The High Heeled C*ntessa

We Eat Because We Are Emo, and We are Emo Because We Eat: Vegan BALLZ and Anger Issues

A joyous week indeed… disdain, chest-ne, bac-ne, LIFE IS GOOD!

Before we get into the food talk, I have to have a brief rant (actually, two, brief rants): I’m getting a second cat, and apparently no one in my family supports that decision. I’m not sure why, considering I’m a more responsible pet owner than anyone else I’ve EVER known. I’m under the impression that they think that I’m going to become a cat lady or something. Like, that’s NEVER gonna happen, guys. First off, I’m far too vain and concerned with outward appearances to ever let myself go (i.e. becoming morbidly obese with bad teeth and wearing purple tracksuits) and/or to walk around smelling like cat piss whilst wearing a sweatshirt that’s embroidered with cats.

Secondly, I would never become a cat hoarder, nor would I ever even consider owning more than two cats, MAX, at any given time – not even if I had a huge house and a yard and it was an actual possibility. I don’t think I’ve exhibited any “cat lady” signs that should make them worry that that’s the road I’m headed down either. My apartment is fucking immaculately clean, I have plenty of friends with whom I socialize with on a weekly basis, and I am in a long-term, stable relationship. Like WTF? I’ve also been lectured: “what about when you have real kids? What if your kid is allergic, or you don’t have time for the pets?” To this I say (1) Every other degenerate parent I know that already had pets when they had a baby seemed to make it work, (2) I would probably give away a kid that I’ve only had for two weeks before a pet that I’ve had for 5 years, and (3) my cat is already more high maintenance than a bald baby who sleeps 18 hours a day will ever be, so I’d still have plenty of time to care for him (them).

I am also the best cat-parent I know. Like, honestly, who else spends two hours a day brushing their cat, pampering him and playing with him – even on the nights I come home dog tired from working late? One of the major reasons I’m getting a second cat is because I want Mr. Peeper to have a friend and playmate to keep him company during the afternoon. Not that I’m not home EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT and make it a point to stay home when I can on weekends just to be with him. Most cat owners I know think that because they have cats and not dogs, they can leave their cat(s) unattended for an entire weekend or longer. I have never left my cat alone for more than a 12-hour stretch and I never would, because I think that’s being a negligent pet owner. I’m so fired up right now…. You’d think I just told them I’d eloped with a carnie I had known for only 24-hours in Vegas ,or like, quit my job and was moving to Puerto Rico with a circus worker.

It’s also not like I’m having a kid anytime soon (or possibly ever, at this rate), so why not get a second pet?! Anyhow, this is Simón Pier Tuna… a.k.a TUNA:

Meet Tuna! He will be coming home to join the family at the end of April!

Sorry everyone, I have to keep ranting, because it’s MY FOOD blog, and I’ll rant about whatever I want, even if it’s non-food related.

ANOTHER RANT (*VERY WOMANLY RANT AHEAD* – You’ve been warned if you’re a guy):

I love being a woman, mainly because I like wearing makeup and heels without judgment, and also because I can’t imagine myself being a man. Despite all of the advantages of being a woman (who am I kidding – WHAT advantages? Discrimination in the workplace? The expectation that you’ll handle all of the domestic duties on top of full-time work? LOL), there are also many disadvantages. There are times when being a woman sucks. Also, the state of healthcare and coverage in this country sucks hard on any-given-day. The United States is essentially the only developed nation WITHOUT universal healthcare… and that blows exponentially. Like, even with insurance, the healthcare in this country SUCKS. I already have an extremely high deductible given my annual salary – my deductible is 4.6% of my annual salary. For those of you in countries with universal healthcare, a ‘deductible’ is the amount of money you must pay out-of-pocket before insurance even kicks in to cover any percentage at all of your medical bills… yeah, it’s confusing. It took me until this year to fully understand how deductibles actually work (or, should I say, DON’T work).

Anyhow, when my insurance switched over to my new job in January, the birth control I have been on for the last 8 years of my life was no longer covered. It had been 100% covered (FREE) with my last insurance. In my opinion, all birth control should be free – it’s preventative care and could save insurance companies tons of money in the long run. Anyhow, I digress…. with my new insurance, for the SAME birth control medication, I would end up having to pay $500 out of pocket every 3 months. Guys, this is the cost of my medication WITH INSURANCE. WTF? ! It took me three different birth controls to find one that actually met my needs and didn’t completely fuck my body up when I started taking this pill 8 years ago. I tried three other pills before I ended up with this one, and each one had terrible effects ranging from weight-gain, Dolly Parton-sized breasts, nausea, headaches, etc.. I know this sounds like some “Alice in Wonderland” magic mushroom shit (one makes you tall, one makes you small), but I’m serious. This is the only one that worked for me, without terrible effects.

I called my doctor as soon as I found out my normal medication wasn’t covered, and decided tried another one that WAS fully covered by my new insurance, which the doctor assured me was similar, and I gained 5 lbs. on the 3 days I was on it, and cried over everything for no reason. At that point, I just threw all three months work of it away and said ‘f*ck it.’ I am too old to deal with this shizzle. I have no intent of having a kid either, if anyone is wondering. I’m just also not dealing with unnecessary weight gain and mood swings at this point in my life.

I just can’t keep playing Goldilocks and trying to find the perfect size chair or the right temperature porridge at this age, you know? I knew what actually worked for my body, and it’s been taken away due to America’s fabulous healthcare coverage. Anyhow, I was feeling confident and happy in my decision to be rid of hormonal contraceptives, since I know that they aren’t that great for you in the long run. Now, my skin is going haywire and I’m like psychotic. I’m breaking out all over my body – my chest, my back, my jawline, my neck… like WTF?! Is there no winning in this world?! Also, I’ve been way more emotional in the last two months than I have been in the last 8 years. I am not OK with this. I don’t know what else to do except to ride it out or order the only other pill that has the same ingredients my old one did, which is only available in Europe.

Anyhow. I’m done bitching.

I made some awesome vegan, ‘meatless’ ballz for a potluck work party I had this week. We have a couple of vegans/vegetarians in the office, so I figured I would just make something everyone could enjoy instead of making both vegan and meat.

These are similar to the vegetarian ballz featured in an earlier blog post, but totally free from animal products

INGREDIENTS:

2 cups of cooked quinoa (white, red, mixed, any color quinoa is good)
2 cans of black beans
1/2 white or yellow onion, finely diced
4 cloves of garlic, finely diced
1 small can of tomato paste
1 cup Mozzarella-vegan (soy-based) ‘cheese’ (can’t really call this shiz cheese …)
2 Tbs. soy sauce
3 Tbs. Olive oil
1 Tbs. freshly chopped parsley
1 Tbs. freshly chopped basil
1 tsp. red pepper flakes
4 cups vegetable stock
Salt/pepper/granulated garlic to taste

DIRECTIONS:

THIS FIRST STEP YOU CAN DO A DAY OR TWO IN ADVANCE:
Cook 1 cup dried quinoa in about 3 cups vegetable stock – add more stock or water as necessary, until all water is gone and quinoa is cooked through, and light and fluffy
Once the quinoa is cooked, set aside to cool or until ready to use

Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees F.
Drain and rinse the 2 cans of black beans and lay out onto a baking sheet to dry and go into the over
Put the tray of beans into the oven for approximately 20 minutes, until they are dry and begin to crack on the outside
While the beans are in the over, chop your onion, garlic, and fresh herbs

IMG_6544 (1) — This is what your black beans should look like when they come out of the oven

In a small saucepan, saute the onion and garlic over low heat, until cooked-through (add the onion first and cook until translucent, and then the garlic last and cook for another couple of minutes) – set aside once cooked.

In a blender, pulse the fake mozzarella cheese until it is crumbly
Next, add in the dried black beans into the blender along with the olive oil, and pulse until crumbly
Dump this mixture into a large mixing bowl
Add in your cooked onion/garlic mixture
Add in the cooked quinoa
Add in the seasonings (chopped basil, chopped parsley, salt/pepper, dried pepper flakes, dried oregano, granulated garlic, soy sauce)
Add in 3-4 Tbs. of the tomato paste
Mix everything together with your hands

Everything added together and partially mixed – I threw in more tomato paste because it needed more moisture! The great thing about making ‘meatless’ balls, is that you can taste test as necessary without worrying about salmonella!!! Taste away!

In-motion shot from my IG story… sorry! Once the mixture is a good texture (i.e. holds together when you roll it, but not too dry), you will roll into meatball sized balls

Roll the mixture into golf-ball sized balls once it is the right consistency and flavor
Place the balls on a baking sheet or in an oven-safe dish to bake; cook for 30 minutes or so
You may have to rotate the balls half-way through cooking, to ensure even cooking on all sides
Serve with your favorite tomato sauce, alone, or over pasta!

DC7D8958-4D5C-4C42-82A1-8BCF74ED6FFE — Not as good as turkey… but I’m a heathen by nature and it’s hard to change my tastes

After I slaved away making these balls, I worked a 10 hour day and came home to make myself some ratchet ramen:

57482520828__689FA599-ECDA-46CA-BD94-DEA2FA1E3546 — Now we’re talking …

Once again I basically haven’t slept all week. Today I let my alarm go off at 8 minute intervals over the course of 1.5 hours…. who does that? For the amount of time I continued to have interrupted sleep, I could have just re-set the alarm another hour out and gotten some solid sleep.

I cannot wait to sleep this weekend. What’s new? Oh well… what do you expect from a future cat lady?

Saturday Night In and Seafood

FML… this is me, starting over, after I just wrote almost an entire blog and then accidentally deleted it and couldn’t recover it. This single action sums up my week in a nutshell.

Yes, this also sums up my week perfectly. Alphabet soup is my go-to when I’m under the weather or in need of some comfort food. This is Amy’s organic brand, but to be honest, I prefer Campbell’s from concentrate…. it tastes like childhood and home.

I’m staying in tonight, and so happy with my decision to do so. I am mentally and physically exhausted and need a night of no-drinking, going to sleep before 1am, and some alone time with my thoughts. It was a long week (as every week spent working a corporate job seems to be), and I need some serious beauty sleep, as I am currently looking haggard AF. At the start of each work week, all I look forward to is making it to Friday again, with the intent that I will use the weekend to catch up on sleep and relax for once. That never actually happens though, since I also have to use the weekend to run errands, clean the house, and have a social life. Then I end up feeling as exhausted as ever by the time Monday morning rolls around again and like I need another weekend just to recover from the weekend. It’s truly a vicious cycle. I start to feel extremely unhealthy and ugly when I don’t take care of myself the way I should (i.e. drinking water, NOT drinking alcohol, getting more than 6 hours of sleep each night, etc.).

I drank way too much this week, ate really crappy, didn’t get enough sleep, and therefore needed this night of solitude as a means of repentance (not that I can undo the basket of sugar cookies I devoured, or the 6,000 calories in alcohol that went down my throat over the course of the week). I went over to a friend’s house on Wednesday night for dinner. We grilled squid skewers and skewers of baby potatoes. She also made a delightful beet and dill salad:

Night Vision: The squid and potato skewers on the barbie

The finished squid skewers, hot off the grill, and the awesome beet salad

As is par for the course, I consumed excessive amounts of wine, and then some half-assed blueberry martinis I tried to make. I woke up on Thursday with only 3 hours of sleep under my belt and spent the day at my work desk wanting to die and eating sugar cookies in a futile attempt to feel normal again. Will I ever learn my lesson? Probably not, if I haven’t by now.

Last night, I had another friend over and also consumed more wine than I should have as well as more cheese than I should have in such close proximity to hitting the hay. I can’t consume alcohol or heavy food before bed, because my metabolism goes into overdrive and my core temperature skyrockets to the point that I wish I could crawl out of my own skin because of how hot I get. How is it that a person can be sleeping in just their underwear, with NO covers on, when it’s only 45 degrees outside, and still wake up boiling hot? It’s uncomfortable… I can tell you that much; and it greatly hindered my ability to get quality sleep last night, so I’ve been looking shitty all day.

I started this week with every intention of cooking and eating healthy, but that plan went down the toilet as soon as a tin of cookies arrived at my work desk, courtesy (cough *SABOTAGE* cough) of one of the service companies we use. That coupled with my alcohol intake and lack of sleep has me feeling rather unhealthy as I sit here typing this.

I started my week with a broiled salmon fillet, some mashed potatoes (<— not particularly healthy, but damn good), and steamed spinach and kale.

9B5A3A6C-7FE2-4F76-A888-5E016C0416B6 — The only nourishing thing I fed my body this week

For the Salmon:

Start with one or two large salmon fillets; make sure there are no bones before cooking (skin on is fine, as it will come off when cooked)
Heat the over to 375 degrees
Generously oil a baking sheet with some olive oil and place the salmon fillets skin-side-down on the baking sheet
Drizzle and brush more olive oil onto the tops of the fillets and squeeze fresh lemon juice over them
Sprinkle generously with salt, pepper, and granulated garlic
Cut another lemon into round slices, and place a couple of slices on top of each fillet
Bake for 15 minutes (give or take depending on the size and thickness of the fillet
Serve with a wedge of fresh lemon and sprinkle with fresh parsley

For the Mashed Potatoes:

Start with a sack of yellow or white potatoes, or use 3-4 large Yukon or Idaho potatoes; potatoes should be scrubbed thoroughly and cut into halves or quarters depending on their size
Boil the potatoes in a large pot of salted water until they are penetrable with the tines of a fork (usually 20 minutes of boiling)

I like to use the baby potatoes when I make mashed potatoes, as they don’t need to be cut up or peeled. I like to include the skin of the potato when I mash them, as it creates texture, flavor, and the skin is full of nutrients

After the potatoes are cooked through, reserve about 1/3 of a cup of the potato water (you can ladle it out into a measuring cup if needed)
Drain the potatoes (apart from about 1/3 of a cup of the potato water which you will mash them in)
Add a generous amount of butter (I’d say about 2 TBS.), salt and pepper, and granulated garlic and give them a good mashing
If they are to dry (which they really shouldn’t be if you added enough butter and left in enough water), feel free to add some cream or even a dollop of sour cream or creme fraiche
Make sure you taste test them to see if they need more seasoning!

One of the ultimate comfort foods… you really can’t go wrong with some good mashed potatoes, unless of course you’ve f*cked them up and they aren’t good ;p

I can’t wait to wake up tomorrow feeling refreshed having slept for 10 hours straight. I want to go off on a political tangent right now about the state of the world, but no one needs that since we’re all inundated with tragic news 24/7 these days. I guess when times are bad and it seems the entire world is falling apart, we have to make changes and make a difference where we can, and that means starting with ourselves (queue Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror”). I’ve been trying to be more conscious of my plastic use as well as my use of palm oil products (hello Nutella …. looking at you). I can’t change the world or reverse climate change or animal extinction as a single person, but I can certainly do my part to help.

Bad Luck, Veggie Ballz, and Elton John

Another week has come and gone, and what a week it was! I saw Elton John perform Saturday night with my mom and sister at Barclay’s Center which was literally a dream come true. I am so happy I had the opportunity to see him on his farewell tour since I have wanted to see him since I was 12. I know what you’re thinking – what kind of weirdo, freak 12 year old is obsessed with Elton John? Me. That’s who.

I found an Elton John “Greatest Hits” cassette tape the summer that I was 12 in the upstairs bedroom of my Grandma’s house, and she said I could have it – which is what my grandma always said whenever I found something I liked or wanted in her house. The tape had belonged to my uncle Bill, who had passed away six years earlier due to complications of AIDS. I brought that tape home and listened to it front and back and on repeat all summer long. I memorized all of the lyrics to every song and found myself wanting to know more about the life of Elton John, since all of his songs seemed to be deeply personal and I, as a deeply emotional, 12 year old girl entering puberty, related to them on so many levels (or so I thought at the time…). Little did I know, I would end up relating much more once I had actually experienced real life…

I was never particularly close to my uncle Bill when he was alive since I was young and I didn’t see him that often. When he passed away, his life (and then subsequently his death) was kind of shrouded in mystery to me. He was an openly gay man and brought boyfriends home to my very-Catholic-grandmother’s house for holidays etc.. No one had an issue with how he lived his life, but no one ever really talked about why he died – in fact, I didn’t find out until I was much, much older. I do remember making him a ‘get well’ card when he was sick with a picture of Marilyn Monroe that I drew on it, which is pretty awesome in retrospect… he really loved that. I also remember a couple of times he took me grocery shopping with him when he went to the store for my grandma, and all of the ladies would coo over me and over him pushing me in the shopping cart, and he seemed to eat that shit right up. My memories of him are very few.

Anyhow, I digress. The point I am getting at, is that I finally felt some sort of connection to my uncle through this shared love of Elton John music. I was only 7 when he died, and grew up feeling like I really missed out on a relationship with him. As I’ve grown older and heard some of the stories relayed from other family members about my uncle’s love of partying and the practical jokes he liked to play on people, I’ve also realized that perhaps we have much more in common than just the mutual love of Elton John :p I think we would have gotten on quite well were he still alive.

Thank you mom 🙂 (even though you don’t know this blog exists)

It really does mean so much to me that my mom, who I’m pretty sure was quite concerned with the fact that her 12 year old daughter was obsessed with Elton John, bought me these tickets. I don’t think I can thank her enough or tell her how much it really means, but I will try regardless. The concert was a solid three hours of Elton John entertaining – singing, playing the piano, and talking to the audience about his music and his life. It was awesome. HE was AWESOME. Such a good singer and piano player, even in his 70s. He played ALL of my favorite songs (minus ‘Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word’), which really surprised me. I didn’t think he would play ‘Someone Saved My Life Tonight’ or ‘I Guess That’s Why They Call it The Blues.’ The concert was surreal.

I finally filed my taxes yesterday… all I can say is ‘someone please come put me out of my misery.’ It ended up being worse than I thought. I legit think I’m going to be destitute forever unless I start stripping or something. I really can’t catch a break in this life. I also had a severe case of cystitis last week, having not had it in like 4 years. I was sitting at work on Thursday morning when it started to feel like someone was beating my kidneys with a baseball bat. By the end of the day I knew I was totally f*cked for many more reasons which I won’t elaborate on here – let’s just say if you’ve ever had it, you know what I’m talking about. Brutal. I don’t know how I made it through the work day.

I’m back to normal now (as normal as I’ll ever be), and trying to figure out what to look forward to now that EJ concert is over. You know when something seems so far away, and then before you know it, it’s over? I’m the same way with vacations, parties, etc. – I just look forward to something for so long and put all of my stock into it, and then once it’s over, I’m so emo and empty inside. I remember my mom got tickets to this concert last February for my birthday, and I kept thinking “wow, that’s so far away!” Well, here we are, over a year later, and now it’s over. I guess I’ll just look forward to paying off my taxes and being poor now and hopefully getting shredded for summer. JK… but not really. What else????

Vegetarian lentil “meatballs” in homemade vodka sauce

I used to make these balls all the time and haven’t in a while. It’s honestly easier to just make fish, seafood, or pasta than it is to try to create a ‘meatball’ without meat. These balls are time consuming, but totally worth it if you have the time, or if you just cook the lentils in advance, so that they’re ready to make into ballz when the time comes! This dish is super healthy, super filling, packed with protein, and if you’re anything like me, will also make you super bloated for a solid two days (I love legumes… but my gastrointestinal tract begs to differ). Whatever… it’s choc full of fiber, delicious, and cruelty-free… it’s worth being bloated.

I made the same vodka sauce I made last week, since it’s a real hit in this house. You can find the recipe HERE by scrolling down. These balls also match well with any store-bought or homemade marinara, or pesto. I guarantee you that if you cook this dish for someone (whether they’re a vegetarian or not), they’re going to love these ballz and be very impressed.

INGREDIENTS (FOR THE BALLZ):

1 cup dry (uncooked), brown (“french”) lentils
3 cups vegetable stock (you can also use beef, but then it’s not really vegetarian)
2 eggs
1 cup chopped mushrooms (or carrots, if you’re in a pinch – which I was when I made these… mushrooms are better!)
1/3 finely chopped yellow or white onion
3 cloves finely minced garlic
Dash of Worcestershire sauce
1/2 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 cup bread crumbs
2 Tbs. finely chopped parsley
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 tsp. dried basil
salt and pepper to taste
4 Tbs. olive oil
***Sauce of your choice*** (tomato/marinara work best!)
***Pasta of your choice to serve with***

The lentils before cooking – these babies take about 20-25 minutes at a rolling boil to cook through

DIRECTIONS:

Cook the lentils in the vegetable stock until soft; this means cooking for 20 – 25 minutes at a rolling boil… taste test to make sure they’re soft and all liquid is absorbed.
While the lentils boil, in a large saucepan, add 1 Tbs. of olive oil, and cook the minced onions, garlic, and mushrooms (or carrots, if you went with carrots)… cook until onions are translucent and veggie is cooked through:

I used carrots, but mushrooms are honestly preferable. I wasn’t thinking when I did my groceries earlier in the day.

After the lentils are cooked and liquid has been absorbed, dump into a large mixing bowl and let cook until malleable (should be ready to handle in 5 minutes or so)

Cooked lentils should be free of excess liquid, soft, and edible.

Mix the remainder of ingredients (apart from the olive oil – which you will use to fry the balls in) into the bowl with the lentils:

Looks like one egg here because the other one is hiding – you will need 2 eggs if you want your balls to be moist!

Mix all of the ingredients together thoroughly and by hand.
Heat the remaining olive oil (plus more as needed) in a large saucepan over low-medium heat.
Form the balls by hand, packing and rolling the mixture into golf-ball sized balls, and dropping into hot oil

Lightly brown on all sides over low-medium heat. Unlike actual meat, these balls will lose their shape if they are not lightly fried/crisped on all sides.

Rotate the balls so as to lightly brown/crisp on all sides… these balls will fall apart if you simply plunk them into hot sauce, whereas balls made from actual meat will be fine to cook by submerging into boiling sauce, these will not.
Once balls are browned on all size, add into sauce, or set aside, and then top your finished pasta with the balls and sauce.

Avoiding Taxes, Beets, and The Best Vodka Sauce You’ll Ever Have

Here I am, yet again…. avoiding my taxes like the bubonic plague…. 😀 After I write this blog post, I’m really going to try to make myself finish them – no matter how devastating the outcome. Time to face reality….

I had a most relaxing day yesterday, as one is wont to do on a Sunday. I found a new wine bar that’s so amazing – they have way better pricing than most wine bars do ($9 – $13 a glass as opposed to the typical $13 – $18), a great tasting menu (I had a cheese plate), and the bar was super cozy with a real stone fireplace, which I was lucky enough to sit right in front of. Major score on my part. The place is called Black Mountain Wine House, and despite being about a 15 minute drive from my apartment, was totally worth it. If you live in Brooklyn, I highly suggest.

The fireplace in the wine bar was super hot and cozy and made me reflect on Panther Room (the side room of Output, which closed forever a couple of months ago). I used to love going to Panther room on a Sunday night when I had Monday off and getting all kinds of funked up and then sitting in front of their fireplace… it was so perfect in the winter. I will always hold a special place in my heart for Panther Room and all the good times I had there… I digress….

So nostalgic right now… ❤ (sigh)

Moving on. I have recently become obsessed with beets. I really love foods with earthy (aka ‘dirt’) flavors, hence my love of anything with truffles, mushrooms, super rank cheeses, and BEETS. Lately, I’ve been cooking them once every couple of weeks. They pair so well with goat cheese, and also sour cream and dill – you can use them in a hearty winter salad, or as a main in a thick-ass borscht.

This weekend, I prepared beets for a salad with (you guessed it) GOAT CHEESE. A match made in heaven – right up there with peanut butter and jelly. I know… I get it – beets aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. But this recipe is simple, healthy, and could honestly be made into a main meal if you want to add some hot lentils or quinoa to make the salad a main dish!

C8DF4E57-3D5E-464C-9358-37BC1E36D888 — Beets aren’t just tasty – they’re packed with nutrients and such a pretty color – just be careful and don’t wear white while cooking them!

When you buy fresh beets, you’ll want to first trim off the beet greens (the leafy stems) as well as any root portion growing out the end of the beet. Next, while they’re raw, use a vegetable peeler and peel the beet all the way around. Give the beets a final rinse in cold water just to make sure any dirt is rinsed away (they are a root vegetable, after all). In order to ensure the beets cook faster and evenly (since a bunch of beets usually includes beets of differentiating sizes), quarter or cut them in half depending on their size.

The peeled, cleaned, and still raw beets… yes, the vodka you see is for the vodka sauce I also made that day.. and yes, it is 50 Cent’s brand… I love me some 50 cent (Candy Shop, anyone?)

Quel Couleur! Boil the beets until you can easily penetrate (hahaha… penetrate …) them with a fork. Usually about 25 minutes.

Boil the beets in some salted water for about 20-25 minutes, at a rolling boil. Stab them with the tines of a fork to make sure they’re cooked through before removing from heat.

Baby spinach or baby kale pairs best with beets….beets are definitely not a good mix with romaine or iceburg lettuce (and lord knows I really actually prefer romaine to spinach or kale …). Then of course, the goat cheese is essential – any time you add cheese, nuts, beans or any sort of protein to a salad it becomes more than a salad… it becomes worthy of meal status… this is great if you’re trying to be healthy but also want to feel full.

I also threw in some pine nuts, which really complimented the beets, goat cheese and spinach. Cherry/grape tomatoes go well with just about anything (apart from blue cheese… the acids from the blue cheese and tomatoes do NOT mix… take my word), so I threw some of those in, and then drizzled with olive oil, balsamic vinegar reduction, and sprinkled with freshly ground salt and pepper.

In the past, I have found thinly-sliced, green apples really pair well with beets and goat cheese, as well as walnuts – but this is more of a summer salad to me. As I previously mentioned, you can very well make this salad into a meal by adding some cooked lentils or quinoa.

Now for the main attraction:

The vodka sauce – yet another example of bastardized Italian food. Vodka sauce is uniquely Italian-American… doesn’t exist in Italy, only in America. But if you’ve had it, you’ll know it’s fucking amazing:

INGREDIENTS (for the vodka sauce):

1 cup vodka (can be cheap vodka – the alcohol cooks out regardless)
1 large can crushed tomatoes (preferably San Marzano) (28 oz.)
1 tiny can tomato paste (6 oz.)
1/2 Spanish (yellow) onion, finely minced
4 cloves garlic, finely minced
3 Tbs. olive oil
2 Tbs. butter
1 cup finely grated Parmigiano Reggiano (aka Paremsan)
3/4 cup heavy cream
1 tsp. granulated sugar
1 tsp. crushed red pepper flakes
1 tsp. dried oregano flakes
1 tsp. dried basil flakes
Salt and pepper to taste
3 Tbs. finely chopped fresh parsley

DIRECTIONS (for the vodka sauce):

Heat the oil over low heat, and add in the minced onions – cook about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally, until onions are translucent and cooked through.
Add in the minced garlic AND the red pepper flakes. Cook another 2-3 minutes over low heat, stirring occasionally and being careful not to burn garlic.
Add in the can of crushed tomatoes, stir and increase the heat to medium.
Add in the vodka and continue to stir for another minute.
Add in the can of tomato paste, and stir thoroughly.

Add in all of the seasonings (basil, oregano, sugar, salt, pepper)
Taste test the sauce to see if it needs more seasoning… add as necessary
Add in the heavy cream and reduce to low heat. Sauce should be a nice orange color after adding the cream
Add in the grated Parmesan cheese AND the chopped parsley, and stir until incorporated
Add in the butter (this can be optional – it gives the sauce an extra richness)

This sauce is perfect to serve as is with the pasta of your choice after completing the above steps.

If you want to make a heartier meal, go ahead and make the ballz too. In this case, I used turkey meat (recipe for vegetarian ballz coming up this week…).

INGREDIENTS (for Ballz):

One package (1.3 lbs) turkey meat (93% lean, 7% fat)
1 large egg
1 cup panko bread crumbs
1/2 cup finely grated Pecorino Romano or Parmesano
1 tsp. onion powder
1 tsp. granulated garlic
1 tsp. dried basil
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 and 1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. black pepper
2 Tbs. mayonnaise
2 Tbs. chopped parsley
Dash of worcestershire sauce
*** more bread crumbs if too soft when you attempt to roll into ball

DIRECTIONS (for Ballz):

Add all ingredients listed above together in a large bowl, and mix thoroughly with your hands (yes, your hands… don’t be a pu$$y – a spoon isn’t gonna work)
Turn the pasta sauce to a medium heat – you’re going to cook the ballz directly in the sauce this time! (it keeps them so tender and moist)
Once all ingredients are mixed together, grab a chunk of the mixture at a time and roll into a small ball (or large, if that’s how you likey…. 😉 )
Drop the ballz as you make them into the hot vodka sauce
Keep making and dropping ballz into saucepan until you’ve used up all of the meat mixture
Stir EVER SO GENTLY with a wooden spoon or rubber spatula, so as not to fuck your ballz up and massacre them (gently rotate them around the hot saucepan)
Cook on low-medium heat for 15-20 minutes
Serve finished ballz and sauce over pasta or polenta (or if you’re on a “diet,” without either)

Yeah… definitely not doing my taxes now. Oh well. I should just pull an Anthony Bourdain and not file my taxes for years … except unlike Anthony Bourdain (God rest his soul), I will never get rich and be able to pay them off in a major lump sum someday after neglecting them for 10 years running.

Kitchen Accidents and Wasted Cake

I’m a clumsy person by nature, I always have been and I always will be – drunk, sober, in-between… it doesn’t matter. At any given time, I have at least three (usually more) bruises on my body from running into shit or hitting myself on some object. My hands are usually covered in a splendid assortment of cat scratches, or burns from cooking. Spending so much time cooking, I’ve had several incidents involving knives to fingers, burns from the oven and boiling water, etc., but this week’s accident really took the cake. I was making an artichoke pasta using fresh artichokes, which are evidently hard AF, when I attempted to quarter them with a large knife. The knife slipped off the artichoke and came down on my fingernail – one of the worst pains I have ever felt. I was honestly scared to look as I thought I’d cut through to the bone. This is the second time I’ve ever had an injury involving a nail/toenail, and let me tell you – I totally know why they torture Prisoners of War by ripping their nails off now….

The pain doesn’t go away – my finger was THROBBING all night to the point that the pain kept waking me up out of my sleep, and the next day at work, it hurt to type at the keyboard. Naturally I was slammed with work that day and therefore wanted to die. My finger still hurts, although it isn’t pulsating now. The nail is basically cracked 3/4 of the way through from a horizontal angle starting at the cuticle… sexy, I know. What can I say? I’m not a kept woman or lady who lunches, and therefore I will never have the unblemished, manicured hands of my dreams. Unless someone wants to make me a kept woman or afford me the life of a lady who lunches… but even then, I am so clumsy and like cooking/doing crafts etc., so my hands would never actually be nice.

Fresh artichokes, although delicious, are such a pain in the ass to prepare – almost not worth it. Also, as I found out this week, dangerous as hell given their tough exterior… use caution.

My clumsy streak continued when I stubbed my toes so hard a couple of nights later, that I thought I broke a toe. Luckily nothing was broken, I just chipped the nail polish and now have a bruise covering the top half of my foot #blessed

This week’s injuries – check that bruise out! I haven’t bothered repainting my toenails, what’s the point? I’ll just run into more shit and chip them again.

In my last blog post, I was ranting about Dolly Parton not calling herself a feminist and how much it disappointed me – looks like I’m not the only one she disappointed: https://www.theguardian.com/music/2019/mar/03/dolly-parton-sister-ashamed-stars-silence-metoo-protest Dolly’s own sister is pretty peeved at her as well. Just thought I’d share – this is always a topic near and dear to my heart as a woman.

Anyhow, I feel like I’ve cooked such a random assortment of things over the last couple of weeks that I’ve neglected to share. Work was insane this past week, and I worked late three out of five nights, so my cooking was kept to a minimum until this weekend. I made these really awesome shrimp tostadas the week before last:

I cooked the shrimp in some minced garlic, smoked paprika, onion powder, cumin, salt, pepper, splash of hot sauce, and a splash of freshly squeezed lime juice. I also used purple (red) cabbage, which I now have a weird obsession with for some reason – it’s so much heartier and tastier than lettuce in salads, and so good for you vitamin wise. I made a sauce that I both tossed the chopped cabbage in and then put a dollop of over the shrimp once plated.

For the sauce, I used a dollop of sour cream, about 2 Tbs. of mayonnaise, fresh lime juice, smoked paprika, and a generous squirt of sriracha sauce (hey – I never said these were authentic Mexican tostadas…).

I made fresh guacamole to top it off (smashed avocados, diced cherry tomatoes, granulated garlic, cayenne pepper, fresh lime juice, and chopped cilantro), and then fried the corn tortillas in hot vegetable oil. Voila! A relatively fast meal to prepare, yet very impressive when plated, semi-healthy, and insanely delicious.

Sometimes I just want to bake – I don’t even like baked goods or sweets that much, but I think of baking as an artistic endeavor. I think I just like frosting things for the aesthetics of it.

I had some free time on my hands the week before last, and got the urge to bake a cake on a random week night. Since I am avoiding do my taxes for now, among some other things I should really sit down and make myself do, I decided it seemed like a great idea to follow through with my desire to bake a cake. Big mistake – it took so long start to finish (this is why I hate baking).

I usually only bake when I have to (Christmas, special occasions, etc.), but I really don’t like the process of baking. Not only is it time consuming (batch in – batch out of cookies over the course of hours, waiting for shit to cool before frosting it, etc.), but the precision required is painful for me. I guess I don’t really like to follow instructions or something, but in baking you HAVE to follow directions to a fault, otherwise it goes horribly awry. Cooking is great, because as long as you know the basics (how to make a sauce, how long to cook things, what combinations of food and seasonings go together), you can improvise. There really isn’t much improvisation to be had in baking. Anyhow, I think I enjoy the decorative part of baking. Sometimes I just want to see pretty, pink-frosted cupcakes, or in this case, frost and decorate a cake. I decided to make a red velvet cake, and it turned out alright – nothing to write home about. The recipe I used called for buttermilk and red food dye. I have heard the best recipes call for mayonnaise (sounds gross, but keeps cake moist) and beet juice to dye the cake (but ain’t nobody got time for that on a Wednesday night). Next time, I guess I’ll go all out with the beet juice dye.

Enough about my failed cake though, onto the pasta recipe that was out-of-this world delicious and nearly cost me a finger:

B580ECA5-A500-492E-873C-8652F08F44F7 — The finished pasta – rigatoni with artichokes, white wine, lemon, and Pecorino Romano – a really impressive pasta for the artichoke junkie in your life.

I’m a real junkie for artichokes – fried artichokes, artichoke dip, artichokes on salad, pizza – anything artichoke. *** A WORD OF ADVICE*** fresh artichokes are a real bitch to clean, whittle down to the edible parts, and also take FOREVER to cook. You’ve been warned.

INGREDIENTS:

4 large, fresh artichoke heads
1 cup grated Pecorino Romano cheese
1 cup dry white wine
3 lemons
4 cloves of finely minced garlic
1/2 red onion, finely chopped
4 Tbs. olive oil
3 Tbs. butter
Box of pasta – rigatoni or penne
Salt and pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS:

Peel the tough, outer leaves off of the artichokes and then trim the ends. You’ll basically end up with an artichoke that is 1/3 of the size of what you initially started with.
Using a small knife, shave/whittle the base of the artichoke (the point where the leaves were attached), so you see the white, tender part of the base.
Cut the artichokes into quarters – be careful… they’re hard to cut! :p
Place the artichokes in a pot of enough water that they are fully submerged, salt the water, and squeeze in the juice from a whole lemon
Bring the water to a low boil.

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While the artichokes are boiling, put on a pot of heavily salted water for the pasta and bring to a high boil.
While you wait for the pasta water to come to a boil, heat the oil in a large saucepan over low-medium heat.
Add in the minced onion and cook about 6 minutes or until tender and translucent.
Add in the minced garlic and cook for another 3 minutes, being careful not to burn the garlic.
Once the artichokes have been cooking for about 15 minutes in the hot water, drain them and add them into the saucepan with the garlic and onion.
Add in about half of the butter (1 and 1/2 Tbs) to the saucepan and increase the heat to medium, stirring the artichokes so they’re coated with the butter/oil and cooking evenly.
Salt and pepper the artichokes, squeeze in the juice of half a lemon, and then add the white wine – the heat should be high enough at this point that the wine makes a sizzling sound and steam comes off the pan when you add it in. Stir the artichokes frequently.

Add the pasta to the boiling water, and cook according to time listed on pasta box.
You’ll want to occasional taste-test the artichokes, to make sure they’ve become tender, and also see that you’ve seasoned appropriately (add more salt, pepper, or lemon as necessary – do keep in mind that Pecorino is a very salty cheese though, and will add a substantial amount of salty once added to the pasta).

Remove the artichoke saucepan from heat once they’re cooked through and tender.
Grate about 1 cup of the Pecorino Romano into a separate bowl

Don’t make the mistake I always make when grating cheese and accidentally grate your finger – it hurts like hell

Once the pasta is cooked, drain the water and add the pasta into the artichoke saucepan, or add the contents of the artichoke saucepan into the pasta pot with the pasta (whichever pan/pot is more accommodating)
Add in the rest of the butter (another 1-2 Tbs.), the Pecorino cheese, and juice from another lemon
Stir everything together until the pasta is coated and all ingredients are evenly dispersed.
Serve hot and accompany with a glass of white wine… or two 😉

I’m so happy it is Sunday – I just wish every day was Sunday. The only day of the week geared specifically towards taking it easy, lounging around and consuming food in excess. Maybe I’ll get around to filing my taxes tonight – I know the outcome is going to be depressing, which is why I’ve been putting it off as long as possible. I wanted to attempt a food vlog this weekend, or at least set up a Twitch account – I’ll look into that later. I’m not the best at technology and have no video editing skills of which to speak, so I’ll see what I can do.

Hangry and Sleep Deprived

What a day… I can’t even begin to get into it, or I’ll never stop. Let’s just say – I’m over it…. over everything … on every possible level you can imagine.

I’m currently listing to Dolly Parton, which is another level of disgusting in itself, considering that I hate country music and recently learned that Dolly doesn’t even call or consider herself a feminist. I won’t go into that either. I’m not sure why some women think the label ‘feminist’ is a bad thing, especially in the year 2019. It simply means a person (man, woman, etc.) who wants equal rights for both men and women (and everyone in between). I guess the people who consider it a dirty term have never taken a women’s studies class in their life, and therefore associate the label with a “feminazi,” or a man-hating, non-armpit-shaving, bra-burning, lesbian straight out of 1968 (**not that that would be a bad thing to be, even if you were that person I just described…). I’m just saying – calling yourself a feminist doesn’t mean you hate men or that you shun makeup and heels in favor of cargo shorts and trips to Home Depot. It means you want equal pay, rights, and equal opportunities for all – regardless of sex, gender, or sexual orientation. I guess in Dolly’s case, even though she has a large gay fan-base, she also has to cater to her equally-as-large, republican, pro-Trump fan base too… sad.

Dolly – you really disappointed me on top of everything else that disappointed me today…

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I had the shittiest dinner after the shittiest day – it was only fitting. I was so pissed off by the time I arrived home at 9pm, I had no appetite. I kind of love when that happens, but naturally I had to go and ruin it by drinking a glass of wine and it spurred my appetite into action. If I never drank alcohol, I’m pretty sure I would never be hungry. But, given my lifestyle, quitting wine isn’t really an option, unless I can take up MMA fighting or get a prescription for Klonopin…

881817FC-4EAA-4EEE-B3A1-D3B3583AD0D8 — If the outside matched the inside – this would be my attitude all day everyday… instead I’m relegated to Hillary Clinton-esque slacks and button ups and playing nice.

When I finally got home, ravaged and miserable, I fed my poor little catty, who should have even three hours prior to my arrival time, and then took a bath with a generous glass of Malbec. I proceeded to electrocute my face with the NuFace, since I have been so exhausted these past few mornings that I’ve neglected to do so. When I came out of the bath, I could smell my neighbor’s cooking – and tonight it smelled like fried artichoke hearts and stuffed mushroom poppers. Suddenly, I was salivating. Instead of eating pasta at 11pm, I decided to be healthy and make a salad to satiate my unrelenting hunger:

I guess everything is sad today – because this is one of the saddest salads I’ve ever tried to make into a meal. No cheese, nuts, olives, avocados, or any sort of protein or healthy fat. The salad is mostly purple cabbage. At least the dressing is homemade and delicious – that’s the only thing this salad has going for it. Kind of like the only thing I have going for me is my cute cat.

It doesn’t really help that I also only average about 6 hours of sleep a night or less. The only time it seems like I get enough sleep is on the weekends (and only sometimes), when I can go to bed at 10pm and sleep until 9am. This happens maybe once a month now, since even weekends seem to be full of obligations and plans. I feel like I’m so haggard when I don’t sleep – I seriously feel I have aged about 6 years in the past 2.5 years given my lack of sleep.

Anyhow, enough about me and my anger and sleep deprivation. Yesterday, I made a delightful pasta with a creamy sauce made of pureed zucchini. I’m too fucking tired to write the recipe, but I’ll update tomorrow if I don’t work another 12 hour day…. JK, I’ll write it now… what’s another 20 minutes off my sleep time?

The finished product: Penne with pureed zucchini sauce and cherry tomatoes

INGREDIENTS:

Box of penne, rigatoni, or fussili
4 Tbs. Olive Oil
2 Tbs. butter
1/2 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese (plus more to sprinkle on top)
1/2 chicken stock
1/4 cup heavy cream
4 small, green zucchinis, chopped up into small chunks
1/2 medium yellow onion, finely minced
6 cloves of garlic, finely minced
1 small carton of cherry or grape tomatoes, cut into halves
salt and pepper to taste
1 tsp. dried basil
1 tsp. dried oregano
1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper
Fresh basil to garnish

DIRECTIONS:

In a large saucepan, heat the olive oil (2 Tbs.) and butter over low heat
Add in the minced onion and cook for 5 minutes over low heat, until the onions are translucent and soft
Add in the minced garlic (about 4 cloves worth) and cook for another 3 minutes (as usual, be careful not to burn the garlic!)
Add in the chopped zucchini and cook over medium heat, stirring frequently
Continue to stir and cook until the zucchini is soft and fully cooked (taste test to make sure)
Remove the zucchini from the the heat
Place a large pot of heavily salted water on high heat and bring to a boil for the pasta
While the pasta water comes to a boil, add the contents of the zucchini saucepan into a blender
Add in about 1/2 cup chicken stock
Blend over high speed until mixture is thick and saucy – there shouldn’t be any large chunks

After adding the cooked zucchini, onion and garlic mixture to the blender, add 1/2 cup chicken stock blend on high until sauce is thick and blended fully

Return the mixture to the saucepan and turn to low heat
Add the pasta into the pot of boiling water and cook according to time on box
Add in the cream, salt, pepper, cayenne, dried basil and dried oregano as well as the Parmesan cheese and stir until all ingredients have combined into thick sauce
Add additional seasoning as necessary, depending on your tastes
Once pasta is done cooking, drain the water, and add the pasta into the sauce (or add the sauce into the pasta pot – whichever is more accommodating)
In a clean sauce pan, add in 2 Tbs. of olive oil over low heat
Add in another 2 cloves of minced garlic and cook for about 2 minutes
Add in the cherry tomatoes, season with a bit more salt and pepper and cook over low-medium heat for about 6 minutes

After adding the zucchini sauce to the cooked pasta, use a clean plan to saute the remaining cloves of garlic with some cherry or grape tomatoes in olive oil/butter

Add the tomatoes to the rest of the pasta/sauce once cooked through
Top with additional sprinkle of Parmesan cheese and fresh basil leaves

I wish I had a shot of adrenaline that would be dispensed into my arm when my alarm went off tomorrow morning. But sadly the best I could muster was setting up my coffee machine so all I have to do is hit a single button. Looks like 5 hours of sleep for me tonight…. cheers.

After-Birthday Blues and Garbage Take Out Food

I need to find a way to wake up like this every morning – waking up in ugly NYC and having to ride the MTA after drinking my cup of coffee in 2 minutes flat just isn’t cutting it

My birthday has once again come and gone, but the celebration isn’t over yet kids. I plan on going ballz to the wall this weekend come hell or high water. This past weekend was just the calm before the storm. I spent a relaxing 24 hours (… yeah, you heard me; 24 hours) in a cabin in the woods with my boyfriend and cat. It was perfect, despite being about 48 hours too short. The hot tub, the solitude, and the snow that fell Sunday night was perfect – I finally got some snow, on my birthday no less 🙂 I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect night in.

Finally some fresh snow! There is nothing better than sitting in a hot tub while snow flakes fall all around you

Mr. Peeper also enjoyed getting the f*ck out of NYC and getting some fresh, country air

The house came equipped with a grill and some sort of outdoor fire pit decorative thing, which miraculously kept burning even throughout the snowfall. We did groceries at the local Shop Rite grocery store, and they had a surprisingly good seafood section – the scallops were way better than the ones I get at my local ratchet market here in Brooklyn, and the fish was also excellent on the grill:

The pasta I made was incredibly simple (recipe to follow), but amazingly delicious. Don’t mind the ugly-ass plates… not my aesthetic. The pasta also looks monochromatic as f*ck because I forgot to buy fresh parsley at the grocery store

Grilled haddock kept simple with salt, pepper, lemon, and a drizzle of olive oil

Fresh beet and goat cheese salad… my favorite! The fresh beets make all the difference, although it is time consuming to clean, peel and boil them – they take about 35 minutes to cook through when boiling.

It truly sucks to be back in the city and back to work after such a short respite. I think I need at least a full week off to feel fully refreshed, and even that will be cutting it short (I think I am just not suited to working a 9-5, Monday thru Friday corporate job, if I’m to be completely honest…). I went to sleep at like 9:30pm last night watching At Eternity’s Gate (the new-ish Willem Dafoe movie wherein he plays van Gogh), but I still woke up absolutely exhausted and in need of at least 3 more hours of sleep this morning. I hate falling asleep before 11pm because I feel like I am wasting precious non-work hours. I am also upset that I missed the end of the movie, since it was right up my ally and I was really enjoying it. Willem Dafoe and van Gogh – two of my favorites… what’s not to love?! I will finish it tonight, if the rental is still available.

Tomorrow is already Wednesday, but the weekend feels so very far away. I guess you’ll have that when you live for the weekends. Last night upon returning to NYC, I was just too tired to do groceries and cook, so I ordered an eggplant parm hero and fries. What a way to start the week and celebrate a birthday. Anyhow, here is the recipe for the scallop pasta pictured above!

INGREDIENTS:

1 lb. of wild-caught sea scallops (fresh or frozen is fine)
2 lemons
4 TBS. (1/2 stick) butter
1/4 cup olive oil
4 cloves fresh, finely minced garlic
2 TBS. finely chopped, fresh parsley (plus more to garnish… which I failed to do as seen above)
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 tsp. dried basil
Salt and pepper to taste
1 box of linguine (or fettuccine, or spaghetti…)

DIRECTIONS:

Put a large pot of heavily-salted water on high heat (for the pasta) to bring to a boil, while you prepare the scallops.
In a large saucepan, melt the butter and about 2 TBS. of the olive oil together, over low heat.
Add in the minced garlic and cook over low heat for about 2 minutes, being careful not to burn.
Add in the scallops and raise the heat to medium.
Cook the scallops for about 3 minutes on each side – I suggest flipping each scallop only once.
After the scallops are cooked through (I suggest taking one out and cutting in half to try), add in the salt, pepper, dried oregano and dried basil and squeeze in the juice from one lemon.
Once the pasta water has come to a rolling boil, add in the box of pasta and cook until al dente.
Drain the pasta and add into the saucepan with the scallops.
Add in the rest of the olive oil, along with the freshly chopped parsley, more pepper, and the juice of the second lemon and stir/toss together all ingredients.
Add a garnish of fresh parsley to serve.

#basicbitch

The Ultimate Sacrilege – My Week in Bastardized Food

It’s been quite a week, and it’s only Tuesday. Once again, I overindulged in a bit too much vino this weekend and thus have sworn off even a glass of wine with dinner this week (unheard of, I know…) in order to look super-svelte for my birthday next week. As a testament to just how much I overindulged, I left my purse at my friend’s house on Friday night – like who the f*ck leaves behind their entire purse? We did however make an amazing fondue though… so I guess it was worth it.

The next day, in an Uber back to my friend’s house to retrieve my purse, the car I was in got into an accident with a motorcycle. I decided to take an Uber pool, and when the car pulled over in Bushwick to let out the backseat passenger, she opened her door to the right side of the street and into an on-coming motorcyclist who was stupidly passing on the right. He slammed head-on into the back door of the vehicle with his motorcycle, which than fell over onto two parked cars. Lovely. Thankfully no one was hurt, however, the passenger who opened her door peaced-out to wherever she was going, and I had to stay and wait for the cops since I was a witness. The motorcyclist was also making me nervous as he kept screaming obscenities at the poor driver, even though it wasn’t the driver’s fault – it was his. He said terrible things like “go back to your country” and “you don’t even speak English – stop talking to me.” The driver was super apologetic and thankful that I waited around for the police with him and gave them the correct version of the story. I assured the driver it wasn’t a problem and I was happy I could help him out – it did add another hour and a half onto what should have been a 15 minute trip one way, but whatever. It’s amazing no one was injured, and I can’t complain because the driver was nice enough to give me a ride the rest of the way to my friend’s after the cops left, off the clock.

Saturday night, I had another friend over for shrimp tacos – I was feeling very inspired by an amazing taco dip my cousin made at his super bowl party: sour cream and cream cheese mixed with a packet of taco seasoning, layered with shredded lettuce, chopped tomatoes, and chopped avocado. I topped it off with some home made guacamole and about a bottle of wine …. kill me.

Sunday morning, after a second night of indulgence, I decided to make pasta e fagioli (pasta and bean stew), which I have been meaning to make for the last two weeks… it was pretty tasty and enough to feed an army, as per usual.

I’m still not sure what I am doing for my bday – it’s up in the air between going away for a night or going out and partying here in NYC. Either way, I hope this cold I’m coming down with doesn’t stick around. I am starting to feel like shit ….

Tonight’s dinner – tagliatelle with salmon and spinach in a cream sauce (this is the ultimate sacrilege for Italians – combining fish or seafood with heavy cream and Parmesano). It was delightful and got the seal of approval from the Italian boyfriend

Tonight I made the scrumptious pasta pictured above – I wouldn’t consider it an Italian dish by any means, but it was f*cking delicious. I am feeling too lazy to write out the recipe… but I’ll do it for you anyhow, because I love you.

TAGLIATELLE CON SALMONE E SPINACI

INGREDIENTS:

1 large fillet of fresh Salmon, de-boned, de-skinned, and cut or torn into small pieces
1 ripe lemon (you’ll use both the juice, and the zest (aka the grated skin))
1 package fresh spinach (**do NOT use frozen)
1/2 stick butter
2 Tbs. olive oil
1 pint heavy cream
4 cloves of garlic (minced finely)
3/4 cup freshly grated parmesano
1 package of tagliatelle egg noodles (if you can’t find tagliatelle, another egg noodle will do – but regular pasta is too heavy for this dish)
1/2 tsp. ground (or freshly grated) nutmeg
salt and pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS:

1. Skin and de-bone the salmon fillet, tear or cut the salmon into small, bite-size pieces and set aside.

2. In a large saucepan, heat the olive oil and butter together over low heat.

3. Mince the garlic and add into sauce pan, stirring over low heat (as always – do NOT burn the garlic!).

4. Add in the entire bag or package of fresh spinach and stir, coating with melted butter and oil.

5. Add in the heavy cream and stir over low heat until spinach is completely wilted.

6. Meanwhile, bring a large pot of heavily salted water to a boil (for the pasta).

7. Add the nutmeg, salt and pepper, as well as the grated Parmesan cheese to the spinach/cream sauce mixture and stir until mixed.

8. Add in the salmon and reduce to lowest heat (the salmon wont take much to cook through) – remove from heat once salmon has cooked through.

9. Once the pot of water has come to a boil, follow pasta instructions and cook tagliatelle to al dente texture.

10. Drain pasta and add back to large pot; squeeze the juice from 1/2 of the lemon and grate in about 2 tsp. worth of zest from the lemon’s skin into the pasta and stir.

11. Finally, you will combine the contents of the saucepan (cream sauce containing the salmon and spinach) into the pasta and stir together:

57171184815__6862889B-2869-4D7C-BF91-8A9DEFF35424 — Serve hot and with a garnish of a bit more lemon zest on top, if desired

This is definitely a meal that will please anyone – despite being made with heavy cream, the fact that it is made with fish and also that the pasta is an egg-noodle helps keep it from being too heavy – in fact it tastes rather light.

Now that it’s back to being freezing cold and snowy/slushy outside, I am really craving some quality soups again (when am I not craving soup – let’s be honest). I wanted to cook homemade tomato soup and grilled cheese tonight – a classic, childhood ‘feel-good’ meal. Maybe tomorrow night. I may even go all in and bake my own bread if I don’t have to work late. I also have some dried split peas I’m itching to make into soup… nothing beats a good split pea soup!

Bolognese and Home

Currently stress eating Bugles and dreading going back to NYC tomorrow after a lovely three days at home (lovely, minus my work inbox blowing up all day…the beauty of work email on your personal phone 🙂 LOVES IT).

I feel creatively repressed and personally stifled just thinking about going back to the office on Wednesday. Hence, the Bugle binge. It was so nice to be out of NYC for a few days, away from the crazies on the subway, the scents of the sewers and trash-strewn sidewalks, dealing with the MTA’s bullshit, the commute into and out of work, and of course, work itself. It’s so nice to wake up and be able to drink my coffee at a leisurely pace while watching daytime TV as opposed to swigging it down while simultaneously applying mascara. The pleasure to be had in taking a long walk while the sun is still up in the sky, or to be able cook or bake at 2pm is insurmountable. It’s so nice to have control over my own daytime schedule and not spend 10 hours a day split between commuting and sitting at a desk. I guess it’s time to become a stay-at-home cat mom, or a SAHCM. I must find a way to make this happen… even if means selling my soul to the devil (oh wait, I already did… JK).

I was able to spend some quality time with my brother and his girlfriend on Saturday, as well as with my parents. I also had a chance to hang out with my cousin at the Super Bowl party he hosted, and took a long walk with my other cousin (his mom) earlier that day. And then of course, there was the quality time spent with the family pets, which is the reason I came home in the first place – to watch them while my parents were away. I got in a couple of long walks with and without the dog, and ate a lot of deliciously unhealthy food – some of which I graciously shared with Ceely (the dog), as she came with me to the Super Bowl party with me.

Saturday night, after grocery shopping with my mom, I decided to make rigatoni Bolognese for my parents – they loved it!!! Such a great dish for the winter (even though the last couple of days were unseasonably warm).

Here is the recipe:

INGREDIENTS:

1 lb. of high-quality beef ( you can substitute in cooked brown lentils if you’re a vegetarian, or ground turkey if you prefer a healthier meat)
1/2 cup pancetta (OPTIONAL – I did not add this time, but I have in the past and it elevates to another level)
1 box pasta of your choice (rigatoni, spaghetti, penne, linguini all work great)
1/3 cup olive oil (enough to coat the bottom of a large sauce-pan)
2 large carrots, finely chopped
2 stalks of celery, finely chopped
1/2 of a white or yellow onion, finely chopped
4 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
1 cup dry, white wine (Pinot Grigio works well!)
1 cup freshly shaved Parmesan (plus more to sprinkle over finished pasta)
1 large can of San Marzano crushed tomatoes
1 small can of tomato paste
fresh parsley
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 Tbs. dried basil
1 Tbs. dried oregano
1 tsp. red pepper flakes
1 tsp. granulated sugar
1 tsp. granulated garlic
Salt and pepper (add to desired taste)

DIRECTIONS:

Start by heating the olive oil in a large sauce pan over a low-medium heat
Add in onions and cook until a yellow-y translucent color (about 6 minutes), stirring occasionally
Add in carrots and celery and continue to cook over low-medium heat, stirring occasionally for another 5 min.
Add in garlic and continue to cook and stir, being careful not to burn garlic
Add in the meat (or cooked lentils) and cook for a couple of minutes over low-medium heat. If you’re cooking ground meat, break it up using the spoon or spatula (should not be left in large chunks)

Add in the white wine and simmer for about 3 minutes
Add in the can of crushed tomatoes along with the granulated garlic, sugar, salt, pepper, dried basil and oregano, and crushed red pepper; stir together and reduce to low heat
Add in the small can of tomato paste and stir in thoroughly; continue to stir and cook over a low heat.
After cooking over low heat for another 10 minutes or so, add in the heavy cream and stir
Add in the Parmesan cheese and continue to stir and cook, making sure cheese is incorporated into the sauce

Add in the fresh chopped parsley and stir
I advise taste-testing as you go along (make sure meat is cooked through before taste testing!), to ensure the sauce has a good balance – feel free to add more salt, pepper, pepper flakes, oregano/basil, or sugar if needed
Let the sauce continue to simmer over minimum heat and boil a large pot of heavily salted water for the pasta
Cook pasta according to cook time advised on packaging; once pasta is cooked to al dente, drain and either add to sauce pan, if large enough, or back to pot and then add the Bolognese sauce into the pot of pasta – stir well
Serve in bowls with freshly grated Parmesan over-top and a garnish of fresh parsley or fresh basil!
Voila! A hit every single time

I cannot wait to be reunited with my cat tomorrow – I am going to take him out in his stroller since it is going to be about 60 degrees. I hope that the rest of this week goes smoothly and work isn’t too insane, like it was last week. It will be nice to get back to the city tomorrow and be able to organize myself, clean the apartment, and make a nice meal before going back to work on Wednesday… I’m already thinking about what I can cook. That’s how much I love cooking – I dream of what I will make in advance :p

Polpette

What are polpette you ask? They’re basically a croquette – a fried meatball, wherein the meat is mixed with mashed potatoes, bread crumbs, and a bunch of seasonings and/or cheese. Oftentimes, they are stuffed with cheese, so that when you bit into it warm, it oozes out of the center. In a word, they are delicious.

Polpette are the authentic, Italian version of the bastardized Italian-American meatball. The ‘meatball’ as we know it here in the U.S., is the result of Italian immigrants making use of the abundance of meat that was readily available in every butcher shop or grocery when they moved from the homeland to New York/Brooklyn, etc.. If anyone enjoys food documentaries or cooking shows as much as I do, I highly recommend “Food on the Go.” It’s a documentary that is currently available on Netflix and is all about the evolution of Italian food into American-Italian food as we know it today! It was really informative and made me hungry for pasta, calamari, and meatballs.

The finished product: I used turkey and mashed potatoes to make these polpette, which I stuffed with mozzarella (recipe is below) – they can be served with a side of marinara or not… they’re equally delicious either way

Polpette, since they are prepared like a croquette, can be comprised of a variety of ingredients – anything from fish, veal, mortadella, or even squid. What really distinguished this ball, is the fact that it combines mashed potatoes with the protein and is fried. They originated in ancient Roman times, and today they are served as appetizers, snacks or bar food all over Italy, however, they are especially popular in Venice where you might take them as cicchetti, with a glass of afternoon wine. My favorite activity in Venice is probably sampling the variety of cicchetti each bar has to offer while drinking far too much red wine… and it’s so cheap compared to the U.S…. you don’t have to worry about breaking the bank.

Venice – I snapped this pic crossing a bridge on the way to one of my (three) favorite cicchetti bars

View from a little cicchetti bar we randomly stumbled upon while shopping… it was a Monday or Tuesday afternoon so the street was empty… nothing better than a leisurely glass of vino at 2pm when everyone else is working

To make the best possible polpette or meatballs, you should hypothetically use a combination of ground beef, ground pork, and/or veal. I don’t support the veal industry because it’s totally fucked up, and I also don’t like buying ground pork anymore because it’s impossible to find organic and ethical pig meat (unless it comes from a super small farming operation, industrial pig farms are not OK). I used turkey instead (I’m sure it was still abused, but at least it claimed itself to be cage-free, hormone free, antibiotic free, etc…). It’s pretty tasty and stays moist when combined with the milk-soaked bread crumbs and eggs.

INGREDIENTS:

2 Idaho potatoes (these will be peeled, cut, boiled, and mashed)
1-1.5 lbs. meat of your choice (turkey, or any combination of beef, pork, or veal if you’re a real sadist)
1/2 cup milk
2 slices of white bread, or baguette, or any white-ish bread you have
2 eggs
2 cups seasoned bread crumbs
1 cup finely grated Parmesan or pecorino cheese
2 Tbs. freshly chopped parsley
1 ball fresh mozzarella, cut into cubes
Salt (add to desired taste)
Pepper (add to desired taste)
Granulated garlic ( ” ” )
Dried Basil ( ” ” )
Onion Powder ( ” ” )
Dried oregano ( ” ” )
Olive oil or canola oil for frying

DIRECTIONS:

Use the potatoes to make mashed potatoes (peel, cut into large chunks, and boil in salted water until penetrable with the tines of a fork… usually 15-20 min)
You can go ahead and season the potatoes as you normally would with mashed potatoes – a generous cube of butter, salt, granulated garlic and pepper

The key to really good mashed potatoes, is leaving some of the potato water you boiled them in in the pot… not enough to make them watery though

Set potatoes aside in a large bowl – the bowl needs to be big enough for the meat to be mixed in, along with all of the other seasonings.
While the potatoes cool, chop up the parsley, which you will be adding into the mix.
Chop up the mozzarella into small cubes and set aside – you will use this to stuff the polpette when the time comes:

Next, in a separate bowl, crumble/rip up the two pieces of white bread and pour the milk over them – there should be enough liquid that it is all absorbed and all the crumbs are saturated

White bread breadcrumbs soaking in milk ^^^ this helps keep the ballz extra moist 😉

Now it’s time to combine all of the ingredients – add the meat, eggs, seasonings, milk-soaked bread crumbs, grated cheese, and fresh parsley to the big bowl holding the mashed potatoes
Set aside 1 cup of bread crumbs – you will roll the balls in this reserve before frying
Add 1 cup of the breadcrumbs to the mixture and dig in! You have to use your hands – it’s impossible to do it right with a spoon. Make sure everything is thoroughly mixed – especially the eggs and breadcrumbs.
Heat up the oil in a large sauce pan/frying pan over low-medium heat – you should use enough oil that bottom of the pan is covered.
Now for the really fun part – making the ballz! Grab a small handful of the meat mixture and form it into a thick patty on your palm

The “patty” with the mozzarella in the center – next you’ll shape the meat over the mozzarella as if you’re making something with playdough

Before rolling the patty into a ball, place a cube of mozzarella in the center.
Form the meat around the cheese center, and roll into a ball
Roll the polpette in a light layer of breadcrumbs before placing in the frying pan
You can make all of the balls and set on a plate so that they’re ready to go at the same time into the frying pan, although it is unlikely that they will all fit at the same time, so you’ll probably have to do two or three batches.
Heat the over to 350 degrees and get a large baking sheet or casserole dish ready to place the fried balls in (I finish them in the oven to ensure they’re thoroughly cooked and not overly browned)
Fry the polpette over low-medium heat in the saucepan, turning with a spoon or fork to ensure all sides are evenly browned.
As they are browned on each side, remove from saucepan and place on baking sheet/casserole dish

Before going into the oven to finish cooking – notice how they’re browned on all sides… I like to sprinkle a little more chopped parsley on them for extra flavor and aesthetics

The polpette will only need about 15 minutes in the oven before they’re fully cooked through and ready to serve! These are great to re-heat the next day as well (or the next or the next… they can also be frozen)!

What a week it’s been… I can’t wait to be home-home (aka my parent’s house) for some quality R&R. Work was insane this week, and the cold made it impossible to get any walking done. I will miss my cat immensely while I’m gone – I’m riding home dirty on the Greyhound bus instead of the train, so he unfortunately has to stay here all weekend (they only allow pets on MetroNorth and NJTransit). He loves being at my parent’s house 😦 … poor thing 😦

Peep’s new cat tree – this is basically the face I made every time my phone rang at work today…

I am also looking forward to my hair appointment tomorrow to get some red low-lights added in. My hair has been going white, probably from stress. I’m not old enough for white hair yet… fuck that shit. I’ll just enhance my natural color and tell the hairdresser to concentrate the color near the front of my face where the whites are coming in hot and heavy.