cuisine – The High Heeled C*ntessa

Vegetarian Polpette and Vacation Plans (that had Better Not be Cancelled)

I probably start most blogs off by saying this, but HOLY SHIZZLE – can you believe it’s already mid-August?! I can’t… wasn’t it just February?!? I swear, time flies when you spend every day working just to pay rent and bills.

My dad is turning 70 next week, but we will all have to celebrate next month, since my parents leave for their vacation that day. I’m really happy they’re going on a vacation – they deserve one. We all do at this point. I am going to see Korn on Tuesday, so that’s also something to look forward to. I’ve only been waiting for this concert ALL summer. The last band I saw before the pandemic was Korn in August 2019, and they’ll be the first band I see… well – I guess the pandemic is still happening so I can’t say “after the pandemic.”

Speaking of which, we are finally going on a well-deserved and much needed vacation in just three, short weeks. We will finally be able to visit my BF’s parents for the first time in forever, and will be traveling to Venice on September 5th. We are then flying to Nice on the 15th, renting a car, and road-tripping to Paris. I have literally been living, I repeat: LIVING, for this trip. We booked for September thinking that things (the pandemic, COVID, vaccination rates) would only continue to improve over the summer. Now that Delta variant has reared its ugly head, I must admit that I fear the worst – foiled travel plans, another lock-down in Italy, curfews, restrictions, etc.

I swear to God, I will swim the Atlantic if I have to. In the event that our vacation plans are ruined or put on hold YET AGAIN, I will likely want to die anyhow, so I’ll just take my chances of swimming across the ocean and being eaten by sharks or drowning; which ever comes first. Fuck it. What will I have to live for if this trip doesn’t happen next month?! My cats and my family, I guess. But I will be one miserable bitch. And yes, this is my jealous side showing itself, but after everyone else I know took their vacations this summer and was able to travel, if my plans get fucked-over after everyone else had a break, I will be pissed. Let’s hope it doesn’t come down to this. I have a lot to be thankful for, I know this. But at the same time, I haven’t been to the beach, a pool, or a weekend away once this summer (*weekends spent at my parents’ house don’t count). I haven’t worn a swimsuit once, and I haven’t been in a hot tub since last Fall. I’ve just been working non-stop and walking 5 miles daily to feed my sister’s cat for the last three weeks; I’ve had only one day a week off with my boyfriend (sometimes not even that…) since last Spring – he probably needs this vacation way more than I do. I’ve been mentally checked out for the last three months… call it ‘burnout’, call it ‘not giving a fuck’ – I just really need to get away.

I’ve been busy trying to figure out how I will get the required PCR test with results back in the 48 hours before I board the Alitalia plane for Venice. In addition to requiring vaccination to travel to Italy, we need to present negative PCR test results. I also have to drop off my cats at Misty Ridge Cat Lodge upstate. I think I’m going to get tested early Friday morning, and then I’ll drive my cats to my parents’ house and drop them off on Saturday and then take public transit back to NYC. Everyone is worried about me driving home – I relinquished my car back in 2012 when I moved to NYC and my boyfriend has only owned stick-shift vehicles up until this year, so I am very out of practice. I’m basically like Mr. Magoo behind the wheel. I think it’s my vision, honestly…. I mean I’m not the worst driver, but I do suck. Driving isn’t my strength. It’s going to be stressful and exhausting to swing it all, doing all of that rushing around and traveling before our flight on Sunday, but I will reward myself with copious amounts of vino and cicchetti upon arrival in Venice.

I’ve been daydreaming of drinking wine in a vineyard in Provence, doing a cicchetti/wine crawl in Venice, visiting a friend in Bologna, and seeing the south of France. Naturally this daydreaming involves fantasies of all the outfits I will wear. I hope I actually wear all of the dresses I’ve purchased specifically for this trip… I feel like I over-pack and then end up in the same pair of jeans every time I go away. Let’s face it – it’s more practical to wear jeans when you’re being a tourist and walking 6 miles a day.

My sister has this dress in grey, and it looked so good on her that I had to buy one of myself! It was like $30 on Amazon.. I hate that I supported Amazon with this purchase, but I truly love this dress. It will be perfect for dinners out. I still can’t decide if it gives off fairytale princess vibes, or Manson family recruit.

Not sure if this will get worn on vacation… but surely to a party (IF I ever party again…). If anything comes in the way of our travel plans/vacation, I’m going to treat myself and go on a week-long bender.

It’s a romper, which I LOVE – I feel like it just allows more freedom and less worry about the wind blowing it up and exposing my cheeks. I think that’s part of the reason I rarely wear dresses – I love them, but hate feeling like I need to constantly be aware that nothing is getting exposed when I bend over, etc. I also love that it’s a halter and backless – super flattering!

Now I’m just waiting on a new pair of Superga platform sneakers to arrive for my trip. I have been averaging about 37 miles a week (walking) these past two months, and I burn through sneakers like crazy. I hate it – it makes me feel very wasteful, but I literally run them into the ground. Having a go in the washer isn’t going to save them when they have holes burned through the rubber soles, you know what I mean? I got a nice discount on Superga’s website since I signed up for emails though… so I don’t fee terrible about what I spent.

I think our balcony garden peaked earlier this month – we harvested the large eggplants, the Japanese eggplants, four peppers, and the cherry tomato plant was producing about 8-10 ripe tomatoes a day. It’s just been so ungodly hot, that now the plans are kind of fried, despite watering them. There are still a lot of green Roma tomatoes though that should be ripe in another couple of weeks, and the basil is still growing like crazy. Last year we were lucky enough to still have cherry tomatoes ripening into late October! Global warming, am I right? (don’t even get me started on global warming…. it’s been one of my biggest sources of anxiety lately).

The cherry tomato plant is a winner again this year… if I ever have a yard/proper garden, I’ll definitely plant a lot of these.

Our lone pepper plant produced about 4 bell peppers!

We got two, medium-sized eggplants off of this plant. There are a couple more little ones – let’s see if they keep growing though. This heat has been devastating…

So many cherry tomatoes! We did manage to grow a few very tasty San Marzano’s, however, a lot of them had a weird brown/rotted tip and were inedible… such a disappointment

It’s been extremely hot here in NYC, so I’ve mostly been sticking to meals that do not involve the oven or multiple burners going at once. I did make some awesome polpette a couple of weeks ago (I dare say, the best batch I’ve ever made), using Field Roast vegetarian sausage. If you’re curious as to exactly what polpette are, and how they differ from regular meatballs, you can read all about it in this post from 2019. The recipe in the past post also uses real meat, if that is your jam.

These were literally so good I couldn’t stop eating them…. and it shows. I wanted to upload a cross-section of the polpette, but I’m not very technology savvy and therefore cannot figure it out… sorry.

INGREDIENTS:

3-4 Idaho potatoes (these will be cut up, boiled, mashed and seasoned)
3 Tbsp vegan butter
4 Field Roast brand “sausages” (I prefer the Italian Garlic and Fennel ones)
2 cups seasoned breadcrumbs
1/2 cup finely grated Parmigiano
1/2 cup finely diced white or yellow onion
3 brown eggs from free range chickens (1 egg goes into the Polpette mixture and otthe other two eggs are whisked and use for breading purposes)
2 Tbsp freshly chopped parsely
2 Tbsp freshly chopped basil
1 Tbsp granulated garlic
1 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp dried basil
salt and pepper
olive oil (for frying)
1 jar quality marinara sauce for dipping (Rao’s marinara is perfect)

DIRECTIONS:

Use the potatoes to make mashed potatoes (cut into large chunks, and boil in salted water until penetrable with the tines of a fork… usually 15-20 min)
Drain the potatoes, reserving 1/3 cup of the potato water to be mashed with the potatoes
Go ahead and season the potatoes as you normally would – I prefer a generous amount of vegan butter, salt, granulated garlic and pepper. Mash away! Once mashed, set aside.
Finely dice 1/2 of a yellow or white onion
In a medium saucepan, heat 3 Tbs. of olive oil on low heat and add in the onions
Chop the sausages into a rough/crumble consistency and add the crubmles into the saucepan with the onions. Cook over low-medium heat for 3-4 minutes and spoon mixture into a large mixing bowl.
Add in about 1/2 of the mashed potatoes (the other half can be eaten as is, or used in another recipe)
Add in 1 egg, the seasonings (granulated garlic, dried oregano, dried basil, salt and pepper, the chopped parsley and fresh basil), 1/2 cup grated Parmigiano, and 1/2 cup breadcrumbs
Thoroughly mix everything together using your hands, and roll into meaball-sized balls (*you may need to add more breadcrumbs depending on the consistency)
Set the balls aside and prep your breading station:
Whisk 2 eggs together in a bowl
In another bowl, add in the remaining breadcrumbs, salt, pepper, 1 tsp. of granulated garlic, and some dried oregano and mix together
In a large saucepan, heat 1/3 cup olive oil over low-medium heat
Take each ball, dip into the egg mixture and then gently roll/coat in the breadcrumb mixture and add into frying pan
You’ll want to gently turn the balls every 1-2 minutes so all sides achieve the same, even golden-brown color
Each ball will probably need a fry time of around 6 minutes or so, just remember to keep track of which balls have just gone into the pan, and which ones are finishing up and need to come out of the pan (assuming that your pan will not be big enough to fry all the balls at once)
Heat up the marinara sauce in a separate saucepan and serve on the side of the polpette once warm. Garnish the polpette with fresh basil or parsley and a sprinkle of grated Parm! Enjoy 🙂

Now I want to make polpette… perhaps that will be my Friday night excitement. Here are a couple of pics from a walk I took last week – the sunset was beautiful. I kind of wish I had made it to my boyfriend’s venue prior to sunset, since I would have had an even better view from a skyscraper!

Lower east side, Rivington Street. I wish the to-go-drinks were still legal, because I really wanted to stop by Verlaine for a cheap lychee martini….

Gnocchi, Eggplant, and the Daily Grind

OK – I think I just figured out how to add a caption again..

Apparently I can’t add captions to photos anymore… either that or the ChromeBook from 2015 that I use to write these posts hasn’t allowed for whatever updates I need to write captions, due to a software upgrade. Just another aspect of my existence that’s fallen behind the times and cannot be updated due to lack of funds. It’s whatever… I’ll spend the rest of my life using my discretionary income to buy birthday presents, help street cats, and buy wedding shower gifts for people while I remain struggling and wearing clothes from Poshmark and Forever21 (remember when I vowed to stop buying fast fashion? Yeah… If I made more money, maybe I could have kept that vow). It’s a fate I’ve come to accept. This is my purpose on life… to stay poor and serve others.

I’ll never own a house, I’ll never have kids (largely because I don’t want kids, but I also can’t afford them), and probably never get married at this rate. If I do get married, I’ll be so old that I won’t even be able to wear the sexy wedding dress I always imagined myself wearing – I’ll also need a “The Swan” level makeover prior to my wedding, because in addition to already needing botox and fillers (but not being able to afford them), I’ll also most likely require a breast lift and lipo by that point in my life. I’m fucked. Fucked financially, fucked in the head… you name it.

The only things I’m currently looking forward to are a Korn concert in August, and a trip to Italy and France that we are planning for September. I will finally see my boyfriend’s parents and his friends for the first time since 2018, and I will finally see the South of France, which I’ve wanted to visit for basically forever. I’m enjoying planning this vacation… however, it means I have to be even more careful with my already-limited discretionary income. I mean I don’t go out much, but when I do it somehow ends up being a $100-$200 evening… EVERY TIME. This is probably why I now only go out once a month…. Fucking Uber prices are out of control these days. I should honestly just delete the app and take my chances being assaulted as a drunk woman on the subway next time I’m out. I spent fucking $57 on an Uber from midtown Manhattan back to Williamsburg last Saturday. I could buy a week’s groceries with that.

Can you tell I’m in a great mood today? 😀

The other thing which has become the bane of my fucking existential existence, is that I am still helping the stray cats that I already busted my ass to raise money for and help off the streets. There is literally only so much I can do as one person, without extra cash to spend on two extra cats. I hate promoting the GoFundMe I created… it feels like begging, and that is the last thing I ever wanted to do. I basically spent 9 months of my life starving (legit… starving) because I didn’t want to ask my parents for help when I was working as a server and not even making enough money to pay my rent (which was only $650 back then….). Like, if I’m not even OK asking for help when I need it myself, how do you expect me to keep asking for help for two cats that everyone now thinks are “all good” just because they’re off the streets and in homes? I do what I can… but what I can do never feels like enough. I really thought my part would be done after the cats were off the street, in homes, and had their initial vet visits… now I get daily texts about one peeing outside of the litter box and the other one hiding under the bed. I sometimes think I did more harm then good. I guess this is why you shouldn’t meddle in other people’s business. Maybe these cats were better off on the street, and for my own selfish reasons, I couldn’t bare to walk by and see them living like that. Maybe they were happier… I don’t know.

Seriously though… I’m only living for this Korn concert and trip to Europe right now. I don’t care about dinners out, parties, drinks with friends… I just need this trip to Europe with the boyfriend I basically see one day a week. I’m over everything. I need a legit vacation, and I need time off with my boyfriend and no one else.

Sunday cheese board – I don’t think we had cheese in months! I couldn’t even finish my glass of wine because I was so fucking hungover from the night before… I am literally never going out again.

I’ve given up on the goal of finding a new job before July 6th, when I have to start going back to my office in midtown 2-3 days a week, but my new goal is to have a new job lined up when I get back from my vacation in late September. I think it’s doable – I just need to find the motivation to do it. I mean, more money is my primary motivation… but it’s so hard to find time and willpower when you’re already in front of a computer for 8 hours a day for work.

Speaking of work, I had to run a collateral errand for the first time in over a year and a few months, and it was kind of nice. The client was so desperate to have someone sign pages in front of me, that they paid for a car service to pick me up in Brooklyn, drive me to two towns in Long Island, and then back to the office in Midtown. I was bitching about the absurdity of it all the night before, but it was really nice sitting in a luxury SUV for three hours, and getting paid to just ride around collecting and dropping off signature pages. I think I could do it more often….

I was feeling good about myself after styling my hair for the first time since early 2020… had to take some pics, naturally

I must have a crop top for every band I like at this point….

My zit comes back in the same place every single month…there must be some sort of underground oil well on my face there. that releases oil when the estrogen starts flowing… LOL

It has been hotter than hell in NYC this past week – about 90-91 degrees every day for the last four days with 82% humidity… absolutely foul. I know people always bitch about how they can’t wait for Summer to come when we are in Winter here. I am not one of those people. Winters here are not even that brutal, but summers sure as hell are… especially in the last several years. Global warming is increasingly evident here. Since it has been so damn hot, I have been avoiding cooking anything that involves the oven or multiple sauce pans of boiling water on the range.

Before the heatwave arrived last week, I decided to take advantage of a nice 78 degree evening we had, and make gnocchi, since it involves the oven and I wanted to make one good meal before I swore off the oven for the next five days. I based the dish I made on one that a little, Italian restaurant in Alphabet City (East Village) had, once upon a time, when they were still open.

My sister was the one who introduced me to this restaurant – I remember going when I was a student at FIT, with my sister and mom and brother-in-law. I think I also went a couple of times after that. I just looked the restaurant up, and they opened in 2000! Apparently, they’re still open and they are now located in Tribeca! Who knew!

I remember they moved to Williamsburg for a brief time in 2013 after the lower East Side location closed, and I took my boyfriend to have dinner there after raving about the place for months. Sadly, when Max existed in Williamsburg, it was not as good as I’d remembered it to be. The food was mega salty and their was a lack of ambiance and coziness that the restaurant in Manhattan had had. Anyhow, they had this amazing gnocchi dish with roasted eggplant, and their marinara sauce was to die for! I feel like I ordered that dish every time I went to the lower East Side Max. And so, having picked up two nice eggplants from the deli last week, and needing a plan for them that was NOT eggplant parm (I was not about to bread and fry shit that night… that requires a very particular mood), I decided to recreate this dish!

This is a picture of the dish, as taken from Max’s website… I cannot believe they still exist! I will definitely have to check them out in Tribeca!

If you’re not going to make homemade sauce (and I sure as hell wasn’t, since I was making homemade gnocchi!) , I highly recommend Rao’s… it’s pricey and a bit salty (if not slightly diluted) but it tastes homemade!

INGREDIENTS:

1 large eggplant (or two smaller ones)
1 jar of quality marinara sauce (Rao’s isVictoria brand)
1 package bocconcino (mozzarella balls) **OPTIONAL
grated Parmigiano to top the dish, and for the gnocchi
fresh basil to garnish
olive oil
FOR THE GNOCCHI:
2 large Idaho potatoes
2 cups flour ( 1.5 will go directly into the gnocchi mix and rest is for kneading and dusting the counter top, etc)
1/4 cup finely grated Parmigiano
1 large egg (beaten)
1 tsp. salt

DIRECTIONS:

Set oven to 400 degrees
Wash your potatoes and pierce them with a fork in several locations around the potato, rub in oil, and set on baking tray
Wash eggplant and cut into small cubes
arrange eggplant on same tray as potatoes, coat in olive oil and sprinkle with salt
put tray of potatoes/eggplant into oven to bake: the eggplant can come out after 20 minutes, and go into a saucepan, the potatoes need to bake about 45-50 minutes (total), so they will go back into the over after you move the eggplant to the saucepan

Sorry for these snaps from Instagram. I try to make it a pint to take regular pictures on my phone, but I often end up posting videos of the process to my Instagram stories, and then have to take screenshots for the blog!

After 20 minutes at 400 degrees, the eggplant will be transferred to a large saucepan on the stove, over low-medium heat (make sure the saucepan is coated with olive oil!)
Cook the eggplant over low heat for another 4 minutes or so, and then add in the entire jar of sauce, along with maybe 1/4 cup extra water, and continue to cook over low heat until the eggplant is very soft (it should already be fairly soft after the oven)
Once the potatoes are done baking (you should test by sticking a knife into the potato), slice the potatoes open length wise and let cool for a minute, or just until you’re able to handle them without burning your hands

once you are able to handle the hot potatoes, use a spoon to scoop out the inside of the potato into a large mixing bowl (you want to make sure you avoid getting the skin into the gnocchi mix)
Add in about 1/4 cup grated Parm, 1.5 cups flour, salt, and the beaten egg and mix away! (you can also add a couple tablespoons of olive oil, or even cold water, if needed!)

Mix all of the ingredients together to form a soft dough
add more flour if necessary (a bit at a time) – the dough should not be sticky or tacky
lightly flour the surface on which you will be rolling out the dough, flour the dough lightly and cut into four, equal sections

working with one section at a time, roll the dough into a rope that is about as thick as your thumb
Next, take a sharp knife and cute the rope into 1 inch sections that should look like little pillows

I like to lightly flour the gnocchi at this pint, before I make the fork imprints
after the gnocchi has been cut into these little pillows, you will use the tongs of a fork to gently imprint the top … this helps sauce stick on them, although this step can probably be skipped if you’re in a rush for time or just not feeling the extra effort
Set aside the finished gnocchi, onto a plate or board, where they can later easily be transferred to a pot of boiling water
complete these steps with the remaining three pieces of dough (don’t say I didn’t warn you – it literally takes FOREVER… this is definitely a dish to impress or show your love to someone)

now that your gnocchi are waiting, start a pot of heavily salted water on high heat and bring to a boil
You should also turn the oven back on, to 380 degrees (you’re going to finish the dish in the oven after all ingredients have been added)
add in the fresh gnocchi once the water is boiling – because they are fresh, they will only take a minute or two to cook
you’ll know they are done, once they float to the surface of the pot
using a slatted spoon, scoop the gnocchi from the surface up and into the saucepan with the sauce and eggplant

Once the gnocchi has been added to the sauce/eggplant, you’ll want to throw in a handful of the little mozzarella balls, transfer the saucepan (as long as it doesn’t have any plastic!) directly into the oven, and bake for about 6 minutes, or until mozzarella is melted
Serve in a bowl and top with freshly grated parm and fresh basil for garnish

This is definitely a dish to steal a man (or woman’s) heart)

Enjoy!!!! 🙂

Back to the Food – Split Pea Soup and Asparagus Fettuccine

Got a bit derailed there for a while, regarding the last several blogs… but hey – isn’t that how life goes? What fun would life be if you never derailed a bit? Good to stay on your toes and take the punches as they come… or something like that.

I am finally back to write about food/cooking after writing about my personal life, the quarantine, fictional characters by the name of Indigo, and whatever else I felt like writing about for the last several blogs.

It’s not that I haven’t been cooking – I have been… it’s just that I don’t ever use precise measurements when I cook, and so when I think about trying to transpose the recipe as into written word, it’s a bit daunting trying to mentally compute the measurements of each and every ingredient I used. In other words, I’m fucking lazy sometimes and it’s difficult to transmit what’s in my head into words after another long day of being me.

The best split pea soup I ever made (vegetarian option pictured here, with finishing touch of crème fraîche)

If you know me, you also probably know that I’m obsessed with soups, both making them and eating them. Split pea is one of my favorites, and the one I make is vegetarian, but would otherwise be entirely vegan, if not for the finishing touch of crème fraîche! I also want to apologize for the lack of ‘process’ photos for this – I actually made it for lunch while I was “working” (aka working from home, aka my laptop is open and minimal work is coming in)… so I failed to take or post any pics and videos for the ‘gram.

INGREDIENTS:

1 and 1/4 cups of dried, split peas
2 medium-sized carrots (chopped)
1/2 of a large white/yellow onion (finely chopped)
4 cloves of garlic (finely minced)
2 stalks of celery (diced)
1 medium potato (Idaho or russet)
4-5 tablespoons of olive oil (enough to cover the bottom of your pot)
4 cups (one 32 oz. carton) of vegetable stock (**can use chicken stock if you’re not opposed)
2-3 cups water (depends on how thick you want your soup to be!)
2 tsp smoked paprika
1 tsp celery salt
1 tsp granulated/powdered onion
1 tsp granulated/powdered garlic
a generous pinch of cayenne pepper
salt and pepper to taste
YOU WILL NEED A BLENDER OR IMMERSION BLENDER FOR THIS RECIPE

TO FINISH (OPTIONAL):

Small dollop (a generous teaspoon) of crème fraîche or sour cream
Crackers, croutons, or a side of toasted baguette… I used the below bruschetta toasts, which I’ve really been digging lately:

DIRECTIONS:

Prep the veggies – potato, carrots, celery should be washed; carrots should be chopped (relatively small pieces), onion finely chopped, garlic finely minced, potato chopped into cubes, and celery chopped.
In a large pot, heat olive oil over low heat, add in the onions stirring occasionally and cooking over low-heat until translucent and yellow.
Add in the garlic and continue to cook over low heat for another minute or two.
Add in the split peas, all of the veggie stock, and a cup of water – raise temperature and bring to a gentle boil.
Cook until the split peas are almost tender – about 25-30 minutes (I think?)… occasionally sample a pea or two to see how tender they are..
Once the peas are almost tender, add in all of the other veggies (chopped carrots, celery, and potato), and then add in another cup of water.
At this point, I add in my spices – add in the granulated (or powdered) onion and garlic, celery salt, a generous pinch of cayenne pepper, smoked paprika, black pepper and some salt.
A TIP: Taste-test to see if anything more is needed spice/seasoning-wise. I honestly never measure my spices or salt/pepper when cooking – I start with a reasonable amount and add more as I go along. This way you can achieve your desired taste, spiciness, level of salt, etc…. it’s always better to start with too little than too much!
Continue to cook over medium heat (or at a low boil) for another 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Check to see that vegetables are thoroughly cooked (soft) by sampling. Once the potatoes, carrots, celery and split peas are all soft, it is time to blend!
Using an immersion blender or a ladle to move soup into an actual blender, blend around 2/3 of the contents of the pot of soup. This creates a rich, thick puree, but also leaves some chunks of veggies for texture and aesthetic. When blending the split-pea soup, I try to avoid ladling the carrot pieces into the blender (some are obviously fine), in order to achieve added color and texture to the finished soup.
Continue to keep soup over low heat once fully blended, add in more seasonings if necessary.
Serve hot, with a small dollop of crème fraîche and some crumbled crackers/croutons/toasted bread.

And now for the pasta dish! This one was a hit – I topped with bacon for the BF and ate mine without, but it was every bit as flavorful!

Fettuccine with creamed asparagus sauce, finished with bacon (*bacon is of course, optional)

INGREDIENTS:

Pasta of your choice (I prefer an egg noodle fettuccine for this dish, since it is lighter and holds the sauce well)
3-4 strips of bacon, roughly chopped into bits (*this is optional)
1 bundle of asparagus, cut into bite-size pieces (make sure to chop off the ends of the stalks and discard, as the base is very woody/fibrous)
3 cloves of garlic (finely minced)
4-5 tablespoons of olive oil (enough to cover the bottom of your saute pan)
2 Tbs. butter (***if you opt not to use the leftover bacon grease)
1 cup half and half
1/4 cup water (*more or less depending on how thick your sauce is)
generous pinch of grated nutmeg
salt and pepper to taste
freshly shaved/grated Parmigiano-Reggiano to finish

DIRECTIONS:

1. For the pasta: fill a large pot with water, add a generous amount of salt, and set on high heat to bring to a boil.
2. In a large saute pan, heat the olive oil over low heat, and add in the chopped bacon. Cook over low-medium heat until desired level of crispiness. Remove with slotted spoon and set aside in separate bowl.
3. You can use the bacon-grease/olive oil in the saute pan as it is, if you’re OK with eating bacon – it will add more flavor to the sauce. If you’re not OK with eating bacon, you’ll have to start with a fresh saute pan and olive oil.
4. Add the chopped asparagus to the saute pan, and cook over low heat, stirring occasionally. You’ll want to cook the asparagus like this until it is fairly tender, but not mushy. Add in the minced garlic after the asparagus has been cooking for about 6 minutes, being careful not to burn the garlic.
5. Once the asparagus has cooked for about 10 minutes in the saute pan, add in the half and half and the water and bring to a low, rolling boil. Cook for an additional 10 minutes in the liquid, stirring occasionally, until the asparagus is very tender.

Pictured here: the asparagus and garlic simmering in the half and half and water

Add in the nutmeg, and salt and pepper to taste.
Now that the asparagus is tender, you can either pour the contents of the saute pan into a blender, and blend on low, or, you can manually mash with a fork or masher (this is what I did). Mashing by hand leaves more texture and visible bits of asparagus so sauce is not a complete puree.
Once you’ve mashed down the asparagus, you may find the sauce is too thick and you need to add a bit more water or half and half! You should also taste test to see if more seasoning is needed.
I chose to hand-mash my asparagus, not only because the blender was dirty, but also because I like the added texture. You’ll know if you haven’t cooked the asparagus long enough, because it will be very difficult to mash by hand if not.
Once you’ve achieved your desired level of thickness and taste, add in the butter, and stir until dissolved. Leave the sauce on the lowest heat setting, so that it remains warm once pasta is done.
Once your pot of pasta water is boiling, add in pasta and cook according to time suggested on pasta box.
Drain the pasta once finished, and add to sauce, gently stirring/tossing to thoroughly coat the noodles.
Serve on plate with freshly grated parm, and top with bacon (if desired)

PHEW! Writing these recipes really does take a lot more brain power and work than actually cooking them!

I’m thankful that it’s Friday, so I don’t have to be on high alert watching my emails or glued to my laptop for the next couple of days. I think the rest of the weekend is going to be cold and shitty, but honestly I don’t care… I’m kind of happy. I’m definitely not feeling confident enough to wear summer clothes at this point, following almost 8 weeks of quarantine (aka binge-eating), so the cold and rain is a welcome relief… not like I could go out looking like a THOT anyhow since all bars, restaurants and clubs are still closed until further notice. You hear that? I’ve got a few more weeks to shape up… literally. LOL.

I made pizza from scratch today… probably doesn’t help my quarantine body, but since it’s a cold day, it’s always a good excuse to use the oven.

In other news, I was tired of all of the white hairs springing up around my temples, and couldn’t possibly wait another month (or longer) to have a professional cover them. I’ve never used dye at home before, and usually only get lowlights/highlights once every 4-5 months. I was really overdue for some lowlights, and couldn’t bare the sight of the whites any longer, so I took a bold step and purchased custom dye from eSalon. I was always scared to try anything with my hair at home because of lack of experience, but also I have a fear of burning off/chemically frying my hair to the point of no return. My boyfriend assisted, and the result is pretty decent, in my opinion.

IMG_1726 (1) — Some vibrant red low-lights to help hide my multiplying whites and brighten me up. I think I actually need to go a shade lighter next time, since my natural color is significantly lighter, and now my blonde brows look out of place… I’m going to wait for my hair dresser though. It’s way better having someone else paint/wash your hair.

What else can I say… not much is new, if you know what I mean. I’ve got my daily routine down pretty pat at this point. Work, walk, work, car ride, cook, TV time, sleep. Sometimes I’ll throw in a walk before work to spice things up, or if work is slow, cook in the middle of the day.

IMG_1784 (1) — Pic from my BF’s job near Times Square… I like to go with him when he needs to go into Manhattan. It’s basically like taking a mini vacation at this point to go into another borough or ride in the car!

Pic (taken from inside the car) of Times Square in the rain the other day

I hope you’re all still staying safe and sane at this point. I’m running out of inspiration for recipes since I’m kind of just over everything. If there’s anything you want to see me cook or try my hand at, feel free to email me or DM on Instagram. I’m always excited to try cooking new things (preferably without meat – but open to seafood)! #Cheers

Butternut Squash: Thai Curry Style

Thai-style red curry, with butternut squash used as the base… recipe to follow below

It’s Thursday night, which means I’ve just about reached my peak, maximum exhaustion level for the week (actually, the real pinnacle is usually Friday night after work… that’s when I really crash and burn…). I used to hear my mom say it, but Goddamn…. “there just aren’t enough hours in the day.” Seriously. I never even give myself enough time to unwind, exercise, sleep more than 6 hours a night, or even write this shitty blog, and I STILL don’t have enough time to do everything I want to do in a day (cleaning, exercising, writing, etc.). Work and chores and errands and taking care of the apartment, my cats, and everyone-but-myself seems to never end, and this is life without human children! I think I’ve been living in a state of perpetual exhaustion for the past three years, and it shows. I really need to start taking better care of myself, because these bags under my eyes are not cool. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I feel like working a 9-5 office job has aged me way more than the irregular hours and sleep schedule I kept as a server or working retail ever did. At least then I seemed to be getting 7-8 hours of sleep each night.

Thank god tomorrow is Friday so I can sleep in the following day. I’ve turned into a drone who lives for the weekend… FML. Work was absolutely brutal last week – I was doing like 10 hour days and coming in early so I could avoid staying late each night, but that also means working through my lunch breaks instead of getting out for a walk and some fresh air. I fucking HATE sitting at a desk all day and not having time to walk or exercise. I feel like such shit about myself and my body when I am not moving or walking and still eating a ton of food. Some might think I’m joking, but I am definitely asking for a desk elliptical for Christmas this year. I think it will give me a better quality of life LOL.

I’m already thinking about Halloween and trying to make plans in advance so that I don’t end up staying in again. I always have the best costume put together, and the last couple of years I haven’t even worn it out. Such a shame! I love Halloween and dressing up and making costumes…. I live for that shit.

00/00/0000 – Marilyn Manson – – – Keywords: – Photo Credit: Photorazzi – Contact (1-866-551-7827)

This year’s inspo ^^^ I dressed up as MM once before and it was one of the years I didn’t end up going out. This year, I’m going all out….come hell or high water.

Anyhow… here is my recipe for a “Thai-style” aka, white-people, bastardized-version of curry, made with butternut squash:

A couple of notes:

Be careful cutting the squash, they’re really firm and you risk the knife slipping out and towards you if you aren’t careful
This is kind of time consuming since the squash takes a full hour just to cook in the oven, so you may want to prep the sauce/squash a day before you assemble the actual curry….

INGREDIENTS:

A variety of veggies of your choice (below is what I used):

1 medium-sized butternut squash
1 green zucchini, chopped into bite-size chunks
1 red pepper, cut into strips
1 green (bell) pepper, cut into strips
1 can of baby corn
1 can of bamboo shoots
1 package of extra-firm tofu, cubed
1 small jar of red curry paste (Thai Kitchen brand is great and sold most places)
1 can coconut milk
1 box vegetable stock
3 Tablespoons yellow curry powder
1 Tablespoon turmeric
2 tsp. granulated garlic
1 tsp. cayenne pepper (more or less depending on desired level of spicy)
1 tsp. red pepper flakes (more or less depending on desired level of spicy)
1-2 limes (*the JUICE from 1-2 limes)
1 bunch of fresh thai basil, or regular fresh basil
2 Tablespoons fish sauce (*** OPTIONAL *** I’ve used in curries before, but I did not use in this one)
3 cloves minced garlic
2 Tablespoons vegetable oil
Cooked white rice to serve (Basmati or jasmine work best)

DIRECTIONS:

Heat the oven to 400 degrees.
Cut the butternut squash in half length-wise (*** please do this carefully – it cuts with difficulty and you risk slicing yourself or the knife coming out if you’re not careful); gut the seeds and stringy pulp out from the center of your squash by scooping it out with a spoon.
Roast the squash at 400 degrees for 1 hour… test with a fork to see if tender:

The finished squash… yours more take more or less time depending on the size. Note the fork marks where I tested to see that it was soft enough to blend!

A couple of notes:

Be careful cutting the squash, they’re really firm and you risk the knife slipping out and towards you if you aren’t careful
This is kind of time consuming since the squash takes a full hour just to cook in the oven, so you may want to prep the sauce/squash a day before you assemble the actual curry….

INGREDIENTS:

A variety of veggies of your choice (below is what I used):

1 medium-sized butternut squash
1 green zucchini, chopped into bite-size chunks
1 red pepper, cut into strips
1 green (bell) pepper, cut into strips
1 can of baby corn
1 can of bamboo shoots
1 package of extra-firm tofu, cubed (OR… raw, peeled shrimp, OR…. sliced chicken breast, etc.)
1 small jar of red curry paste (Thai Kitchen brand is great and sold most places)
1 can coconut milk
1 box vegetable stock
3 Tablespoons yellow curry powder
1 Tablespoon turmeric
2 tsp. granulated garlic
1 tsp. cayenne pepper (more or less depending on desired level of spicy)
1 tsp. red pepper flakes (more or less depending on desired level of spicy)
1-2 limes (*the JUICE from 1-2 limes)
1 bunch of fresh thai basil, or regular fresh basil
2 Tablespoons fish sauce (*** OPTIONAL *** I’ve used in curries before, but I did not use in this one)
3 cloves minced garlic
2 Tablespoons vegetable oil
Cooked white rice to serve (Basmati or jasmine work best)

Your squash will need to roast 50-60 minutes depending on its size…. notice the fork marks where I tested to see that this was cooked through!

DIRECTIONS:

Heat the oven to 400 degrees.
Cut the butternut squash in half length-wise (*** please do this carefully – it cuts with difficulty and you risk slicing yourself or the knife coming out if you’re not careful); gut the seeds and stringy pulp out from the center of your squash by scooping it out with a spoon.
Put the squash face-up on a roasting pan, and rub the face-up side with olive oil; roast the squash at 400 degrees for 1 hour… test with a fork to see if tender:
Once the squash has cooled down enough to handle, use a spoon to scoop out the orange fleshy part into a blender or food processor.
Add in about 2 cups of the veggie stock or enough liquid that blending will be possible (I know my blender has issues mixing everything if there isn’t enough liquid).
Once you’ve blended the squash to a creamy and uniform texture, dump the mixture from the blender into a large saucepan or soup pan/pot and turn the burner to a low heat.
Add in the entire jar of red curry paste and the entire can of coconut milk.
Add in your spices (granulated garlic, turmeric, curry powder, red pepper, cayenne, etc.)
You’ll most likely need to add more veggie stock at this point, as the curry will be way too thick. My squash was huge, and therefore resulted in a lot of curry once it was blended…. the mixture was way too thick and I ended up adding the rest of my veggie stock.
The curry sauce should be a nice, thick consistency, but still viscous in nature…. it should not be straight-up puree, nor should it be too soupy and watery.
Add in the lime juice, the fish sauce (if you opted to use it), salt to taste, more pepper or seasoning as necessary, and some hand-shredded basil leaves (a nice handful).
Remove the sauce from the heat and set aside or put in the fridge if you’re planning to use later.
In a wok or large sauce pan, heat the vegetable oil over a low heat and get your fresh chopped veggies and minced garlic on deck (the canned veggies, like the corn and bamboo shoots, do NOT need to be sauteed with the raw veggies)
You’ll want to sautee your veggies and garlic at a medium heat for only a few minutes, as they will finish cooking in the curry sauce and you DO NOT WANT THEM to be over cooked and soggy (gross).
Once you’ve sauteed the veggies and garlic, add in the curry sauce and continue to cook over a low heat.
This is the point where you can add in whatever canned veggies you’re using, like the baby corn and bamboo shoots, as well as the TOFU.
Taste the sauce and add more seasoning to suit your tastes (you may want to make it hotter with more pepper, add a bit more salt, or a bit more lime juice for some zing).
Serve over cooked rice and garnish with a bit of fresh basil!

The curry sauce – the squash has been blended with liquid at this point, and simmering on the stove with the addition of all of the seasonings, paste, coconut milk, and more veggie stock… you might want to roast the squash/make the sauce a day in advance since it’s very time consuming

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This one was a hit… I will definitely be making this, or variations of this, throughout the coming colder months! Apart from the coconut milk, it’s also pretty healthy 😀 Or, at least that’s what I told myself after eating half a wok….

Bad Luck, Veggie Ballz, and Elton John

Another week has come and gone, and what a week it was! I saw Elton John perform Saturday night with my mom and sister at Barclay’s Center which was literally a dream come true. I am so happy I had the opportunity to see him on his farewell tour since I have wanted to see him since I was 12. I know what you’re thinking – what kind of weirdo, freak 12 year old is obsessed with Elton John? Me. That’s who.

I found an Elton John “Greatest Hits” cassette tape the summer that I was 12 in the upstairs bedroom of my Grandma’s house, and she said I could have it – which is what my grandma always said whenever I found something I liked or wanted in her house. The tape had belonged to my uncle Bill, who had passed away six years earlier due to complications of AIDS. I brought that tape home and listened to it front and back and on repeat all summer long. I memorized all of the lyrics to every song and found myself wanting to know more about the life of Elton John, since all of his songs seemed to be deeply personal and I, as a deeply emotional, 12 year old girl entering puberty, related to them on so many levels (or so I thought at the time…). Little did I know, I would end up relating much more once I had actually experienced real life…

I was never particularly close to my uncle Bill when he was alive since I was young and I didn’t see him that often. When he passed away, his life (and then subsequently his death) was kind of shrouded in mystery to me. He was an openly gay man and brought boyfriends home to my very-Catholic-grandmother’s house for holidays etc.. No one had an issue with how he lived his life, but no one ever really talked about why he died – in fact, I didn’t find out until I was much, much older. I do remember making him a ‘get well’ card when he was sick with a picture of Marilyn Monroe that I drew on it, which is pretty awesome in retrospect… he really loved that. I also remember a couple of times he took me grocery shopping with him when he went to the store for my grandma, and all of the ladies would coo over me and over him pushing me in the shopping cart, and he seemed to eat that shit right up. My memories of him are very few.

Anyhow, I digress. The point I am getting at, is that I finally felt some sort of connection to my uncle through this shared love of Elton John music. I was only 7 when he died, and grew up feeling like I really missed out on a relationship with him. As I’ve grown older and heard some of the stories relayed from other family members about my uncle’s love of partying and the practical jokes he liked to play on people, I’ve also realized that perhaps we have much more in common than just the mutual love of Elton John :p I think we would have gotten on quite well were he still alive.

Thank you mom 🙂 (even though you don’t know this blog exists)

It really does mean so much to me that my mom, who I’m pretty sure was quite concerned with the fact that her 12 year old daughter was obsessed with Elton John, bought me these tickets. I don’t think I can thank her enough or tell her how much it really means, but I will try regardless. The concert was a solid three hours of Elton John entertaining – singing, playing the piano, and talking to the audience about his music and his life. It was awesome. HE was AWESOME. Such a good singer and piano player, even in his 70s. He played ALL of my favorite songs (minus ‘Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word’), which really surprised me. I didn’t think he would play ‘Someone Saved My Life Tonight’ or ‘I Guess That’s Why They Call it The Blues.’ The concert was surreal.

I finally filed my taxes yesterday… all I can say is ‘someone please come put me out of my misery.’ It ended up being worse than I thought. I legit think I’m going to be destitute forever unless I start stripping or something. I really can’t catch a break in this life. I also had a severe case of cystitis last week, having not had it in like 4 years. I was sitting at work on Thursday morning when it started to feel like someone was beating my kidneys with a baseball bat. By the end of the day I knew I was totally f*cked for many more reasons which I won’t elaborate on here – let’s just say if you’ve ever had it, you know what I’m talking about. Brutal. I don’t know how I made it through the work day.

I’m back to normal now (as normal as I’ll ever be), and trying to figure out what to look forward to now that EJ concert is over. You know when something seems so far away, and then before you know it, it’s over? I’m the same way with vacations, parties, etc. – I just look forward to something for so long and put all of my stock into it, and then once it’s over, I’m so emo and empty inside. I remember my mom got tickets to this concert last February for my birthday, and I kept thinking “wow, that’s so far away!” Well, here we are, over a year later, and now it’s over. I guess I’ll just look forward to paying off my taxes and being poor now and hopefully getting shredded for summer. JK… but not really. What else????

Vegetarian lentil “meatballs” in homemade vodka sauce

I used to make these balls all the time and haven’t in a while. It’s honestly easier to just make fish, seafood, or pasta than it is to try to create a ‘meatball’ without meat. These balls are time consuming, but totally worth it if you have the time, or if you just cook the lentils in advance, so that they’re ready to make into ballz when the time comes! This dish is super healthy, super filling, packed with protein, and if you’re anything like me, will also make you super bloated for a solid two days (I love legumes… but my gastrointestinal tract begs to differ). Whatever… it’s choc full of fiber, delicious, and cruelty-free… it’s worth being bloated.

I made the same vodka sauce I made last week, since it’s a real hit in this house. You can find the recipe HERE by scrolling down. These balls also match well with any store-bought or homemade marinara, or pesto. I guarantee you that if you cook this dish for someone (whether they’re a vegetarian or not), they’re going to love these ballz and be very impressed.

INGREDIENTS (FOR THE BALLZ):

1 cup dry (uncooked), brown (“french”) lentils
3 cups vegetable stock (you can also use beef, but then it’s not really vegetarian)
2 eggs
1 cup chopped mushrooms (or carrots, if you’re in a pinch – which I was when I made these… mushrooms are better!)
1/3 finely chopped yellow or white onion
3 cloves finely minced garlic
Dash of Worcestershire sauce
1/2 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 cup bread crumbs
2 Tbs. finely chopped parsley
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 tsp. dried basil
salt and pepper to taste
4 Tbs. olive oil
***Sauce of your choice*** (tomato/marinara work best!)
***Pasta of your choice to serve with***

The lentils before cooking – these babies take about 20-25 minutes at a rolling boil to cook through

DIRECTIONS:

Cook the lentils in the vegetable stock until soft; this means cooking for 20 – 25 minutes at a rolling boil… taste test to make sure they’re soft and all liquid is absorbed.
While the lentils boil, in a large saucepan, add 1 Tbs. of olive oil, and cook the minced onions, garlic, and mushrooms (or carrots, if you went with carrots)… cook until onions are translucent and veggie is cooked through:

I used carrots, but mushrooms are honestly preferable. I wasn’t thinking when I did my groceries earlier in the day.

After the lentils are cooked and liquid has been absorbed, dump into a large mixing bowl and let cook until malleable (should be ready to handle in 5 minutes or so)

Cooked lentils should be free of excess liquid, soft, and edible.

Mix the remainder of ingredients (apart from the olive oil – which you will use to fry the balls in) into the bowl with the lentils:

Looks like one egg here because the other one is hiding – you will need 2 eggs if you want your balls to be moist!

Mix all of the ingredients together thoroughly and by hand.
Heat the remaining olive oil (plus more as needed) in a large saucepan over low-medium heat.
Form the balls by hand, packing and rolling the mixture into golf-ball sized balls, and dropping into hot oil

Lightly brown on all sides over low-medium heat. Unlike actual meat, these balls will lose their shape if they are not lightly fried/crisped on all sides.

Rotate the balls so as to lightly brown/crisp on all sides… these balls will fall apart if you simply plunk them into hot sauce, whereas balls made from actual meat will be fine to cook by submerging into boiling sauce, these will not.
Once balls are browned on all size, add into sauce, or set aside, and then top your finished pasta with the balls and sauce.

Avoiding Taxes, Beets, and The Best Vodka Sauce You’ll Ever Have

Here I am, yet again…. avoiding my taxes like the bubonic plague…. 😀 After I write this blog post, I’m really going to try to make myself finish them – no matter how devastating the outcome. Time to face reality….

I had a most relaxing day yesterday, as one is wont to do on a Sunday. I found a new wine bar that’s so amazing – they have way better pricing than most wine bars do ($9 – $13 a glass as opposed to the typical $13 – $18), a great tasting menu (I had a cheese plate), and the bar was super cozy with a real stone fireplace, which I was lucky enough to sit right in front of. Major score on my part. The place is called Black Mountain Wine House, and despite being about a 15 minute drive from my apartment, was totally worth it. If you live in Brooklyn, I highly suggest.

The fireplace in the wine bar was super hot and cozy and made me reflect on Panther Room (the side room of Output, which closed forever a couple of months ago). I used to love going to Panther room on a Sunday night when I had Monday off and getting all kinds of funked up and then sitting in front of their fireplace… it was so perfect in the winter. I will always hold a special place in my heart for Panther Room and all the good times I had there… I digress….

So nostalgic right now… ❤ (sigh)

Moving on. I have recently become obsessed with beets. I really love foods with earthy (aka ‘dirt’) flavors, hence my love of anything with truffles, mushrooms, super rank cheeses, and BEETS. Lately, I’ve been cooking them once every couple of weeks. They pair so well with goat cheese, and also sour cream and dill – you can use them in a hearty winter salad, or as a main in a thick-ass borscht.

This weekend, I prepared beets for a salad with (you guessed it) GOAT CHEESE. A match made in heaven – right up there with peanut butter and jelly. I know… I get it – beets aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. But this recipe is simple, healthy, and could honestly be made into a main meal if you want to add some hot lentils or quinoa to make the salad a main dish!

C8DF4E57-3D5E-464C-9358-37BC1E36D888 — Beets aren’t just tasty – they’re packed with nutrients and such a pretty color – just be careful and don’t wear white while cooking them!

When you buy fresh beets, you’ll want to first trim off the beet greens (the leafy stems) as well as any root portion growing out the end of the beet. Next, while they’re raw, use a vegetable peeler and peel the beet all the way around. Give the beets a final rinse in cold water just to make sure any dirt is rinsed away (they are a root vegetable, after all). In order to ensure the beets cook faster and evenly (since a bunch of beets usually includes beets of differentiating sizes), quarter or cut them in half depending on their size.

The peeled, cleaned, and still raw beets… yes, the vodka you see is for the vodka sauce I also made that day.. and yes, it is 50 Cent’s brand… I love me some 50 cent (Candy Shop, anyone?)

Quel Couleur! Boil the beets until you can easily penetrate (hahaha… penetrate …) them with a fork. Usually about 25 minutes.

Boil the beets in some salted water for about 20-25 minutes, at a rolling boil. Stab them with the tines of a fork to make sure they’re cooked through before removing from heat.

Baby spinach or baby kale pairs best with beets….beets are definitely not a good mix with romaine or iceburg lettuce (and lord knows I really actually prefer romaine to spinach or kale …). Then of course, the goat cheese is essential – any time you add cheese, nuts, beans or any sort of protein to a salad it becomes more than a salad… it becomes worthy of meal status… this is great if you’re trying to be healthy but also want to feel full.

I also threw in some pine nuts, which really complimented the beets, goat cheese and spinach. Cherry/grape tomatoes go well with just about anything (apart from blue cheese… the acids from the blue cheese and tomatoes do NOT mix… take my word), so I threw some of those in, and then drizzled with olive oil, balsamic vinegar reduction, and sprinkled with freshly ground salt and pepper.

In the past, I have found thinly-sliced, green apples really pair well with beets and goat cheese, as well as walnuts – but this is more of a summer salad to me. As I previously mentioned, you can very well make this salad into a meal by adding some cooked lentils or quinoa.

Now for the main attraction:

DC7D8958-4D5C-4C42-82A1-8BCF74ED6FFE — Turkey meatballs in homemade vodka sauce… you can also use beef/pork or lentil (vegetarian) meatballs… I am going to make the lentil ballz later this week and will post a recipe for them then…it’s been too long since I’ve made them (really time consuming, but worth the effort if you don’t eat meat!)

The vodka sauce – yet another example of bastardized Italian food. Vodka sauce is uniquely Italian-American… doesn’t exist in Italy, only in America. But if you’ve had it, you’ll know it’s fucking amazing:

INGREDIENTS (for the vodka sauce):

1 cup vodka (can be cheap vodka – the alcohol cooks out regardless)
1 large can crushed tomatoes (preferably San Marzano) (28 oz.)
1 tiny can tomato paste (6 oz.)
1/2 Spanish (yellow) onion, finely minced
4 cloves garlic, finely minced
3 Tbs. olive oil
2 Tbs. butter
1 cup finely grated Parmigiano Reggiano (aka Paremsan)
3/4 cup heavy cream
1 tsp. granulated sugar
1 tsp. crushed red pepper flakes
1 tsp. dried oregano flakes
1 tsp. dried basil flakes
Salt and pepper to taste
3 Tbs. finely chopped fresh parsley

DIRECTIONS (for the vodka sauce):

Heat the oil over low heat, and add in the minced onions – cook about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally, until onions are translucent and cooked through.
Add in the minced garlic AND the red pepper flakes. Cook another 2-3 minutes over low heat, stirring occasionally and being careful not to burn garlic.
Add in the can of crushed tomatoes, stir and increase the heat to medium.
Add in the vodka and continue to stir for another minute.
Add in the can of tomato paste, and stir thoroughly.

Add in all of the seasonings (basil, oregano, sugar, salt, pepper)
Taste test the sauce to see if it needs more seasoning… add as necessary
Add in the heavy cream and reduce to low heat. Sauce should be a nice orange color after adding the cream
Add in the grated Parmesan cheese AND the chopped parsley, and stir until incorporated
Add in the butter (this can be optional – it gives the sauce an extra richness)

This sauce is perfect to serve as is with the pasta of your choice after completing the above steps.

If you want to make a heartier meal, go ahead and make the ballz too. In this case, I used turkey meat (recipe for vegetarian ballz coming up this week…).

INGREDIENTS (for Ballz):

One package (1.3 lbs) turkey meat (93% lean, 7% fat)
1 large egg
1 cup panko bread crumbs
1/2 cup finely grated Pecorino Romano or Parmesano
1 tsp. onion powder
1 tsp. granulated garlic
1 tsp. dried basil
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 and 1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. black pepper
2 Tbs. mayonnaise
2 Tbs. chopped parsley
Dash of worcestershire sauce
*** more bread crumbs if too soft when you attempt to roll into ball

DIRECTIONS (for Ballz):

Add all ingredients listed above together in a large bowl, and mix thoroughly with your hands (yes, your hands… don’t be a pu$$y – a spoon isn’t gonna work)
Turn the pasta sauce to a medium heat – you’re going to cook the ballz directly in the sauce this time! (it keeps them so tender and moist)
Once all ingredients are mixed together, grab a chunk of the mixture at a time and roll into a small ball (or large, if that’s how you likey…. 😉 )
Drop the ballz as you make them into the hot vodka sauce
Keep making and dropping ballz into saucepan until you’ve used up all of the meat mixture
Stir EVER SO GENTLY with a wooden spoon or rubber spatula, so as not to fuck your ballz up and massacre them (gently rotate them around the hot saucepan)
Cook on low-medium heat for 15-20 minutes
Serve finished ballz and sauce over pasta or polenta (or if you’re on a “diet,” without either)

Yeah… definitely not doing my taxes now. Oh well. I should just pull an Anthony Bourdain and not file my taxes for years … except unlike Anthony Bourdain (God rest his soul), I will never get rich and be able to pay them off in a major lump sum someday after neglecting them for 10 years running.

The Ultimate Sacrilege – My Week in Bastardized Food

It’s been quite a week, and it’s only Tuesday. Once again, I overindulged in a bit too much vino this weekend and thus have sworn off even a glass of wine with dinner this week (unheard of, I know…) in order to look super-svelte for my birthday next week. As a testament to just how much I overindulged, I left my purse at my friend’s house on Friday night – like who the f*ck leaves behind their entire purse? We did however make an amazing fondue though… so I guess it was worth it.

The next day, in an Uber back to my friend’s house to retrieve my purse, the car I was in got into an accident with a motorcycle. I decided to take an Uber pool, and when the car pulled over in Bushwick to let out the backseat passenger, she opened her door to the right side of the street and into an on-coming motorcyclist who was stupidly passing on the right. He slammed head-on into the back door of the vehicle with his motorcycle, which than fell over onto two parked cars. Lovely. Thankfully no one was hurt, however, the passenger who opened her door peaced-out to wherever she was going, and I had to stay and wait for the cops since I was a witness. The motorcyclist was also making me nervous as he kept screaming obscenities at the poor driver, even though it wasn’t the driver’s fault – it was his. He said terrible things like “go back to your country” and “you don’t even speak English – stop talking to me.” The driver was super apologetic and thankful that I waited around for the police with him and gave them the correct version of the story. I assured the driver it wasn’t a problem and I was happy I could help him out – it did add another hour and a half onto what should have been a 15 minute trip one way, but whatever. It’s amazing no one was injured, and I can’t complain because the driver was nice enough to give me a ride the rest of the way to my friend’s after the cops left, off the clock.

Saturday night, I had another friend over for shrimp tacos – I was feeling very inspired by an amazing taco dip my cousin made at his super bowl party: sour cream and cream cheese mixed with a packet of taco seasoning, layered with shredded lettuce, chopped tomatoes, and chopped avocado. I topped it off with some home made guacamole and about a bottle of wine …. kill me.

Sunday morning, after a second night of indulgence, I decided to make pasta e fagioli (pasta and bean stew), which I have been meaning to make for the last two weeks… it was pretty tasty and enough to feed an army, as per usual.

I’m still not sure what I am doing for my bday – it’s up in the air between going away for a night or going out and partying here in NYC. Either way, I hope this cold I’m coming down with doesn’t stick around. I am starting to feel like shit ….

Tonight’s dinner – tagliatelle with salmon and spinach in a cream sauce (this is the ultimate sacrilege for Italians – combining fish or seafood with heavy cream and Parmesano). It was delightful and got the seal of approval from the Italian boyfriend

Tonight I made the scrumptious pasta pictured above – I wouldn’t consider it an Italian dish by any means, but it was f*cking delicious. I am feeling too lazy to write out the recipe… but I’ll do it for you anyhow, because I love you.

TAGLIATELLE CON SALMONE E SPINACI

INGREDIENTS:

1 large fillet of fresh Salmon, de-boned, de-skinned, and cut or torn into small pieces
1 ripe lemon (you’ll use both the juice, and the zest (aka the grated skin))
1 package fresh spinach (**do NOT use frozen)
1/2 stick butter
2 Tbs. olive oil
1 pint heavy cream
4 cloves of garlic (minced finely)
3/4 cup freshly grated parmesano
1 package of tagliatelle egg noodles (if you can’t find tagliatelle, another egg noodle will do – but regular pasta is too heavy for this dish)
1/2 tsp. ground (or freshly grated) nutmeg
salt and pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS:

1. Skin and de-bone the salmon fillet, tear or cut the salmon into small, bite-size pieces and set aside.

2. In a large saucepan, heat the olive oil and butter together over low heat.

3. Mince the garlic and add into sauce pan, stirring over low heat (as always – do NOT burn the garlic!).

4. Add in the entire bag or package of fresh spinach and stir, coating with melted butter and oil.

5. Add in the heavy cream and stir over low heat until spinach is completely wilted.

6. Meanwhile, bring a large pot of heavily salted water to a boil (for the pasta).

7. Add the nutmeg, salt and pepper, as well as the grated Parmesan cheese to the spinach/cream sauce mixture and stir until mixed.

8. Add in the salmon and reduce to lowest heat (the salmon wont take much to cook through) – remove from heat once salmon has cooked through.

9. Once the pot of water has come to a boil, follow pasta instructions and cook tagliatelle to al dente texture.

10. Drain pasta and add back to large pot; squeeze the juice from 1/2 of the lemon and grate in about 2 tsp. worth of zest from the lemon’s skin into the pasta and stir.

11. Finally, you will combine the contents of the saucepan (cream sauce containing the salmon and spinach) into the pasta and stir together:

57171184815__6862889B-2869-4D7C-BF91-8A9DEFF35424 — Serve hot and with a garnish of a bit more lemon zest on top, if desired

This is definitely a meal that will please anyone – despite being made with heavy cream, the fact that it is made with fish and also that the pasta is an egg-noodle helps keep it from being too heavy – in fact it tastes rather light.

Now that it’s back to being freezing cold and snowy/slushy outside, I am really craving some quality soups again (when am I not craving soup – let’s be honest). I wanted to cook homemade tomato soup and grilled cheese tonight – a classic, childhood ‘feel-good’ meal. Maybe tomorrow night. I may even go all in and bake my own bread if I don’t have to work late. I also have some dried split peas I’m itching to make into soup… nothing beats a good split pea soup!

Chicken Cordon Bleu and Sub-Zero Temps

Dude, it is SO F*CKING COLD…. and I am one of the few people who actually LIKES COLD!!!! It is not as cold in NYC as it is in the Mid-West right now, so I really shouldn’t be complaining. I also have a roof over my head, warm clothes, and food and wine to keep me warm and fed, so I should consider myself fortunate. I do wish I had a fireplace though, and maybe the option to call out of work tomorrow. Also, I wish I had a hot tub, some Manitobah Mukluks, and a snow suit, but I digress (next year, Santa…… 😉 )

I can’t stop dwelling on feral cats and stray dogs right now. I don’t think there are really that many stray dogs in NYC (it’s not Greece after all…), but there are probably scumbags who tie their dogs outside… I hope no one is heartless or ignorant enough to do that in this weather. I hope that all of the poor cats living on the streets were able to find some sort of shelter or slightly warmer place to hide out until this cold passes through – it’s devastatingly brutal. I have more empathy towards animals than I do humans, and I always will. A human can at least ask for help if they need it, and even homeless people have resources available when the weather is this brutal. Animals can’t ask for help or just walk into a shelter for the night. I just wish I could save all the homeless cats and dogs from life on the streets. I used to do my part by fostering cats, but that didn’t work out so well after about a year with two ferals who hid under my bed and had diarrhea issues non-stop. And all of this was DESPITE me starving to death on my lowly server’s salary while spending all my hard earned cash on the most expensive cat food available… good times.

The cold would be so much more tolerable if it were also snowing right now. We had about five minutes of snow this afternoon and that was that. It’s the only snow NYC has gotten all winter, and next week the temperature is back up into the 50s. Will we ever get snow this year? At least I’m guaranteed to have some snow when I’m at my parent’s house this weekend. Why am I writing about weather? Because I’m a loser baby.

The only upside of the cold, or going out-on-the-town in the cold, is wearing my pimp furs… I have one in almost every color now… perfect for warehouse parties and after hours 😉

I made a delicious bean chili last night, but it didn’t photograph well and is frankly a bit boring to write about. Not much of creative / hands-on process goes into making chili. I did, however, make a delicious chicken cordon bleu this past Sunday night. Although that also photographed rather unfortunately. It tasted amazing though (yes, I had to go “sometimes-etarian” and at least try it…).

Not the comeliest plating, but it was moist, flavorful, and all around delicious. Served with baked potatoes and Brussels

INGREDIENTS (** recipe below will make 4 servings):

1 1/2 – 2 lbs. of boneless, skinless chicken breast (organic, free-range, antibiotic and hormone free… some Gwyneth Paltrow approved shit… preferably raised and killed by your own hand)
2 cups Panko bread crumbs
1 cup shredded gruyere cheese
4 pieces of thinly sliced prosciutto (cooked, thinly sliced ham will substitute if your local grocery doesn’t carry proscuitto)
1 cup flour (for rolling chicken in)
2 well-beaten eggs
Salt, pepper, granulated garlic to taste
Olive oil (to coat baking pan and also drizzle over chicken)
Plastic wrap

DIRECTIONS:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Set up your breading station: flour seasoned with salt and pepper (in a bowl), beaten eggs (in a bowl), and panko bread crumbs seasoned with granulated garlic, salt and pepper (also in a bowl)

This is the “breading station”: chicken rolls will first be rolled in flour, then egg, then the panko breadcrumbs before going into the baking pan (coated with olive oil) – season the flour and the panko bread crumbs with salt, pepper, and granulated garlic for maximum flavor

Place chicken in between two sheets of plastic wrap, one on the bottom and one on top, beat the chicken gently (LOL) with a meat hammer or a rolling pin

Next, you’re going to “fill” the chicken before rolling it up… place the prosciutto down first (one sheet per chicken cutlet) followed by the shredded gruyere

After the “prosciutto” (why do I hear Giada De Laurentiis voice saying this?) and gruyere are placed on the chicken, it is time to roll them up! Start on one end and roll it up like you would a piece of paper or sleeping bag… it should be rolled pretty tightly
Tightly wrap each finished roll in plastic wrap to help keep the shape and place in the fridge for 15 minutes

These are the pre-breaded chicken rolls, about to go into the fridge before taking a dip in the egg/breading

After you take the rolls out of the fridge, unwrap and bread one by one, placing the finished product into your baking pan (flour first, than into the egg, than rolled in the panko crumbs)
Drizzle the tops of the rolls with olive oil (this will help the breadcrumbs brown up nicely – you can also use little slices of butter on top in place of oil)

These are the stuffed and breaded chicken rolls, about to go into the oven

Bake for 30 minutes at 350 (since the chicken is pounded pretty thin, you shouldn’t need to bake much longer… maybe 35 minutes depending on how browned the breadcrumbs are looking)
To serve, cut the roll into slices so you can see that nice cross-section/swirl of ham and melted cheese; serve with a veggie or salad on the side!

I probably won’t be doing much cooking this weekend since I’m going to my parent’s to dog-sit/cat-sit the family pets. I will be doing some “meal prep” (ew…) tomorrow and Friday though, so that the fridge is full while I am away – otherwise a certain someone will eat pizza, burgers, and not a single goddamn vegetable all weekend.

I mean, who doesn’t love pizza? I almost finished off a whole one last Saturday… my new favorite pizza is from a place down the street called Chiara’s… so good

I’ll probably try to be somewhat healthy this weekend while I am at my parent’s house since my bday is fast approaching, and I will want to dress in some scandalous outfit if I go out to celebrate.

I’m sure the fridge at my parent’s house is already chock-full of my favorite foods waiting for me to devour them – that’s how they do, loading up the fridge and cupboards with my favorite things before I come home. I’ll end up sabotaging myself with a brick of pepper jack cheese from Pine Ridge and lobster mac and cheese from Wegman’s.

Oh well 🙂