coronavirus – The High Heeled C*ntessa

A very COVID Christmas

Halloween day – I dressed up for the sake of dressing up and to take a slutty selfie, but stayed home because it was the responsible thing to do… and because I had COVID

Can you believe I started writing this blog a month ago and never finished? I sure as hell can. It’s been forever (what’s new?). This year is almost over, and the sad reality of a COVID Christmas season is upon us. I know I thought I had corona virus back in March, but I guess I was mistaken, because I actually tested positive for Corona last month, in October. Cheers fam. I survived unscathed… apart from the fact that four weeks later, I can still barely taste or smell. But if that’s the small price to pay for not being critically ill, well by God I’ll take it! So yeah, if you follow me on Instagram and wonder why I haven’t been cooking as much, it’s because for the last few weeks I haven’t been able to taste or smell ANYTHING. You could have held dog shit or the world’s most expensive perfume under my nose a couple of weeks ago, and I wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference because I wouldn’t have smelled either. As far as taste, that is also coming back. Two weeks ago I could only taste extreme salt or sugar. I couldn’t taste spicy though or sour. I could eat chocolate or Nutella and it would just taste sweet, but not chocolaty. I still can’t really smell or taste coffee. Thankfully, my sense of smell of taste and smell are slowly coming back… SLOWLY.

Leading up to my positive diagnoses, I had a slightly elevated temperature and felt a bit “off” for about a week prior, but I thought it was the change of seasons. Honestly, a common cold would normally include worse symptoms than what I experienced. My throat didn’t hurt, but felt a little “tight.” Kind of like when you first turn the A.C. on when summer hits. I had no body aches, no cough, no real fever (my temp was like 100 degrees one day, but I thought it was because I was hungover). I knew that I needed to go get tested though, when I lost my sense of smell and taste one night… since normally I have the sensory capabilities of a bloodhound (I can usually smell if someone had one drink 6 hours ago and what the neighbor two floors down is cooking). I went to a walk in clinic knowing I was going to test positive, and sure enough I did.

Needless to say, I wasn’t very hungry for the first couple of weeks that I couldn’t smell or taste, and much to my entertainment, I lost a few pounds. This was the only upside. Sadly, after I tested negative, I went home to watch my sister’s kids for five days (like all day and overnight… not just “babysitting”), on top of also working from home. The stress of this arrangement caused me to senselessly binge eat for five days straight and gain back all the weight I’d lost plus some. I can never win. I am honestly just thankful that I didn’t pass the virus onto my sister or to my niece and nephew, because they are the only people that I hung out with (other than my live-in boyfriend) for the week leading up to my diagnosis. I am also thankful that I lost my sense of smell and taste, otherwise I might have never gotten tested and unknowingly passed it onto my parents.

SIDE NOTE (after watching kids and basically being a single mom for 5 days):

If you are reading this and you are a mom, I applaud you. Legit props to any mothers out there, especially working moms. I don’t know how you do it, because I was ready to off myself numerous times throughout each day that I watched two kids, and I was so damn tired each night that it was honestly all I could do just to scroll through Instagram after the kids were finally asleep. Kids and motherhood are a beautiful thing for some people, but I’ve decided I am NOT cut out for that life. Furthermore, we all know that moms do like 90+ percent of the work when it comes to child-rearing and keeping the house clean and running functionally, so like, extra extra props to all of you.

Anyhow, despite this last month that is both a total blur and a total shit-show, I’ve still been cooking (just not regularly posting what I cook). Because I have been cooking for so long now, I know how much of and which seasonings and ingredients to add, regardless of whether or not I can actually taste/enjoy the finished meal. It’s a true gift…. possibly the only thing I was gifted with in this life, besides my twisted sense of humor.

A mushroom carbonara I made – literally the same way I would make a classic carbonara, but I used shitaake mushrooms in place of pig

A vegetarian borscht I made, because I fucking love beets and soup

A delicious Puttanesca I made while the BF and I were upstate this week. My niece made me watch so many episodes of ‘A Series of Unfortunate Events’ while I watched her, that I kept thinking about how when the movie first came out, I had such a craving for Puttanesca (if you haven’t seen it… don’t ask; if you have seen the movie, you’ll get it). My boyfriend said it was a “10” and coming from a born and raised Italian, that is the highest compliment I can get. It tasted pretty fucking good to me, even if my taste isn’t 100% restored

I bought some really high quality anchovies from my favorite local Italian store – Tavola 35. You only need a few to make Puttanesca sauce – like 3-4.

My new favorite brand of pasta – also from Tavola 35. They really come through for me. They’re even carrying nero di seppia now (a.k.a squid ink)! They legit have all of the nice ingredients I can’t find anywhere else

Sorry (not sorry) for all of the food porn spam. I mean, that is what this blog WAS supposed to be about when I started it. I got this awesome mozzarella di bufala from (yep, you guessed it…) Tavola 35. It was so good. I used it on a really big salad while we were upstate.

I don’t think that we are going home for Thanksgiving this year do to COVID cases picking back up and my boyfriend’s work schedule (and mine). It’s honestly not that tragic for me. Having worked a few years of retail in the past, I’ve missed a couple of Thanksgivings in my life, and I can honestly say that there are some upsides. I won’t have to dodge questions about why I don’t have any turkey on my plate. I also won’t end up binge eating for 4-days straight, which is usually what happens on any given weekend spent home (the stress of being with family, coupled with the availability of my favorite snacks, paired with the boredom of being in a rural town always sends me into a tailspin…). Honestly, missing Christmas is much more tragic… I’m hoping that doesn’t happen.

Also, my sister and her family will be overseas, so that really takes away from the joy and excitement (kids really do make holidays better…my mom wasn’t lying). I think I’ll do a vegetarian or pescatarian Thanksgiving for just me and my boyfriend here in the city. I will plan to make all of the sides (mashed potatoes, *mushroom* gravy, stuffing, green bean casserole, etc.) and then do either a fo-turkey, or lobster or scallops as the main dish. I mean, you can’t pour mushroom gravy over seafood, but l’ll improvise and adjust all the dishes once I know for sure what the game plan is. My favorite Thanksgiving dishes were always stuffing and green bean casserole – both of which I have perfected in the art of making vegan, so that’s a done deal.

As the pandemic drags on into the 10th month, and winter is fully upon us, the outlook seems bleak. The days are shorter, and we have complete night by 4:30pm each day. The impending doom of another shutdown/lock-down is also making anxiety and stress levels go up across the world. With everything being so dismal, it is important to take time out (when we can) and take care of ourselves (to the extent we can). I mean, if I was really taking care of myself, I’d probably need to see a therapist weekly, start hitting the gym, and stop drinking wine. But, alas… since these things aren’t possible in the time being, I resort to long baths and painting my nails. One of the worst things about the entire last ten months has been the fact that none of us (most of us) don’t really have anything to look forward to (or so it seems).

It’s hard finding motivation to take care of yourself when you aren’t regularly seeing people or socializing. I find myself asking “what is the point?” more often than not. I miss being able to have future plans that I looked forward to – concerts, travel, parties, etc.. I know that these will come back one day (hopefully sooner than later), but in the meantime, I honestly don’t know what to look forward to, because even weekends kind of suck now.

I did a self-tan recently and felt like a new woman. Painting my nails has also reminded me I am still a woman and worthy of my own attention and ‘self-care’ (such an overused term these days – I know). Literally, my “self care” when I was watching my niece and nephew was to get the coffee maker ready so that all I had to do was hit a button the next morning … LOL. Honestly though, with all the shit going on in the world and in our lives, it is important to do little things to make ourselves feel happier and more at peace with ourselves. Whether that is a fake tan that’s going to rub off on everything, or setting the coffee maker for the next morning, after a 16 hour day of rearing children and working.

If you know me, you know I have a deep love of skorts (so I can get up to hijinks whilst remaining *semi* respectable) and of fuzzy/feathered texture sweaters and coats (it’s the raver in me…what can I say??)

Anyhow. The way things are going, I am prepared for a very emo holiday season. Christmas is normally my favorite time of the year. This year is not looking so bright or merry with cases picking up all over the globe and everything shutting down again. Things were so promising for a few months – why the fuck couldn’t we keep it that way?! I’ll tell you why – because we got careless and sloppy and now we are all paying the price (myself included in this demographic).

I am scared about getting laid-off if things haven’t improved by early next year. I am also scared about another shutdown of restaurants/bars here in NYC, since my boyfriend and most of my friends are working in the hospitality industry, and have either been out of work for months, or will be out of work again. Scary fucking times ‘yo. But honestly, what can we do? I guess all we can do is take it day by day and to appreciate the little things in this life. Or, rather, appreciate the important things.

If you have a roof over your head (even if you’re scared of losing it in a couple of months), food in your fridge and in your belly, a small network of friends or a family who you know will help you out when times are tough, and if you are healthy, you are doing better than most of the world. Be thankful for all of these things that you might regularly take for granted. The worse this world gets, and the more uncertain my future is, the more thankful I am for even the things I used to take for granted (my health, my *sometimes dysfunctional* family, the people who love me unconditionally, having food to eat, etc.).

Back to the Food – Split Pea Soup and Asparagus Fettuccine

Got a bit derailed there for a while, regarding the last several blogs… but hey – isn’t that how life goes? What fun would life be if you never derailed a bit? Good to stay on your toes and take the punches as they come… or something like that.

I am finally back to write about food/cooking after writing about my personal life, the quarantine, fictional characters by the name of Indigo, and whatever else I felt like writing about for the last several blogs.

It’s not that I haven’t been cooking – I have been… it’s just that I don’t ever use precise measurements when I cook, and so when I think about trying to transpose the recipe as into written word, it’s a bit daunting trying to mentally compute the measurements of each and every ingredient I used. In other words, I’m fucking lazy sometimes and it’s difficult to transmit what’s in my head into words after another long day of being me.

The best split pea soup I ever made (vegetarian option pictured here, with finishing touch of crème fraîche)

If you know me, you also probably know that I’m obsessed with soups, both making them and eating them. Split pea is one of my favorites, and the one I make is vegetarian, but would otherwise be entirely vegan, if not for the finishing touch of crème fraîche! I also want to apologize for the lack of ‘process’ photos for this – I actually made it for lunch while I was “working” (aka working from home, aka my laptop is open and minimal work is coming in)… so I failed to take or post any pics and videos for the ‘gram.

INGREDIENTS:

1 and 1/4 cups of dried, split peas
2 medium-sized carrots (chopped)
1/2 of a large white/yellow onion (finely chopped)
4 cloves of garlic (finely minced)
2 stalks of celery (diced)
1 medium potato (Idaho or russet)
4-5 tablespoons of olive oil (enough to cover the bottom of your pot)
4 cups (one 32 oz. carton) of vegetable stock (**can use chicken stock if you’re not opposed)
2-3 cups water (depends on how thick you want your soup to be!)
2 tsp smoked paprika
1 tsp celery salt
1 tsp granulated/powdered onion
1 tsp granulated/powdered garlic
a generous pinch of cayenne pepper
salt and pepper to taste
YOU WILL NEED A BLENDER OR IMMERSION BLENDER FOR THIS RECIPE

TO FINISH (OPTIONAL):

Small dollop (a generous teaspoon) of crème fraîche or sour cream
Crackers, croutons, or a side of toasted baguette… I used the below bruschetta toasts, which I’ve really been digging lately:

DIRECTIONS:

Prep the veggies – potato, carrots, celery should be washed; carrots should be chopped (relatively small pieces), onion finely chopped, garlic finely minced, potato chopped into cubes, and celery chopped.
In a large pot, heat olive oil over low heat, add in the onions stirring occasionally and cooking over low-heat until translucent and yellow.
Add in the garlic and continue to cook over low heat for another minute or two.
Add in the split peas, all of the veggie stock, and a cup of water – raise temperature and bring to a gentle boil.
Cook until the split peas are almost tender – about 25-30 minutes (I think?)… occasionally sample a pea or two to see how tender they are..
Once the peas are almost tender, add in all of the other veggies (chopped carrots, celery, and potato), and then add in another cup of water.
At this point, I add in my spices – add in the granulated (or powdered) onion and garlic, celery salt, a generous pinch of cayenne pepper, smoked paprika, black pepper and some salt.
A TIP: Taste-test to see if anything more is needed spice/seasoning-wise. I honestly never measure my spices or salt/pepper when cooking – I start with a reasonable amount and add more as I go along. This way you can achieve your desired taste, spiciness, level of salt, etc…. it’s always better to start with too little than too much!
Continue to cook over medium heat (or at a low boil) for another 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Check to see that vegetables are thoroughly cooked (soft) by sampling. Once the potatoes, carrots, celery and split peas are all soft, it is time to blend!
Using an immersion blender or a ladle to move soup into an actual blender, blend around 2/3 of the contents of the pot of soup. This creates a rich, thick puree, but also leaves some chunks of veggies for texture and aesthetic. When blending the split-pea soup, I try to avoid ladling the carrot pieces into the blender (some are obviously fine), in order to achieve added color and texture to the finished soup.
Continue to keep soup over low heat once fully blended, add in more seasonings if necessary.
Serve hot, with a small dollop of crème fraîche and some crumbled crackers/croutons/toasted bread.

And now for the pasta dish! This one was a hit – I topped with bacon for the BF and ate mine without, but it was every bit as flavorful!

Fettuccine with creamed asparagus sauce, finished with bacon (*bacon is of course, optional)

INGREDIENTS:

Pasta of your choice (I prefer an egg noodle fettuccine for this dish, since it is lighter and holds the sauce well)
3-4 strips of bacon, roughly chopped into bits (*this is optional)
1 bundle of asparagus, cut into bite-size pieces (make sure to chop off the ends of the stalks and discard, as the base is very woody/fibrous)
3 cloves of garlic (finely minced)
4-5 tablespoons of olive oil (enough to cover the bottom of your saute pan)
2 Tbs. butter (***if you opt not to use the leftover bacon grease)
1 cup half and half
1/4 cup water (*more or less depending on how thick your sauce is)
generous pinch of grated nutmeg
salt and pepper to taste
freshly shaved/grated Parmigiano-Reggiano to finish

DIRECTIONS:

1. For the pasta: fill a large pot with water, add a generous amount of salt, and set on high heat to bring to a boil.
2. In a large saute pan, heat the olive oil over low heat, and add in the chopped bacon. Cook over low-medium heat until desired level of crispiness. Remove with slotted spoon and set aside in separate bowl.
3. You can use the bacon-grease/olive oil in the saute pan as it is, if you’re OK with eating bacon – it will add more flavor to the sauce. If you’re not OK with eating bacon, you’ll have to start with a fresh saute pan and olive oil.
4. Add the chopped asparagus to the saute pan, and cook over low heat, stirring occasionally. You’ll want to cook the asparagus like this until it is fairly tender, but not mushy. Add in the minced garlic after the asparagus has been cooking for about 6 minutes, being careful not to burn the garlic.
5. Once the asparagus has cooked for about 10 minutes in the saute pan, add in the half and half and the water and bring to a low, rolling boil. Cook for an additional 10 minutes in the liquid, stirring occasionally, until the asparagus is very tender.

Pictured here: the asparagus and garlic simmering in the half and half and water

Add in the nutmeg, and salt and pepper to taste.
Now that the asparagus is tender, you can either pour the contents of the saute pan into a blender, and blend on low, or, you can manually mash with a fork or masher (this is what I did). Mashing by hand leaves more texture and visible bits of asparagus so sauce is not a complete puree.
Once you’ve mashed down the asparagus, you may find the sauce is too thick and you need to add a bit more water or half and half! You should also taste test to see if more seasoning is needed.
I chose to hand-mash my asparagus, not only because the blender was dirty, but also because I like the added texture. You’ll know if you haven’t cooked the asparagus long enough, because it will be very difficult to mash by hand if not.
Once you’ve achieved your desired level of thickness and taste, add in the butter, and stir until dissolved. Leave the sauce on the lowest heat setting, so that it remains warm once pasta is done.
Once your pot of pasta water is boiling, add in pasta and cook according to time suggested on pasta box.
Drain the pasta once finished, and add to sauce, gently stirring/tossing to thoroughly coat the noodles.
Serve on plate with freshly grated parm, and top with bacon (if desired)

PHEW! Writing these recipes really does take a lot more brain power and work than actually cooking them!

I’m thankful that it’s Friday, so I don’t have to be on high alert watching my emails or glued to my laptop for the next couple of days. I think the rest of the weekend is going to be cold and shitty, but honestly I don’t care… I’m kind of happy. I’m definitely not feeling confident enough to wear summer clothes at this point, following almost 8 weeks of quarantine (aka binge-eating), so the cold and rain is a welcome relief… not like I could go out looking like a THOT anyhow since all bars, restaurants and clubs are still closed until further notice. You hear that? I’ve got a few more weeks to shape up… literally. LOL.

I made pizza from scratch today… probably doesn’t help my quarantine body, but since it’s a cold day, it’s always a good excuse to use the oven.

In other news, I was tired of all of the white hairs springing up around my temples, and couldn’t possibly wait another month (or longer) to have a professional cover them. I’ve never used dye at home before, and usually only get lowlights/highlights once every 4-5 months. I was really overdue for some lowlights, and couldn’t bare the sight of the whites any longer, so I took a bold step and purchased custom dye from eSalon. I was always scared to try anything with my hair at home because of lack of experience, but also I have a fear of burning off/chemically frying my hair to the point of no return. My boyfriend assisted, and the result is pretty decent, in my opinion.

IMG_1726 (1) — Some vibrant red low-lights to help hide my multiplying whites and brighten me up. I think I actually need to go a shade lighter next time, since my natural color is significantly lighter, and now my blonde brows look out of place… I’m going to wait for my hair dresser though. It’s way better having someone else paint/wash your hair.

What else can I say… not much is new, if you know what I mean. I’ve got my daily routine down pretty pat at this point. Work, walk, work, car ride, cook, TV time, sleep. Sometimes I’ll throw in a walk before work to spice things up, or if work is slow, cook in the middle of the day.

IMG_1784 (1) — Pic from my BF’s job near Times Square… I like to go with him when he needs to go into Manhattan. It’s basically like taking a mini vacation at this point to go into another borough or ride in the car!

Pic (taken from inside the car) of Times Square in the rain the other day

I hope you’re all still staying safe and sane at this point. I’m running out of inspiration for recipes since I’m kind of just over everything. If there’s anything you want to see me cook or try my hand at, feel free to email me or DM on Instagram. I’m always excited to try cooking new things (preferably without meat – but open to seafood)! #Cheers

Quarantine Depression

I’d like to start this blog off by acknowledging how lucky I am – I am still employed and able to work from home (for now… that may all change in the coming months), I have a roof over my head and food in my cupboards, I am healthy (physically-speaking… mentally, not so much), my family and friends are healthy, I’m not working from home while trying to parent/educate my children at the same time, and I am not a health care worker or food-service worker who has to put my own health at risk each and every day. Shout out to everyone still going to work each day in the health industry, food-service industry, or whatever line of retail or service industry that has you leaving your house to deal with the general public – you’re the real MVPs.

However, this quarantine, now that it has been extended another month, and the state of the world in general has made me feel extremely depressed, and has me wondering what the purpose of life is, if things will ever really get better, and feeling like nothing really matters.

I have lost interest in things that brought me joy, like cooking (food shopping and cooking isn’t nearly as exciting as it was when I was trapped in an office all day and looking forward to coming home and unwinding by cooking something labor-intensive and exciting), writing (I started 3 different blog drafts about three weeks ago, finished none, and haven’t logged back onto WordPress until now), and painting (no inspiration whatsoever). I feel trapped inside this apartment, trapped inside my mind, and I don’t even have a date to or event or anything to look forward to to keep me motivated. It’s really hard to stay positive when you don’t even know when quarantine will end, or if things will ever go back to being even remotely close to how they were.

Will we ever be able to go to concerts or festivals again? Will restaurants and clubs and bars be the same when this is over? Will we constantly be anxiously awaiting the next pandemic or disaster? Even when this pandemic ends, there is still global warming and all of the shit that entails to deal with.

I’ve tried to keep myself active by getting out for walks, if not daily, at least every other day. They seem to help while I am on them, but after I return to my apartment and the high of walking 4 miles wears off, the depression sets in again.

It’s a struggle not binge-eating because there is nothing else to do BUT eat, and I constantly have an empty void inside my soul that needs to be filled with something – whether that something is shopping, cooking, fun activities, or now, food. If I eat too much than I get more stressed than ever, since I am not getting nearly the amount of physical activity I was when I was going into the office each day. I’m not trying to body shame anyone, but the last thing I am going to deal with on top of all of this other shit is hating my body, since I have to live in it and see it every day.

I miss my family and not knowing when I can go see them again without the fear that I might be carrying the virus and infect someone unintentionally. I mean, I could get in a car tonight and drive upstate to stay with my parents, but that is not what we are supposed to do, and like I said, I might possibly and unintentionally get someone sick if I have been exposed to the virus.

My boyfriend and I haven’t been to Italy together since August/September 2018. We were looking forward to a trip this summer to spend time with his parents in Venice and to see his friends and travel to other countries for our own pleasure, and now all of that is not only on hold, but we don’t even know when travel bans will be lifted. It’s just really stressful and anxiety provoking not to know what the future holds. We cannot even make plans so that we have something to look forward to when all of this ends.

My skin has been breaking out terribly, probably from a combination of stress and poor eating habits (excess sugar, excess fats, excess dairy in the form of cheese…). This in turn makes me even MORE STRESSED and fucking crazy. I am trying to remain calm, but it’s kind of hard to do with this current state of affairs. My skin is inflamed and aggravated with ugly, red, painful zits all over my cheeks and chin. It is definitely a combination of hormonal acne and wearing a fucking mask every day when I go to run an errand or take a walk. By the way – I know all of this is trivial bullshit compared to what others are dealing with and going through right now. I know that this is trivial bullshit… but it still fucking blows.

I wish I had a yard to sit in and to take in some fresh air, sans-mask. I wish I had some woods to walk in or a lake to take a paddle boat or canoe out on, or just anything other than these ugly, grey, dirty NYC streets.

My finger and some extra heavy concealer are covering a few zits… but this picture was taken a few days ago and the situation is now 3x worse. If you’ve ever suffered from cystic acne (which I have), you’ll know how mentally and emotionally destructive it is dealing with huge, ugly, painful acne on your face each day.

Trying to hide my zits with a wine glass and party glasses with no lenses.

I’m really trying to stay positive because I know having a positive mindset is everything… it’s just really hard right now. Work has slowed to a crawl… which is scary but I also have more time to take an afternoon walk. I guess only time will tell. In the mean time, I am trying to focus on the things I can control… like staying semi-healthy and fit.

Quarantine: Day 8

Scratch that title… today was day 10 of quarantine (for me… I’m sure some of you have been home longer or shorter, depending on your situation). I started this blog two or three nights ago, but I’ve been working 12 hour days without leaving my apartment or getting any fresh air or mental breaks. No physical activity apart from manic dance sessions, a few push-ups and some floor ab work. Which doesn’t do shit to negate all of the food I’ve been consuming – not only out of absolute and total boredom, but also the stress of working 12 hour days. It’s a vicious cycle… it really is. I have to stop eating tomorrow (at least, stop eating in the manner I have been, which is probably similar to what a body-builder might be consuming calorie-wise), otherwise, if and when summer finally rolls around and we are allowed to be social again, I won’t be able to be social at all since I will be so unhappy with my physical appearance. Not going out and getting fresh air is killing me. I know I’m not alone in this… but fuck it is draining on my mental state and emotional well-being.

Being stuck inside has really made me value my mobility and my freedom. I feel so much worse now for all of the elderly people and disabled individuals who cannot up and leave their house when they want, or depend on someone to accompany them so that they can leave their house. I feel terrible for all of the elderly people who are home alone 24/7 without even the company of internet friends or family to chat with on the phone. I always had empathy for this group of people, especially because one of my grandmothers rarely got out of her house in the last years of her life, but now I just feel terrible. No one should be so alone and cut off. I’m one of the lucky ones, since I am at least stranded with my boyfriend. At least I have someone to argue with…. JK.

I suppose the most important thing is that we’re all healthy in my family and among my group of friends/co-workers. I am also still employed, which is a relief and puts me in a better position financially than many others who suffered lay-offs as a result of this virus. But HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I am going crazy trying to stay sane and stay inside without my daily 5-6 miles of walking and these 12-hour work days glued to my laptop. I have been dancing like an asshole to 80’s bands (Duran Duran, Depeche Mode, etc.), MC Hammer, classics like “The Humpty Dance,” Michael Jackson, etc. It’s the only way I can burn some energy:

All of the food supplies I bought two weeks ago were used up last week… shows you how good I am at planning for a pandemic. I mean, I didn’t stock up on TP or anything really, because stocking up is impossible when you live in an NYC apartment (Brooklyn, if you’re looking to get specific)… there is just not enough space to store anything in bulk. Grocery stores, delis, and pharmacies are still open for now… so until fresh produce runs out in a few months, I’ll be OK. I still keep thinking this isn’t real… maybe it’s all in my head. Every morning that I wake up, I think I am dreaming and it takes a few minutes to come to terms with reality: no, I don’t have to get up and commute into my Manhattan office; yes, we are quarantined; yes, the world is in-fact FUCKED. Even as I write this, part of me feels like I’m in a dream and this cannot be real life – quarantined in a Brooklyn apartment.

I tried dressing in next to nothing for the first few days of quarantine, hoping it would prevent me from binge eating since I can see my body better and therefore be more “aware” of what I’m putting into it…. didn’t work. Especially after consuming a couple of glasses of vino at night…. I fucking raid the fridge like I haven’t seen food in days.

Since working from home has been so stressful thus far, and each day is so long (8am – 7:30pm or later….), I have been treating myself with copious amounts of wine as compensation. NOT GOOD. I can’t stop though… like, I’m not getting exercise and I can’t leave the house. I’m scared to spend money on anything that isn’t a necessity…. what else do I have to cope??? This week I’m going cold turkey. After the last of the Malbec is gone, I’m done.

Even though work has been off the hook, I’m still scared that I will get laid off in the coming months. Who knows. I guess none of us can possibly know.

I started writing this blog on Tuesday or Wednesday night and it is now Friday. Even though I am trapped inside, I’m thankful I can sleep in tomorrow and not have to concern myself with being glued to my laptop or phone, checking work emails. My big plans are finishing a painting that I started months ago, and taking a walk to the pet store for cat litter. Isn’t that exciting???

Hope you’re all staying healthy and as sane as can be expected.

I Don’t Think I had Corona

Sunday, 3/15/2020 – 1:00pm:

I feel 100% better, which leads me to believe I did not, in fact, have coronavirus. How strange that I felt like crap for 48 hours and am as good as new today… maybe the change in seasons? Seasonal flu (if that’s even a thing)? Who knows. Below you can read my account of what I initially thought might be a case of coronavirus. Hope you’re all staying safe and healthy, kids!

Friday, 3/13/2020 – 1:00am:

I started reading about coronavirus back in early January – right after the New Year. I didn’t know how serious this shit would be, nor did I ever think it would leave China and basically ruin the entire world. I kept joking with a work colleague, that I hoped I caught coronavirus so I’d have an excuse to stay home for a couple of weeks…. and now here I am. Here we are. The entire economy has crashed and burned, thousands of people working in the hospitality industry have been laid off or let go while others have been forced to take pay cuts. Thousands of people are sick and thousands of people have died. This isn’t exactly the joke that I thought it was a few months ago, and I am ashamed to say I took it so lightly and made jokes about it. I was ignorant and didn’t understand the effects that it would have so far and wide on individuals, families, society and the world economy.

I have been riding the subway into and back home from work all week; going into an office building where a thousand others work each day, and going to all of the regular places a person needs to go (deli, grocery store, bank, wine store, etc.) all week. I am quite sure I am in the early stages of having coronavirus, and will attempt to get tested tomorrow, although I hear from even the handful of medical professionals I know, that there is a shortage of tests even here in NYC and hospitals are sending patients home to self-quarantine without testing them first.

I started to get a tight/itchy throat yesterday, along with a slightly elevated temperature, but I thought it was just a case of somatic symptoms, since I’ve spent all day every day reading about coronavirus for the last few weeks. Today, it was the same thing – felt kind of warm and flushed all day, with a tight throat – but given that Spring has sprung here in NYC, I also thought it might be seasonal allergies. And now, here I am. 1:00a.m. on the nose, and I have a temperature of 99.6 Fahrenheit. My body aches, especially my joints, and I feel run down and beyond tired, yet I can’t sleep because my body hurts too badly to get comfy. I also have had some occasional chills.

I’ve scoured the entire internet for protocol regarding how and where to get tested in NYC, and cannot find any useful guidelines or information. I’m going to call the local hospital and emergency walk-in clinic tomorrow and see if they can provide further instruction or any sort of help. My stomach also hurts and feels like it may explode… not cool.

I kind of knew this would happen. I haven’t been sick since Fall of 2018 when I had a really bad cold, so I knew it was about time to catch something. Plus, I totally jinxed myself by wishing I would get it…. be careful what you wish for, kids. Now, I am worried that if I test positive (which I am sure I will if I can get tested…), who I may have infected, since the incubation period is 14 days, and I spent last weekend with my family upstate. I will also have to reach out to work and let them know if I test positive so they can deep clean the office and let people know if they were exposed.

I’m trying to stay positive here, but seeing my city in this state of being and my county and the world in this state of being, is not exactly boosting morale. I pray that my family and friends, and my boyfriends family and friends in Italy continue to stay healthy and safe. I’m not sure how I will be feeling tomorrow, but I will continue to post updates here, since I want to provide a first-hand account of how this virus is for a healthy, young-ish individual, such as myself. So far the actual flu has felt worse…. and as always, a hangover is much much worse than what I feel right now.

UPDATE (3/14/2020 – 10:00am):

I woke up about 30 minutes ago and feel about the same as I did last night. I don’t feel terrible, per se, but I don’t really feel normal or good either. I still have a slight fever (although not a high one) and my joints are achy (especially my hips, knees and my shoulders). I also kind of feel like I have a tight chest… it’s not uncomfortable, but it does feel tight. I called the local walk-in to see what protocol is, and they told me to call the CDC to see if I qualify for testing. If I qualify, I will get tested at a hospital. Additionally, my stomach still feels like a painful ball – it is distended and painful but I don’t need to vomit or go to the bathroom, so I don’t know what’s up with that… but I fucking hate being bloated.

UPDATE (3/14/2020 – 2:00pm):

I called the CDC (tried to, anyway) and was on hold for 45 minutes with no estimated wait time or number of callers ahead of me provided. Needless to say, I don’t have time for that shit and so I hung up. I doubt I would qualify to get tested anyhow, since I have not been in direct contact with any known-infected individuals, nor have I traveled to any of the high risk countries, and I don’t have symptoms that would warrant a hospital stay. Although we were informed yesterday at work, that an elevator maintenance guy who was in the building earlier this week tested positive for corona…. we were assured he was only in the basement though and not even in the elevator, but who fucking knows.

My temp reached 100.7 and I took some ibuprofen. I am feeling slightly better right now, but I’ve noticed the symptoms seem to wax and wane. I doubt it’s seasonal allergies, since I never have allergies (apart from my eyes getting red and stingy each Spring). I also don’t think it’s the flu, because I’ve had the flu a couple of times before, and honestly, for me the regular flu felt MUCH worse than how I currently feel. Plus, the flu symptoms came on faster and harder…. I basically went from 0-100 when I had the flu back in January of 2018. I guess I’ll just wait to see how this progresses and call the CDC if I start to feel really terrible. I read that some people can be totally asymptomatic or have minimal symptoms; I suspect I am the later if this is in fact corona.

It’s such a beautiful day outside in NYC. Such a shame that literally almost every bar, rooftop and restaurant is currently closed down or will close to the general public to prevent the spread of this disease. I feel like I am dreaming and keep wanting to slap myself to make sure I am not dreaming and that this is real life. It is truly a shame to be stuck inside on a day like to day where the sun is shining and it’s 55 degrees. I think I’ll spend the afternoon baking focaccia and hemming a $12 dress that was clearly scaled to fit someone who is at least 5’9″. There is nothing else to do. I ordered a new book from Amazon, My Dark Vanessa, and cannot wait for it to arrive. The reviews were amazing… hopefully it will arrive by tomorrow.

Love in the Time of Corona

E9D0CA31-0F56-4C37-9A8D-7A536C199FED

I’m sure many of you reading this feel the exact same way that I do right now, but holy shit… what a time to be alive!! Am I right?! As if the last few years haven’t been mentally and emotionally taxing enough given the current political environment, global warming, mass extinction, catastrophic natural events, threats of war, and impending societal collapse, it now feels like we’re all living in some surreal world, or, rather, in one of the many apocalyptic movies that came out between 2006 – 2016.

We’ve basically reverted back to medieval plague times – I feel like Beetlejuice when he makes the joke about having ‘lived through the black plague and had a pretty good time during that.’ All I can do to stay sane right now, is keep cracking inappropriate jokes and making memes about Coronavirus. I know this virus isn’t a joke, but we’ve basically shut down the entire world, the economy is crashing and isn’t going to be able to recover for a long time, many are losing their jobs and sources of income (depending on the industry they work in), and people are going insane stockpiling supplies and food like they’re anticipating nuclear fallout! It’s the insanity of the media whipping everyone into a crazed frenzy that is going to lead to the most devastation, I believe.

How is it that people have gone so far off the deep end, that grocery store shelves are empty, and psychos are fighting over packs of toilet paper and hand-sanitizer? This is everything that is wrong with our world, and more specifically our country today. This is why the world is going down the toilet. I understand the immense pressure being placed on the healthcare system and hospitals and healthcare workers right now, and the lack of testing and resources – it’s a major issue, and certainly one that the U.S. should be panicking about and enacting cautions around (i.e. recommending people to stay at home and cancelling concerts and events). But how is hoarding toilet paper going to help with that?

I am worried about the elderly and those with compromised immune systems as much as the next person. I feel sympathy for anyone who has already lost a family member or loved one due to this virus. I worry about my boyfriend’s parents in Venice, and my own parents upstate. The fact that there is now a travel ban in place is what really makes me nervous though – what if we needed to go to Italy to take care of his parents???? It’s crazy to think that weddings, funerals and births have all been affected, postponed, or not gone as expected as a result of the travel bans in place and red-zoning happening around Europe.

I’ve still been commuting from my apartment in Brooklyn into my office in Manhattan all week. The subways have been empty and the streets quiet, not only because of people working from home, but also for the lack of tourists. It took my company until today to recommend that we all work remotely, starting on Monday. I was excited at the prospect of this a couple of months ago when I first started reading about Coronavirus, but now? Not so much. I like having routine in my life, and I’m scared if I am home I will be bored and binge eat and start fights with my boyfriend. I honestly don’t care if I get the virus, I know that I will be fine. I understand the reason we’re all going into quarantine mode, working remotely, and avoiding public gatherings is to stop the spread of the virus, and to protect the most vulnerable members of our society. It is also an attempt to not overwhelm our already-fragile healthcare system. But the media really does seem to be going overboard.

This virus is really making class disparity all the more visible. People who have the capacity to work from home (‘white collar’ jobs, so to speak), have been doing so for over two weeks now. In my own office, all of the partners haven’t come into the office in about two weeks time, as they have the luxury of working from home. Retail workers and workers in the hospitality industry (hostesses, servers, dishwashers, line cooks, bartenders, managers, etc.) have no such luxury, unless they’re working in the corporate sector of their respective industry. They have to show up to a brick-and-mortar store or restaurant to work their shift, and on top of that, be exposed to a rotating cast of the general public who patronize their venue. Same goes for teachers, gym instructors, dog-walkers, nurses, daycare workers, construction crews, etc.. People who are financially well off enough have been taking Ubers or other car services into work so as to avoid the subway or public buses. Most people can’t afford to take private cars into and from the office each day. Now that everyone has seen what happened in Italy, with towns being locked-down, those who have secondary homes are fleeing NYC to go to the countryside, so they don’t get stranded here in the event that no one is allowed out or in.

What about the rest of us poor slobs? I guess we’re just left exposed to extra germs and carrying on as usual. I walked to work a couple of days this week, just because I am ambitious and enjoy walking, but what about everyone who has been mandated to come into an office or restaurant or retail store, and has had no option but to ride a train or subway or take a bus? I feel especially bad for gig workers – the babysitters, personal trainers, tutors, pet-sitters, etc. of the world who have had jobs/gigs cut since everyone who employs them currently has reduced need for them. We live in a society where 78% of the population lives paycheck to paycheck. Unless the government steps in with stipends or some sort of compensation, how will these people pay for rent and food and medical expenses? Especially considering that the majority of gig workers do not have insurance….

Maybe this will be part of the wake-up call that Americans need regarding the need for universal healthcare and/or childcare.

If this city does get shut down, I have approximately 1 large sack of white rice, 1 bag of oats, 1 bag of split peas, 1 bag of lentils, a couple boxes of pasta, and 2 rolls of TP (TP = toilet paper, for those of you who didn’t already know that) to see me through a quarantine. Hopefully, in the event that I am housebound for a few weeks, I’ll come out looking ‘as thin as a needle,’ to quote Britney Spears. I also hope to come out on the other side with better skin, since I will be getting way more sleep if I don’t have to commute into work each morning. I’m looking on the bright side here guys….

Maybe the Illuminati sold our entire world/human population to aliens, and they need us all to be complacent and contained when the aliens touch-down their UFOs to enslave us next week. We will all be like sitting ducks, trapped in our homes and cities when the alien takeover occurs.

Just kidding with the above. I’m not really one for conspiracies, but I am pretty sure this virus was intentionally released or accidentally released from a lab in China. I don’t doubt that. I don’t really know what to think or how to feel in today’s world, honestly. Anything is possible. I put nothing past anyone or any government.

In the event that “they” tell us not to leave our residences (like they have recently enacted in certain cities in Italy – Venice, included), I think I may go insane. If I can’t get fresh air and some physical activity, I risk going off the deep end.

I hope everyone out there (all five of you who read this), and everyone’s family and friends are staying safe and healthy during this trying time! Hopefully it will be over soon and we can all resume life as usual.