Tag: cooking

INDIGO WOKE UP IN MYKONOS

If you’ll recall from the last installment of Indigo Wren, Indigo landed in Ibiza, made the drug transaction, got his money, checked into a five-star hotel and lived his best live for a couple of days.  He ran into his arch-nemesis/love of his life, Lily Von Fustenburg at a club, and ended up on a yacht sailing for Mykonos.  They had another falling out after Indigo saved her from an attempted sexual-assault, after which he took a handful of Xanax he found in the bathroom to pass out for the remainder of the trip…

IMG_1509.jpg

Indigo woke up from his Xanax-induced slumber about 16 hours later… as usual, he was parched as fuck, didn’t remember where he was, or what had happened. He was still lying face-down, naked on the bedroom carpet, with a puddle of drool under his face.  Once again, he did not know whether or not he had been sexually assaulted.  He figured he was safe this time, since he had locked the bedroom door behind him.

Indigo dragged himself to a sitting position and tried to remember what had transposed between running into Lily at Amnesia two nights ago, and waking up on the floor of a moving yacht.  His head was pounding from being dehydrated, and he was finding it hard to piece together the events of the last 36 hours. He wanted to cry, but he was too fucking dehydrated to even produce tears. He would have killed for a cold Gatorade and a couple of lines of the good stuff at this moment, but he had neither.  FUCK. For the first time in a while, he was really lonely and he was really sad.  He wished he was back home with his parents right now, or hanging out with a friend on a sofa somewhere in Williamsburg.  Life was hard for a rolling stone.

What Indigo really need most right now, was a hug.  Sadly for him, there was no one available to give him one.  His parents were across an ocean, and they didn’t even know where he was.  He had basically pushed away every real friend he had with his behavior and drug use, and all of the “fake friends” (aka party friends) were only around when there was fun to be had – they didn’t actually care to check up on him and see how he was doing.  He felt so completely alone and wretched.  Sometimes he wondered what it would be like to live a life without drugs.  Maybe, he wouldn’t find himself in these predicaments quite so often.

Indigo realized the room he was in came fully-equipped with speakers and an Echo Dot.  He put some Incubus on to play, and he sat and listened to the lyrics of Brandon Boyd.  As he meditated on his life, listening to Brandon Boyd croon out “Wish You Were Here”, he realized that he didn’t need drugs to be complete.  He thought about Brandon Boyd, who seemed to have his shit together – he was fucking hot, thin and ripped, healthy, and didn’t seem to party or do hard drugs.  Dude looks like he smokes mad weed, but that’s about it.  Indigo considered all of these things.  Maybe he too could live a clean and sober life style; go on a Paleo diet, get ripped, make music… write poetry…. he too could be an honest, artistic, and emotionally-deep man.  “I don’t want to do drugs anymore.  I want to be sober and feel real feelings.  I want to experience emotions instead of suppressing them into nothingness – into blackness.  I want to feel a natural high where there is no comedown… I’m so done chasing temporary highs and pleasure, and feeling like shit about myself the next day.  I can’t live this way anymore.” He thought about all of it – about his life, sobriety, how fucked up his existence was…. how all of his friends were married and owned houses, and had kids… he thought about turning it all around and making an honest man out of himself.

But, honestly, what do you feel if you don’t feel high?  Think about it for me.  Think about it NOW.  Do you feel happy?  Do you feel fulfilled?  Do you feel relaxed and in control of your life? Maybe you actually do.  Indigo never felt these things when he was sober.  When Indigo wasn’t high, he felt a plethora of feelings and emotions, none of which were good.  He usually felt stressed and/or anxious, he always felt bored and restless, he usually felt sad and depressed and contemplated the meaning of his existence and of humanity.  He didn’t like to feel these feelings, and that’s why he continually sought out drugs.  Drugs were his only escape from reality and an escape from the prison that was his own mind. The only time he felt OK sober, was if and when he was in a relationship and had butterflies in his stomach because the relationship was new, or like, he was in the midst of an orgasm… those were the only natural highs he knew.  I digress though….

Indigo turned off the music, he got himself dressed and went out on deck to see what was up.  He would never be like Brandon Boyd.  He was honestly more like Jim Morrison – a total, drug-addicted mess of a person.  Except Indigo wasn’t 27 anymore, he wasn’t rich or hot, he wasn’t a rock star or a musical genius, and he didn’t have a following of millions of fans. Whatever – he was himself at least.  He wasn’t pretending to be anything he wasn’t, and that is honorable enough.

He could see land in the near distance…. he estimated that they would be docking within the next 40 minutes. Indigo needed to think of a game plan and he needed to think of one quickly! Despite the pleasant thoughts of sobriety he’d had only minutes prior, he decided his best course of action was to use his last few hundred drug dollars to grab a drink once he landed, and then check out Lindsay Lohan’s club and secure some blow.  He surmised he could just stay up and out all night, and then sleep on the beach to save money.  Who needs a hotel when you’re on an island where it’s warm and never rains?!

He ran back to his cabin and packed the few articles of clothing he had, then brought his satchel with him to the bar for a couple of stiff drinks before embarking onto land.  Naturally, he slammed back a couple of shots of Wild Turkey. He was ready to roll!

He stealthily bolted down the ramp and onto dry land as soon as the yacht docked in Mykonos.  Indigo decided since he didn’t have a phone, he should really catch up on current news since he’d been checked out of reality for several weeks now; he was starting to worry about his parents worrying about him. Indigo walked around until he spotted a couple of American frat-boy type tourists whom he then approached and asked if they knew of any local sports bars. They pointed him in the direction of Blu Blu, and so he trekked across the island in the ballz-hot 101 degree sun. He stopped at a bank along the way to exchange his currency.  When he finally reached Blu Blu, he was soaked in sweat and in need of water.  He sauntered into the dark bar and took a seat in one of the lounge chairs facing a large-screen TV. He ordered a water and a bellini and tipped the waiter generously.  He requested that they kindly switch the TV from the soccer match that was playing to BBC or any international news station… he also asked them if they had a contact to find blow, ever so nonchalantly, of course.  The waiter consented because he’d been tipped well and there were only a couple of other customers who didn’t seem to be watching the game.  He switched to CNN, and then looked through his phone and gave Indigo his coke contact.  “Tell him you’re a friend of Stamos, and  ask for the “special feta salad” *WINK*.

Indigo needed to sort out his priorities, so naturally he texted this Stamos fellow first.  Next, he slipped his bellini and watched CNN.  Ahhhh, how comforting it was to hear some American accents!  It was at at that moment, as Indigo read the current news banner on the bottom of the screen that he saw his own name:  “NEXT UP: THE SEARCH FOR INDIGO WREN CONTINUES….”  At first, he didn’t think this could possibly be him… after all, his given birth name was actually ‘Jonathan Arthur Willard II,’ then again, he had been going by Indigo Wren for the past 20 or so odd years….

Indigo snapped his fingers for the waiter, “Sir, please turn up the volume!” he yelled, as he stood up and inched closer to the TV.  A very HOMELY photo of him (pre-anorexia and really bad hair cut) took up the screen.  At that moment, the screen panned-in to a very somber-looking Anderson Cooper (whom Indigo had secretly lusted after for several years), who then introduced the parents of a missing American citizen, known by the name of ‘INDIGO WREN.’

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT BALLZ… FUCK ME IN THE GOAT ASS!!!,” Indio shouted for all to hear. Indigo was in shock… his jaw dropped open, as he realized he was THE missing American Citizen, and his elderly parents were live on CNN begging for information of his whereabouts and safe return.

Anderson Cooper then proceeded to interview his elderly, mid-western parents, Ingva and Jonathan Arthur Willard Sr..  His father was crying, and holding on tightly to Indigo’s white, Persian, one-eyed cat, Mr. Pickles (more on Mr. Pickles in just a moment…)

Anderson: “Mrs. Willard, when was the last time you heard from your son?”

Ingva: (strong Norwegian accent, sobbing) “The last I spoke to my boy, he had started a new job with the MTA, and he was so excited to finally be employed full time and have health insurance… I don’t know why he would leave a job he was so excited to start.  Our precious Jonathan Arthur has been such special, caring soul since the day I gave birth to him. He wouldn’t just leave without telling us where he was going; someone must have taken advantage of him.”

Anderson:  “Mr. Willard, do you suppose there are any plausible places he could have gone?”

Mr. Willard:  “Well given the time of year, I suppose he could have gone to Burning Man, and he did really liked this one bar in Chelsea called ‘Raw Hide’… he would talk about that place all the time.”

Anderson: “If your son, or anyone who knows where he is, is currently watching this, is there a message you have for them?”

Mr. Willard: “Son, just come home. We won’t be angry no matter where you are or what you’ve done.  Mr. Pickles needs his daddy”.

CAMERA PANS IN TO A ONE-EYED MR. PICKLES, WHO LOOKS PATHETICALLY AT THE CAMERA LENS, AS THE MUSIC CUTS TO “ANGEL” BY SARAH MCLAUGHIN

It is then that Indigo went into such shock that he fainted at the bar.

Indigo woke up to Stamos slapping his face with an ice-cold, wet towel.  Indigo opened his eyes, and his first words were, “Hey man, can I borrow your phone for a quick international call?”  Stamos said, “sure, but it’s gonna cost ya’.”  Stamos requested an additional 50 euros on top of the 80-euro gram of blow he’d secured from his dealer, Artemitis.  Indigo forked over the cash and dialed up his parents using Stamos’s phone.  The phone went straight to voicemail, since his parents were still at the CNN studio with Anderson Cooper.  Indigo left a distraught voicemail which simply said:  “Mommy, Daddy, I’m coming home to Mr. Pickles…. I love you all… kiss my baby for me.”

After that, Indigo made his way to the men’s room to do a couple of lines and set his head straight.  He looked in the mirror at his beautiful, emaciated, tanned frame and hysterically started to cry…. “who have I become?  My strangest friend? Everyone I know, goes away… in the ennndddd”

Indigo thought about poor, sweet, Mr. Pickles.  He had stolen Mr. Pickles on the last morning of a three-day drug binge, from another socialite friend he used to have, named Annabelle de Barcelona.  Mr. Pickles was already basically neglected, apart from the hired help that fed and groomed him.  He had never had real love though.  Indigo was high out of his fucking mind one morning, when he decided to change all of that.  He wanted to be Mr. Pickles Daddy, and give him unconditional love for the rest of his cat life.  Indigo didn’t even have to sneak Pickles out of his friend’s house, since she was knocked out, face-down on her own floor. He simply tucked Pickles under his arm, and made his way out the door that fateful morning, as the sun was rising over Manhattan, and made his way back to Williamsburg on the L train with Mr. Pickles in tow.  Once he arrived home again, he proceeded to do copious amounts of molly, and then passed out on his couch, with several lines of MDMA laying on his coffee table.

Unfortunately, as he slept, Mr. Pickles licked several two lines of molly, apparently having a grand-mal seizure, and going blind in one eye.  When Indigo woke from his slumber at 9pm that evening, he realized Mr. Pickles had a white, cloudy eye, and a hump in his back.  Indigo was inconsolable having realized it was his own gross negligence that had caused this sad state of affairs.  He couldn’t couldn’t forgive himself and punished himself by not eating and not drinking for a week straight.  He vowed to better Mr. Pickles life in whatever ways he could, and that is why, 2 years ago, he surrendered Pickles to his parents so that Pickles could live out the remainder of his days on a farm in Iowa.

Indigo did a couple more lines to try to forget all of these bad memories, and then decided it was time to leave this bar.  Indigo thought for a moment.  “I’ve got to get home to Mr. Pickles and my parents… they need me and they miss me.”  But then, he also thought, “holy shit, all of America has seen my face,” and so, in a moment of clarity, he thought “this is my only chance to get famous.”  Indigo walked back out to the bar, ordered a spicy margarita, and started chatting with the bartender.  The bartender mentioned that Lindsay Lohan had started filming a reality TV show with MTV involving her nightclub.  Indigo had a brilliant idea – he could get famous by showing up at LiLo’s club while they were filming as the “missing American man” and totally steal the show! He decided to take a couple of shots of Jameson for gumption, and then called a cab to bring him to LiLo’s club.

 

 

 

 

Korn and Corn

IMG_1130
I love rock concerts – they’re the perfect excuse to dress the way I wish I could dress all day, every day… what can I say? Old habits die hard.

Once again, I haven’t written in a while because I’ve been too caught-up in the daily grind of working to pay bills and maintaining my apartment and cats.  I try to go out and party when I have an opportunity to do so, taking advantage of the fact that it’s summer, but then I feel guilty when I spend precious hours of free time recovering from a night out on the town or I end up spending a Saturday doing a weeks-work of cleaning and errands.  The life of a working woman is not all it’s cracked up to be, friends.

I was in the midst of writing another installment of Indigo Wren, but I kept getting writer’s block, so I decided to throw in the towel for now.

I haven’t taken any vacation time this summer (not long weekends, not a trip to the beach, neinte, nada, NOTHING!), and therefore I am more excited than any person my age should be to have two days off of work mid-week so I can go to a Korn/Alice in Chains concert in Jones Beach… WTF.  That’s what my vacation is this year… a rock concert. SAD.

Is that sad?! I think it might be, but I don’t care.  The only other thing I have lined up to look forward to is a week in Maine – the last week of August.  I cannot wait to spend a week on the coast, sea kayaking, biking, and drinking cocktails and eating seafood.  Based on how fast the rest of this year, and especially this summer, has flown by so far, I know it will be here in the blink of an eye.  Even more thrilling than being “on vacation” though, is honestly just being off of work for a whole week.  Hell, I’d even take a stay-cation at this point, just to spend time away from work and out of the office.  Brutal.  Also, getting out of this putrid, summer-stench, dirty, ugly city will also be amazing.  The entire city currently smells like expired yogurt, dehydrated, homeless person piss, dog diarrhea and rotting fruit.  Fucking foul. I almost threw up one day walking up the subway stairs because I was mildly hungover and a dog (or human… who knows in this neighborhood) had diarrhe-ed ALL OVER the subway stairs.

Sorry… I know that’s gross, but alas, that’s the reality of life in this shitty city.  I am SO looking forward to sleeping-in this weekend.  I never thought I’d consider sleeping until 8:30am “sleeping in.”  LOL.  Who have I become?! Sometimes I don’t know or like this person.  Then again, sometimes I DO like this person, because at least she is less prone to blacking out and losing her debit card or starting fights.

IMG_1113
Sloppy presentation, delicious food… I made lentil “meatballs” Swedish style!
58640076850__7D34DB42-8C51-4B26-9B15-5A1AAEBE923D
Lentil Swedish “meat” balls

So, every time I made my lentil balls, I usually make them in tomato sauce, like I would traditional, Italian meatballs.  I had a brilliant idea a few nights ago, to switch it up and prepare them like Swedish meatballs.  I went out and bought all of the accoutrements of a typical Scandinavian meal – potatoes, beets, dill, creme fraiche, etc..  When I got home, I had to run the dishwasher because literally every piece of silverware was dirty and every single plate too.  I never realized how fucking long the dishwasher takes to do it’s thing!  I boiled the lentils, and then thought I could do more prep work and peel the beets, etc., until I realized even my veggie peeler and my cutting board were in the dishwasher.  I tried to wait it out, but I was starving to death, especially after a glass of wine, and ended up ordering Thai food.  I’ve realized I don’t like Thai food as much as I used to…. the red curry was too coconut milk-y and made me feel hella sick.

I also made some crab cakes this week, which are always a hit in this house, since my boyfriend, myself, and the cats love crab meat.  Anything for my cats….

C0FF1E1A-EED5-4F22-8407-9EF5F74D8147
(^^^ Alexa kept playing emo songs when I was cooking).  The secret to moist and delectable crab cakes, is adding a couple of tablespoons of mayo to the mix.

The real showstopper this week though, or technically last weekend now, was the sweet corn risotto and sea scallop situation I made:

IMG_0946 (1)

I made the risotto first (you can modify this recipe by using chicken stock in place of seafood stock, and obviously subbing in sweet corn kernels in place of the shrimp).  Yeah… I’m too damn tired to write out a recipe tonight.

I walked 3 miles to Whole Foods and back again in the 93 degree heat to get sea scallops. Despite the fact that there are a couple of closer fish stores, Whole Foods still has the best seafood in the area.  I pan seared the scallops in butter (recipe for scallops can be found HERE).

There was a ton of risotto left-over since the scallops were the main feature of this meal.  I love to cook enough food that I have leftovers for a couple of days…. even though cooking brings me a lot of joy and it’s something I enjoy doing every day, it’s comforting to know there is prepared food in the fridge in case I get stuck working late.

What else have I been up to lately?  Not much…. klutz-ing around as usual.  I decided to do a fake tan (St. Tropez), as I was sick of seeing how lovely everyone else looked all bronzed and golden and sunkissed.  Needless to say, the same thing that happens every time I fake tan happened again – I looked like I was radioactive and/or sprayed with agent orange.  I don’t know why I always convince myself that maybe ‘this time will be different than the last’ when I decide I don’t want to be pale anymore.

IMG_0747
Agent orange color – bruises from dancing on tiled flooring.
58561958884__36921EC5-2BC7-4FDB-9EC4-382C76AD6365
Allergic reaction to some mosquito bites I got at Knockdown Center basement…. looks like cigarette burns
IMG_0949 (1)
And finally, back to my natural skin color, after the tan wore off… but the two week old bruises still persist.

I live such a charmed life.

IMG_0999
Tuna and me, sporting devil horns… just two peas in a pod!
B87E4F98-4AA3-4D21-ACBB-DA24AB3F65EA
When your kitten has been watching Fox News again

 

 

Homemade Pasta

IMG_9399
This is the second dish I used the homemade pasta in… the first night I made an artichoke pesto 😉
IMG_9302
The night we made the pasta – with an artichoke pesto and generous (clearly…) amount of Pecorino

Once again, I’ve been negligent about writing out blogs with recipes. I find that writing out the ingredients and process is not nearly as exciting as the actual preparation and cooking of the dishes.  I have, however, been invested in writing the tales of Indigo Wren.  I’m sick, I know. I invented this character and I’m basically living vicariously through him, or him through me. Whichever it is.

Anyhow, I made a collaborative dish with my boyfriend this past Friday.  I do the cooking 98% of the time, but I must admit, he has the golden touch when it comes to homemade pasta. If you have time to kill, and a pasta machine (*** trust me, you will need a pasta machine… I’ve tried to hand-roll and it does NOT work out), this is the perfect dish to make.  It’s going to take you about 3 hours start to finish… possibly more if you’re drinking and getting distracted dancing to 90s dance music.

I’m going to post the recipe for the shrimp dish… honestly it was better. If you want to make the artichoke pesto though: 1 can of artichoke hearts (don’t fuck with raw for this pesto), juice from 1 lemon, 1/3 cup olive oil, a handful of pine nuts OR walnuts (like 1/4 a cup), 2 TBS. chopped parsley, 1 clove of finely minced garlic, some salt and pepper to taste – throw it all in a food processor or blender and blend until pureed. Voila!

IMG_9288
This pasta is so delicate and light I honestly think it goes better with butter and olive oil or a light dusting of cheese, as opposed to this sauce, which was rather heavy and weighed it down.  This pesto would pair much better with boxed rigatoni or bucatini in retrospect… 

INGREDIENTS FOR THE PASTA:

  • 4 eggs, room temperature and slightly beaten
  • 3 cups flour (preferably 1 and 1/2 cup all-purpose, and 1 and 1/2 cup Semolina… but 3 cups of all-purpose does the job)
  • 1 Tbs. salt
  • 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
  • 2-3 Tbs. ICE COLD water
  • More flour to knead the dough and dust the surface you roll on, as well as to dust the noodles so they don’t stick to each other!

INGREDIENTS FOR THE SAUCE:

  • 1 lb. fresh shrimp, peeled, shelled, and de-veined
  • 1/4 cup olive oil
  • 4 Tbs. butter
  • 1/2 cup white wine (dry works better)
  • Juice from 1/2 a lemon
  • 1 tsp. dried basil
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • 2 cloves garlic, finely minced
  • 2 Tbs. freshly chopped parsley

DIRECTIONS:

  • Make sure you wear an apron and/or something light colored – you will end up with flour all over everything.  If you’re OCD about the cleanliness of your kitchen/counter tops and stove, you’ve been warned.
  • In a large bowl, combine the flour and salt
  • Slightly beat the room temperature eggs in a smaller bowl and dump into the flour
  • Add in the olive oil and water
  • Knead the dough with your hands until the mixture is consistent… add more flour or water as necessary, but you’ll want the dough to be more dry than sticky.  IF ITS STICKING TO YOUR FINGERS AND PALMS, IT NEEDS MORE FLOUR!
  • After kneading the dough for about 3 minutes, dust with more flour and divide into four parts.  Wrap in plastic wrap or a damp cloth and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes

IMG_9226

IMG_9246
Don’t be stingy with the flour!  Drier dough is better than sticky in this case… as long as it’s not so dry it’s crumbling 
  • You’re going to want to make sure whatever surface the dough touches is dusted in flour, be it the counter top, the plate you put the finished pasta on, or the machine you use to press it and cut it!
  • I have made pasta by hand before with a rolling pin – it’s doable, but so much more time consuming, messier, and the pasta is obviously much thicker than it is when you roll it through a pasta machine… cutting the strips also takes longer and they won’t be uniform in size
  • I got my pasta machine from TJ Maxx for like $15 a couple of years ago.  I think we only use it twice a year so I’m happy I didn’t spend a lot of money – Amazon probably has really affordable ones too!
  • Once the pasta has been refrigerated, you’ll want to use a rolling pin to do the preliminary roll (again, make sure the surface you’re rolling on as well as the rolling pin are lightly floured)
  • Next, run the flattened slab of dough through the pasta machine several times (usually 3 times) until it reaches the desired thickness

If you’re like me, you’ll want your pasta Mary-Kate Olsen thin, so it may need to rolled through the machine upwards of 5 times

IMG_9298
This is the sheet of dough after it has been through the machine several times, but not cut yet! It’s very thin… but be careful because if you make it too thin, it will get holes or break
  • Next, you’ll run the pasta through the cutting side.  Most pasta presses have a setting so you’ll be able to choose desired noodle thickness.  I’d recommend fettuccine or tagliatelle thickness.
  • Keep repeating the process with the other slabs of dough, or you can put the dough in the fridge for another day.  I like to just roll and cut it all so I don’t have to fuck with the pasta machine again… because honestly, this is a messy process and you WILL have flour all over your kitchen.
IMG_9291
The beautiful fettuccine, lightly dusted with flour and ready to cook
IMG_9300
Make sure the plates/trays you place your noodles on are dusted in flour and so are the noodles themselves, or they will stick to each other and any surface they touch!  You can refrigerate this pasta for days at a time, or dry it (though I’ve never tried to dry it myself… so you may want to research that shit)
  • Next, put a LARGE pot of boiling water on to boil.  Make sure it is heavily salted.
  • You’ll definitely end up refrigerating at least half of this pasta…. the ingredients listed above produce enough for like 8 servings AT LEAST.
  • As the water is boiling, heat up 1/4 cup olive oil and 4 Tbs. butter in a large sauce pan
  • Add in the finely minced garlic and cook over low heat for 1-2 minutes (being careful not to burn)
  • Add in the shrimp (granted they have been peeled and cleaned at this point)
  • Raise the heat to medium, and add in the wine and squeeze in the juice from 1/2 lemon
  • Add in the dried basil
  • Stir occasionally until shrimp turn pink; season with salt and pepper to taste
  • Once the water is at a full boil, add in the fresh pasta.  It will take only 2 minutes or so to fully cook since it is fresh.  You’ll want to taste test to make sure it’s cooked, but generally speaking, once it floats to the surface, it’s done cooking!
  • Drain the pasta, and add back into the pot along with a drizzle of olive oil
  • Toss in the shrimp/sauce mixture and mix/stir lightly (you don’t want to damage the noodles)
  • Serve hot and top with some freshly chopped parsley
IMG_9384
Delightful salad I made to accompany the pasta tonight… I was joking that if I served this salad in NYC, I’d be able to charge $18 for what is essentially a plate of basic veggies as long as I gave it a fancy name like “Radish Carpaccio”… welcome to New York 

The above salad was awesome because of the dressing.  This dressing would also pair well with tofu or even a stir-fry:

SESAME DRESSING:

  • 1 Tbs. toasted black sesame seeds
  • 1 clove very finely minced garlic
  • 3 Tbs. sesame oil
  • 1/4 cup rice wine vinegar
  • 1/4 cup soy sauce
  • 1 Tbs. white sugar
  • Add all ingredients to bowl and whisk well

FOR THE SALAD:

  • lightly sauteed snow peas
  • shaved carrots
  • thinly sliced radishes
  • lightly sauteed yellow zucchini
  • Avocado

In other news, I finally finished a painting I was working on, had way too much to drink on Saturday night at some random Bushwick dance bar called Jupiter Disco where I saw a clone of my brother and McLovin’, was too hungover to go hiking on Sunday like I wanted to as a result of Saturday night’s gin and tonic consumption, binge ate empanadas in my vulnerable and hungover state, and am now only living for the Korn concert and mini family vacation in Maine I’ll be taking this August. Cheers.

IMG_9335
Finally finished

IMG_9090

 

 

Rat Meatloaf and Gross Negligence

It’s been over a week since I last wrote… I am living in a state of perpetual exhaustion. I average about 5 hours of sleep a night, and I don’t even have anything to show for my lack of sleep – that’s the saddest part.  You’d think I was up writing a novel or like, a cook book or something.  Or that I was painting the next greatest masterpiece. No.  Honestly, I don’t even know how I end up staying up as late as I do every night (usually until 12:30 – 1 a.m.). I’m not doing anything fun or worth while.  I am actually up that late scooping cat litter, brushing cats, and/or cooking dinner for a boyfriend I see about 20 minutes of each day, and yeah… that’s about it…. by the time all my chores are done, it’s time for bed.

I don’t know where the time goes, but clearly it hasn’t been spent writing or finding a better job.  I haven’t even cooked anything note worthy lately.  I’ve been too fucking tired to cook and too busy tending to cats and cleaning the house, since it now gets dirty even faster (double the cat hair, double the spilled litter and food messes, etc.).

IMG_8433
Can someone please come brush my teeth and wash my face for me?  It’s 9:20 p.m. on a Friday and I’m too tired to even get off the couch and get ready for bed.  That’s how tired I am.  I can’t even imagine having an actual human kid to take care of at this point in my life.  I’d literally fucking die, and if I didn’t die from sleep deprivation, I would surely die from a psychotic break down as a direct result of stress and sleep deprivation.

 

IMG_8412
Can someone also fix my mangled feet?  I think they need totally replaced at this point, given that they’re covered in popped blisters from my ill-fitting H&M sneakers and beyond the repairs a basic pedicure would offer.

Anyhow.  Another day, another dollar -am I right?

I am really proud of myself because I didn’t order delivery even once this week.  Not that I order in often – usually once a week and only when I’m drained.  But I’m impressed I didn’t order at all – since at some point in the week, I usually cave and use Seamless to order Chinese or Mexican food.  I cooked a lot of random shit this week though, that is for sure.  One of the many random things I cooked was this rat meatloaf:

IMG_8745
Rat (“mouse”) meatloaf… don’t ask. I couldn’t stop laughing as I prepared it, waiting to present it to my boyfriend like it was a goddamn lobster with a side of filet mignon

I made this really delicious dish that I absolutely LOVED, and my boyfriend hated (he hates small pastas for some strange reason (orzo, italini, orrechiette)… I, on the other hand, LOVE small pastas). Anyhow, I found this sick recipe for “Orzotto” (orzo cooked like risotto) on one of my favorite food sites, “Taste Cooking.” It was really easy to make (much less time than cooking actual risotto with rice), and warranted a trip to my favorite cheese shop.

58026982540__749AAC68-AC2E-4FD5-8441-483F151C1063
This was heaven.  I liked it better than actual risotto, because the orzo is lighter and fluffier. I cooked the orzo in chicken stock, and used Gorgonzola dolce to finish it.
IMG_8700
It was a beautiful Spring night in NYC, so I brought Mr. Peeper for a walk… Not sure the hipster trash dudes working in the Cheese shop appreciated, but whatever.  It’s my life.

Anyhow, Campbell (aka “Lorimer”) Cheese shop is my absolute favorite.  It’s basically what Bedford Cheese Shop was before they sold their soul to the devil and moved up the street into a gargantuan retail space with white everything and waitstaff that is unfriendly and probably doesn’t even eat cheese.

I digress…

Campbell (Lorimer) Cheese shop is the best – they always have Gorgonzola dolce and a variety of truffle cheeses, which means I leave happy every time.  The staff is friendly, and you can find all manner of jams, olives, specialty sausages, etc..

IMG_8703
The mortadella wasn’t the same as usual… it had no peppercorns or pistachios in it… they totally downgraded and I’m not sure what’s up with that.  I did pick up these awesome anchovies, which I used in the pasta dish I just made.  I also picked up the creamy, blue cheese I used to make my Orzotto.

I’m too fucking lazy to write out any recipes tonight.  But I made this pasta using the anchovies pictured above, and San Marzano tomatoes from a can:

IMG_8791
The anchovies add this delightful umami flavor …. so good

Anyhow.  It’s Memorial Day Weekend and I can’t fucking wait to be home (my parents house upstate).  I am so over this shit hole, rat-infested, fake fuck infested city.

Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone.  I hope the cats let me sleep in past 7:30 a.m. tomorrow.  I look haggard.

 

IMG_8671

Mussels and Potatoes, and my Week Cleaning Up After Cats…

IMG_8113
Not the comeliest of dishes (but than again, neither am I – so who am I to judge?), but it tastes like $1,000,000

DISCLAIMER:

This blog will eventually get to the food/cooking/recipe aspect that it was initially intended for.  I’ve taken a slight detour along the way and have started incorporating other bullshit into my blog, as I need a safe space to express myself and the world today is not a very safe place at all (no more abortion in the state of Alabama… like WTF?  I guess we’ve gone back to the dark ages…. don’t even get me started, we live in a fucking sickening time in history… how did we let it come back to this????).

If you’re wondering why I haven’t posted lately (which I doubt you are, since no one actually reads this piece of shit blog…), I’ve been too busy being a cat-mom (basically a full-time job within itself… unless you’re actually a BAD cat mom), and cleaning non-stop (obviously my TRUE calling in life).

Yes, what a gripping life I do lead! (I want to say that’s a line from Notting Hill, but I could be wrong… might be Bridget Jones… I used to be OBSESSED with Hugh Grant when I was 12… I still might be… I digress).

IMG_8036
All week long I wait for the weekend, so I can cast aside my Hillary Clinton slacks and unflattering, masculine button-ups in favor of something more my style… I really need to find a job where I can where whatever I want ergo, I need to be my own boss. I’ve also been searching for a replacement for this top for the last 4 years… it is my favorite.  I created it from a Zara top that I completely reconstructed but now it’s falling apart, along with my collagen and my ambitions in life… it’s all a mess here.

If you didn’t read my last blog, please do – it’s writing I’m actually really excited to share and want to do more of/with.  I have way too much fun writing this kind of stuff.  For the next installment of ‘Indigo Wren,’ Indigo is going to sail his hand-crafted raft to France, make his way to Paris, and then attempt to live like Ernest Hemingway while also becoming gender neutral. I know… this blog has basically evolved from what was originally supposed to be a food/cooking blog into the madcap nonsense of yesteryear (aka, the shit I used to write on my old blog, God rest its soul).  Yes, I’m twisted.

IMG_8281
Honk if you know where this is – we can only be friends if you do… JK

Last week, I spent basically the entire week cleaning up after my sick cats; first Tuna (the kitten), followed by Mr. Peeper.  I took Tuna to the emergency vet that’s open 24/7 last Tuesday, after several psychotic, older women on the ‘Persian Cat Health Board’ I belong  to, and subsequently posted to, advised me to do so, IMMEDIATELY!!!  Their reasoning was that I should bring Tuna to the vet ASAP since he is still a little kitten and was basically shitting his brains out in addition to vomiting last Tuesday night – they said he could dehydrate and die easily.  Obviously, that freaked me out and since they’re all cat experts and/or breeders, I listened to their advice and I went. The 24/7 vet not only cost a pretty penny (which I would have preferred to spend on new heels and/or partying), but it also ruined my entire Tuesday evening since I didn’t get home again until after 11 p.m. and then couldn’t sleep until 2 a.m.. In case you’re wondering why I haven’t cooked anything noteworthy lately (which you’re not, because you probably order take out every night), it’s because I’ve been so tired and busy raising a kitten that I have no energy left when it’s time to cook.

IMG_8376
This one is a real hell-raiser – like his dad.  This picture was taken before he let me attack those boogers with a Q-tip (so don’t judge me)… but how cute is that face?!  

Luckily, Tuna was fine and was back to his crack-baby self the next morning (he didn’t swallow any objects and doesn’t have any terminal illnesses – what a relief).  However, whatever he did have must have been a virus which he then passed it onto Mr. Peeper, and it was 10 times worse for poor Peeps.  Peeps started throwing up Wednesday night around 10 p.m., and threw up 6 more times before I went to bed at 1:30 a.m..  He also had a couple of explosive BMs (Bowel Movements), if you know what I’m saying…. (sorry for being gross, but it’s true).  I hadn’t slept much the night before because of Tuna, and then I had to stay up a second night in a row cleaning cat vomit and worried about my baby Peeps.

I hoped he’d be better when I woke up the next morning, but I walked out of the bedroom to a living room/kitchen/bathroom area covered with at least 6 additional puke spots.  But the worst part, if you must know, was that poor Peeps was laying behind the curtains in the living room window, with the 6:30 a.m. intense, dawn sunlight coming in directly upon him, not moving, non-responsive, not hungry for breakfast, and totally covered in his own shit. Good morning indeed!  I started crying because I thought he was going to die… he didn’t even acknowledge me when I came out of my bedroom and he didn’t want breakfast.

I called out of work immediately and spent all morning giving Peeper a bath (he hated me, but was so weak he hardly tried to escape), cleaning the floors, disinfecting everything, and feeding him liquids out of a syringe.  Yes… I transformed into a nurse. I thought I was going to have to drop another $300 I don’t have on the vet, and I happily would have it meant making my baby better, but luckily he didn’t throw up or shit again and kept down the combo of goat’s milk and Greek yogurt I gave him… I’m basically a registered cat nurse now.

IMG_8207
I love this cat more than I love myself… which isn’t saying much.  I love him more than most people though – that’s for sure. I lost Bijou last year, and I’ll be damned if I lose another baby anytime soon if I can prevent it (*** after writing this sentence, I’ve realized I am a full fledged cat lady who may or may not ever have human children)

Anyhow.  I haven’t had time to cook anything that spectacular lately.  I did make a pretty legit seafood risotto on Friday of last week, once the house was clean, the cats were better, and I finally had some ambition.

33BE17FF-E89C-4955-945B-32C34305A7A8
Seafood risotto with shrimp, scallops and San Marzano tomatoes.

The dish I made the week prior though is where it’s really at:

IMG_8113
Pasta e potate e cozze = pasta with potatoes and mussels! 

Yes, this dish was time consuming as hell to make, and it took a lot of ingredients… but it’s fucking worth it (just like you, darling).

IMG_8093

INGREDIENTS:

  • 1 bag of small potatoes, unpeeled and diced, OR… 3 large potatoes, peeled and diced
  • 1/2 medium white (or yellow) onion, finely diced
  • 4 cloves garlic, finely diced
  • 1 cup, diced cherry/grape tomatoes
  • 1 cup frozen sweet corn (preferably shaved off the cob)
  • 1 lb. mussels, steamed and de-shelled
  • 2 cups chicken stock
  • 1/2 cup white wine
  • 1 cup heavy cream
  • 2 cups dried, gemelli (or similar shape) pasta
  • 4 Tbs. olive oil
  • 3 Tbs. butter
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • 1 tsp. dried oregano
  • 1 tsp. dried basil
  • 2 Tbs. freshly chopped parsley

DIRECTIONS:

  • Rinse/clean the mussels and then steam them until they open!
  • Once mussels have opened and are cool enough to handle, de-shell and set the meat aside in a bowl
IMG_8095
Steam me b*tch
IMG_8097
Mussel meat – YUMMMMM! Seriously – yum… especially with some melted butter… 
  • If you’re working with a bag of small potatoes, dice them; If you’re working with three large potatoes, peel the potatoes first and then dice them
  • Heat some olive oil and/or butter in a wok or large saucepan over medium heat
  • Sautee the diced potatoes in olive oil and/or butter until soft (aka penetrable with the tines of a fork)
  • Add the sweet corn into the saucepan and cook until it’s fully de-thawed
  • Set 1/3 of the diced potato/corn mixture aside (I just threw it on top of the mussels), and put the other 2/3s of the potato/corn mix into a blender, with a cup and a half of chicken stock – pulse until completely blended (add more stock as necessary until liquid is a thick consistency)
IMG_8104
The stuff that gets set aside…
IMG_8105
The stuff that gets blended into a creamy puree – I add some chicken stock and some heavy cream so I know what flavors I’m working with when the puree is done
  • Cut the cherry/grape tomatoes into halves and set aside

IMG_8101

  • Heat the butter and/or olive oil in a wok or large, deep saucepan
  • Add in the minced onions and sautee over low-medium heat until translucent
  • Add in the garlic and sautee another minute (*DO NOT BURN GARLIC*)
  • Add in the halved tomatoes and sautee until they become glossy and soft-ish
  • Add in 1/2 cup dry white wine and simmer for about 2-3 minutes
  • Add in the potato puree (the stuff you blended)
  • Add in more chicken stock if necessary and heavy cream
  • The sauce should be thick-ish, yet not so thick that it can’t fully coat other ingredients that will be added shortly!
  • FOR THE PASTA:
  • In another pot, bring heavily-salted water to a boil
  • Add in the gemelli (or other similarly-shaped-pasta), and boil until al dente (do NOT cook until soft… it will finish cooking IN THE SAUCE)
  • Drain and set pasta aside!
  • BACK TO THE SAUCE:
  • Throw in the rest of the potatoes/corn mixture that was previously set aside (this adds texture and makes the dish more aesthetically pleasing than if everything had been blended into a puree)
  • Add in the seasonings: Salt, pepper, dried basil, dried oregano
  • Add in the mussels and fresh basil
  • Cook for a few minutes over medium heat until everything is cooked through and warm again
IMG_8108
Right before the cooked pasta is added back in!
  • Add in the pasta and cook another minute or so
  • Let sit for 5-10 minutes and serve in a shallow bowl or plate
  • Garnish with fresh parsley and enjoy 🙂
IMG_8113
Enjoy with a glass (or two, or three) of white wine! 

Insert disco dancing emoji here.

The Real McCoy – Shrimp Risotto

I was a bit tired and in a rather foul mood when I wrote yesterday’s blog – I’m still in a foul mood (when am I not?), but I’m feeling slightly better about life today.  Having a glass of vino and preparing to make the chicken piccata that I intended to make yesterday…

beavis

If you’ve never seen the clip from ‘Beavis and Butthead Do America’ where Beavis goes insane on an airplane and screams “piccata for my bung-hole,” please do both of us a favor and go watch it now.

I felt ugly all day today in my button up shirt and slacks (typical) so I came home and put on the tightest black dress I own and proceeded to pour a glass of wine for some inspiration before I commence on the meal I’m about to make. I don’t feel like myself when I’m at work wearing a shirt buttoned up to my thyroid.

IMG_7412
Currently in my natural state – all black everything, covered in cat fur, hair up with fly-aways, drinking wine… 

Anyhow, here is the recipe for my shrimp risotto… I recommend making this dish if you really want to blow someone’s taste buds. My boyfriend is from Venice and said it’s the best risotto he’s ever had – better than any restaurant.  That’s like the best compliment someone could give me other than telling me they like my writing or art work.

IMG_7369
So fucking good… you won’t be able to resist or to stop… I know I sure couldn’t.

INGREDIENTS: 

  • 1 lb. of raw shrimp (frozen or fresh – as long as they haven’t been cooked yet!)
  • 1 box (32 oz.) of seafood stock
  • 2 cups of uncooked Arborio rice
  • 1 1/2 cup of white wine (any will do as long as it’s not too sweet)
  • 5 cloves of garlic, finely minced
  • a few sprigs of fresh thyme, finely chopped
  • 1 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese
  • 1/3 cup half and half (light cream)
  • 4 Tbs. butter
  • 3 Tbs. olive oil
  • 1/2 tsp of ground nutmeg
  • 1 tsp of granulated onion or onion powder
  • 1 bay leaf (dried or fresh)
  • 1 tsp dried basil
  • 1 tsp dried oregano
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • fresh parsley to garnish

DIRECTIONS:

92053411-5214-4E5C-9032-3DF183CE035B (1)

  • If the shrimp are frozen, thaw them under warm, running water in a strainer
  • Whether or not shrimp are fresh or frozen, peel them and then cut them into halves or thirds depending on size, and set aside in a bowl

IMG_7363 (1)

  • In a large wok or deep saucepan, heat the olive oil over low heat and add in the minced garlic
  • Cook garlic over very low heat (being careful not to burn it) for about 1-2 minutes
  • Add in the rice (yes – the secret to good risotto is slightly cooking the dry rice in the olive oil for a couple of minutes without liquid… I don’t know why, but it adds a depth of flavor)
  • Continue to stir and cook the rice over a low heat until it’s completely covered in the oil and begins to become ever-so-translucent in color
  • Raise the heat to medium and add in the white wine (I like to turn up the heat of the burner before adding the wine so that it makes that nice ‘SSSSSsssssss!!!’ sound when it his the hot pan)
  • Risotto is a dish that has to be stirred pretty much continuously – you can’t really step away from more than 30 seconds, so START STIRRING BIOTCH… and don’t stop!
  • As the liquid is absorbed by the rice, add in roughly 1 cup of seafood stock at a time, and keep gently stirring until it’s been absorbed
  • After you’ve added the first cup of seafood and the rice is moist, add in the bay leaf, chopped thyme, and other seasonings (onion powder, basil, oregano, nutmeg, salt and pepper)

IMG_7365

  • Keep adding cup after cup of stock, until you’ve used up the entire contents of the box of stock… by this point, rice should be pretty tender, but neither dry nor too saturated in liquid
  • Add in the half and half (or cream) and continue to stir
  • Stir in the grated Parmesan cheese
  • Add in the raw shrimp and gently stir
  • Continue cooking over low heat, until shrimp turn orange (this means they’re cooked through!)
  • Add in the butter and turn off the heat… stir until butter is melted and incorporated thoroughly
  • Add more salt/pepper to desired taste (if necessary)
  • Remove the bay leaf, and serve on a plate – garnish with fresh parsley and voila!

IMG_7369

OK – I’m going to make chicken PICCATA PICCATA! now (hopefully you’ve watched the Beavis clip so you get it).  Chicken piccata will be in my next post …. hopefully it doesn’t take me two weeks to write :p

PS… Tuna comes home next week:

2EF05C48-90F4-4FA7-B5F3-52D4A85D0492
I really hope a second cat is good for Peeps and keeps him company and they end up loving and playing with each other…. knowing my luck, Peeper will become psychotic and piss all over the house or try to attack the kitten.  In this case, I don’t know what I will do.

The World is on Fire and I’m Focused on Risotto

I haven’t written a blog in a couple of weeks because I’m feeling lazy and uninspired, yet also simultaneously busy (working, maintaining the household, maintaining a very high-maintenance cat, watching my niece and nephew after work here and there, basically maintaining everything but myself it seems…), and I’ve also been trying to take advantage of the warmer weather by walking more. The increased exercise doesn’t seem to helping my body much, unless I’m gaining serious muscle and am too blind to see it because I have body dysmorphia… but I’m pretty sure the scale doesn’t lie.

Can you tell I’m in a bad mood?  Because I really am.

I feel like I only work and live to pay bills sometimes (all the time, actually), and only eat healthy and work out for my body to stay exactly the same and fluctuate wildly depending on that time of the month.  Have I mentioned how awful it has been since going off birth control?  I mean, we’re in the midst of the 6th mass extinction of flora and fauna and it’s caused entirely by humans, Notre Dame Cathedral burned down on Monday, there are starving children in Yemen, abused and abandoned animals wandering the streets, and dead whales washing up everywhere with plastic bags in their stomachs, but yeah…. I am still bitter about my insurance not covering Natazia (on top of all of the aforementioned issues… the Natazia is just the straw breaking this camel’s back, so to speak).

Like who the fuck gains weight when they go OFF birth control?  Don’t most people gain when they go on it?  Also, who knew that in addition to PMS bloating, you can also bloat during ovulation… so basically, I only look skinny about 3 days of the month now – and that’s the week my skin flares up with hormonal acne.  I never really feel good about myself 100 percent anymore. I’m either bloated or broken out and both make me feel self-conscious and not like myself.  By the time my cystic zits go back down, and are just red, flaky marks on my face, a whole month has gone by and then the cysts come right back again along with some added water retention.

It’s OK though… we’re all going to be dead someday, and probably sooner than later at the rate of global warming, pollution, and general discord among the nations…. so why should worry about my thigh gap and a couple of zits on my chin? I’ll tell you why – because it takes away from my worry about microplastics infiltrating the food chain and never being able to afford to have children thanks to astronomical rent prices and student loans… that’s why. I need to focus my anxieties and stress into something I can control… which is precisely why I’ve started carrying a tote bag to the grocery store to haul my groceries home so as to avoid plastic bags…

5EDDEC9D-3780-44E3-837F-5D6A59C07123
The one day out of thirty I looked and felt good about my body, so I thought I’d memorialize it in a half-naked selfie.  This way I can remember when my ovary is dropping an egg each month, and my body decides to hold onto 6 lbs. of water weight, that I’m not as fat as I feel…. being a woman is such a beautiful thing.

I was going to make chicken piccata tonight for my boyfriend, because at some point today I had more energy and felt like cooking something fancy, but after working all day, commuting, doing groceries on the way home, taking a bath, giving my cat a bath, and picking up the house, and now writing this blog, I am absolutely fucking exhausted, and ordered Chinese food instead.

It’s one of those days, and I seem to be having a lot of those days lately, despite trying to stay positive and take a pro-active approach to my life and wellness and happiness.

I have been trying to take it easier on the weekends (i.e. going to bed before 2am, not binge drinking, not making poor financial decisions when I’m binge drinking), which leaves me feeling slightly more mentally stable.  I picked up my new glasses last week (fucking finally) and have knocked out all of my annual doctor’s visits, bi-annual dental cleaning, so at least I’m up to date as far as my health is concerned. I also started a new painting and made good progress for the few hours I’ve put into it so far:

8116CCDD-EF41-4FB0-A83F-2AEDB4096F97
Obviously far from finished…
IMG_7219
My new glasses! I’ve needed new glasses for about 5 years now.  I last got new glasses/frames in the year 2008 – they were Juicy Couture and are now so incredibly used and abused I couldn’t even donate them… I haven’t worn my glasses in public since maybe 2011 because the frames are so busted… literally and figuratively.
IMG_7234
My old glasses: Pretty gross right?  The lenses are scratched up, the frame is loose around the joints, and the frame shape is hideous.

In other news, while the world falls apart and I futilely attempt to lose the weight I’ve gained since January, I made the best meatballs I ever made (beef and mortadella), and also the best risotto I’ve ever made and that my boyfriend has ever eaten (his words, not mine).

B9687081-89A1-4A5E-AED5-A36E942F2784
Beef and motadella is the winning combination – the peas in the sauce somehow make the dish much more savory and comfort-food like, especially served over polenta.
IMG_7369
The best risotto I ever made and ever ate… not to toot my own horn, but at least I can do one thing right in this world.

I want to write out the recipe and ingredients but it’s going to have to wait because I’m physically, mentally and emotionally spent for today.

92053411-5214-4E5C-9032-3DF183CE035B (1)

 

IMG_7365

IMG_7363 (1)

I’ll try to update this tomorrow to include a recipe… I’m falling asleep now.

C3C828B3-8441-43C9-A2AA-2E93DFEF61E0
Happier times – the cheese plate we shared on Sunday after driving to Asbury Park, NJ for a cat convention

IMG_7342

 

 

 

 

 

Eggplant Parm and My Undying Love for Malls

IMG_6603
Eggplant parm – something I truly love to eat and cook any time of the year

Things I don’t love:

  • Most things
  • Most people
  • Myself…JK (…but not really kidding)

Things I DO love:

  •  3$%#$%
  • Platform Heels
  • Wine
  • Hot tubs
  • Wine IN hot tubs
  • crop-tops
  • Fireplaces
  • Faux fur jackets
  • Snow, but only when it’s clean and white
  • Steak Tartare (I’m a heathen)
  • Eggplant Parm
  • Truffle (of the fungi variety, not the chocolate)
  • Malls…

Ah yes, the good ol’ American mall – a timeless institution! All of the stores a girl could ask for under one roof (listen – even if you’re extra fancy, there are malls with Chanel…); the smells of Auntie Anne’s Pretzels mixing with Yankee Candle, Bath & Body Works, the fragrance counter of Macy’s and the food court lulling you into a false sense that everything in the world is good and peaceful.

I have a sick obsession with malls – I think it’s because I grew up going to the mall every weekend with my mom, and now the mall is basically the one place left that makes me feel a sort of comforting wash of nostalgia when I set foot in one – it’s like stepping back to the safety and pleasantry of childhood.   They’re always the same – which is what I really like the most I think.  Regardless of whether they’re high-end or middle-brow,  you always know what you’re getting.  There will be a food court, several chain restaurants, an H&M, Journey’s shoes, Sephora, Abercrombie, and two big department stores.  These days, a trip to the mall is a rare treat, since I live in NYC and do most of my shopping on line, or in person in brick-and-mortar stores around the city.  I usually don’t even end up buying anything in the mall to be honest, but I like walking around sniffing candles, reminiscing about my college stint piercing ears at Claire’s, and of course, doing a walk-through of Hollister.  How could I not?!  I worked for Hollister for almost four years, so I like to walk through the store to relive my best memories while taking in the scent of SoCal…. it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.  What can I say? Can’t go wrong with a pair of $25 boyfriend jeans…

Anyhow, sometimes it’s really nice to drive out of NYC and go spend a couple of hours at a mall upstate, or in Long Island or New Jersey just to GTFO of the rat race that is life in NYC.  Escaping to a mall for a couple of hours is like stepping back to a time when life was simple, and all I cared about was weather my mom would by me that $60 sweater from Abercrombie or sparkly skirt from Limited Too.  There is also something to be said for the comfort of chain restaurants.  Living in NYC you have the best of the best and all of the variety in the world, but sometimes it’s just as satisfying to get Ruby Tuesday’s, or my new favorite: Zin Burger.

Anyhow… apart from malls, &$%28!,  and cheese, one of my other favorite things is eggplant parmigiana.  If I go to an Italian restaurant and eggplant parm is on the menu, you can be almost 98% certain that that is what I will be ordering.  One of my very favorite eggplant parms in the city, is the one served at Fiat Cafe.  If you’ve never been to Fiat Cafe in Nolita, you should go.  It’s on Mott Street between Spring Street and Kenmare.  The prices are really affordable, the food is amazing, the servers are always friendly, and its cozy.  It’s not fine dining by any means, but for a cozy date night, or intimate dinner with a couple of friends or small family, it’s perfect.  They also do brunch and lunch, though I’ve never been before 4pm.

Everything on the menu is fantastic.  Their meatballs are honestly some of my favorite in the city, apart from D.O.C. Wine Bar, in Williamsburg.  Honestly, my boyfriend and think the meatballs served at Fiat Cafe are not made in house and in fact, we believe they’re of the frozen, store-bought variety.  I am not 100% certain, so don’t quote me on this – but they taste store bought, but like in the most delicious, fucking way you can dream of.  It helps that the marinara they have is perfect.

Apart from the eggplant parm, which is a substantial size and dripping in hot mozzarella and Parmesan cheese, the layers of eggplant are super thin, and fried and then baked to perfection – it melts in your mouth.  It is absolutely perfect, and I’m salivating just thinking of it.  The hairs on my arms are standing straight up, because that shit is SO GOOD, it gives me goosebumps, the same way a good song or good cocktail would.

If I had to pick my favorite eggplant parm upstate, I’d say the Spot restaurant/diner in Binghamton has pretty excellent eggplant parm… or at least they used to… I haven’t been in like 10 years.

Ever since having Fiat Cafe eggplant parm about 6 years ago, I’ve been trying to recreate it when ever I make my own eggplant parm – and this weekend, I’d say I can pretty damn close.

IMG_6605
A cross-section of my masterpiece

The key, I’ve learned through trial and error, is to NOT use any bread crumbs at all, and to use substantial amount of oil when frying (deep-fry style)  The eggplant is first dipped in beaten egg, and then instead of going into breadcrumbs, it just goes into a mixture of flour (Parmesan cheese, salt, pepper, and garlic powder) before going into the hot oil.

The marinara sauce is also important – if you’re not making your own, you’ll want to splurge on a good jar of sauce (Rao’s, Meatball Shop, or Victoria brands are all really good quality when going with store bought). You don’t want a sauce that is too sweet (which many brands are – I’m looking at you Classico and Newman’s Own…), or chunky.

It’s also important to cut the eggplant length-wise (long ways, instead of horizontally into rounds), and fairly thin (although, not TOO thin, otherwise you’ll be frying all night… and this is already a time consuming dish to make).

57499876218__64964CA5-489D-4886-A0E6-0CF8B0C16097
Layer’s upon layers of fried eggplant, marinara, and mozzarella and Parmesan cheese… this is right before topping with the final layer of sauce and cheese and going into the oven!

INGREDIENTS:

  • Two medium-sized eggplant, or one really large eggplant
  • 3-4 eggs, well beaten in a bowl
  • 3 cups of bleached baking flour
  • 2 cups of finely grated Parmigiano-Reggiano (aka Paremsan cheese)
  • Salt and pepper to taste
  • 1 Tbs. granulated garlic or garlic powder
  • Finely chopped fresh basil
  • 1 cup olive oil or vegetable oil, or a combination of the two
  • 1 ball (8 oz.) fresh mozzarella, or 1 bag pre-shredded mozzarella
  • Homemade marinara or large jar (or two smaller jars) quality marinara sauce (feel free to spice it up with arrabiata sauce or any other variety within reason)

DIRECTIONS:

  • Wash and dry your eggplant(s) ans slice vertically (length-wise) into thin slices (1/4 an inch or 2cm, maybe?  I don’t have a ruler on me…sorry)
  • Beat 3-4 eggs in a shallow bowl; beat well enough that you can’t differentiate between yoke and egg white – should be consistent
  • In a separate, shallow bowl or container, mix together the flour, 1 cup of finely grated Parmesan, 1 TBS. granulated garlic, and salt and pepper to taste (be generous)
  • Heat the oven to 375 degrees fahrenheit and set aside a shallow casserole dish or baking pan
  • Cover the bottom or a frying pan/large sauce pan with enough oil that the bottom is actually totally covered (this will be a lot… I didn’t say this was a healthy dish 😉  ) and turn to a medium-low heat
  • Next, you’ll dip the slices of eggplant one by one, first into the egg wash, and then lightly coat in flour
  • cook over medium-low heat about 1 minute on each side: the flour should brown ever so slightly – just a nice golden color
  • Be careful NOT TO BURN or get the oil too hot, otherwise everything in your house/kitchen/hair/clothes will smell like a deep-fryer (Believe me, I’ve been there…. makes for a terrible headache)
  • It’s a process you must finesse, cooking, turning, battering at the same time – obviously you cannot fit all of the eggplant slices in the pan at one time, so you’ll have to get the rhythm right (don’t worry… it takes time.  Practice makes perfect)
  • You’ll want to either set the finished pieces of fried eggplant directly into the baking pan, if you have a good system down between frying, turning, and creating the layers within the pan, or, if you are not that skilled yet, just set aside all of the finished fried eggplant and then you will build the layers when you’re done!!!
  • After you have a layer of fried eggplant that covers the baking dish, you’ll top with an even mix of mozzarella slices and grated Parmesan, followed by a light layer of sauce
  • Once your sauce jar is half empty (if you’re using jarred sauce), add some water (enough to almost fill the jar again), and shake vigorously – most marinara out of the jar will be too thick by itself to create a moist and juicy eggplant parm – so adding water is a necessary step!
  • Keep layering until you’ve used up all of your fried eggplant layers (in my experience, you’ll end up with 3-4 layers of eggplant and subsequent toppings, depending on how thin you’ve sliced your eggplant)
  • Add a final topping-layer of marinara, cheese, and sprinkle with the chopped parsley and put into the oven
  • Bake for about 25-30 minutes until cheese has melted and is browning ever so slightly
57500179395__74572C8F-8DE8-4D37-88FA-8D08035AF690
Out of the oven and left to cool for about 15 minutes – ready to serve!
  • Once the eggplant comes out of the oven, let it cool/sit on the counter for about 15 minutes – otherwise it will be too sloppy to serve
  • This is one of those dishes that almost tastes even better in the following days, so enjoy your leftovers… you should have plenty – unless you’re cooking for a family of four or more!

Enjoy 😀

Oh, also, in other news – despite what negative things my family has to say, I can’t fucking wait for my kitten (Lord Simon Pier Tuna) to arrive.  Mr. Peeper has been so hard up for a friend that he now waits by the door when he knows our neighbor across the hall is taking her dog out.  He sits by our door and meows until we let him into the hall so he can go sniff and greet Quincy (the neighbor’s little dog)… that’s how much he wants a friend/brother.  I pray he gets along with/likes another cat for a friend as much as he likes the neighbor’s dog.  My poor boy.

OH . MY . GOD…

In other, other news – while I just had my back turned typing the above paragraph, I heard Peeper (speak of the Devil) licking something on the counter behind me, and turned around to find him licking olive oil out of the sauce pan I just readied to make Bolognese sauce… AWESOME.  He’s probably going to shit his brains out now. Fabulous.

15D9D4F5-75D0-47B5-B8D9-6BB6BEB8F52C
My pride and joy

 

 

We Eat Because We Are Emo, and We are Emo Because We Eat: Vegan BALLZ and Anger Issues

IMG_6568
A joyous week indeed… disdain, chest-ne, bac-ne, LIFE IS GOOD! 

Before we get into the food talk, I have to have a brief rant (actually, two, brief rants):  I’m getting a second cat, and apparently no one in my family supports that decision.  I’m not sure why, considering I’m a more responsible pet owner than anyone else I’ve EVER known.  I’m under the impression that they think that I’m going to become a cat lady or something.  Like, that’s NEVER gonna happen, guys.  First off, I’m far too vain and concerned with outward appearances to ever let myself go (i.e. becoming morbidly obese with bad teeth and wearing purple tracksuits) and/or to walk around smelling like cat piss whilst wearing a sweatshirt that’s embroidered with cats.

Secondly, I would never become a cat hoarder, nor would I ever even consider owning more than two cats, MAX,  at any given time – not even if I had a huge house and a yard and it was an actual possibility.   I don’t think I’ve exhibited any “cat lady” signs that should make them worry that that’s the road I’m headed down either.  My apartment is fucking immaculately clean, I have plenty of friends with whom I socialize with on a weekly basis, and I am in a long-term, stable relationship. Like WTF?  I’ve also been lectured: “what about when you have real kids?  What if your kid is allergic, or you don’t have time for the pets?” To this I say (1) Every other degenerate parent I know that already had pets when they had a baby seemed to make it work, (2) I would probably give away a kid that I’ve only had for two weeks before a pet that I’ve had for 5 years, and (3) my cat is already more high maintenance than a bald baby who sleeps 18 hours a day will ever be, so I’d still have plenty of time to care for him (them).

I am also the best cat-parent I know.  Like, honestly, who else spends two hours a day brushing their cat, pampering him and playing with him – even on the nights I come home dog tired from working late? One of the major reasons I’m getting a second cat is because I want Mr. Peeper to have a friend and playmate to keep him company during the afternoon.  Not that I’m not home EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT and make it a point to stay home when I can on weekends just to be with him.  Most cat owners I know think that because they have cats and not dogs, they can leave their cat(s) unattended for an entire weekend or longer.   I have never left my cat alone for more than a 12-hour stretch and I never would, because I think that’s being a negligent pet owner.   I’m so fired up right now…. You’d think I just told them I’d eloped with a carnie I had known for only 24-hours in Vegas ,or like, quit my job and was moving to Puerto Rico with a circus worker.

It’s also not like I’m having a kid anytime soon (or possibly ever, at this rate), so why not get a second pet?!  Anyhow, this is Simón Pier Tuna… a.k.a TUNA:

img_6579.png
Meet Tuna! He will be coming home to join the family at the end of April!

Sorry everyone, I have to keep ranting, because it’s MY FOOD blog, and I’ll rant about whatever I want, even if it’s non-food related.

ANOTHER RANT (*VERY WOMANLY RANT AHEAD* – You’ve been warned if you’re a guy):

I love being a woman, mainly because I like wearing makeup and heels without judgment, and also because I can’t imagine myself being a man.  Despite all of the advantages of being a woman (who am I kidding – WHAT advantages? Discrimination in the workplace? The expectation that you’ll handle all of the domestic duties on top of full-time work? LOL), there are also many disadvantages. There are times when being a woman sucks. Also, the state of healthcare and coverage in this country sucks hard on any-given-day.  The United States is essentially the only developed nation WITHOUT universal healthcare… and that blows exponentially.   Like, even with insurance, the healthcare in this country SUCKS.   I already have an extremely high deductible given my annual salary – my deductible is 4.6% of my annual salary.  For those of you in countries with universal healthcare, a ‘deductible’ is the amount of money you must pay out-of-pocket before insurance even kicks in to cover any percentage at all of your medical bills… yeah, it’s confusing.  It took me until this year to fully understand how deductibles actually work (or, should I say, DON’T work).

Anyhow, when my insurance switched over to my new job in January, the birth control I have been on for the last 8 years of my life was no longer covered.  It had been 100% covered (FREE) with my last insurance.  In my opinion, all birth control should be free – it’s preventative care and could save insurance companies tons of money in the long run. Anyhow, I digress…. with my new insurance, for the SAME birth control medication, I would end up having to pay $500 out of pocket every 3 months.  Guys, this is the cost of my medication WITH INSURANCE.  WTF? ! It took me three different birth controls to find one that actually met my needs and didn’t completely fuck my body up when I started taking this pill 8 years ago.  I tried three other pills before I ended up with this one, and each one had terrible effects ranging from weight-gain, Dolly Parton-sized breasts, nausea, headaches, etc..   I know this sounds like some “Alice in Wonderland” magic mushroom shit (one makes you tall, one makes you small), but I’m serious. This is the only one that worked for me, without terrible effects.

I called my doctor as soon as I found out my normal medication wasn’t covered, and decided tried another one that WAS fully covered by my new insurance, which the doctor assured me was similar, and I gained 5 lbs. on the 3 days I was on it, and cried over everything for no reason.  At that point, I just threw all three months work of it away and said ‘f*ck it.’  I am too old to deal with this shizzle.  I have no intent of having a kid either, if anyone is wondering. I’m just also not dealing with unnecessary weight gain and mood swings at this point in my life.

I just can’t keep playing Goldilocks and trying to find the perfect size chair or the right temperature porridge at this age, you know?  I knew what actually worked for my body, and it’s been taken away due to America’s fabulous healthcare coverage.  Anyhow, I was feeling confident and happy in my decision to be rid of hormonal contraceptives, since I know that they aren’t that great for you in the long run.  Now, my skin is going haywire and I’m like psychotic.   I’m breaking out all over my body – my chest, my back, my jawline, my neck… like WTF?!  Is there no winning in this world?! Also, I’ve been way more emotional in the last two months than I have been in the last 8 years. I am not OK with this.  I don’t know what else to do except to ride it out or order the only other pill that has the same ingredients my old one did, which is only available in Europe.

Anyhow.  I’m done bitching.

I made some awesome vegan, ‘meatless’ ballz for a potluck work party I had this week.  We have a couple of vegans/vegetarians in the office, so I figured I would just make something everyone could enjoy instead of making both vegan and meat.

IMG_6556
These are similar to the vegetarian ballz featured in an earlier blog post, but totally free from animal products

INGREDIENTS:

  • 2 cups of cooked quinoa (white, red, mixed, any color quinoa is good)
  • 2 cans of black beans
  • 1/2 white or yellow onion, finely diced
  • 4 cloves of garlic, finely diced
  • 1 small can of tomato paste
  • 1 cup Mozzarella-vegan (soy-based) ‘cheese’ (can’t really call this shiz cheese …)
  • 2 Tbs. soy sauce
  • 3 Tbs. Olive oil
  • 1 Tbs. freshly chopped parsley
  • 1 Tbs. freshly chopped basil
  • 1 tsp. red pepper flakes
  • 4 cups vegetable stock
  • Salt/pepper/granulated garlic to taste

DIRECTIONS:

  • THIS FIRST STEP YOU CAN DO A DAY OR TWO IN ADVANCE:
  • Cook 1 cup dried quinoa in about 3 cups vegetable stock – add more stock or water as necessary, until all water is gone and quinoa is cooked through, and light and fluffy
  • Once the quinoa is cooked, set aside to cool or until ready to use

IMG_6543

IMG_6545

  • Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees F.
  • Drain and rinse the 2 cans of black beans and lay out onto a baking sheet to dry and go into the over
  • Put the tray of beans into the oven for approximately 20 minutes, until they are dry and begin to crack on the outside
  • While the beans are in the over, chop your onion, garlic, and fresh herbs

IMG_6553

IMG_6544 (1)
This is what your black beans should look like when they come out of the oven
  • In a small saucepan, saute the onion and garlic over low heat, until cooked-through (add the onion first and cook until translucent, and then the garlic last and cook for another couple of minutes) – set aside once cooked.

IMG_6548

  • In a blender, pulse the fake mozzarella cheese until it is crumbly
  • Next, add in the dried black beans into the blender along with the olive oil, and pulse until crumbly
  • Dump this mixture into a large mixing bowl
  • Add in your cooked onion/garlic mixture
  • Add in the cooked quinoa
  • Add in the seasonings (chopped basil, chopped parsley, salt/pepper, dried pepper flakes, dried oregano, granulated garlic, soy sauce)
  • Add in 3-4 Tbs. of the tomato paste
  • Mix everything together with your hands
IMG_6550
Everything added together and partially mixed – I threw in more tomato paste because it needed more moisture! The great thing about making ‘meatless’ balls, is that you can taste test as necessary without worrying about salmonella!!! Taste away!
IMG_6555
In-motion shot from my IG story… sorry!  Once the mixture is a good texture (i.e. holds together when you roll it, but not too dry), you will roll into meatball sized balls 
  • Roll the mixture into golf-ball sized balls once it is the right consistency and flavor
  • Place the balls on a baking sheet or in an oven-safe dish to bake; cook for 30 minutes or so
  • You may have to rotate the balls half-way through cooking, to ensure even cooking on all sides
  • Serve with your favorite tomato sauce, alone, or over pasta!
DC7D8958-4D5C-4C42-82A1-8BCF74ED6FFE
Not as good as turkey… but I’m a heathen by nature and it’s hard to change my tastes

After I slaved away making these balls, I worked a 10 hour day and came home to make myself some ratchet ramen:

57482520828__689FA599-ECDA-46CA-BD94-DEA2FA1E3546
Now we’re talking … 

Once again I basically haven’t slept all week.  Today I let my alarm go off at 8 minute intervals over the course of 1.5 hours…. who does that?  For the amount of time I continued to have interrupted sleep, I could have just re-set the alarm another hour out and gotten some solid sleep.

I cannot wait to sleep this weekend. What’s new? Oh well… what do you expect from a future cat lady?

 

 

 

Saturday Night In and Seafood

FML… this is me, starting over, after I just wrote almost an entire blog and then accidentally deleted it and couldn’t recover it.  This single action sums up my week in a nutshell.

IMG_6417
Yes, this also sums up my week perfectly.  Alphabet soup is my go-to when I’m under the weather or in need of some comfort food.  This is Amy’s organic brand, but to be honest, I prefer Campbell’s from concentrate…. it tastes like childhood and home.

I’m staying in tonight, and so happy with my decision to do so.  I am mentally and physically exhausted and need a night of no-drinking, going to sleep before 1am, and some alone time with my thoughts.  It was a long week (as every week spent working a corporate job seems to be), and I need some serious beauty sleep, as I am currently looking haggard AF.  At the start of each work week, all I look forward to is making it to Friday again, with the intent that I will use the weekend to catch up on sleep and relax for once.  That never actually happens though, since I also have to use the weekend to run errands, clean the house, and have a social life.  Then I end up feeling as exhausted as ever by the time Monday morning rolls around again and like I need another weekend just to recover from the weekend.  It’s truly a vicious cycle.  I start to feel extremely unhealthy and ugly when I don’t take care of myself the way I should (i.e. drinking water, NOT drinking alcohol, getting more than 6 hours of sleep each night, etc.).

I drank way too much this week, ate really crappy, didn’t get enough sleep, and therefore needed this night of solitude as a means of repentance (not that I can undo the basket of sugar cookies I devoured, or the 6,000 calories in alcohol that went down my throat over the course of the week).  I went over to a friend’s house on Wednesday night for dinner.  We grilled squid skewers and skewers of baby potatoes.  She also made a delightful beet and dill salad:

IMG_6388
Night Vision:  The squid and potato skewers on the barbie

 

IMG_6391
The finished squid skewers, hot off the grill, and the awesome beet salad

As is par for the course, I consumed excessive amounts of wine, and then some half-assed blueberry martinis I tried to make.  I woke up on Thursday with only 3 hours of sleep under my belt and spent the day at my work desk wanting to die and eating sugar cookies in a futile attempt to feel normal again.  Will I ever learn my lesson?  Probably not, if I haven’t by now.

Last night, I had another friend over and also consumed more wine than I should have as well as more cheese than I should have in such close proximity to hitting the hay.  I can’t consume alcohol or heavy food before bed, because my metabolism goes into overdrive and my core temperature skyrockets to the point that I wish I could crawl out of my own skin because of how hot I get.  How is it that a person can be sleeping in just their underwear, with NO covers on, when it’s only 45 degrees outside, and still wake up boiling hot?  It’s uncomfortable… I can tell you that much; and it greatly hindered my ability to get quality sleep last night, so I’ve been looking shitty all day.

I started this week with every intention of cooking and eating healthy, but that plan went down the toilet as soon as a tin of cookies arrived at my work desk, courtesy (cough *SABOTAGE* cough) of one of the service companies we use. That coupled with my alcohol intake and lack of sleep has me feeling rather unhealthy as I sit here typing this.

I started my week with a broiled salmon fillet, some mashed potatoes (<— not particularly healthy, but damn good), and steamed spinach and kale.

9B5A3A6C-7FE2-4F76-A888-5E016C0416B6
The only nourishing thing I fed my body this week

For the Salmon:

  • Start with one or two large salmon fillets; make sure there are no bones before cooking (skin on is fine, as it will come off when cooked)
  • Heat the over to 375 degrees
  • Generously oil a baking sheet with some olive oil and place the salmon fillets skin-side-down on the baking sheet
  • Drizzle and brush more olive oil onto the tops of the fillets and squeeze fresh lemon juice over them
  • Sprinkle generously with salt, pepper, and granulated garlic
  • Cut another lemon into round slices, and place a couple of slices on top of each fillet
  • Bake for 15 minutes (give or take depending on the size and thickness of the fillet
  • Serve with a wedge of fresh lemon and sprinkle with fresh parsley
IMG_6374
Sashimi, anyone?

 

For the Mashed Potatoes:

  • Start with a sack of yellow or white potatoes, or use 3-4 large Yukon or Idaho potatoes; potatoes should be scrubbed thoroughly and cut into halves or quarters depending on their size
  • Boil the potatoes in a large pot of salted water until they are penetrable with the tines of a fork (usually 20 minutes of boiling)
IMG_6375
I like to use the baby potatoes when I make mashed potatoes, as they don’t need to be cut up or peeled.  I like to include the skin of the potato when I mash them, as it creates texture, flavor, and the skin is full of nutrients
  • After the potatoes are cooked through, reserve about 1/3 of a cup of the potato water (you can ladle it out into a measuring cup if needed)
  • Drain the potatoes (apart from about 1/3 of a cup of the potato water which you will mash them in)
  • Add a generous amount of butter (I’d say about 2 TBS.), salt and pepper, and granulated garlic and give them a good mashing
  • If they are to dry (which they really shouldn’t be if you added enough butter and left in enough water), feel free to add some cream or even a dollop of sour cream or creme fraiche
  • Make sure you taste test them to see if they need more seasoning!
IMG_6378
One of the ultimate comfort foods… you really can’t go wrong with some good mashed potatoes, unless of course you’ve f*cked them up and they aren’t good ;p 

I can’t wait to wake up tomorrow feeling refreshed having slept for 10 hours straight. I want to go off on a political tangent right now about the state of the world, but no one needs that since we’re all inundated with tragic news 24/7 these days.  I guess when times are bad and it seems the entire world is falling apart, we have to make changes and make a difference where we can, and that means starting with ourselves (queue Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror”).  I’ve been trying to be more conscious of my plastic use as well as my use of palm oil products (hello Nutella …. looking at you).  I can’t change the world or reverse climate change or animal extinction as a single person, but I can certainly do my part to help.