cheese – The High Heeled C*ntessa

Rat Meatloaf and Gross Negligence

It’s been over a week since I last wrote… I am living in a state of perpetual exhaustion. I average about 5 hours of sleep a night, and I don’t even have anything to show for my lack of sleep – that’s the saddest part. You’d think I was up writing a novel or like, a cook book or something. Or that I was painting the next greatest masterpiece. No. Honestly, I don’t even know how I end up staying up as late as I do every night (usually until 12:30 – 1 a.m.). I’m not doing anything fun or worth while. I am actually up that late scooping cat litter, brushing cats, and/or cooking dinner for a boyfriend I see about 20 minutes of each day, and yeah… that’s about it…. by the time all my chores are done, it’s time for bed.

I don’t know where the time goes, but clearly it hasn’t been spent writing or finding a better job. I haven’t even cooked anything note worthy lately. I’ve been too fucking tired to cook and too busy tending to cats and cleaning the house, since it now gets dirty even faster (double the cat hair, double the spilled litter and food messes, etc.).

Can someone please come brush my teeth and wash my face for me? It’s 9:20 p.m. on a Friday and I’m too tired to even get off the couch and get ready for bed. That’s how tired I am. I can’t even imagine having an actual human kid to take care of at this point in my life. I’d literally fucking die, and if I didn’t die from sleep deprivation, I would surely die from a psychotic break down as a direct result of stress and sleep deprivation.

Can someone also fix my mangled feet? I think they need totally replaced at this point, given that they’re covered in popped blisters from my ill-fitting H&M sneakers and beyond the repairs a basic pedicure would offer.

Anyhow. Another day, another dollar -am I right?

I am really proud of myself because I didn’t order delivery even once this week. Not that I order in often – usually once a week and only when I’m drained. But I’m impressed I didn’t order at all – since at some point in the week, I usually cave and use Seamless to order Chinese or Mexican food. I cooked a lot of random shit this week though, that is for sure. One of the many random things I cooked was this rat meatloaf:

Rat (“mouse”) meatloaf… don’t ask. I couldn’t stop laughing as I prepared it, waiting to present it to my boyfriend like it was a goddamn lobster with a side of filet mignon

I made this really delicious dish that I absolutely LOVED, and my boyfriend hated (he hates small pastas for some strange reason (orzo, italini, orrechiette)… I, on the other hand, LOVE small pastas). Anyhow, I found this sick recipe for “Orzotto” (orzo cooked like risotto) on one of my favorite food sites, “Taste Cooking.” It was really easy to make (much less time than cooking actual risotto with rice), and warranted a trip to my favorite cheese shop.

58026982540__749AAC68-AC2E-4FD5-8441-483F151C1063 — This was heaven. I liked it better than actual risotto, because the orzo is lighter and fluffier. I cooked the orzo in chicken stock, and used Gorgonzola dolce to finish it.

It was a beautiful Spring night in NYC, so I brought Mr. Peeper for a walk… Not sure the hipster trash dudes working in the Cheese shop appreciated, but whatever. It’s my life.

Anyhow, Campbell (aka “Lorimer”) Cheese shop is my absolute favorite. It’s basically what Bedford Cheese Shop was before they sold their soul to the devil and moved up the street into a gargantuan retail space with white everything and waitstaff that is unfriendly and probably doesn’t even eat cheese.

I digress…

Campbell (Lorimer) Cheese shop is the best – they always have Gorgonzola dolce and a variety of truffle cheeses, which means I leave happy every time. The staff is friendly, and you can find all manner of jams, olives, specialty sausages, etc..

The mortadella wasn’t the same as usual… it had no peppercorns or pistachios in it… they totally downgraded and I’m not sure what’s up with that. I did pick up these awesome anchovies, which I used in the pasta dish I just made. I also picked up the creamy, blue cheese I used to make my Orzotto.

I’m too fucking lazy to write out any recipes tonight. But I made this pasta using the anchovies pictured above, and San Marzano tomatoes from a can:

The anchovies add this delightful umami flavor …. so good

Anyhow. It’s Memorial Day Weekend and I can’t fucking wait to be home (my parents house upstate). I am so over this shit hole, rat-infested, fake fuck infested city.

Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone. I hope the cats let me sleep in past 7:30 a.m. tomorrow. I look haggard.

The Ultimate Sacrilege – My Week in Bastardized Food

It’s been quite a week, and it’s only Tuesday. Once again, I overindulged in a bit too much vino this weekend and thus have sworn off even a glass of wine with dinner this week (unheard of, I know…) in order to look super-svelte for my birthday next week. As a testament to just how much I overindulged, I left my purse at my friend’s house on Friday night – like who the f*ck leaves behind their entire purse? We did however make an amazing fondue though… so I guess it was worth it.

The next day, in an Uber back to my friend’s house to retrieve my purse, the car I was in got into an accident with a motorcycle. I decided to take an Uber pool, and when the car pulled over in Bushwick to let out the backseat passenger, she opened her door to the right side of the street and into an on-coming motorcyclist who was stupidly passing on the right. He slammed head-on into the back door of the vehicle with his motorcycle, which than fell over onto two parked cars. Lovely. Thankfully no one was hurt, however, the passenger who opened her door peaced-out to wherever she was going, and I had to stay and wait for the cops since I was a witness. The motorcyclist was also making me nervous as he kept screaming obscenities at the poor driver, even though it wasn’t the driver’s fault – it was his. He said terrible things like “go back to your country” and “you don’t even speak English – stop talking to me.” The driver was super apologetic and thankful that I waited around for the police with him and gave them the correct version of the story. I assured the driver it wasn’t a problem and I was happy I could help him out – it did add another hour and a half onto what should have been a 15 minute trip one way, but whatever. It’s amazing no one was injured, and I can’t complain because the driver was nice enough to give me a ride the rest of the way to my friend’s after the cops left, off the clock.

Saturday night, I had another friend over for shrimp tacos – I was feeling very inspired by an amazing taco dip my cousin made at his super bowl party: sour cream and cream cheese mixed with a packet of taco seasoning, layered with shredded lettuce, chopped tomatoes, and chopped avocado. I topped it off with some home made guacamole and about a bottle of wine …. kill me.

Sunday morning, after a second night of indulgence, I decided to make pasta e fagioli (pasta and bean stew), which I have been meaning to make for the last two weeks… it was pretty tasty and enough to feed an army, as per usual.

I’m still not sure what I am doing for my bday – it’s up in the air between going away for a night or going out and partying here in NYC. Either way, I hope this cold I’m coming down with doesn’t stick around. I am starting to feel like shit ….

Tonight’s dinner – tagliatelle with salmon and spinach in a cream sauce (this is the ultimate sacrilege for Italians – combining fish or seafood with heavy cream and Parmesano). It was delightful and got the seal of approval from the Italian boyfriend

Tonight I made the scrumptious pasta pictured above – I wouldn’t consider it an Italian dish by any means, but it was f*cking delicious. I am feeling too lazy to write out the recipe… but I’ll do it for you anyhow, because I love you.

TAGLIATELLE CON SALMONE E SPINACI

INGREDIENTS:

1 large fillet of fresh Salmon, de-boned, de-skinned, and cut or torn into small pieces
1 ripe lemon (you’ll use both the juice, and the zest (aka the grated skin))
1 package fresh spinach (**do NOT use frozen)
1/2 stick butter
2 Tbs. olive oil
1 pint heavy cream
4 cloves of garlic (minced finely)
3/4 cup freshly grated parmesano
1 package of tagliatelle egg noodles (if you can’t find tagliatelle, another egg noodle will do – but regular pasta is too heavy for this dish)
1/2 tsp. ground (or freshly grated) nutmeg
salt and pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS:

1. Skin and de-bone the salmon fillet, tear or cut the salmon into small, bite-size pieces and set aside.

2. In a large saucepan, heat the olive oil and butter together over low heat.

3. Mince the garlic and add into sauce pan, stirring over low heat (as always – do NOT burn the garlic!).

4. Add in the entire bag or package of fresh spinach and stir, coating with melted butter and oil.

5. Add in the heavy cream and stir over low heat until spinach is completely wilted.

6. Meanwhile, bring a large pot of heavily salted water to a boil (for the pasta).

7. Add the nutmeg, salt and pepper, as well as the grated Parmesan cheese to the spinach/cream sauce mixture and stir until mixed.

8. Add in the salmon and reduce to lowest heat (the salmon wont take much to cook through) – remove from heat once salmon has cooked through.

9. Once the pot of water has come to a boil, follow pasta instructions and cook tagliatelle to al dente texture.

10. Drain pasta and add back to large pot; squeeze the juice from 1/2 of the lemon and grate in about 2 tsp. worth of zest from the lemon’s skin into the pasta and stir.

11. Finally, you will combine the contents of the saucepan (cream sauce containing the salmon and spinach) into the pasta and stir together:

57171184815__6862889B-2869-4D7C-BF91-8A9DEFF35424 — Serve hot and with a garnish of a bit more lemon zest on top, if desired

This is definitely a meal that will please anyone – despite being made with heavy cream, the fact that it is made with fish and also that the pasta is an egg-noodle helps keep it from being too heavy – in fact it tastes rather light.

Now that it’s back to being freezing cold and snowy/slushy outside, I am really craving some quality soups again (when am I not craving soup – let’s be honest). I wanted to cook homemade tomato soup and grilled cheese tonight – a classic, childhood ‘feel-good’ meal. Maybe tomorrow night. I may even go all in and bake my own bread if I don’t have to work late. I also have some dried split peas I’m itching to make into soup… nothing beats a good split pea soup!

Chicken Cordon Bleu and Sub-Zero Temps

Dude, it is SO F*CKING COLD…. and I am one of the few people who actually LIKES COLD!!!! It is not as cold in NYC as it is in the Mid-West right now, so I really shouldn’t be complaining. I also have a roof over my head, warm clothes, and food and wine to keep me warm and fed, so I should consider myself fortunate. I do wish I had a fireplace though, and maybe the option to call out of work tomorrow. Also, I wish I had a hot tub, some Manitobah Mukluks, and a snow suit, but I digress (next year, Santa…… 😉 )

I can’t stop dwelling on feral cats and stray dogs right now. I don’t think there are really that many stray dogs in NYC (it’s not Greece after all…), but there are probably scumbags who tie their dogs outside… I hope no one is heartless or ignorant enough to do that in this weather. I hope that all of the poor cats living on the streets were able to find some sort of shelter or slightly warmer place to hide out until this cold passes through – it’s devastatingly brutal. I have more empathy towards animals than I do humans, and I always will. A human can at least ask for help if they need it, and even homeless people have resources available when the weather is this brutal. Animals can’t ask for help or just walk into a shelter for the night. I just wish I could save all the homeless cats and dogs from life on the streets. I used to do my part by fostering cats, but that didn’t work out so well after about a year with two ferals who hid under my bed and had diarrhea issues non-stop. And all of this was DESPITE me starving to death on my lowly server’s salary while spending all my hard earned cash on the most expensive cat food available… good times.

The cold would be so much more tolerable if it were also snowing right now. We had about five minutes of snow this afternoon and that was that. It’s the only snow NYC has gotten all winter, and next week the temperature is back up into the 50s. Will we ever get snow this year? At least I’m guaranteed to have some snow when I’m at my parent’s house this weekend. Why am I writing about weather? Because I’m a loser baby.

The only upside of the cold, or going out-on-the-town in the cold, is wearing my pimp furs… I have one in almost every color now… perfect for warehouse parties and after hours 😉

I made a delicious bean chili last night, but it didn’t photograph well and is frankly a bit boring to write about. Not much of creative / hands-on process goes into making chili. I did, however, make a delicious chicken cordon bleu this past Sunday night. Although that also photographed rather unfortunately. It tasted amazing though (yes, I had to go “sometimes-etarian” and at least try it…).

Not the comeliest plating, but it was moist, flavorful, and all around delicious. Served with baked potatoes and Brussels

INGREDIENTS (** recipe below will make 4 servings):

1 1/2 – 2 lbs. of boneless, skinless chicken breast (organic, free-range, antibiotic and hormone free… some Gwyneth Paltrow approved shit… preferably raised and killed by your own hand)
2 cups Panko bread crumbs
1 cup shredded gruyere cheese
4 pieces of thinly sliced prosciutto (cooked, thinly sliced ham will substitute if your local grocery doesn’t carry proscuitto)
1 cup flour (for rolling chicken in)
2 well-beaten eggs
Salt, pepper, granulated garlic to taste
Olive oil (to coat baking pan and also drizzle over chicken)
Plastic wrap

DIRECTIONS:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Set up your breading station: flour seasoned with salt and pepper (in a bowl), beaten eggs (in a bowl), and panko bread crumbs seasoned with granulated garlic, salt and pepper (also in a bowl)

This is the “breading station”: chicken rolls will first be rolled in flour, then egg, then the panko breadcrumbs before going into the baking pan (coated with olive oil) – season the flour and the panko bread crumbs with salt, pepper, and granulated garlic for maximum flavor

Place chicken in between two sheets of plastic wrap, one on the bottom and one on top, beat the chicken gently (LOL) with a meat hammer or a rolling pin

Next, you’re going to “fill” the chicken before rolling it up… place the prosciutto down first (one sheet per chicken cutlet) followed by the shredded gruyere

After the “prosciutto” (why do I hear Giada De Laurentiis voice saying this?) and gruyere are placed on the chicken, it is time to roll them up! Start on one end and roll it up like you would a piece of paper or sleeping bag… it should be rolled pretty tightly
Tightly wrap each finished roll in plastic wrap to help keep the shape and place in the fridge for 15 minutes

These are the pre-breaded chicken rolls, about to go into the fridge before taking a dip in the egg/breading

After you take the rolls out of the fridge, unwrap and bread one by one, placing the finished product into your baking pan (flour first, than into the egg, than rolled in the panko crumbs)
Drizzle the tops of the rolls with olive oil (this will help the breadcrumbs brown up nicely – you can also use little slices of butter on top in place of oil)

These are the stuffed and breaded chicken rolls, about to go into the oven

Bake for 30 minutes at 350 (since the chicken is pounded pretty thin, you shouldn’t need to bake much longer… maybe 35 minutes depending on how browned the breadcrumbs are looking)
To serve, cut the roll into slices so you can see that nice cross-section/swirl of ham and melted cheese; serve with a veggie or salad on the side!

I probably won’t be doing much cooking this weekend since I’m going to my parent’s to dog-sit/cat-sit the family pets. I will be doing some “meal prep” (ew…) tomorrow and Friday though, so that the fridge is full while I am away – otherwise a certain someone will eat pizza, burgers, and not a single goddamn vegetable all weekend.

I mean, who doesn’t love pizza? I almost finished off a whole one last Saturday… my new favorite pizza is from a place down the street called Chiara’s… so good

I’ll probably try to be somewhat healthy this weekend while I am at my parent’s house since my bday is fast approaching, and I will want to dress in some scandalous outfit if I go out to celebrate.

I’m sure the fridge at my parent’s house is already chock-full of my favorite foods waiting for me to devour them – that’s how they do, loading up the fridge and cupboards with my favorite things before I come home. I’ll end up sabotaging myself with a brick of pepper jack cheese from Pine Ridge and lobster mac and cheese from Wegman’s.

Oh well 🙂