italian cuisine – Page 2 – The High Heeled C*ntessa

Homemade Pasta

The night we made the pasta – with an artichoke pesto and generous (clearly…) amount of Pecorino

Once again, I’ve been negligent about writing out blogs with recipes. I find that writing out the ingredients and process is not nearly as exciting as the actual preparation and cooking of the dishes. I have, however, been invested in writing the tales of Indigo Wren. I’m sick, I know. I invented this character and I’m basically living vicariously through him, or him through me. Whichever it is.

Anyhow, I made a collaborative dish with my boyfriend this past Friday. I do the cooking 98% of the time, but I must admit, he has the golden touch when it comes to homemade pasta. If you have time to kill, and a pasta machine (*** trust me, you will need a pasta machine… I’ve tried to hand-roll and it does NOT work out), this is the perfect dish to make. It’s going to take you about 3 hours start to finish… possibly more if you’re drinking and getting distracted dancing to 90s dance music.

I’m going to post the recipe for the shrimp dish… honestly it was better. If you want to make the artichoke pesto though: 1 can of artichoke hearts (don’t fuck with raw for this pesto), juice from 1 lemon, 1/3 cup olive oil, a handful of pine nuts OR walnuts (like 1/4 a cup), 2 TBS. chopped parsley, 1 clove of finely minced garlic, some salt and pepper to taste – throw it all in a food processor or blender and blend until pureed. Voila!

This pasta is so delicate and light I honestly think it goes better with butter and olive oil or a light dusting of cheese, as opposed to this sauce, which was rather heavy and weighed it down. This pesto would pair much better with boxed rigatoni or bucatini in retrospect…

INGREDIENTS FOR THE PASTA:

4 eggs, room temperature and slightly beaten
3 cups flour (preferably 1 and 1/2 cup all-purpose, and 1 and 1/2 cup Semolina… but 3 cups of all-purpose does the job)
1 Tbs. salt
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
2-3 Tbs. ICE COLD water
More flour to knead the dough and dust the surface you roll on, as well as to dust the noodles so they don’t stick to each other!

INGREDIENTS FOR THE SAUCE:

1 lb. fresh shrimp, peeled, shelled, and de-veined
1/4 cup olive oil
4 Tbs. butter
1/2 cup white wine (dry works better)
Juice from 1/2 a lemon
1 tsp. dried basil
salt and pepper to taste
2 cloves garlic, finely minced
2 Tbs. freshly chopped parsley

DIRECTIONS:

Make sure you wear an apron and/or something light colored – you will end up with flour all over everything. If you’re OCD about the cleanliness of your kitchen/counter tops and stove, you’ve been warned.
In a large bowl, combine the flour and salt
Slightly beat the room temperature eggs in a smaller bowl and dump into the flour
Add in the olive oil and water
Knead the dough with your hands until the mixture is consistent… add more flour or water as necessary, but you’ll want the dough to be more dry than sticky. IF ITS STICKING TO YOUR FINGERS AND PALMS, IT NEEDS MORE FLOUR!
After kneading the dough for about 3 minutes, dust with more flour and divide into four parts. Wrap in plastic wrap or a damp cloth and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes

Don’t be stingy with the flour! Drier dough is better than sticky in this case… as long as it’s not so dry it’s crumbling

You’re going to want to make sure whatever surface the dough touches is dusted in flour, be it the counter top, the plate you put the finished pasta on, or the machine you use to press it and cut it!
I have made pasta by hand before with a rolling pin – it’s doable, but so much more time consuming, messier, and the pasta is obviously much thicker than it is when you roll it through a pasta machine… cutting the strips also takes longer and they won’t be uniform in size
I got my pasta machine from TJ Maxx for like $15 a couple of years ago. I think we only use it twice a year so I’m happy I didn’t spend a lot of money – Amazon probably has really affordable ones too!
Once the pasta has been refrigerated, you’ll want to use a rolling pin to do the preliminary roll (again, make sure the surface you’re rolling on as well as the rolling pin are lightly floured)
Next, run the flattened slab of dough through the pasta machine several times (usually 3 times) until it reaches the desired thickness

If you’re like me, you’ll want your pasta Mary-Kate Olsen thin, so it may need to rolled through the machine upwards of 5 times

This is the sheet of dough after it has been through the machine several times, but not cut yet! It’s very thin… but be careful because if you make it too thin, it will get holes or break

Next, you’ll run the pasta through the cutting side. Most pasta presses have a setting so you’ll be able to choose desired noodle thickness. I’d recommend fettuccine or tagliatelle thickness.
Keep repeating the process with the other slabs of dough, or you can put the dough in the fridge for another day. I like to just roll and cut it all so I don’t have to fuck with the pasta machine again… because honestly, this is a messy process and you WILL have flour all over your kitchen.

The beautiful fettuccine, lightly dusted with flour and ready to cook

Make sure the plates/trays you place your noodles on are dusted in flour and so are the noodles themselves, or they will stick to each other and any surface they touch! You can refrigerate this pasta for days at a time, or dry it (though I’ve never tried to dry it myself… so you may want to research that shit)

Next, put a LARGE pot of boiling water on to boil. Make sure it is heavily salted.
You’ll definitely end up refrigerating at least half of this pasta…. the ingredients listed above produce enough for like 8 servings AT LEAST.
As the water is boiling, heat up 1/4 cup olive oil and 4 Tbs. butter in a large sauce pan
Add in the finely minced garlic and cook over low heat for 1-2 minutes (being careful not to burn)
Add in the shrimp (granted they have been peeled and cleaned at this point)
Raise the heat to medium, and add in the wine and squeeze in the juice from 1/2 lemon
Add in the dried basil
Stir occasionally until shrimp turn pink; season with salt and pepper to taste
Once the water is at a full boil, add in the fresh pasta. It will take only 2 minutes or so to fully cook since it is fresh. You’ll want to taste test to make sure it’s cooked, but generally speaking, once it floats to the surface, it’s done cooking!
Drain the pasta, and add back into the pot along with a drizzle of olive oil
Toss in the shrimp/sauce mixture and mix/stir lightly (you don’t want to damage the noodles)
Serve hot and top with some freshly chopped parsley

Delightful salad I made to accompany the pasta tonight… I was joking that if I served this salad in NYC, I’d be able to charge $18 for what is essentially a plate of basic veggies as long as I gave it a fancy name like “Radish Carpaccio”… welcome to New York

The above salad was awesome because of the dressing. This dressing would also pair well with tofu or even a stir-fry:

SESAME DRESSING:

1 Tbs. toasted black sesame seeds
1 clove very finely minced garlic
3 Tbs. sesame oil
1/4 cup rice wine vinegar
1/4 cup soy sauce
1 Tbs. white sugar
Add all ingredients to bowl and whisk well

FOR THE SALAD:

lightly sauteed snow peas
shaved carrots
thinly sliced radishes
lightly sauteed yellow zucchini
Avocado

In other news, I finally finished a painting I was working on, had way too much to drink on Saturday night at some random Bushwick dance bar called Jupiter Disco where I saw a clone of my brother and McLovin’, was too hungover to go hiking on Sunday like I wanted to as a result of Saturday night’s gin and tonic consumption, binge ate empanadas in my vulnerable and hungover state, and am now only living for the Korn concert and mini family vacation in Maine I’ll be taking this August. Cheers.

Rat Meatloaf and Gross Negligence

It’s been over a week since I last wrote… I am living in a state of perpetual exhaustion. I average about 5 hours of sleep a night, and I don’t even have anything to show for my lack of sleep – that’s the saddest part. You’d think I was up writing a novel or like, a cook book or something. Or that I was painting the next greatest masterpiece. No. Honestly, I don’t even know how I end up staying up as late as I do every night (usually until 12:30 – 1 a.m.). I’m not doing anything fun or worth while. I am actually up that late scooping cat litter, brushing cats, and/or cooking dinner for a boyfriend I see about 20 minutes of each day, and yeah… that’s about it…. by the time all my chores are done, it’s time for bed.

I don’t know where the time goes, but clearly it hasn’t been spent writing or finding a better job. I haven’t even cooked anything note worthy lately. I’ve been too fucking tired to cook and too busy tending to cats and cleaning the house, since it now gets dirty even faster (double the cat hair, double the spilled litter and food messes, etc.).

Can someone please come brush my teeth and wash my face for me? It’s 9:20 p.m. on a Friday and I’m too tired to even get off the couch and get ready for bed. That’s how tired I am. I can’t even imagine having an actual human kid to take care of at this point in my life. I’d literally fucking die, and if I didn’t die from sleep deprivation, I would surely die from a psychotic break down as a direct result of stress and sleep deprivation.

Can someone also fix my mangled feet? I think they need totally replaced at this point, given that they’re covered in popped blisters from my ill-fitting H&M sneakers and beyond the repairs a basic pedicure would offer.

Anyhow. Another day, another dollar -am I right?

I am really proud of myself because I didn’t order delivery even once this week. Not that I order in often – usually once a week and only when I’m drained. But I’m impressed I didn’t order at all – since at some point in the week, I usually cave and use Seamless to order Chinese or Mexican food. I cooked a lot of random shit this week though, that is for sure. One of the many random things I cooked was this rat meatloaf:

Rat (“mouse”) meatloaf… don’t ask. I couldn’t stop laughing as I prepared it, waiting to present it to my boyfriend like it was a goddamn lobster with a side of filet mignon

I made this really delicious dish that I absolutely LOVED, and my boyfriend hated (he hates small pastas for some strange reason (orzo, italini, orrechiette)… I, on the other hand, LOVE small pastas). Anyhow, I found this sick recipe for “Orzotto” (orzo cooked like risotto) on one of my favorite food sites, “Taste Cooking.” It was really easy to make (much less time than cooking actual risotto with rice), and warranted a trip to my favorite cheese shop.

58026982540__749AAC68-AC2E-4FD5-8441-483F151C1063 — This was heaven. I liked it better than actual risotto, because the orzo is lighter and fluffier. I cooked the orzo in chicken stock, and used Gorgonzola dolce to finish it.

It was a beautiful Spring night in NYC, so I brought Mr. Peeper for a walk… Not sure the hipster trash dudes working in the Cheese shop appreciated, but whatever. It’s my life.

Anyhow, Campbell (aka “Lorimer”) Cheese shop is my absolute favorite. It’s basically what Bedford Cheese Shop was before they sold their soul to the devil and moved up the street into a gargantuan retail space with white everything and waitstaff that is unfriendly and probably doesn’t even eat cheese.

I digress…

Campbell (Lorimer) Cheese shop is the best – they always have Gorgonzola dolce and a variety of truffle cheeses, which means I leave happy every time. The staff is friendly, and you can find all manner of jams, olives, specialty sausages, etc..

The mortadella wasn’t the same as usual… it had no peppercorns or pistachios in it… they totally downgraded and I’m not sure what’s up with that. I did pick up these awesome anchovies, which I used in the pasta dish I just made. I also picked up the creamy, blue cheese I used to make my Orzotto.

I’m too fucking lazy to write out any recipes tonight. But I made this pasta using the anchovies pictured above, and San Marzano tomatoes from a can:

The anchovies add this delightful umami flavor …. so good

Anyhow. It’s Memorial Day Weekend and I can’t fucking wait to be home (my parents house upstate). I am so over this shit hole, rat-infested, fake fuck infested city.

Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone. I hope the cats let me sleep in past 7:30 a.m. tomorrow. I look haggard.

Mussels and Potatoes, and my Week Cleaning Up After Cats…

Not the comeliest of dishes (but than again, neither am I – so who am I to judge?), but it tastes like $1,000,000

DISCLAIMER:

This blog will eventually get to the food/cooking/recipe aspect that it was initially intended for. I’ve taken a slight detour along the way and have started incorporating other bullshit into my blog, as I need a safe space to express myself and the world today is not a very safe place at all (no more abortion in the state of Alabama… like WTF? I guess we’ve gone back to the dark ages…. don’t even get me started, we live in a fucking sickening time in history… how did we let it come back to this????).

If you’re wondering why I haven’t posted lately (which I doubt you are, since no one actually reads this piece of shit blog…), I’ve been too busy being a cat-mom (basically a full-time job within itself… unless you’re actually a BAD cat mom), and cleaning non-stop (obviously my TRUE calling in life).

Yes, what a gripping life I do lead! (I want to say that’s a line from Notting Hill, but I could be wrong… might be Bridget Jones… I used to be OBSESSED with Hugh Grant when I was 12… I still might be… I digress).

All week long I wait for the weekend, so I can cast aside my Hillary Clinton slacks and unflattering, masculine button-ups in favor of something more my style… I really need to find a job where I can where whatever I want ergo, I need to be my own boss. I’ve also been searching for a replacement for this top for the last 4 years… it is my favorite. I created it from a Zara top that I completely reconstructed but now it’s falling apart, along with my collagen and my ambitions in life… it’s all a mess here.

If you didn’t read my last blog, please do – it’s writing I’m actually really excited to share and want to do more of/with. I have way too much fun writing this kind of stuff. For the next installment of ‘Indigo Wren,’ Indigo is going to sail his hand-crafted raft to France, make his way to Paris, and then attempt to live like Ernest Hemingway while also becoming gender neutral. I know… this blog has basically evolved from what was originally supposed to be a food/cooking blog into the madcap nonsense of yesteryear (aka, the shit I used to write on my old blog, God rest its soul). Yes, I’m twisted.

Honk if you know where this is – we can only be friends if you do… JK

Last week, I spent basically the entire week cleaning up after my sick cats; first Tuna (the kitten), followed by Mr. Peeper. I took Tuna to the emergency vet that’s open 24/7 last Tuesday, after several psychotic, older women on the ‘Persian Cat Health Board’ I belong to, and subsequently posted to, advised me to do so, IMMEDIATELY!!! Their reasoning was that I should bring Tuna to the vet ASAP since he is still a little kitten and was basically shitting his brains out in addition to vomiting last Tuesday night – they said he could dehydrate and die easily. Obviously, that freaked me out and since they’re all cat experts and/or breeders, I listened to their advice and I went. The 24/7 vet not only cost a pretty penny (which I would have preferred to spend on new heels and/or partying), but it also ruined my entire Tuesday evening since I didn’t get home again until after 11 p.m. and then couldn’t sleep until 2 a.m.. In case you’re wondering why I haven’t cooked anything noteworthy lately (which you’re not, because you probably order take out every night), it’s because I’ve been so tired and busy raising a kitten that I have no energy left when it’s time to cook.

This one is a real hell-raiser – like his dad. This picture was taken before he let me attack those boogers with a Q-tip (so don’t judge me)… but how cute is that face?!

Luckily, Tuna was fine and was back to his crack-baby self the next morning (he didn’t swallow any objects and doesn’t have any terminal illnesses – what a relief). However, whatever he did have must have been a virus which he then passed it onto Mr. Peeper, and it was 10 times worse for poor Peeps. Peeps started throwing up Wednesday night around 10 p.m., and threw up 6 more times before I went to bed at 1:30 a.m.. He also had a couple of explosive BMs (Bowel Movements), if you know what I’m saying…. (sorry for being gross, but it’s true). I hadn’t slept much the night before because of Tuna, and then I had to stay up a second night in a row cleaning cat vomit and worried about my baby Peeps.

I hoped he’d be better when I woke up the next morning, but I walked out of the bedroom to a living room/kitchen/bathroom area covered with at least 6 additional puke spots. But the worst part, if you must know, was that poor Peeps was laying behind the curtains in the living room window, with the 6:30 a.m. intense, dawn sunlight coming in directly upon him, not moving, non-responsive, not hungry for breakfast, and totally covered in his own shit. Good morning indeed! I started crying because I thought he was going to die… he didn’t even acknowledge me when I came out of my bedroom and he didn’t want breakfast.

I called out of work immediately and spent all morning giving Peeper a bath (he hated me, but was so weak he hardly tried to escape), cleaning the floors, disinfecting everything, and feeding him liquids out of a syringe. Yes… I transformed into a nurse. I thought I was going to have to drop another $300 I don’t have on the vet, and I happily would have it meant making my baby better, but luckily he didn’t throw up or shit again and kept down the combo of goat’s milk and Greek yogurt I gave him… I’m basically a registered cat nurse now.

I love this cat more than I love myself… which isn’t saying much. I love him more than most people though – that’s for sure. I lost Bijou last year, and I’ll be damned if I lose another baby anytime soon if I can prevent it (*** after writing this sentence, I’ve realized I am a full fledged cat lady who may or may not ever have human children)

Anyhow. I haven’t had time to cook anything that spectacular lately. I did make a pretty legit seafood risotto on Friday of last week, once the house was clean, the cats were better, and I finally had some ambition.

33BE17FF-E89C-4955-945B-32C34305A7A8 — Seafood risotto with shrimp, scallops and San Marzano tomatoes.

The dish I made the week prior though is where it’s really at:

Pasta e potate e cozze = pasta with potatoes and mussels!

Yes, this dish was time consuming as hell to make, and it took a lot of ingredients… but it’s fucking worth it (just like you, darling).

INGREDIENTS:

1 bag of small potatoes, unpeeled and diced, OR… 3 large potatoes, peeled and diced
1/2 medium white (or yellow) onion, finely diced
4 cloves garlic, finely diced
1 cup, diced cherry/grape tomatoes
1 cup frozen sweet corn (preferably shaved off the cob)
1 lb. mussels, steamed and de-shelled
2 cups chicken stock
1/2 cup white wine
1 cup heavy cream
2 cups dried, gemelli (or similar shape) pasta
4 Tbs. olive oil
3 Tbs. butter
salt and pepper to taste
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 tsp. dried basil
2 Tbs. freshly chopped parsley

DIRECTIONS:

Rinse/clean the mussels and then steam them until they open!
Once mussels have opened and are cool enough to handle, de-shell and set the meat aside in a bowl

Mussel meat – YUMMMMM! Seriously – yum… especially with some melted butter…

If you’re working with a bag of small potatoes, dice them; If you’re working with three large potatoes, peel the potatoes first and then dice them
Heat some olive oil and/or butter in a wok or large saucepan over medium heat
Sautee the diced potatoes in olive oil and/or butter until soft (aka penetrable with the tines of a fork)
Add the sweet corn into the saucepan and cook until it’s fully de-thawed
Set 1/3 of the diced potato/corn mixture aside (I just threw it on top of the mussels), and put the other 2/3s of the potato/corn mix into a blender, with a cup and a half of chicken stock – pulse until completely blended (add more stock as necessary until liquid is a thick consistency)

The stuff that gets blended into a creamy puree – I add some chicken stock and some heavy cream so I know what flavors I’m working with when the puree is done

Cut the cherry/grape tomatoes into halves and set aside

Heat the butter and/or olive oil in a wok or large, deep saucepan
Add in the minced onions and sautee over low-medium heat until translucent
Add in the garlic and sautee another minute (*DO NOT BURN GARLIC*)
Add in the halved tomatoes and sautee until they become glossy and soft-ish
Add in 1/2 cup dry white wine and simmer for about 2-3 minutes
Add in the potato puree (the stuff you blended)
Add in more chicken stock if necessary and heavy cream
The sauce should be thick-ish, yet not so thick that it can’t fully coat other ingredients that will be added shortly!
FOR THE PASTA:
In another pot, bring heavily-salted water to a boil
Add in the gemelli (or other similarly-shaped-pasta), and boil until al dente (do NOT cook until soft… it will finish cooking IN THE SAUCE)
Drain and set pasta aside!
BACK TO THE SAUCE:
Throw in the rest of the potatoes/corn mixture that was previously set aside (this adds texture and makes the dish more aesthetically pleasing than if everything had been blended into a puree)
Add in the seasonings: Salt, pepper, dried basil, dried oregano
Add in the mussels and fresh basil
Cook for a few minutes over medium heat until everything is cooked through and warm again

Right before the cooked pasta is added back in!

Add in the pasta and cook another minute or so
Let sit for 5-10 minutes and serve in a shallow bowl or plate
Garnish with fresh parsley and enjoy 🙂

Enjoy with a glass (or two, or three) of white wine!

Insert disco dancing emoji here.

Easter Dinner – A Meal to Impress

I am really happy right now because I found a pair of my favorite Hollister boyfriend-style, super-low rise jeans, in mint condition for only $10. This is the only thing “giving me life” (as the kids nowadays like to say…) on a Monday evening. What a fucking steal!

My favorite light-wash, destroyed boyfriend jeans from Hollister (*which I have had for the past 5 years), I have literally worn to pieces. They were already “destroyed” when I bought them, but now the holes that they came with are basically the entire length of the jeans, and I’ve worn them so much that they are loose around the waist because every thread of elastic has been worn out. It’s a miracle I was able to find the same pair again since they’re no longer carried in stores. Thank God for second-hand, online retailers! It’s the small things in life….

Baggin’ Saggin’ Barry right here – I’ve had these babies since 2014 and now, even with a replacement, I still can’t bear to throw them out. They’re like my second skin – I’ve worn them to so many concerts, bars, parties, and just have so many good memories in them. I think I’ll keep them forever…. they’re like my security blanket.

I didn’t go home for Easter this year. I hate missing family holidays… especially now that my parents are getting older, I’m getting older, and I’ve realized I am not and they’re not as immortal as I once upon a time thought when I was in my early twenties. It’s hard to go home for a “weekend” when you’re not off on Friday or Monday however, and therefore would either have to request off one of the aforementioned days, or take public transit and then come home same day. Easter is a holiday that falls on a Sunday every year – it doesn’t make sense to not be granted the following Monday after off, even if it’s a religious holiday – travel time people!

I made do given the circumstances and prepared a delicious meal for two. I know most people have an Easter ham or some sort of roast, but since It was only the two of us, and I’m still trying to refrain from eating land animals (***there have been a few slip ups when intoxicated) I decided to make seafood instead. I’ve realized that everything looks fancier when it’s served over a puree or sauce, so in order to make this meal special for the holiday, I decided to make a split-pea puree to accompany the scallops. I also made mussels in a white wine sauce, and a salad for some greens/fiber.

This is a meal to cook if you want to impress someone – whether it’s a significant other, your mother, your father, a good friend, or someone you really care about and generally just want to treat well. It not only tastes fucking amazing, but it’s also a filling meal, which I find important, and the presentation is what makes it especially impressive when served in the comforts of your own home.

FOR THE SPLIT-PEA PUREE

INGREDIENTS:

1 cup of dried split-peas
1 stalk of celery, finely diced
1 small Idaho or white potato (peeled and cut into cubes)
4 cloves of garlic, peeled and finely minced
3 cups chicken stock
3 Tbs olive oil
1/2 cup frozen, green peas
sprinkle of cayenne pepper
salt and pepper to taste
4 Tbs. heavy cream

DIRECTIONS:

Heat the olive oil over low-heat in a saucepan/small pot
Add in the minced garlic and cook over low heat for about a minute and a half
add in the celery, split peas, cubed potato, and the stock and raise the heat to medium-high
bring to a boil and cook until the peas and the potato are tender (you’ll need to taste test)
Add in the frozen peas and cook for another minute
at this point, most of the liquid should be absorbed, but not all of it! Some liquid is important for the process of blending… but you’ll be able to add more as necessary

Once the peas are soft and the potato is cooked through, turn off the heat and let cool for a few minutes
Place contents of the pot into a blender, along with a dash of cayenne pepper and some salt and pepper

Cooked mixture in the blender (pre-blending)

Blend on low-medium setting, until the consistency becomes thick and uniform
Add some heavy cream and/or more chicken stock as necessary (you’ll probably need a bit more liquid)
Make sure to taste-test to determine whether more salt, pepper, or cayenne pepper is needed
Puree should end up being a smooth, thick consistency

Perfect consistency here… add more liquid as necessary

Set aside while you prepare the scallops and mussels
Please note: I suggest doing the mussels and salad next and saving the scallops for last, since you’ll want to serve them hot.

FOR THE SALAD

I went basic AF for the salad here, so it’s pretty much just pure roughage
I used: Arugula, alfalfa sprouts, and grape tomatoes
For the dressing: 1/3 cup mayo, 1/3 cup Parmesan cheese, juice from one lemon, 1 Tbs. olive oil, 3 tsp. white vinegar, freshly ground black pepper – whisk together in small bowl and voila!

Homemade salad dressing makes all the difference – if you have an aversion to mayo or want to be healthier, I’d suggest just using olive oil, a spritz of fresh lemon juice, and then sprinkle with salt and pepper, and/or some balsamic vinegar

FOR THE MUSSELS

INGREDIENTS:

1 finely minced shallot
2 dried or fresh bay leaves
2 Tbs. olive oil
3 Tbs. butter
3 cloves of finely minced garlic
1 lb. (1 bag) of fresh mussels
1 tsp. red pepper flakes
1 tsp. thyme (dried or freshly chopped)
juice from one lemon
1 cup white wine
1/2 cup heavy cream
salt/pepper to taste
1 Tbs. freshly chopped parsley
Toast to serve (tastes like heaven dipped in the mussel sauce!)

DIRECTIONS:

In a wok or large sauce pan, heat the olive oil over low heat
Add in the minced shallots and cook for 2 minutes, stirring occasionally
Add in the minced garlic and cook for another minute
Add in the bay leaves, red pepper flakes, and butter and cook for another minute
Add in the mussels and increase the heat to low-medium
As soon as you’ve added the mussels and turned up the heat, add in the wine!
Add in the fresh lemon juice
Cover with a lid and wait about 2 minutes or so, until you see the mussel shells opening
Add in the cream and fresh parsley and give a good stir
Add in some pepper and salt and give another good stir
Once mussels seem pretty opened, turn off burner and remove from heat – set aside

IMG_7534 (1) — Hell yeah – the toast dipped in that sauce is heaven on Earth

FOR THE SCALLOPS

INGREDIENTS:

1 lb. fresh sea scallops (patted dry with paper towels… they MUST BE DRY to cook, excess moisture means they won’t brown at all)
3 cloves finely minced garlic
2 Tbs. butter
Salt and pepper
2 Tbs. freshly squeezed lemon juice
3 Tbs. white wine
Split-pea puree
sprinkling of alfalfa sprouts

DIRECTIONS:

Pat the scallops dry with paper towels
Salt and pepper the scallops on both sides
Heat butter in a shallow, saucepan over low heat
Add in the garlic and cook over low heat for about 1 minute
Add in the scallops and increase the heat to low-medium
Cook for 2 minutes on each side (approximately 4 minutes in total)
sprinkle with lemon juice and white wine, lower heat and cook for another 30 seconds
remove from heat
re-heat the split pea puree (microwave or stove top)
Plate the split pea puree, and plate the scallops with sauce
Garnish with alfalfa sprouts and serve hot

And now I am hungry again sitting here writing about this meal… that’s how good it was!

I also did some painting this weekend:

This one took a surprisingly happy turn, what with the yellow flowers and bright background… still not finished though

Tuna (the new kitten) is coming home this next weekend, and I think Mr. Peeper can sense that he’s about to no longer be the only child because he has been extra lovely:

404CBE25-927A-46DC-BBA1-3AEF799CB553 — Took Peeps for a nice, long stroller on Easter morning.

Cheers.

The Real McCoy – Shrimp Risotto

I was a bit tired and in a rather foul mood when I wrote yesterday’s blog – I’m still in a foul mood (when am I not?), but I’m feeling slightly better about life today. Having a glass of vino and preparing to make the chicken piccata that I intended to make yesterday…

beavis

If you’ve never seen the clip from ‘Beavis and Butthead Do America’ where Beavis goes insane on an airplane and screams “piccata for my bung-hole,” please do both of us a favor and go watch it now.

I felt ugly all day today in my button up shirt and slacks (typical) so I came home and put on the tightest black dress I own and proceeded to pour a glass of wine for some inspiration before I commence on the meal I’m about to make. I don’t feel like myself when I’m at work wearing a shirt buttoned up to my thyroid.

Currently in my natural state – all black everything, covered in cat fur, hair up with fly-aways, drinking wine…

Anyhow, here is the recipe for my shrimp risotto… I recommend making this dish if you really want to blow someone’s taste buds. My boyfriend is from Venice and said it’s the best risotto he’s ever had – better than any restaurant. That’s like the best compliment someone could give me other than telling me they like my writing or art work.

So fucking good… you won’t be able to resist or to stop… I know I sure couldn’t.

INGREDIENTS:

1 lb. of raw shrimp (frozen or fresh – as long as they haven’t been cooked yet!)
1 box (32 oz.) of seafood stock
2 cups of uncooked Arborio rice
1 1/2 cup of white wine (any will do as long as it’s not too sweet)
5 cloves of garlic, finely minced
a few sprigs of fresh thyme, finely chopped
1 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese
1/3 cup half and half (light cream)
4 Tbs. butter
3 Tbs. olive oil
1/2 tsp of ground nutmeg
1 tsp of granulated onion or onion powder
1 bay leaf (dried or fresh)
1 tsp dried basil
1 tsp dried oregano
salt and pepper to taste
fresh parsley to garnish

DIRECTIONS:

92053411-5214-4E5C-9032-3DF183CE035B (1)

If the shrimp are frozen, thaw them under warm, running water in a strainer
Whether or not shrimp are fresh or frozen, peel them and then cut them into halves or thirds depending on size, and set aside in a bowl

IMG_7363 (1)

In a large wok or deep saucepan, heat the olive oil over low heat and add in the minced garlic
Cook garlic over very low heat (being careful not to burn it) for about 1-2 minutes
Add in the rice (yes – the secret to good risotto is slightly cooking the dry rice in the olive oil for a couple of minutes without liquid… I don’t know why, but it adds a depth of flavor)
Continue to stir and cook the rice over a low heat until it’s completely covered in the oil and begins to become ever-so-translucent in color
Raise the heat to medium and add in the white wine (I like to turn up the heat of the burner before adding the wine so that it makes that nice ‘SSSSSsssssss!!!’ sound when it his the hot pan)
Risotto is a dish that has to be stirred pretty much continuously – you can’t really step away from more than 30 seconds, so START STIRRING BIOTCH… and don’t stop!
As the liquid is absorbed by the rice, add in roughly 1 cup of seafood stock at a time, and keep gently stirring until it’s been absorbed
After you’ve added the first cup of seafood and the rice is moist, add in the bay leaf, chopped thyme, and other seasonings (onion powder, basil, oregano, nutmeg, salt and pepper)

Keep adding cup after cup of stock, until you’ve used up the entire contents of the box of stock… by this point, rice should be pretty tender, but neither dry nor too saturated in liquid
Add in the half and half (or cream) and continue to stir
Stir in the grated Parmesan cheese
Add in the raw shrimp and gently stir
Continue cooking over low heat, until shrimp turn orange (this means they’re cooked through!)
Add in the butter and turn off the heat… stir until butter is melted and incorporated thoroughly
Add more salt/pepper to desired taste (if necessary)
Remove the bay leaf, and serve on a plate – garnish with fresh parsley and voila!

OK – I’m going to make chicken PICCATA PICCATA! now (hopefully you’ve watched the Beavis clip so you get it). Chicken piccata will be in my next post …. hopefully it doesn’t take me two weeks to write :p

PS… Tuna comes home next week:

2EF05C48-90F4-4FA7-B5F3-52D4A85D0492 — I really hope a second cat is good for Peeps and keeps him company and they end up loving and playing with each other…. knowing my luck, Peeper will become psychotic and piss all over the house or try to attack the kitten. In this case, I don’t know what I will do.

The Grass is Always Greener and an Experimental Lasagna

419CB60E-559A-43AC-9FD2-571CE994B0B8 — The finished product (aka ‘Experimental Lasagna’) – fresh out of the oven and delightfully melty. I would consider this one of the best things I’ve ever made – and I’ve cooked a lot of dishes

If you’re looking to cook and/or eat the ultimate comfort food, you’ve come to the right place. I don’t know what I would even call this dish – I guess it’s along the lines of a ‘white’ lasagna, but also kind of like a high-end casserole. It combines potatoes (scalloped potatoes, to be specific), 3 different kinds of cheese (goat, mozzarella, and Parmesan), a rich, bechamel sauce, lasagna noodles, zucchini, and prosciutto… how can you possibly go wrong with that combo of ingredients???

I was feeling inspired to make something decadent, and considering that I follow more food blogs than I do people on Instagram (I also follow more animals than I do people, since I hate most people, but that’s a topic for another day), I found plenty of ideas. Most of the food blogs I follow are Italian food blogs, based in and/or around Naples, Rome, Sicily, Puglia, etc.. I also follow a number of what I refer to as ‘gluttony blogs’ (think “pizza stuffed with fried mozzarella, topped with french fries” or like, ‘fried chicken, on top of burger, sandwiched between two soft pretzels, and dripping in cheese’ – I’m sick… I know). Anyhow, I was inspired by the fact that so many of the Italian dishes I see on my IG feed seem to combine potatoes with pasta, or multiple starches and/or carbs in the same dish, which isn’t something I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself.

I don’t think most of these dishes are “traditional Italian” cuisine, per se (although ‘pasta e patate’ is), but DAMN… do they always look enticing when I’m hungry and scrolling down! I’ve seen pizza topped with potatoes, pasta with potatoes, and more pizzas with white sauce than those with typical red sauce. Being the fat bastard I am, and a lover of all of the ingredients I ended up using in this dish on their own, I decided to combine all of them into this masterpiece. I’ll get to the recipe in a bit….

7490B427-C356-44EE-B8E4-39B0D9D2EE96 (1) — Now that the sun is finally coming out and temps are rising, I’m feeling the need to cut back on the number of decadent dishes and maybe aim towards some lighter fare. I’m also feeling the need for a spray tan… although I always end up Oompa Loompa orange when I try faux tanner

One of life’s greatest quandaries seems to be why the grass always greener on the other side. Lately, my work schedule has been the opposite of my boyfriend’s and half of my friends (since many also work in the hospitality industry). It’s been so awful, that it makes me miss working retail … working retail AT Hollister, if you can believe it. I know… I know what you’re thinking – but hear me out first. You know how shit always seems so bad and awful when you’re actually living it, and then years down the road you look back on that time in your life, and it doesn’t really seem so bad at all in retrospect? Like, yesterday’s problems (the ones I had at 26) were few and far between, considering the problems I have now at the advanced age of 31. The biggest problem I had then was trying to get the fuck out of retail…. and making enough to pay rent since my salary was substantially lower. But in retrospect, the past seems like good times now.

That’s how I’ve been feeling lately. I think maybe it’s the pressure of being in my 30s now, when I have to actually have the future weighing more heavily on my shoulders than I did at 26-28. It takes a while for it to sink in that you’re not going to be young and carefree forever (not that I was EVER carefree, but I certainly wasn’t considering the heavier subjects in life, like if I want to married, whether or not I want to have a kid(s) someday, or saving for retirement, or where I would and would not be willing to relocate based on ageing parents, where my family lives, etc.).

I’m not saying I would ever want to go back to working retail, but there were some very good benefits to be had working in retail management which I was too blind to see or even appreciate at the time.

I could switch my shifts with other managers and usually requested Sunday and Monday’s off, or Mondays and Tuesdays, which was great, since the store closed early on Sunday and I could still do dinner with my boyfriend or go out and party on a Sunday night. I miss those days, since now my window to imbibe is limited only to Friday and Saturday nights when everyone else in the world is out doing the same. You can’t trade shifts working corporate, when everyone works the same damn shift.
I miss having random week days off. It was nice to be one of the few people who had the ability to do their personal shopping, groceries and run errands on days when the majority of people are working, since you have everything to yourself and a calm exists that just isn’t there on the weekend. I also miss (now that the weather is warming up), the ability to grab a glass of wine at 3pm when the sun is out and no one else is there.
I miss having more than one day a week off with my boyfriend. Right now, our only day off together is Sunday, so it’s become sort of a sacred day and I don’t want to make plans with anyone else on Sunday – unless it’s like a party or group dinner or something. When I worked retail, I usually found there was a random weekday I’d have off that would match up with one friend or my boyfriend.
I miss being physically active, moving around, walking, hauling cages of clothes, doing floor sets, folding and doing manual labor – I even miss interacting with customers and helping people. Back then, I didn’t even have to consider how much I was walking in a day, or do push-ups, since my daily work was a workout in itself. Sitting still is awful. I also get bored when every day is the same and I’m not continually meeting new people or training new hires, or interviewing.
That sweet, sweet employee discount.
New Merchandise always felt like Christmas morning – ripping into those boxes and seeing the new clothing before anyone else and trying on/setting aside all of the shit I was about to buy for 50% off…

These things said, I don’t miss working every holiday (Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Memorial Day, July Fourth), working on Saturday mornings after going out on a Friday night, and dealing with awful customers or, even worse, dealing with awful district managers or fellow managers.

These thoughts have been floating around my mind all week. I secretly think I just miss the sense of camaraderie I felt then, since I actually worked with with people I built close friendships with outside of work, and we would talk about our lives and work place drama in the stockroom and while closing down the store each night. It was nice to have people to leave work with and grab Dunkin’Donuts with, and ride the subway back to Brooklyn with each night. I don’t have that now and I’m pretty sure I never will if I keep working corporate.

Committing Carbocide: Self-sabotage, or self-care?

INGREDIENTS:

1/2 box of cooked lasagna noodles (you won’t need a full box)
3 large potatoes; washed and sliced into thin rounds
1/2 white or yellow onion, finely minced
3 cloves of garlic, finely minced
3 TBS. butter
3 TBS. olive oil
1/3 cup flour
3 cups whole milk
1 log of goat cheese (I believe it’s like 4 ounces)
1/2 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese
2 tsp. fresh thyme
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper
salt and pepper to taste
1/3 lb. of thinly sliced prosciutto
3-4 green zucchini, cut into thin slices, length-wise
1 ball fresh mozzarella

DIRECTIONS:

Bring heavily salted water to a boil in a large pot and pre-heat oven to 400 degrees
Cook the lasagna noodles, drain, rinse with cold water, add some olive oil to prevent them from sticking to each other, and set aside
Peel and chop the potatoes, and place the slices in a bowl of cold, salted water (this prevents discoloring)

Potatoes are one of the ultimate comfort foods, no matter how you cook them – french fries, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, scalloped potatoes, home fries, boiled-buttered potatoes… roast potatoes… and now I sound like Bubba from Forest Gump talking about shrimp….

Slice the zucchini and set aside
Next, you will make the bechamel sauce. Heat the butter and a couple tablespoons of olive oil in a large saucepan/wok over low heat
Add in the minced onions, stirring occasionally until onions are translucent and yellow (about 5 min)
Add in the minced garlic and cook another two minutes
Add in the flour and stir to create a roux (this is the base for your sauce, and the step that makes it thicken while remaining clump-free)

Next, add in the milk, and continue to stir constantly using a wooden spoon, or whisk
The liquid should thicken rather quickly

Now, add in the goat cheese, continuing to stir until fully melted and incorporated
Add in the salt, pepper, cayenne pepper, nutmeg, and some fresh thyme
Taste test, and add more seasonings if necessary…. remove from heat.
chop the ball of mozzarella or peel apart into thin slices
Now for the fun part – it’s time to assemble the lasagna!

Butter the casserole dish so nothing sticks. Put down a layer of lasagna noodles first, followed by a layer of zucchini, the bechamel sauce, a layer of potatoes, cheese (a mix of mozzarella and Parmesan) and a layer of prosciutto

IMG_6763 (1) — Repeat these layers until the pan is full. You should have two layers of everything (lasagna noods, zucchini, sauce, potatoes, cheese, prosciutto

To finish, add another sporadically placed layer of potatoes and cheese and sauce – garnish with the rest of the chopped thyme

Once the lasagna is assembled, place it into the oven and bake at 400 for 50 minutes to an hour… the cheese should be browning on top and the sauce bubbling around the edges of the dish when you turn the oven off.

This smelled like heaven and tasted even better… this is what you want to eat on a cold, rainy night, or a Friday spent at home watching movies with a glass of wine

Let the dish cool for at LEAST 10 minutes, before cutting and serving

Eggplant Parm and My Undying Love for Malls

Eggplant parm – something I truly love to eat and cook any time of the year

Things I don’t love:

Most things
Most people
Myself…JK (…but not really kidding)

Things I DO love:

3$%#$%
Platform Heels
Wine
Hot tubs
Wine IN hot tubs
crop-tops
Fireplaces
Faux fur jackets
Snow, but only when it’s clean and white
Steak Tartare (I’m a heathen)
Eggplant Parm
Truffle (of the fungi variety, not the chocolate)
Malls…

Ah yes, the good ol’ American mall – a timeless institution! All of the stores a girl could ask for under one roof (listen – even if you’re extra fancy, there are malls with Chanel…); the smells of Auntie Anne’s Pretzels mixing with Yankee Candle, Bath & Body Works, the fragrance counter of Macy’s and the food court lulling you into a false sense that everything in the world is good and peaceful.

I have a sick obsession with malls – I think it’s because I grew up going to the mall every weekend with my mom, and now the mall is basically the one place left that makes me feel a sort of comforting wash of nostalgia when I set foot in one – it’s like stepping back to the safety and pleasantry of childhood. They’re always the same – which is what I really like the most I think. Regardless of whether they’re high-end or middle-brow, you always know what you’re getting. There will be a food court, several chain restaurants, an H&M, Journey’s shoes, Sephora, Abercrombie, and two big department stores. These days, a trip to the mall is a rare treat, since I live in NYC and do most of my shopping on line, or in person in brick-and-mortar stores around the city. I usually don’t even end up buying anything in the mall to be honest, but I like walking around sniffing candles, reminiscing about my college stint piercing ears at Claire’s, and of course, doing a walk-through of Hollister. How could I not?! I worked for Hollister for almost four years, so I like to walk through the store to relive my best memories while taking in the scent of SoCal…. it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. What can I say? Can’t go wrong with a pair of $25 boyfriend jeans…

Anyhow, sometimes it’s really nice to drive out of NYC and go spend a couple of hours at a mall upstate, or in Long Island or New Jersey just to GTFO of the rat race that is life in NYC. Escaping to a mall for a couple of hours is like stepping back to a time when life was simple, and all I cared about was weather my mom would by me that $60 sweater from Abercrombie or sparkly skirt from Limited Too. There is also something to be said for the comfort of chain restaurants. Living in NYC you have the best of the best and all of the variety in the world, but sometimes it’s just as satisfying to get Ruby Tuesday’s, or my new favorite: Zin Burger.

Anyhow… apart from malls, &$%28!, and cheese, one of my other favorite things is eggplant parmigiana. If I go to an Italian restaurant and eggplant parm is on the menu, you can be almost 98% certain that that is what I will be ordering. One of my very favorite eggplant parms in the city, is the one served at Fiat Cafe. If you’ve never been to Fiat Cafe in Nolita, you should go. It’s on Mott Street between Spring Street and Kenmare. The prices are really affordable, the food is amazing, the servers are always friendly, and its cozy. It’s not fine dining by any means, but for a cozy date night, or intimate dinner with a couple of friends or small family, it’s perfect. They also do brunch and lunch, though I’ve never been before 4pm.

Everything on the menu is fantastic. Their meatballs are honestly some of my favorite in the city, apart from D.O.C. Wine Bar, in Williamsburg. Honestly, my boyfriend and think the meatballs served at Fiat Cafe are not made in house and in fact, we believe they’re of the frozen, store-bought variety. I am not 100% certain, so don’t quote me on this – but they taste store bought, but like in the most delicious, fucking way you can dream of. It helps that the marinara they have is perfect.

Apart from the eggplant parm, which is a substantial size and dripping in hot mozzarella and Parmesan cheese, the layers of eggplant are super thin, and fried and then baked to perfection – it melts in your mouth. It is absolutely perfect, and I’m salivating just thinking of it. The hairs on my arms are standing straight up, because that shit is SO GOOD, it gives me goosebumps, the same way a good song or good cocktail would.

If I had to pick my favorite eggplant parm upstate, I’d say the Spot restaurant/diner in Binghamton has pretty excellent eggplant parm… or at least they used to… I haven’t been in like 10 years.

Ever since having Fiat Cafe eggplant parm about 6 years ago, I’ve been trying to recreate it when ever I make my own eggplant parm – and this weekend, I’d say I can pretty damn close.

The key, I’ve learned through trial and error, is to NOT use any bread crumbs at all, and to use substantial amount of oil when frying (deep-fry style) The eggplant is first dipped in beaten egg, and then instead of going into breadcrumbs, it just goes into a mixture of flour (Parmesan cheese, salt, pepper, and garlic powder) before going into the hot oil.

The marinara sauce is also important – if you’re not making your own, you’ll want to splurge on a good jar of sauce (Rao’s, Meatball Shop, or Victoria brands are all really good quality when going with store bought). You don’t want a sauce that is too sweet (which many brands are – I’m looking at you Classico and Newman’s Own…), or chunky.

It’s also important to cut the eggplant length-wise (long ways, instead of horizontally into rounds), and fairly thin (although, not TOO thin, otherwise you’ll be frying all night… and this is already a time consuming dish to make).

57499876218__64964CA5-489D-4886-A0E6-0CF8B0C16097 — Layer’s upon layers of fried eggplant, marinara, and mozzarella and Parmesan cheese… this is right before topping with the final layer of sauce and cheese and going into the oven!

INGREDIENTS:

Two medium-sized eggplant, or one really large eggplant
3-4 eggs, well beaten in a bowl
3 cups of bleached baking flour
2 cups of finely grated Parmigiano-Reggiano (aka Paremsan cheese)
Salt and pepper to taste
1 Tbs. granulated garlic or garlic powder
Finely chopped fresh basil
1 cup olive oil or vegetable oil, or a combination of the two
1 ball (8 oz.) fresh mozzarella, or 1 bag pre-shredded mozzarella
Homemade marinara or large jar (or two smaller jars) quality marinara sauce (feel free to spice it up with arrabiata sauce or any other variety within reason)

DIRECTIONS:

Wash and dry your eggplant(s) ans slice vertically (length-wise) into thin slices (1/4 an inch or 2cm, maybe? I don’t have a ruler on me…sorry)
Beat 3-4 eggs in a shallow bowl; beat well enough that you can’t differentiate between yoke and egg white – should be consistent
In a separate, shallow bowl or container, mix together the flour, 1 cup of finely grated Parmesan, 1 TBS. granulated garlic, and salt and pepper to taste (be generous)
Heat the oven to 375 degrees fahrenheit and set aside a shallow casserole dish or baking pan
Cover the bottom or a frying pan/large sauce pan with enough oil that the bottom is actually totally covered (this will be a lot… I didn’t say this was a healthy dish 😉 ) and turn to a medium-low heat
Next, you’ll dip the slices of eggplant one by one, first into the egg wash, and then lightly coat in flour
cook over medium-low heat about 1 minute on each side: the flour should brown ever so slightly – just a nice golden color
Be careful NOT TO BURN or get the oil too hot, otherwise everything in your house/kitchen/hair/clothes will smell like a deep-fryer (Believe me, I’ve been there…. makes for a terrible headache)
It’s a process you must finesse, cooking, turning, battering at the same time – obviously you cannot fit all of the eggplant slices in the pan at one time, so you’ll have to get the rhythm right (don’t worry… it takes time. Practice makes perfect)
You’ll want to either set the finished pieces of fried eggplant directly into the baking pan, if you have a good system down between frying, turning, and creating the layers within the pan, or, if you are not that skilled yet, just set aside all of the finished fried eggplant and then you will build the layers when you’re done!!!
After you have a layer of fried eggplant that covers the baking dish, you’ll top with an even mix of mozzarella slices and grated Parmesan, followed by a light layer of sauce
Once your sauce jar is half empty (if you’re using jarred sauce), add some water (enough to almost fill the jar again), and shake vigorously – most marinara out of the jar will be too thick by itself to create a moist and juicy eggplant parm – so adding water is a necessary step!
Keep layering until you’ve used up all of your fried eggplant layers (in my experience, you’ll end up with 3-4 layers of eggplant and subsequent toppings, depending on how thin you’ve sliced your eggplant)
Add a final topping-layer of marinara, cheese, and sprinkle with the chopped parsley and put into the oven
Bake for about 25-30 minutes until cheese has melted and is browning ever so slightly

57500179395__74572C8F-8DE8-4D37-88FA-8D08035AF690 — Out of the oven and left to cool for about 15 minutes – ready to serve!

Once the eggplant comes out of the oven, let it cool/sit on the counter for about 15 minutes – otherwise it will be too sloppy to serve
This is one of those dishes that almost tastes even better in the following days, so enjoy your leftovers… you should have plenty – unless you’re cooking for a family of four or more!

Enjoy 😀

Oh, also, in other news – despite what negative things my family has to say, I can’t fucking wait for my kitten (Lord Simon Pier Tuna) to arrive. Mr. Peeper has been so hard up for a friend that he now waits by the door when he knows our neighbor across the hall is taking her dog out. He sits by our door and meows until we let him into the hall so he can go sniff and greet Quincy (the neighbor’s little dog)… that’s how much he wants a friend/brother. I pray he gets along with/likes another cat for a friend as much as he likes the neighbor’s dog. My poor boy.

OH . MY . GOD…

In other, other news – while I just had my back turned typing the above paragraph, I heard Peeper (speak of the Devil) licking something on the counter behind me, and turned around to find him licking olive oil out of the sauce pan I just readied to make Bolognese sauce… AWESOME. He’s probably going to shit his brains out now. Fabulous.

15D9D4F5-75D0-47B5-B8D9-6BB6BEB8F52C — My pride and joy

Bad Luck, Veggie Ballz, and Elton John

Another week has come and gone, and what a week it was! I saw Elton John perform Saturday night with my mom and sister at Barclay’s Center which was literally a dream come true. I am so happy I had the opportunity to see him on his farewell tour since I have wanted to see him since I was 12. I know what you’re thinking – what kind of weirdo, freak 12 year old is obsessed with Elton John? Me. That’s who.

I found an Elton John “Greatest Hits” cassette tape the summer that I was 12 in the upstairs bedroom of my Grandma’s house, and she said I could have it – which is what my grandma always said whenever I found something I liked or wanted in her house. The tape had belonged to my uncle Bill, who had passed away six years earlier due to complications of AIDS. I brought that tape home and listened to it front and back and on repeat all summer long. I memorized all of the lyrics to every song and found myself wanting to know more about the life of Elton John, since all of his songs seemed to be deeply personal and I, as a deeply emotional, 12 year old girl entering puberty, related to them on so many levels (or so I thought at the time…). Little did I know, I would end up relating much more once I had actually experienced real life…

I was never particularly close to my uncle Bill when he was alive since I was young and I didn’t see him that often. When he passed away, his life (and then subsequently his death) was kind of shrouded in mystery to me. He was an openly gay man and brought boyfriends home to my very-Catholic-grandmother’s house for holidays etc.. No one had an issue with how he lived his life, but no one ever really talked about why he died – in fact, I didn’t find out until I was much, much older. I do remember making him a ‘get well’ card when he was sick with a picture of Marilyn Monroe that I drew on it, which is pretty awesome in retrospect… he really loved that. I also remember a couple of times he took me grocery shopping with him when he went to the store for my grandma, and all of the ladies would coo over me and over him pushing me in the shopping cart, and he seemed to eat that shit right up. My memories of him are very few.

Anyhow, I digress. The point I am getting at, is that I finally felt some sort of connection to my uncle through this shared love of Elton John music. I was only 7 when he died, and grew up feeling like I really missed out on a relationship with him. As I’ve grown older and heard some of the stories relayed from other family members about my uncle’s love of partying and the practical jokes he liked to play on people, I’ve also realized that perhaps we have much more in common than just the mutual love of Elton John :p I think we would have gotten on quite well were he still alive.

Thank you mom 🙂 (even though you don’t know this blog exists)

It really does mean so much to me that my mom, who I’m pretty sure was quite concerned with the fact that her 12 year old daughter was obsessed with Elton John, bought me these tickets. I don’t think I can thank her enough or tell her how much it really means, but I will try regardless. The concert was a solid three hours of Elton John entertaining – singing, playing the piano, and talking to the audience about his music and his life. It was awesome. HE was AWESOME. Such a good singer and piano player, even in his 70s. He played ALL of my favorite songs (minus ‘Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word’), which really surprised me. I didn’t think he would play ‘Someone Saved My Life Tonight’ or ‘I Guess That’s Why They Call it The Blues.’ The concert was surreal.

I finally filed my taxes yesterday… all I can say is ‘someone please come put me out of my misery.’ It ended up being worse than I thought. I legit think I’m going to be destitute forever unless I start stripping or something. I really can’t catch a break in this life. I also had a severe case of cystitis last week, having not had it in like 4 years. I was sitting at work on Thursday morning when it started to feel like someone was beating my kidneys with a baseball bat. By the end of the day I knew I was totally f*cked for many more reasons which I won’t elaborate on here – let’s just say if you’ve ever had it, you know what I’m talking about. Brutal. I don’t know how I made it through the work day.

I’m back to normal now (as normal as I’ll ever be), and trying to figure out what to look forward to now that EJ concert is over. You know when something seems so far away, and then before you know it, it’s over? I’m the same way with vacations, parties, etc. – I just look forward to something for so long and put all of my stock into it, and then once it’s over, I’m so emo and empty inside. I remember my mom got tickets to this concert last February for my birthday, and I kept thinking “wow, that’s so far away!” Well, here we are, over a year later, and now it’s over. I guess I’ll just look forward to paying off my taxes and being poor now and hopefully getting shredded for summer. JK… but not really. What else????

Vegetarian lentil “meatballs” in homemade vodka sauce

I used to make these balls all the time and haven’t in a while. It’s honestly easier to just make fish, seafood, or pasta than it is to try to create a ‘meatball’ without meat. These balls are time consuming, but totally worth it if you have the time, or if you just cook the lentils in advance, so that they’re ready to make into ballz when the time comes! This dish is super healthy, super filling, packed with protein, and if you’re anything like me, will also make you super bloated for a solid two days (I love legumes… but my gastrointestinal tract begs to differ). Whatever… it’s choc full of fiber, delicious, and cruelty-free… it’s worth being bloated.

I made the same vodka sauce I made last week, since it’s a real hit in this house. You can find the recipe HERE by scrolling down. These balls also match well with any store-bought or homemade marinara, or pesto. I guarantee you that if you cook this dish for someone (whether they’re a vegetarian or not), they’re going to love these ballz and be very impressed.

INGREDIENTS (FOR THE BALLZ):

1 cup dry (uncooked), brown (“french”) lentils
3 cups vegetable stock (you can also use beef, but then it’s not really vegetarian)
2 eggs
1 cup chopped mushrooms (or carrots, if you’re in a pinch – which I was when I made these… mushrooms are better!)
1/3 finely chopped yellow or white onion
3 cloves finely minced garlic
Dash of Worcestershire sauce
1/2 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 cup bread crumbs
2 Tbs. finely chopped parsley
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 tsp. dried basil
salt and pepper to taste
4 Tbs. olive oil
***Sauce of your choice*** (tomato/marinara work best!)
***Pasta of your choice to serve with***

The lentils before cooking – these babies take about 20-25 minutes at a rolling boil to cook through

DIRECTIONS:

Cook the lentils in the vegetable stock until soft; this means cooking for 20 – 25 minutes at a rolling boil… taste test to make sure they’re soft and all liquid is absorbed.
While the lentils boil, in a large saucepan, add 1 Tbs. of olive oil, and cook the minced onions, garlic, and mushrooms (or carrots, if you went with carrots)… cook until onions are translucent and veggie is cooked through:

I used carrots, but mushrooms are honestly preferable. I wasn’t thinking when I did my groceries earlier in the day.

After the lentils are cooked and liquid has been absorbed, dump into a large mixing bowl and let cook until malleable (should be ready to handle in 5 minutes or so)

Cooked lentils should be free of excess liquid, soft, and edible.

Mix the remainder of ingredients (apart from the olive oil – which you will use to fry the balls in) into the bowl with the lentils:

Looks like one egg here because the other one is hiding – you will need 2 eggs if you want your balls to be moist!

Mix all of the ingredients together thoroughly and by hand.
Heat the remaining olive oil (plus more as needed) in a large saucepan over low-medium heat.
Form the balls by hand, packing and rolling the mixture into golf-ball sized balls, and dropping into hot oil

Lightly brown on all sides over low-medium heat. Unlike actual meat, these balls will lose their shape if they are not lightly fried/crisped on all sides.

Rotate the balls so as to lightly brown/crisp on all sides… these balls will fall apart if you simply plunk them into hot sauce, whereas balls made from actual meat will be fine to cook by submerging into boiling sauce, these will not.
Once balls are browned on all size, add into sauce, or set aside, and then top your finished pasta with the balls and sauce.

Avoiding Taxes, Beets, and The Best Vodka Sauce You’ll Ever Have

Here I am, yet again…. avoiding my taxes like the bubonic plague…. 😀 After I write this blog post, I’m really going to try to make myself finish them – no matter how devastating the outcome. Time to face reality….

I had a most relaxing day yesterday, as one is wont to do on a Sunday. I found a new wine bar that’s so amazing – they have way better pricing than most wine bars do ($9 – $13 a glass as opposed to the typical $13 – $18), a great tasting menu (I had a cheese plate), and the bar was super cozy with a real stone fireplace, which I was lucky enough to sit right in front of. Major score on my part. The place is called Black Mountain Wine House, and despite being about a 15 minute drive from my apartment, was totally worth it. If you live in Brooklyn, I highly suggest.

The fireplace in the wine bar was super hot and cozy and made me reflect on Panther Room (the side room of Output, which closed forever a couple of months ago). I used to love going to Panther room on a Sunday night when I had Monday off and getting all kinds of funked up and then sitting in front of their fireplace… it was so perfect in the winter. I will always hold a special place in my heart for Panther Room and all the good times I had there… I digress….

So nostalgic right now… ❤ (sigh)

Moving on. I have recently become obsessed with beets. I really love foods with earthy (aka ‘dirt’) flavors, hence my love of anything with truffles, mushrooms, super rank cheeses, and BEETS. Lately, I’ve been cooking them once every couple of weeks. They pair so well with goat cheese, and also sour cream and dill – you can use them in a hearty winter salad, or as a main in a thick-ass borscht.

This weekend, I prepared beets for a salad with (you guessed it) GOAT CHEESE. A match made in heaven – right up there with peanut butter and jelly. I know… I get it – beets aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. But this recipe is simple, healthy, and could honestly be made into a main meal if you want to add some hot lentils or quinoa to make the salad a main dish!

C8DF4E57-3D5E-464C-9358-37BC1E36D888 — Beets aren’t just tasty – they’re packed with nutrients and such a pretty color – just be careful and don’t wear white while cooking them!

When you buy fresh beets, you’ll want to first trim off the beet greens (the leafy stems) as well as any root portion growing out the end of the beet. Next, while they’re raw, use a vegetable peeler and peel the beet all the way around. Give the beets a final rinse in cold water just to make sure any dirt is rinsed away (they are a root vegetable, after all). In order to ensure the beets cook faster and evenly (since a bunch of beets usually includes beets of differentiating sizes), quarter or cut them in half depending on their size.

The peeled, cleaned, and still raw beets… yes, the vodka you see is for the vodka sauce I also made that day.. and yes, it is 50 Cent’s brand… I love me some 50 cent (Candy Shop, anyone?)

Quel Couleur! Boil the beets until you can easily penetrate (hahaha… penetrate …) them with a fork. Usually about 25 minutes.

Boil the beets in some salted water for about 20-25 minutes, at a rolling boil. Stab them with the tines of a fork to make sure they’re cooked through before removing from heat.

Baby spinach or baby kale pairs best with beets….beets are definitely not a good mix with romaine or iceburg lettuce (and lord knows I really actually prefer romaine to spinach or kale …). Then of course, the goat cheese is essential – any time you add cheese, nuts, beans or any sort of protein to a salad it becomes more than a salad… it becomes worthy of meal status… this is great if you’re trying to be healthy but also want to feel full.

I also threw in some pine nuts, which really complimented the beets, goat cheese and spinach. Cherry/grape tomatoes go well with just about anything (apart from blue cheese… the acids from the blue cheese and tomatoes do NOT mix… take my word), so I threw some of those in, and then drizzled with olive oil, balsamic vinegar reduction, and sprinkled with freshly ground salt and pepper.

In the past, I have found thinly-sliced, green apples really pair well with beets and goat cheese, as well as walnuts – but this is more of a summer salad to me. As I previously mentioned, you can very well make this salad into a meal by adding some cooked lentils or quinoa.

Now for the main attraction:

DC7D8958-4D5C-4C42-82A1-8BCF74ED6FFE — Turkey meatballs in homemade vodka sauce… you can also use beef/pork or lentil (vegetarian) meatballs… I am going to make the lentil ballz later this week and will post a recipe for them then…it’s been too long since I’ve made them (really time consuming, but worth the effort if you don’t eat meat!)

The vodka sauce – yet another example of bastardized Italian food. Vodka sauce is uniquely Italian-American… doesn’t exist in Italy, only in America. But if you’ve had it, you’ll know it’s fucking amazing:

INGREDIENTS (for the vodka sauce):

1 cup vodka (can be cheap vodka – the alcohol cooks out regardless)
1 large can crushed tomatoes (preferably San Marzano) (28 oz.)
1 tiny can tomato paste (6 oz.)
1/2 Spanish (yellow) onion, finely minced
4 cloves garlic, finely minced
3 Tbs. olive oil
2 Tbs. butter
1 cup finely grated Parmigiano Reggiano (aka Paremsan)
3/4 cup heavy cream
1 tsp. granulated sugar
1 tsp. crushed red pepper flakes
1 tsp. dried oregano flakes
1 tsp. dried basil flakes
Salt and pepper to taste
3 Tbs. finely chopped fresh parsley

DIRECTIONS (for the vodka sauce):

Heat the oil over low heat, and add in the minced onions – cook about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally, until onions are translucent and cooked through.
Add in the minced garlic AND the red pepper flakes. Cook another 2-3 minutes over low heat, stirring occasionally and being careful not to burn garlic.
Add in the can of crushed tomatoes, stir and increase the heat to medium.
Add in the vodka and continue to stir for another minute.
Add in the can of tomato paste, and stir thoroughly.

Add in all of the seasonings (basil, oregano, sugar, salt, pepper)
Taste test the sauce to see if it needs more seasoning… add as necessary
Add in the heavy cream and reduce to low heat. Sauce should be a nice orange color after adding the cream
Add in the grated Parmesan cheese AND the chopped parsley, and stir until incorporated
Add in the butter (this can be optional – it gives the sauce an extra richness)

This sauce is perfect to serve as is with the pasta of your choice after completing the above steps.

If you want to make a heartier meal, go ahead and make the ballz too. In this case, I used turkey meat (recipe for vegetarian ballz coming up this week…).

INGREDIENTS (for Ballz):

One package (1.3 lbs) turkey meat (93% lean, 7% fat)
1 large egg
1 cup panko bread crumbs
1/2 cup finely grated Pecorino Romano or Parmesano
1 tsp. onion powder
1 tsp. granulated garlic
1 tsp. dried basil
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 and 1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. black pepper
2 Tbs. mayonnaise
2 Tbs. chopped parsley
Dash of worcestershire sauce
*** more bread crumbs if too soft when you attempt to roll into ball

DIRECTIONS (for Ballz):

Add all ingredients listed above together in a large bowl, and mix thoroughly with your hands (yes, your hands… don’t be a pu$$y – a spoon isn’t gonna work)
Turn the pasta sauce to a medium heat – you’re going to cook the ballz directly in the sauce this time! (it keeps them so tender and moist)
Once all ingredients are mixed together, grab a chunk of the mixture at a time and roll into a small ball (or large, if that’s how you likey…. 😉 )
Drop the ballz as you make them into the hot vodka sauce
Keep making and dropping ballz into saucepan until you’ve used up all of the meat mixture
Stir EVER SO GENTLY with a wooden spoon or rubber spatula, so as not to fuck your ballz up and massacre them (gently rotate them around the hot saucepan)
Cook on low-medium heat for 15-20 minutes
Serve finished ballz and sauce over pasta or polenta (or if you’re on a “diet,” without either)

Yeah… definitely not doing my taxes now. Oh well. I should just pull an Anthony Bourdain and not file my taxes for years … except unlike Anthony Bourdain (God rest his soul), I will never get rich and be able to pay them off in a major lump sum someday after neglecting them for 10 years running.

Kitchen Accidents and Wasted Cake

I’m a clumsy person by nature, I always have been and I always will be – drunk, sober, in-between… it doesn’t matter. At any given time, I have at least three (usually more) bruises on my body from running into shit or hitting myself on some object. My hands are usually covered in a splendid assortment of cat scratches, or burns from cooking. Spending so much time cooking, I’ve had several incidents involving knives to fingers, burns from the oven and boiling water, etc., but this week’s accident really took the cake. I was making an artichoke pasta using fresh artichokes, which are evidently hard AF, when I attempted to quarter them with a large knife. The knife slipped off the artichoke and came down on my fingernail – one of the worst pains I have ever felt. I was honestly scared to look as I thought I’d cut through to the bone. This is the second time I’ve ever had an injury involving a nail/toenail, and let me tell you – I totally know why they torture Prisoners of War by ripping their nails off now….

The pain doesn’t go away – my finger was THROBBING all night to the point that the pain kept waking me up out of my sleep, and the next day at work, it hurt to type at the keyboard. Naturally I was slammed with work that day and therefore wanted to die. My finger still hurts, although it isn’t pulsating now. The nail is basically cracked 3/4 of the way through from a horizontal angle starting at the cuticle… sexy, I know. What can I say? I’m not a kept woman or lady who lunches, and therefore I will never have the unblemished, manicured hands of my dreams. Unless someone wants to make me a kept woman or afford me the life of a lady who lunches… but even then, I am so clumsy and like cooking/doing crafts etc., so my hands would never actually be nice.

Fresh artichokes, although delicious, are such a pain in the ass to prepare – almost not worth it. Also, as I found out this week, dangerous as hell given their tough exterior… use caution.

My clumsy streak continued when I stubbed my toes so hard a couple of nights later, that I thought I broke a toe. Luckily nothing was broken, I just chipped the nail polish and now have a bruise covering the top half of my foot #blessed

This week’s injuries – check that bruise out! I haven’t bothered repainting my toenails, what’s the point? I’ll just run into more shit and chip them again.

In my last blog post, I was ranting about Dolly Parton not calling herself a feminist and how much it disappointed me – looks like I’m not the only one she disappointed: https://www.theguardian.com/music/2019/mar/03/dolly-parton-sister-ashamed-stars-silence-metoo-protest Dolly’s own sister is pretty peeved at her as well. Just thought I’d share – this is always a topic near and dear to my heart as a woman.

Anyhow, I feel like I’ve cooked such a random assortment of things over the last couple of weeks that I’ve neglected to share. Work was insane this past week, and I worked late three out of five nights, so my cooking was kept to a minimum until this weekend. I made these really awesome shrimp tostadas the week before last:

I cooked the shrimp in some minced garlic, smoked paprika, onion powder, cumin, salt, pepper, splash of hot sauce, and a splash of freshly squeezed lime juice. I also used purple (red) cabbage, which I now have a weird obsession with for some reason – it’s so much heartier and tastier than lettuce in salads, and so good for you vitamin wise. I made a sauce that I both tossed the chopped cabbage in and then put a dollop of over the shrimp once plated.

For the sauce, I used a dollop of sour cream, about 2 Tbs. of mayonnaise, fresh lime juice, smoked paprika, and a generous squirt of sriracha sauce (hey – I never said these were authentic Mexican tostadas…).

I made fresh guacamole to top it off (smashed avocados, diced cherry tomatoes, granulated garlic, cayenne pepper, fresh lime juice, and chopped cilantro), and then fried the corn tortillas in hot vegetable oil. Voila! A relatively fast meal to prepare, yet very impressive when plated, semi-healthy, and insanely delicious.

Sometimes I just want to bake – I don’t even like baked goods or sweets that much, but I think of baking as an artistic endeavor. I think I just like frosting things for the aesthetics of it.

I had some free time on my hands the week before last, and got the urge to bake a cake on a random week night. Since I am avoiding do my taxes for now, among some other things I should really sit down and make myself do, I decided it seemed like a great idea to follow through with my desire to bake a cake. Big mistake – it took so long start to finish (this is why I hate baking).

I usually only bake when I have to (Christmas, special occasions, etc.), but I really don’t like the process of baking. Not only is it time consuming (batch in – batch out of cookies over the course of hours, waiting for shit to cool before frosting it, etc.), but the precision required is painful for me. I guess I don’t really like to follow instructions or something, but in baking you HAVE to follow directions to a fault, otherwise it goes horribly awry. Cooking is great, because as long as you know the basics (how to make a sauce, how long to cook things, what combinations of food and seasonings go together), you can improvise. There really isn’t much improvisation to be had in baking. Anyhow, I think I enjoy the decorative part of baking. Sometimes I just want to see pretty, pink-frosted cupcakes, or in this case, frost and decorate a cake. I decided to make a red velvet cake, and it turned out alright – nothing to write home about. The recipe I used called for buttermilk and red food dye. I have heard the best recipes call for mayonnaise (sounds gross, but keeps cake moist) and beet juice to dye the cake (but ain’t nobody got time for that on a Wednesday night). Next time, I guess I’ll go all out with the beet juice dye.

Enough about my failed cake though, onto the pasta recipe that was out-of-this world delicious and nearly cost me a finger:

B580ECA5-A500-492E-873C-8652F08F44F7 — The finished pasta – rigatoni with artichokes, white wine, lemon, and Pecorino Romano – a really impressive pasta for the artichoke junkie in your life.

I’m a real junkie for artichokes – fried artichokes, artichoke dip, artichokes on salad, pizza – anything artichoke. *** A WORD OF ADVICE*** fresh artichokes are a real bitch to clean, whittle down to the edible parts, and also take FOREVER to cook. You’ve been warned.

INGREDIENTS:

4 large, fresh artichoke heads
1 cup grated Pecorino Romano cheese
1 cup dry white wine
3 lemons
4 cloves of finely minced garlic
1/2 red onion, finely chopped
4 Tbs. olive oil
3 Tbs. butter
Box of pasta – rigatoni or penne
Salt and pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS:

Peel the tough, outer leaves off of the artichokes and then trim the ends. You’ll basically end up with an artichoke that is 1/3 of the size of what you initially started with.
Using a small knife, shave/whittle the base of the artichoke (the point where the leaves were attached), so you see the white, tender part of the base.
Cut the artichokes into quarters – be careful… they’re hard to cut! :p
Place the artichokes in a pot of enough water that they are fully submerged, salt the water, and squeeze in the juice from a whole lemon
Bring the water to a low boil.

9E80DFDB-1A27-41C6-ACA2-551E0368332B

While the artichokes are boiling, put on a pot of heavily salted water for the pasta and bring to a high boil.
While you wait for the pasta water to come to a boil, heat the oil in a large saucepan over low-medium heat.
Add in the minced onion and cook about 6 minutes or until tender and translucent.
Add in the minced garlic and cook for another 3 minutes, being careful not to burn the garlic.
Once the artichokes have been cooking for about 15 minutes in the hot water, drain them and add them into the saucepan with the garlic and onion.
Add in about half of the butter (1 and 1/2 Tbs) to the saucepan and increase the heat to medium, stirring the artichokes so they’re coated with the butter/oil and cooking evenly.
Salt and pepper the artichokes, squeeze in the juice of half a lemon, and then add the white wine – the heat should be high enough at this point that the wine makes a sizzling sound and steam comes off the pan when you add it in. Stir the artichokes frequently.

Add the pasta to the boiling water, and cook according to time listed on pasta box.
You’ll want to occasional taste-test the artichokes, to make sure they’ve become tender, and also see that you’ve seasoned appropriately (add more salt, pepper, or lemon as necessary – do keep in mind that Pecorino is a very salty cheese though, and will add a substantial amount of salty once added to the pasta).

Remove the artichoke saucepan from heat once they’re cooked through and tender.
Grate about 1 cup of the Pecorino Romano into a separate bowl

Don’t make the mistake I always make when grating cheese and accidentally grate your finger – it hurts like hell

Once the pasta is cooked, drain the water and add the pasta into the artichoke saucepan, or add the contents of the artichoke saucepan into the pasta pot with the pasta (whichever pan/pot is more accommodating)
Add in the rest of the butter (another 1-2 Tbs.), the Pecorino cheese, and juice from another lemon
Stir everything together until the pasta is coated and all ingredients are evenly dispersed.
Serve hot and accompany with a glass of white wine… or two 😉

I’m so happy it is Sunday – I just wish every day was Sunday. The only day of the week geared specifically towards taking it easy, lounging around and consuming food in excess. Maybe I’ll get around to filing my taxes tonight – I know the outcome is going to be depressing, which is why I’ve been putting it off as long as possible. I wanted to attempt a food vlog this weekend, or at least set up a Twitch account – I’ll look into that later. I’m not the best at technology and have no video editing skills of which to speak, so I’ll see what I can do.