know how to tell your friends that you’re broke), and now you don’t even have $6 to buy a box of pasta and some Prego at the local grocery store, shit really hits home.  You’re going to have to learn how to get creative with some frozen white bread and a couple of teaspoons of Parmesan or how to make a meal out of lentils, curry powder, and some frozen corn last you three days.  On the plus side, you won’t have to worry about the next time that you can afford to get drunk and order a pizza at 2am, since you’ll likely be malnourished as fuck.
  4. Interviewing: It’s not you, it’s THEM. Just because there isn’t a real availability of viable, living-wage paying jobs, doesn’t mean there won’t be hundreds of listed positions and interviews which you’ll desperately go, on trying to make something work.  You’ll probably apply for jobs you have no interest in whatsoever, just because you need a paycheck:  part-time retail positions at a shoe store that sells ugly clogs, a dog-walking position, a nannying position, even though you hate kids…. the list goes on. If you’re like I was (and still am), you’ll apply for and go on hundreds of interviews and you won’t get offered any of the positions, even though you are mostly likely A) qualified, B) experienced, or C) could easily do whatever is asked of you.  I started to think it was me and beat myself up.  I decided I wasn’t getting hired because I was too old, too ugly, too short, too fat, too nice, etc., etc..  I honestly probably wasn’t getting hired, because they were saving the position for the assistant manager’s brother-in-law who just graduated and wanted the job.  Jobs go to those with the personal/family connections when there aren’t many jobs to be had.  Don’t take it too personally or it will really wear away at your self-confidence.

Triggered: A Political Rant & I saw Korn and Alice in Chains

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Here’s a picture of the lovely cheese pizza I ate on Sunday, before I launch into a tirade about the state of this nation and you wonder why you’re ready this “food” blog
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Here is a picture of my Sunday evening vino at Huckleberry Bar, where I relaxed for a couple of hours before the real world kicked my ass on Monday morning.  You’ll probably need some vino yourself after readying this blog…. 

#TRIGGERED   Usually I HATE when people say they’re “triggered,” but tonight, it’s the only way to describe how I am feeling based on everything that’s going on in this world and out of my control.

It’s 11:05pm on a Wednesday night in August, 2019, and I am already worrying about the outcome of the 2020 presidential election.  If Trump wins a second term, I am seriously convinced the entire government is rigged by the 1% (I mean, we already know it is, but…still….). I cannot continue to live in this nation as an American citizen, a nation that has become a disgrace among all of the other developed nations since November 2016.  My cat’s a$$hole would be a better president than Trump at this point in time. Furthermore, Lord knows, that in the year 2020, America is still not progressive enough (and certainly MUCH less progressive than we were even 10 years ago) to elect a woman as president of the United States.  At this point in time, I’m strongly Bernie or bust.  This country needs tax reform, gun reform, free health care, and better/free education for the masses.  We need someone who will lift of us up out of this dark spiral into which we’ve been dragged down for the last several years.

The whole Jeffrey Epstein scandal has made me sick to my stomach and furious since he was re-arrested back in July, and even more so since he “killed himself” last weekend.  I’ve been following this scandal since the first time he was convicted back in 2008.   I usually don’t believe in conspiracies, but I am quite certain that Epstein must have had the dirtiest of the dirt on a ring of high-profile pedophiles running our own government as well as others (hello Prince Andrew and Mohhamed Bin Salman… looking at you).  Dude was clearly murdered before he could spill the beans and create more issues within our government.  The government is the reason he got such a light sentence back in 2008 in the first place (Alexander Acosta…. all of the high-profile, government pedos involved back then).

I’m also sickened by the treatment of refugees and those seeking asylum or a better life for themselves and their families in this nation.  It’s a damn shame that in the year 2020, in America, our government is tearing innocent families apart, jailing both children and parents in deplorable conditions.

The government corruption, together with the ever increasing threat of destruction of environment and wildlife due to humanity has really brought me to a breaking point tonight.  My boyfriend just got home from work and told me he thinks Donald Trump will win a second term and it’s lit a fire I haven’t felt in months.   I am not being far-fetched when I say that I will have to pull a Hunter S. Thompson in the event that Trump is re-elected.  Either that, or I will have to move to Venice and live with my boyfriend’s parents, with or without him.  I can’t stay in this country that’s falling apart at the seams if there is no hope for the future.

I already assume we’ll all be dead, or at least in the midst of societal collapse, in the next 10-15 years given the impact of global warming, extreme weather, crop failure, destruction of top soil, plastic pollution, mass migration due to all of these factors, water shortages, etc..  I can’t just stay here as an American citizen and watch what used to be one of the greatest nations in the world with the most civil liberties slowly be ground into complete destruction beyond redemption by greedy corporations, corrupt government, and absolute ignorance and neglect in terms of saving what we have left of the natural world.  Instead, we have been turned against each other, the country has once again become rife with racism and sexism due to our esteemed leader and anti-right propaganda, we have to fear being shot as we go about our daily lives, not by ISIS, but by home-grown, white, domestic terrorist psychopaths…. this is no way to live.

Meanwhile, people keep eating factory-farm raised beef and processed chicken nuggets, throwing around plastic, and spraying chemicals on their lawns, with their phone in their hand 24/7, more concerned about the latest episode of the Kardashians, or with some celebrity’s tweet, than about taking what small steps they can to help save the Earth before it’s too late.  I am not perfect, FAR from it.  But at least I am AWARE and I am TRYING to help in whatever small way I can.  I saw some 10 year old girl throw a plastic bottle on the sidewalk yesterday and I almost lost my shit on her, but I knew her mom would have words with me/kick my ass if I reprimanded her child.  THIS is the world we live in… this is why people pollute and this is why people don’t give a fuck… they aren’t taught to care.

Anyhow…. before I self implode, let me pour myself a glass of wine to take some of the edge off and focus on something pleasant.  Like food.  Also, music.

I went to see Korn and Alice in Chains last Wednesday and they were everything I hoped for and then some.  Both bands honestly surpassed my expectations and Jonathan Davis of Korn was much hotter than I expected.  Oh, and somehow we were front and center!!!!!  Not sure how that happened…. but it was fucking awesome:

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Jerry Cantrell… up close and personal…. I can die happy now. 
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William DuVall – current lead singer of Alice in Chains.  Alice in Chains is one of my favorite bands and they sounded as good live as they do recorded… I am so happy we made the trek to Jones Beach for this concert
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Jonathan Davis in a kilt… that’s hot.  Also, this security dude is legit in every picture and video I took since I was in front of the stage… LOL. 

I’d have to say, apart from the perfect concert (and this one actually was PERFECT – right up there with NIN and Soundgarden in 2014), the other highlight of the day was getting back to NYC at 12:30am and getting empanadas at Empanada Mama on the Lower East Side because we were starving.

HOLY SHIT… if you haven’t been to Empanada Mama, you MUST GO.  Maybe we were starving from walking around all day, slightly drunk, and exhausted.  But damn, those empanadas were delicious and inspired me to try my hand at making my own the next day.  They have this one empanada that is off the hook called the “Viagra”.  It’s stuffed with shrimp and imitation crab and its beyond.  I have to go back to Empanada Mama soon.  The best part?  They’re open 24/7! Despite being open 24/7, it’s pretty nice inside with lots of seating, a full bar, good lighting, and decent decor.

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The Viagra empanadas were so good that when I woke up the next day, I was craving more and attempted to recreate them at home! 

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They turned out pretty good!  Not nearly as good as EM, but good for my first try and for making the dough from scratch.  I kind of want to get a part-time job at Empanada Mama so I can learn their secrets!

Last night, I made a vegetarian “sausage” and mushroom fettuccine dish, that was so good it fooled my boyfriend into thinking it was actually real meat (he had no idea it was a ‘veggie’ sausage).

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I’ll write the recipe for this one tomorrow.  Hopefully I won’t be feeling as triggered then.  LOL.