Depeche Mode Depression

I need a reason to dress like this every day

The Depeche Mode concert that I had been living for for the past seven months of my life (yes, it was the only thing motivating me and keeping me going some MOST days) has come and gone, and I am back to square one: depressed, unmotivated, hostile, vicious, disgusted with society and the world around me…. just kidding (but not really…).

I think I may need to book tickets for the concert they’ll be playing in October, just to keep my morale and spirits high in these dark times. I might have to sell a kidney on the black market first to afford the tickets (I need better seats next time), but it might be worth it at this point.

The concert at Madison Square Garden on April 14th was so, so good. I waited years to see Depeche Mode perform live, and it was well worth the wait! I still regret missing them when they last played in 2017, but I definitely could not have afforded even nose-bleed seats back then, given my paltry salary. If you like Depeche Mode, I’d say it is worth going into debt to see them perform… life is short.

Despite the Depeche Mode concert having passed, I have a ton of other concerts lined up for Summer. I’m going to see Bush next Sunday, which should be a fun just because concerts are fun as a general rule of thumb. I’m pretty ambivalent about seeing them live; I loved a few songs as a teenager, but I don’t know any of their new music. I’ll be seeing Hollywood Vampires play at Bethel Woods on June 1st; hopefully the weather is good since it’s an open-air venue. I took two days off work to go away for the night, so that is definitely something to look forward to. Getting out of work is always a plus.

I’m going to see Tori Amos at the end of June at the Beacon Theater (one of the loveliest venues, in my opinion). This is another artist I’ve been waiting a lifetime to see, and also missed the opportunity to do so when she performed in Brooklyn last year. The next concert I’m REALLY stoked for though, is Guns n’ Roses in August. We have pit tickets, so that is going to be an experience. This concert will definitely be a fun time and memorable experience.

I feel like I’ve had so much making up to do, what with concerts being cancelled and postponed and reschedules for 2.5 years during the pandemic. I love a good concert… especially when it’s an artist I’ve been listening to forever. I love the feeling of excitement and community at a concert. I’d rather go to a concert than a rave or party any day. I am over partying in NYC these days anyhow… the scene sucks, the drugs are shit, the prices for everything from the tickets to the water bottles to the Ubers are out of control. Big parties just aren’t worth it anymore. Plus, with so little free time, who wants to be hungover or all fucked up on a Sunday when it’s the only day you have off with your significant other each week? My time is too precious and time is moving too fast these days.

One of my favorite parts of going to a concert is finding the perfect outfit. These velvet, low-rise bell bottoms have been waiting in my closet for over a year to be worn; Depeche Mode was the perfect opportunity… despite the fact that it was 86 degrees that day. Global warming, am I right?

I haven’t written a blog in a while because I’ve been working on what was going to be a short story, but has since turned into the beginnings of a book. I’m not sure if I’ll share it here or what will become of it. It’s pretty explicit and also pretty vicious; but that’s who I am. Take me or leave me, the choice is yours. In a world where Roald Dahl books are being revised for what are now considered indiscretions in “offensive” language, I am going to be myself and not censor my thoughts or words in my writing. If this book was to ever be published, I’d probably be cancelled, so I’m going to need a pen name. This book will offend people, but perhaps some people need to be offended in order to step back and take a good, long, hard look at their own behaviors and actions (or inaction, in some cases), and resolve to be a better person.

I haven’t written about food here in a while, certainly not a recipe. I haven’t cooked anything note-worthy in a while; the weather is getting too hot to use the oven, I’m on a diet (when am I not?), and my fiance is also making an effort to continue his fitness and healthy-eating regime, so fatty sauces and pasta dishes haven’t been on the menu lately. I could be like some others and post a basic bitch recipe for lemonade or a salad, but hopefully you’re smart enough and creative enough to know how to do those things without a recipe.

On another note, I am happy low-rise is “back in style” (even though I never stopped rocking it). I’m ready for a Summer of walking around with pants down to my pubic bone and my ass-crack exposed every time I bend over to pick something up or sit down at a restaurant. What a time to be alive! Even the ugly cargo pants I wore as a 14 year old are back in style! Good thing I saved mine:

Glad that my mom never tossed these 2003 Abercrombie cargo pants that I’ve sat in the dresser drawer at my parents’ house for the last 20 years…. now I can be as cool as Gen Z LOL

On another note, I need to leave this city and America as soon as possible. There are too many psychos walking the streets these days. I was harassed/assaulted by a young man on a motorcycle crossing the Williamsburg bridge on Saturday. He was driving his motorcycle on the pedestrian path (I was walking to Williamsburg and he was driving towards Manhattan), and I turned around to attempt to take a video of him speeding away on his motorcycle. He circled back around on his motorcycle and cornered me (he was still on his bike and had me cornered up against a wall of construction fencing) and threatened me, screaming “why did you take a video of me? You better delete that fucking video!” He kept riding on his bike while I tried to escape/continue walking ahead. He finally left when more pedestrians were approaching in either direction. I thought about grabbing my pepper spray, but any man violent and hostile enough to corner a woman on his motorcycle is also probably willing to punch, stab or shoot them. I called 911 as soon as he drove off to report it, and hauled ass the rest of the way home.

A police officer was sent to meet me at the end of the bridge, but I beat them off and kept speed-walking until I was home. I got a call from the local precinct asking if I wanted to come in and report the incident, but what are they going to do? They’re worthless. I just hope this man crashed and died or will in the near future. The world does not need people like this walking around. First of all, he was endangering everyone walking on the PEDESTRIAN path by being on a motorcycle and going 40 MPH across the bridge. Second of all, for him to threaten me, corner me and harass me because he did something wrong, is out of line. He’s probably on parole all ready and was scared I had his face in the video (I literally had a 1 second clip of his back as he sped away). I haven’t been that scared in a long time (not since a deranged, high AF homeless lady grabbed me by the hair last summer).

This country needs help. The people of this country need mental help.

On that note, stay safe out there kids. Cheers!

Triggered: A Political Rant & I saw Korn and Alice in Chains

Here’s a picture of the lovely cheese pizza I ate on Sunday, before I launch into a tirade about the state of this nation and you wonder why you’re ready this “food” blog

Here is a picture of my Sunday evening vino at Huckleberry Bar, where I relaxed for a couple of hours before the real world kicked my ass on Monday morning.  You’ll probably need some vino yourself after readying this blog…. 

#TRIGGERED   Usually I HATE when people say they’re “triggered,” but tonight, it’s the only way to describe how I am feeling based on everything that’s going on in this world and out of my control.

It’s 11:05pm on a Wednesday night in August, 2019, and I am already worrying about the outcome of the 2020 presidential election.  If Trump wins a second term, I am seriously convinced the entire government is rigged by the 1% (I mean, we already know it is, but…still….). I cannot continue to live in this nation as an American citizen, a nation that has become a disgrace among all of the other developed nations since November 2016.  My cat’s a$$hole would be a better president than Trump at this point in time. Furthermore, Lord knows, that in the year 2020, America is still not progressive enough (and certainly MUCH less progressive than we were even 10 years ago) to elect a woman as president of the United States.  At this point in time, I’m strongly Bernie or bust.  This country needs tax reform, gun reform, free health care, and better/free education for the masses.  We need someone who will lift of us up out of this dark spiral into which we’ve been dragged down for the last several years.

The whole Jeffrey Epstein scandal has made me sick to my stomach and furious since he was re-arrested back in July, and even more so since he “killed himself” last weekend.  I’ve been following this scandal since the first time he was convicted back in 2008.   I usually don’t believe in conspiracies, but I am quite certain that Epstein must have had the dirtiest of the dirt on a ring of high-profile pedophiles running our own government as well as others (hello Prince Andrew and Mohhamed Bin Salman… looking at you).  Dude was clearly murdered before he could spill the beans and create more issues within our government.  The government is the reason he got such a light sentence back in 2008 in the first place (Alexander Acosta…. all of the high-profile, government pedos involved back then).

I’m also sickened by the treatment of refugees and those seeking asylum or a better life for themselves and their families in this nation.  It’s a damn shame that in the year 2020, in America, our government is tearing innocent families apart, jailing both children and parents in deplorable conditions.

The government corruption, together with the ever increasing threat of destruction of environment and wildlife due to humanity has really brought me to a breaking point tonight.  My boyfriend just got home from work and told me he thinks Donald Trump will win a second term and it’s lit a fire I haven’t felt in months.   I am not being far-fetched when I say that I will have to pull a Hunter S. Thompson in the event that Trump is re-elected.  Either that, or I will have to move to Venice and live with my boyfriend’s parents, with or without him.  I can’t stay in this country that’s falling apart at the seams if there is no hope for the future.

I already assume we’ll all be dead, or at least in the midst of societal collapse, in the next 10-15 years given the impact of global warming, extreme weather, crop failure, destruction of top soil, plastic pollution, mass migration due to all of these factors, water shortages, etc..  I can’t just stay here as an American citizen and watch what used to be one of the greatest nations in the world with the most civil liberties slowly be ground into complete destruction beyond redemption by greedy corporations, corrupt government, and absolute ignorance and neglect in terms of saving what we have left of the natural world.  Instead, we have been turned against each other, the country has once again become rife with racism and sexism due to our esteemed leader and anti-right propaganda, we have to fear being shot as we go about our daily lives, not by ISIS, but by home-grown, white, domestic terrorist psychopaths…. this is no way to live.

Meanwhile, people keep eating factory-farm raised beef and processed chicken nuggets, throwing around plastic, and spraying chemicals on their lawns, with their phone in their hand 24/7, more concerned about the latest episode of the Kardashians, or with some celebrity’s tweet, than about taking what small steps they can to help save the Earth before it’s too late.  I am not perfect, FAR from it.  But at least I am AWARE and I am TRYING to help in whatever small way I can.  I saw some 10 year old girl throw a plastic bottle on the sidewalk yesterday and I almost lost my shit on her, but I knew her mom would have words with me/kick my ass if I reprimanded her child.  THIS is the world we live in… this is why people pollute and this is why people don’t give a fuck… they aren’t taught to care.

Anyhow…. before I self implode, let me pour myself a glass of wine to take some of the edge off and focus on something pleasant.  Like food.  Also, music.

I went to see Korn and Alice in Chains last Wednesday and they were everything I hoped for and then some.  Both bands honestly surpassed my expectations and Jonathan Davis of Korn was much hotter than I expected.  Oh, and somehow we were front and center!!!!!  Not sure how that happened…. but it was fucking awesome:

Jerry Cantrell… up close and personal…. I can die happy now. 

William DuVall – current lead singer of Alice in Chains.  Alice in Chains is one of my favorite bands and they sounded as good live as they do recorded… I am so happy we made the trek to Jones Beach for this concert

Jonathan Davis in a kilt… that’s hot.  Also, this security dude is legit in every picture and video I took since I was in front of the stage… LOL. 

I’d have to say, apart from the perfect concert (and this one actually was PERFECT – right up there with NIN and Soundgarden in 2014), the other highlight of the day was getting back to NYC at 12:30am and getting empanadas at Empanada Mama on the Lower East Side because we were starving.

HOLY SHIT… if you haven’t been to Empanada Mama, you MUST GO.  Maybe we were starving from walking around all day, slightly drunk, and exhausted.  But damn, those empanadas were delicious and inspired me to try my hand at making my own the next day.  They have this one empanada that is off the hook called the “Viagra”.  It’s stuffed with shrimp and imitation crab and its beyond.  I have to go back to Empanada Mama soon.  The best part?  They’re open 24/7! Despite being open 24/7, it’s pretty nice inside with lots of seating, a full bar, good lighting, and decent decor.

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The Viagra empanadas were so good that when I woke up the next day, I was craving more and attempted to recreate them at home! 


They turned out pretty good!  Not nearly as good as EM, but good for my first try and for making the dough from scratch.  I kind of want to get a part-time job at Empanada Mama so I can learn their secrets!

Last night, I made a vegetarian “sausage” and mushroom fettuccine dish, that was so good it fooled my boyfriend into thinking it was actually real meat (he had no idea it was a ‘veggie’ sausage).


I’ll write the recipe for this one tomorrow.  Hopefully I won’t be feeling as triggered then.  LOL.

Korn and Corn

I love rock concerts – they’re the perfect excuse to dress the way I wish I could dress all day, every day… what can I say? Old habits die hard.

Once again, I haven’t written in a while because I’ve been too caught-up in the daily grind of working to pay bills and maintaining my apartment and cats.  I try to go out and party when I have an opportunity to do so, taking advantage of the fact that it’s summer, but then I feel guilty when I spend precious hours of free time recovering from a night out on the town or I end up spending a Saturday doing a weeks-work of cleaning and errands.  The life of a working woman is not all it’s cracked up to be, friends.

I was in the midst of writing another installment of Indigo Wren, but I kept getting writer’s block, so I decided to throw in the towel for now.

I haven’t taken any vacation time this summer (not long weekends, not a trip to the beach, neinte, nada, NOTHING!), and therefore I am more excited than any person my age should be to have two days off of work mid-week so I can go to a Korn/Alice in Chains concert in Jones Beach… WTF.  That’s what my vacation is this year… a rock concert. SAD.

Is that sad?! I think it might be, but I don’t care.  The only other thing I have lined up to look forward to is a week in Maine – the last week of August.  I cannot wait to spend a week on the coast, sea kayaking, biking, and drinking cocktails and eating seafood.  Based on how fast the rest of this year, and especially this summer, has flown by so far, I know it will be here in the blink of an eye.  Even more thrilling than being “on vacation” though, is honestly just being off of work for a whole week.  Hell, I’d even take a stay-cation at this point, just to spend time away from work and out of the office.  Brutal.  Also, getting out of this putrid, summer-stench, dirty, ugly city will also be amazing.  The entire city currently smells like expired yogurt, dehydrated, homeless person piss, dog diarrhea and rotting fruit.  Fucking foul. I almost threw up one day walking up the subway stairs because I was mildly hungover and a dog (or human… who knows in this neighborhood) had diarrhe-ed ALL OVER the subway stairs.

Sorry… I know that’s gross, but alas, that’s the reality of life in this shitty city.  I am SO looking forward to sleeping-in this weekend.  I never thought I’d consider sleeping until 8:30am “sleeping in.”  LOL.  Who have I become?! Sometimes I don’t know or like this person.  Then again, sometimes I DO like this person, because at least she is less prone to blacking out and losing her debit card or starting fights.

Sloppy presentation, delicious food… I made lentil “meatballs” Swedish style!

Lentil Swedish “meat” balls

So, every time I made my lentil balls, I usually make them in tomato sauce, like I would traditional, Italian meatballs.  I had a brilliant idea a few nights ago, to switch it up and prepare them like Swedish meatballs.  I went out and bought all of the accoutrements of a typical Scandinavian meal – potatoes, beets, dill, creme fraiche, etc..  When I got home, I had to run the dishwasher because literally every piece of silverware was dirty and every single plate too.  I never realized how fucking long the dishwasher takes to do it’s thing!  I boiled the lentils, and then thought I could do more prep work and peel the beets, etc., until I realized even my veggie peeler and my cutting board were in the dishwasher.  I tried to wait it out, but I was starving to death, especially after a glass of wine, and ended up ordering Thai food.  I’ve realized I don’t like Thai food as much as I used to…. the red curry was too coconut milk-y and made me feel hella sick.

I also made some crab cakes this week, which are always a hit in this house, since my boyfriend, myself, and the cats love crab meat.  Anything for my cats….

(^^^ Alexa kept playing emo songs when I was cooking).  The secret to moist and delectable crab cakes, is adding a couple of tablespoons of mayo to the mix.

The real showstopper this week though, or technically last weekend now, was the sweet corn risotto and sea scallop situation I made:

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I made the risotto first (you can modify this recipe by using chicken stock in place of seafood stock, and obviously subbing in sweet corn kernels in place of the shrimp).  Yeah… I’m too damn tired to write out a recipe tonight.

I walked 3 miles to Whole Foods and back again in the 93 degree heat to get sea scallops. Despite the fact that there are a couple of closer fish stores, Whole Foods still has the best seafood in the area.  I pan seared the scallops in butter (recipe for scallops can be found HERE).

There was a ton of risotto left-over since the scallops were the main feature of this meal.  I love to cook enough food that I have leftovers for a couple of days…. even though cooking brings me a lot of joy and it’s something I enjoy doing every day, it’s comforting to know there is prepared food in the fridge in case I get stuck working late.

What else have I been up to lately?  Not much…. klutz-ing around as usual.  I decided to do a fake tan (St. Tropez), as I was sick of seeing how lovely everyone else looked all bronzed and golden and sunkissed.  Needless to say, the same thing that happens every time I fake tan happened again – I looked like I was radioactive and/or sprayed with agent orange.  I don’t know why I always convince myself that maybe ‘this time will be different than the last’ when I decide I don’t want to be pale anymore.

Agent orange color – bruises from dancing on tiled flooring.

Allergic reaction to some mosquito bites I got at Knockdown Center basement…. looks like cigarette burns

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And finally, back to my natural skin color, after the tan wore off… but the two week old bruises still persist.

I live such a charmed life.

Tuna and me, sporting devil horns… just two peas in a pod!

When your kitten has been watching Fox News again