fitness – Page 2 – The High Heeled C*ntessa

Quarantine: Day 8

Scratch that title… today was day 10 of quarantine (for me… I’m sure some of you have been home longer or shorter, depending on your situation). I started this blog two or three nights ago, but I’ve been working 12 hour days without leaving my apartment or getting any fresh air or mental breaks. No physical activity apart from manic dance sessions, a few push-ups and some floor ab work. Which doesn’t do shit to negate all of the food I’ve been consuming – not only out of absolute and total boredom, but also the stress of working 12 hour days. It’s a vicious cycle… it really is. I have to stop eating tomorrow (at least, stop eating in the manner I have been, which is probably similar to what a body-builder might be consuming calorie-wise), otherwise, if and when summer finally rolls around and we are allowed to be social again, I won’t be able to be social at all since I will be so unhappy with my physical appearance. Not going out and getting fresh air is killing me. I know I’m not alone in this… but fuck it is draining on my mental state and emotional well-being.

Being stuck inside has really made me value my mobility and my freedom. I feel so much worse now for all of the elderly people and disabled individuals who cannot up and leave their house when they want, or depend on someone to accompany them so that they can leave their house. I feel terrible for all of the elderly people who are home alone 24/7 without even the company of internet friends or family to chat with on the phone. I always had empathy for this group of people, especially because one of my grandmothers rarely got out of her house in the last years of her life, but now I just feel terrible. No one should be so alone and cut off. I’m one of the lucky ones, since I am at least stranded with my boyfriend. At least I have someone to argue with…. JK.

I suppose the most important thing is that we’re all healthy in my family and among my group of friends/co-workers. I am also still employed, which is a relief and puts me in a better position financially than many others who suffered lay-offs as a result of this virus. But HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I am going crazy trying to stay sane and stay inside without my daily 5-6 miles of walking and these 12-hour work days glued to my laptop. I have been dancing like an asshole to 80’s bands (Duran Duran, Depeche Mode, etc.), MC Hammer, classics like “The Humpty Dance,” Michael Jackson, etc. It’s the only way I can burn some energy:

All of the food supplies I bought two weeks ago were used up last week… shows you how good I am at planning for a pandemic. I mean, I didn’t stock up on TP or anything really, because stocking up is impossible when you live in an NYC apartment (Brooklyn, if you’re looking to get specific)… there is just not enough space to store anything in bulk. Grocery stores, delis, and pharmacies are still open for now… so until fresh produce runs out in a few months, I’ll be OK. I still keep thinking this isn’t real… maybe it’s all in my head. Every morning that I wake up, I think I am dreaming and it takes a few minutes to come to terms with reality: no, I don’t have to get up and commute into my Manhattan office; yes, we are quarantined; yes, the world is in-fact FUCKED. Even as I write this, part of me feels like I’m in a dream and this cannot be real life – quarantined in a Brooklyn apartment.

I tried dressing in next to nothing for the first few days of quarantine, hoping it would prevent me from binge eating since I can see my body better and therefore be more “aware” of what I’m putting into it…. didn’t work. Especially after consuming a couple of glasses of vino at night…. I fucking raid the fridge like I haven’t seen food in days.

Since working from home has been so stressful thus far, and each day is so long (8am – 7:30pm or later….), I have been treating myself with copious amounts of wine as compensation. NOT GOOD. I can’t stop though… like, I’m not getting exercise and I can’t leave the house. I’m scared to spend money on anything that isn’t a necessity…. what else do I have to cope??? This week I’m going cold turkey. After the last of the Malbec is gone, I’m done.

Even though work has been off the hook, I’m still scared that I will get laid off in the coming months. Who knows. I guess none of us can possibly know.

I started writing this blog on Tuesday or Wednesday night and it is now Friday. Even though I am trapped inside, I’m thankful I can sleep in tomorrow and not have to concern myself with being glued to my laptop or phone, checking work emails. My big plans are finishing a painting that I started months ago, and taking a walk to the pet store for cat litter. Isn’t that exciting???

Hope you’re all staying healthy and as sane as can be expected.

Love in the Time of Corona

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I’m sure many of you reading this feel the exact same way that I do right now, but holy shit… what a time to be alive!! Am I right?! As if the last few years haven’t been mentally and emotionally taxing enough given the current political environment, global warming, mass extinction, catastrophic natural events, threats of war, and impending societal collapse, it now feels like we’re all living in some surreal world, or, rather, in one of the many apocalyptic movies that came out between 2006 – 2016.

We’ve basically reverted back to medieval plague times – I feel like Beetlejuice when he makes the joke about having ‘lived through the black plague and had a pretty good time during that.’ All I can do to stay sane right now, is keep cracking inappropriate jokes and making memes about Coronavirus. I know this virus isn’t a joke, but we’ve basically shut down the entire world, the economy is crashing and isn’t going to be able to recover for a long time, many are losing their jobs and sources of income (depending on the industry they work in), and people are going insane stockpiling supplies and food like they’re anticipating nuclear fallout! It’s the insanity of the media whipping everyone into a crazed frenzy that is going to lead to the most devastation, I believe.

How is it that people have gone so far off the deep end, that grocery store shelves are empty, and psychos are fighting over packs of toilet paper and hand-sanitizer? This is everything that is wrong with our world, and more specifically our country today. This is why the world is going down the toilet. I understand the immense pressure being placed on the healthcare system and hospitals and healthcare workers right now, and the lack of testing and resources – it’s a major issue, and certainly one that the U.S. should be panicking about and enacting cautions around (i.e. recommending people to stay at home and cancelling concerts and events). But how is hoarding toilet paper going to help with that?

I am worried about the elderly and those with compromised immune systems as much as the next person. I feel sympathy for anyone who has already lost a family member or loved one due to this virus. I worry about my boyfriend’s parents in Venice, and my own parents upstate. The fact that there is now a travel ban in place is what really makes me nervous though – what if we needed to go to Italy to take care of his parents???? It’s crazy to think that weddings, funerals and births have all been affected, postponed, or not gone as expected as a result of the travel bans in place and red-zoning happening around Europe.

I’ve still been commuting from my apartment in Brooklyn into my office in Manhattan all week. The subways have been empty and the streets quiet, not only because of people working from home, but also for the lack of tourists. It took my company until today to recommend that we all work remotely, starting on Monday. I was excited at the prospect of this a couple of months ago when I first started reading about Coronavirus, but now? Not so much. I like having routine in my life, and I’m scared if I am home I will be bored and binge eat and start fights with my boyfriend. I honestly don’t care if I get the virus, I know that I will be fine. I understand the reason we’re all going into quarantine mode, working remotely, and avoiding public gatherings is to stop the spread of the virus, and to protect the most vulnerable members of our society. It is also an attempt to not overwhelm our already-fragile healthcare system. But the media really does seem to be going overboard.

This virus is really making class disparity all the more visible. People who have the capacity to work from home (‘white collar’ jobs, so to speak), have been doing so for over two weeks now. In my own office, all of the partners haven’t come into the office in about two weeks time, as they have the luxury of working from home. Retail workers and workers in the hospitality industry (hostesses, servers, dishwashers, line cooks, bartenders, managers, etc.) have no such luxury, unless they’re working in the corporate sector of their respective industry. They have to show up to a brick-and-mortar store or restaurant to work their shift, and on top of that, be exposed to a rotating cast of the general public who patronize their venue. Same goes for teachers, gym instructors, dog-walkers, nurses, daycare workers, construction crews, etc.. People who are financially well off enough have been taking Ubers or other car services into work so as to avoid the subway or public buses. Most people can’t afford to take private cars into and from the office each day. Now that everyone has seen what happened in Italy, with towns being locked-down, those who have secondary homes are fleeing NYC to go to the countryside, so they don’t get stranded here in the event that no one is allowed out or in.

What about the rest of us poor slobs? I guess we’re just left exposed to extra germs and carrying on as usual. I walked to work a couple of days this week, just because I am ambitious and enjoy walking, but what about everyone who has been mandated to come into an office or restaurant or retail store, and has had no option but to ride a train or subway or take a bus? I feel especially bad for gig workers – the babysitters, personal trainers, tutors, pet-sitters, etc. of the world who have had jobs/gigs cut since everyone who employs them currently has reduced need for them. We live in a society where 78% of the population lives paycheck to paycheck. Unless the government steps in with stipends or some sort of compensation, how will these people pay for rent and food and medical expenses? Especially considering that the majority of gig workers do not have insurance….

Maybe this will be part of the wake-up call that Americans need regarding the need for universal healthcare and/or childcare.

If this city does get shut down, I have approximately 1 large sack of white rice, 1 bag of oats, 1 bag of split peas, 1 bag of lentils, a couple boxes of pasta, and 2 rolls of TP (TP = toilet paper, for those of you who didn’t already know that) to see me through a quarantine. Hopefully, in the event that I am housebound for a few weeks, I’ll come out looking ‘as thin as a needle,’ to quote Britney Spears. I also hope to come out on the other side with better skin, since I will be getting way more sleep if I don’t have to commute into work each morning. I’m looking on the bright side here guys….

Maybe the Illuminati sold our entire world/human population to aliens, and they need us all to be complacent and contained when the aliens touch-down their UFOs to enslave us next week. We will all be like sitting ducks, trapped in our homes and cities when the alien takeover occurs.

Just kidding with the above. I’m not really one for conspiracies, but I am pretty sure this virus was intentionally released or accidentally released from a lab in China. I don’t doubt that. I don’t really know what to think or how to feel in today’s world, honestly. Anything is possible. I put nothing past anyone or any government.

In the event that “they” tell us not to leave our residences (like they have recently enacted in certain cities in Italy – Venice, included), I think I may go insane. If I can’t get fresh air and some physical activity, I risk going off the deep end.

I hope everyone out there (all five of you who read this), and everyone’s family and friends are staying safe and healthy during this trying time! Hopefully it will be over soon and we can all resume life as usual.

Climate Change and Lentil Bolognese

90 degrees on the first day of Fall… global warming is a real bitch…. I finally bought some sweaters and tights and I’m still wearing sleeveless button-ups. I remember when I was young, we were lucky if it was 65 degrees this time of year!

I want to plan a world-wide work strike against climate change – I’m just not sure how to get started. Imagine the reduction in carbon emissions even if only just for one day, if the majority of people (or ideally all people) took the day off of work and didn’t use their car, and if factories couldn’t operate because they had no workers?! I should take some tips from Greta Thunberg and just start solo-striking all alone… I’m pretty sure I’ll lose my job in the first week…

I was home this past weekend (well, Thursday-Saturday…) to get Tuna neutered. The cost of the vet upstate is about 1/3 of what it is in the greater NYC area. Totally work taking a couple of days off of work (I mean, what isn’t worth taking days off work???). It was also nice to be home with just my parents and to enjoy some end-of-summer weather.

Beautiful goldenrod everywhere… I love this time of year when everything turns shades of mustard and gold

My parents and Max walking out of our woods

I’m so happy I finally bit the bullet and took the days off to make the trip home and get Tuna neutered. At least it’s done and over with now and he is pretty much back to normal.

If you want to see more pics of the cats or of Tuna in his Handmaid’s Tale cone, here you go: instagram.com/peepsandtuna

Because I can’t post a picture of one without posting the other (that would make me a bad mom…), here’s Mr. Peeper at his finest

This probably won’t be here in the next 20 years if global warming continues unabated

Pictures never do real life or lighting justice sadly. I cleaned out my closet a couple of weeks ago and found so many things that I bought with every intention of wearing in a specific outfit, and which have never seen the light of day. The below tutu skirt is one of them…. I know tutu skirts are very SJP circa 2000’s Sex in the City, but It makes for some pretty fun outfits:

Paired with my fave Hello Kitty Sweatshirt

My favorite escape in Brooklyn – Greenwood Cemetery …

I made a really good vegetarian Bolognese with lentils last week, the recipe of which is based directly on my classic Bolognese recipe:

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Here is the recipe:

INGREDIENTS:

3 cups of cooked lentils (brown or French) (roughly 1 and 1/2 cups dry lentils cooked in 3-4 cups of veggie stock, for flavor)
1 box pasta of your choice (rigatoni, spaghetti, penne, linguini all work great)
1/3 cup olive oil (enough to coat the bottom of a large sauce-pan)
2 large carrots, finely chopped
2 stalks of celery, finely chopped
1/2 of a white or yellow onion, finely chopped
4 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
1 cup dry, white wine (Pinot Grigio works well!)
1 cup freshly shaved Parmesan (plus more to sprinkle over finished pasta)
1 large can of San Marzano crushed tomatoes
1 small can of tomato paste
fresh parsley
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 Tbs. dried basil
1 Tbs. dried oregano
1 tsp. red pepper flakes
1 tsp. granulated sugar
1 tsp. granulated garlic
Salt and pepper (add to desired taste)

DIRECTIONS:

Pre-cook your lentils, boiling in veggie stock until tender (but not over-cooked or mushy, since they will finish cooking in the sauce!)
Set aside the lentils once cooked, and heat the olive oil in a large sauce pan over a low-medium heat
Add in onions and cook until a yellow-y translucent color (about 6 minutes), stirring occasionally
Add in carrots and celery and continue to cook over low-medium heat, stirring occasionally for another 5 min.
Add in garlic and continue to cook and stir, being careful not to burn garlic
Add in the already cooked lentils and cook for a minute over low-medium heat.
Add in the white wine and simmer for about 3 minutes
Add in the can of crushed tomatoes along with the granulated garlic, sugar, salt, pepper, dried basil and oregano, and crushed red pepper; stir together and reduce to low heat
Add in the small can of tomato paste and stir in thoroughly; continue to stir and cook over a low heat.
After cooking over low heat for another 10 minutes or so, add in the heavy cream and stir
Add in the Parmesan cheese and continue to stir and cook, making sure cheese is incorporated into the sauce

Add in the fresh chopped parsley and stir
I advise taste-testing as you go along to ensure the sauce has a good balance – feel free to add more salt, pepper, pepper flakes, oregano/basil, or sugar if needed
Let the sauce continue to simmer over minimum heat and boil a large pot of heavily salted water for the pasta
Cook pasta according to cook time advised on packaging; once pasta is cooked to al dente, drain and either add to sauce pan, if large enough, or back to pot and then add the Bolognese sauce into the pot of pasta – stir well
Serve in bowls with freshly grated Parmesan over-top and a garnish of fresh parsley or fresh basil!

This dish is perfect for fall… super hearty, tasty, comforting and high in fiber (if you know what I’m saying….)

Mushroom “burger” (aka, mushroom patty?) I made last night

Too lazy to write another recipe. Cheers.

Cacio e Pepe with Scrimp, and More Meditations on Life

DAA08436-7164-40A5-87FA-D702572E6343 — This dish truly was a perfect 10, by my boyfriend’s accord, and by my own accord… which really says something since I’m usually full from taste-testing by the time I sit down to eat whatever I’ve cooked… I wanted second and thirds

Tomorrow is Thursday (actually it’s going to be Thursday in about 30 minutes), so that means I have almost made it to vacation. I cannot wait to have a full week off of work… I haven’t had more than a few days off since last summer when I went on an *almost* three-week vacation.

I cannot wait to be off work, first and foremost. Being out of the city and in Maine is secondary. Is that sad?! Probably. I just really cannot wait. I don’t want to do anything I don’t want to do (I will be on my own schedule, I will not be conned into eating breakfast (I don’t do breakfast, darling), or even worse, conned into eating a breakfast at 8 a.m.). Life is about to be so good for 7 days.

I’ve been off and on fake tanning for the last week or so. I did a heavy application of St. Tropez self bronzing mousse last weekend and loved the result, but then went to my friend’s house where I marinated in a hot tub all night, and as a result, lost the entire tan.

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As you can see, there is always some discoloring on the palms and around the ankles, but for a redhead who is pale as fuck and doesn’t tan…. it’s totally worth it to have a few splotches. I get so jealous in the summer when every single person is tan as fuck – everyone looks better tan! You automatically look thinner and your muscles look more defined when your skin is darker. However, I must admit that I feel self-conscious walking around in broad daylight with my fake tan, because I feel like I look orange (like Donald Trump orange) and people are staring at me. Than again, it could all just be in my head…. I don’t know.

I do know the tan photographs well, but that might be about it. I also know my legs look way better in shorts when they’re tan and/or orange. It makes it hard to choose between the lessor of two evils… white and bruised, or fluorescent orange and thinner…

Anyhow! I cannot wait for Maine. I am going to go sea kayaking, and biking, and eat seafood chowder, and just fucking relax. It’s really hard for me to relax….

I cooked this awesome Cacio e Pepe on Monday night, with shrimp on top. I was inspired by an Italian food blog I follow on Instagram, although I couldn’t locate the post again to share here. The recipe that follows is my own, made-up version, as the blog I follow doesn’t post recipes.. only pictures.

INGREDIENTS:

Pecorino Romano (whole wedge/block which you’ll grate a full cup of)
1/2 cup freshly grated Parmigiano Reggiano
1 box farfalle (the Italian term for pasta “bow ties”)
1 egg
1 lb. fresh or frozen shrimp
Fresh basil leaves
1 lemon
salt and pepper
garlic salt
pasta water (water taken from pasta pot)
2 Tbs. butter
1/3 cup olive oil

DIRECTIONS:

Peel and rinse shrimp (thaw first, if you’re starting with frozen), and then chop into fine pieces and set aside in small bowl

Squeeze juice from one lemon over onto the shrimp, and add some salt and pepper to taste, along with 2 Tbs. olive oil; mix together and set aside.
Put on a large pot of heavily-salted water onto high heat and bring to a boil (for pasta)
While the water heats up…

FOR THE SAUCE:

In separate bowl, add 1/2 cup Parmigiano-Reggiano, grate in 1 full cup of fresh Pecorino Romano, add one egg, 1/4 cup olive oil, and a GENEROUS amount of black pepper (1 Tbs. plus some)

Whisk the above mixture together until thick and uniform – set aside!

Once the water is boiling, add in the box of pasta and stir occasionally
Boil pasta for recommended length of time (according to instructions on box)
BEFORE YOU DRAIN THE PASTA, ladle out 1/2 cup of pasta water using a measuring cup or ladle, and pour directly into your sauce mixture and whisk IMMEDIATELY until uniform!

Whip it real good… or rather, whisk it real good

Drain the pasta and add back to pot and place over lowest possible heat setting, stir in the sauce, remove from heat, and set aside

You would have an amazing Cacio e Pepe at this point if you wanted to call it a day and/or you don’t want to cook or don’t actually like shrimp… the shrimp just brings it to another level of heavenly-ness and makes the dish look better

FOR THE SHRIMP:

Heat 2 Tbs. of olive oil over low heat in a saute pan
Add in shrimp and stir around until cooked through (shrimp turns orange when cooked)… DO NOT over cook. Since the shrimp is chopped so finely, it should only take a couple of minutes max.

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Plate your pasta, and top with a couple spoonfuls of shrimp
Chop the basil and sprinkle fresh basil on top to finish

Update: I stopped writing last night because I was too tired to finish the recipe. It is now Friday at 12:19 a.m. and I have only one more work day until I am home free and on vacation. Hallelujah!

I have a great idea for my next blog… how to survive a recession from someone who has already been there and done that. I have the ultimate tips for surviving on no money, minimal food, and the stress of being in a recession without a steady job or paycheck.

Stay tuned fam.

Rat Meatloaf and Gross Negligence

It’s been over a week since I last wrote… I am living in a state of perpetual exhaustion. I average about 5 hours of sleep a night, and I don’t even have anything to show for my lack of sleep – that’s the saddest part. You’d think I was up writing a novel or like, a cook book or something. Or that I was painting the next greatest masterpiece. No. Honestly, I don’t even know how I end up staying up as late as I do every night (usually until 12:30 – 1 a.m.). I’m not doing anything fun or worth while. I am actually up that late scooping cat litter, brushing cats, and/or cooking dinner for a boyfriend I see about 20 minutes of each day, and yeah… that’s about it…. by the time all my chores are done, it’s time for bed.

I don’t know where the time goes, but clearly it hasn’t been spent writing or finding a better job. I haven’t even cooked anything note worthy lately. I’ve been too fucking tired to cook and too busy tending to cats and cleaning the house, since it now gets dirty even faster (double the cat hair, double the spilled litter and food messes, etc.).

Can someone please come brush my teeth and wash my face for me? It’s 9:20 p.m. on a Friday and I’m too tired to even get off the couch and get ready for bed. That’s how tired I am. I can’t even imagine having an actual human kid to take care of at this point in my life. I’d literally fucking die, and if I didn’t die from sleep deprivation, I would surely die from a psychotic break down as a direct result of stress and sleep deprivation.

Can someone also fix my mangled feet? I think they need totally replaced at this point, given that they’re covered in popped blisters from my ill-fitting H&M sneakers and beyond the repairs a basic pedicure would offer.

Anyhow. Another day, another dollar -am I right?

I am really proud of myself because I didn’t order delivery even once this week. Not that I order in often – usually once a week and only when I’m drained. But I’m impressed I didn’t order at all – since at some point in the week, I usually cave and use Seamless to order Chinese or Mexican food. I cooked a lot of random shit this week though, that is for sure. One of the many random things I cooked was this rat meatloaf:

Rat (“mouse”) meatloaf… don’t ask. I couldn’t stop laughing as I prepared it, waiting to present it to my boyfriend like it was a goddamn lobster with a side of filet mignon

I made this really delicious dish that I absolutely LOVED, and my boyfriend hated (he hates small pastas for some strange reason (orzo, italini, orrechiette)… I, on the other hand, LOVE small pastas). Anyhow, I found this sick recipe for “Orzotto” (orzo cooked like risotto) on one of my favorite food sites, “Taste Cooking.” It was really easy to make (much less time than cooking actual risotto with rice), and warranted a trip to my favorite cheese shop.

58026982540__749AAC68-AC2E-4FD5-8441-483F151C1063 — This was heaven. I liked it better than actual risotto, because the orzo is lighter and fluffier. I cooked the orzo in chicken stock, and used Gorgonzola dolce to finish it.

It was a beautiful Spring night in NYC, so I brought Mr. Peeper for a walk… Not sure the hipster trash dudes working in the Cheese shop appreciated, but whatever. It’s my life.

Anyhow, Campbell (aka “Lorimer”) Cheese shop is my absolute favorite. It’s basically what Bedford Cheese Shop was before they sold their soul to the devil and moved up the street into a gargantuan retail space with white everything and waitstaff that is unfriendly and probably doesn’t even eat cheese.

I digress…

Campbell (Lorimer) Cheese shop is the best – they always have Gorgonzola dolce and a variety of truffle cheeses, which means I leave happy every time. The staff is friendly, and you can find all manner of jams, olives, specialty sausages, etc..

The mortadella wasn’t the same as usual… it had no peppercorns or pistachios in it… they totally downgraded and I’m not sure what’s up with that. I did pick up these awesome anchovies, which I used in the pasta dish I just made. I also picked up the creamy, blue cheese I used to make my Orzotto.

I’m too fucking lazy to write out any recipes tonight. But I made this pasta using the anchovies pictured above, and San Marzano tomatoes from a can:

The anchovies add this delightful umami flavor …. so good

Anyhow. It’s Memorial Day Weekend and I can’t fucking wait to be home (my parents house upstate). I am so over this shit hole, rat-infested, fake fuck infested city.

Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone. I hope the cats let me sleep in past 7:30 a.m. tomorrow. I look haggard.

Easter Dinner – A Meal to Impress

I am really happy right now because I found a pair of my favorite Hollister boyfriend-style, super-low rise jeans, in mint condition for only $10. This is the only thing “giving me life” (as the kids nowadays like to say…) on a Monday evening. What a fucking steal!

My favorite light-wash, destroyed boyfriend jeans from Hollister (*which I have had for the past 5 years), I have literally worn to pieces. They were already “destroyed” when I bought them, but now the holes that they came with are basically the entire length of the jeans, and I’ve worn them so much that they are loose around the waist because every thread of elastic has been worn out. It’s a miracle I was able to find the same pair again since they’re no longer carried in stores. Thank God for second-hand, online retailers! It’s the small things in life….

Baggin’ Saggin’ Barry right here – I’ve had these babies since 2014 and now, even with a replacement, I still can’t bear to throw them out. They’re like my second skin – I’ve worn them to so many concerts, bars, parties, and just have so many good memories in them. I think I’ll keep them forever…. they’re like my security blanket.

I didn’t go home for Easter this year. I hate missing family holidays… especially now that my parents are getting older, I’m getting older, and I’ve realized I am not and they’re not as immortal as I once upon a time thought when I was in my early twenties. It’s hard to go home for a “weekend” when you’re not off on Friday or Monday however, and therefore would either have to request off one of the aforementioned days, or take public transit and then come home same day. Easter is a holiday that falls on a Sunday every year – it doesn’t make sense to not be granted the following Monday after off, even if it’s a religious holiday – travel time people!

I made do given the circumstances and prepared a delicious meal for two. I know most people have an Easter ham or some sort of roast, but since It was only the two of us, and I’m still trying to refrain from eating land animals (***there have been a few slip ups when intoxicated) I decided to make seafood instead. I’ve realized that everything looks fancier when it’s served over a puree or sauce, so in order to make this meal special for the holiday, I decided to make a split-pea puree to accompany the scallops. I also made mussels in a white wine sauce, and a salad for some greens/fiber.

This is a meal to cook if you want to impress someone – whether it’s a significant other, your mother, your father, a good friend, or someone you really care about and generally just want to treat well. It not only tastes fucking amazing, but it’s also a filling meal, which I find important, and the presentation is what makes it especially impressive when served in the comforts of your own home.

FOR THE SPLIT-PEA PUREE

INGREDIENTS:

1 cup of dried split-peas
1 stalk of celery, finely diced
1 small Idaho or white potato (peeled and cut into cubes)
4 cloves of garlic, peeled and finely minced
3 cups chicken stock
3 Tbs olive oil
1/2 cup frozen, green peas
sprinkle of cayenne pepper
salt and pepper to taste
4 Tbs. heavy cream

DIRECTIONS:

Heat the olive oil over low-heat in a saucepan/small pot
Add in the minced garlic and cook over low heat for about a minute and a half
add in the celery, split peas, cubed potato, and the stock and raise the heat to medium-high
bring to a boil and cook until the peas and the potato are tender (you’ll need to taste test)
Add in the frozen peas and cook for another minute
at this point, most of the liquid should be absorbed, but not all of it! Some liquid is important for the process of blending… but you’ll be able to add more as necessary

Once the peas are soft and the potato is cooked through, turn off the heat and let cool for a few minutes
Place contents of the pot into a blender, along with a dash of cayenne pepper and some salt and pepper

Cooked mixture in the blender (pre-blending)

Blend on low-medium setting, until the consistency becomes thick and uniform
Add some heavy cream and/or more chicken stock as necessary (you’ll probably need a bit more liquid)
Make sure to taste-test to determine whether more salt, pepper, or cayenne pepper is needed
Puree should end up being a smooth, thick consistency

Perfect consistency here… add more liquid as necessary

Set aside while you prepare the scallops and mussels
Please note: I suggest doing the mussels and salad next and saving the scallops for last, since you’ll want to serve them hot.

FOR THE SALAD

I went basic AF for the salad here, so it’s pretty much just pure roughage
I used: Arugula, alfalfa sprouts, and grape tomatoes
For the dressing: 1/3 cup mayo, 1/3 cup Parmesan cheese, juice from one lemon, 1 Tbs. olive oil, 3 tsp. white vinegar, freshly ground black pepper – whisk together in small bowl and voila!

Homemade salad dressing makes all the difference – if you have an aversion to mayo or want to be healthier, I’d suggest just using olive oil, a spritz of fresh lemon juice, and then sprinkle with salt and pepper, and/or some balsamic vinegar

FOR THE MUSSELS

INGREDIENTS:

1 finely minced shallot
2 dried or fresh bay leaves
2 Tbs. olive oil
3 Tbs. butter
3 cloves of finely minced garlic
1 lb. (1 bag) of fresh mussels
1 tsp. red pepper flakes
1 tsp. thyme (dried or freshly chopped)
juice from one lemon
1 cup white wine
1/2 cup heavy cream
salt/pepper to taste
1 Tbs. freshly chopped parsley
Toast to serve (tastes like heaven dipped in the mussel sauce!)

DIRECTIONS:

In a wok or large sauce pan, heat the olive oil over low heat
Add in the minced shallots and cook for 2 minutes, stirring occasionally
Add in the minced garlic and cook for another minute
Add in the bay leaves, red pepper flakes, and butter and cook for another minute
Add in the mussels and increase the heat to low-medium
As soon as you’ve added the mussels and turned up the heat, add in the wine!
Add in the fresh lemon juice
Cover with a lid and wait about 2 minutes or so, until you see the mussel shells opening
Add in the cream and fresh parsley and give a good stir
Add in some pepper and salt and give another good stir
Once mussels seem pretty opened, turn off burner and remove from heat – set aside

IMG_7534 (1) — Hell yeah – the toast dipped in that sauce is heaven on Earth

FOR THE SCALLOPS

INGREDIENTS:

1 lb. fresh sea scallops (patted dry with paper towels… they MUST BE DRY to cook, excess moisture means they won’t brown at all)
3 cloves finely minced garlic
2 Tbs. butter
Salt and pepper
2 Tbs. freshly squeezed lemon juice
3 Tbs. white wine
Split-pea puree
sprinkling of alfalfa sprouts

DIRECTIONS:

Pat the scallops dry with paper towels
Salt and pepper the scallops on both sides
Heat butter in a shallow, saucepan over low heat
Add in the garlic and cook over low heat for about 1 minute
Add in the scallops and increase the heat to low-medium
Cook for 2 minutes on each side (approximately 4 minutes in total)
sprinkle with lemon juice and white wine, lower heat and cook for another 30 seconds
remove from heat
re-heat the split pea puree (microwave or stove top)
Plate the split pea puree, and plate the scallops with sauce
Garnish with alfalfa sprouts and serve hot

And now I am hungry again sitting here writing about this meal… that’s how good it was!

I also did some painting this weekend:

This one took a surprisingly happy turn, what with the yellow flowers and bright background… still not finished though

Tuna (the new kitten) is coming home this next weekend, and I think Mr. Peeper can sense that he’s about to no longer be the only child because he has been extra lovely:

404CBE25-927A-46DC-BBA1-3AEF799CB553 — Took Peeps for a nice, long stroller on Easter morning.

Cheers.

The World is on Fire and I’m Focused on Risotto

I haven’t written a blog in a couple of weeks because I’m feeling lazy and uninspired, yet also simultaneously busy (working, maintaining the household, maintaining a very high-maintenance cat, watching my niece and nephew after work here and there, basically maintaining everything but myself it seems…), and I’ve also been trying to take advantage of the warmer weather by walking more. The increased exercise doesn’t seem to helping my body much, unless I’m gaining serious muscle and am too blind to see it because I have body dysmorphia… but I’m pretty sure the scale doesn’t lie.

Can you tell I’m in a bad mood? Because I really am.

I feel like I only work and live to pay bills sometimes (all the time, actually), and only eat healthy and work out for my body to stay exactly the same and fluctuate wildly depending on that time of the month. Have I mentioned how awful it has been since going off birth control? I mean, we’re in the midst of the 6th mass extinction of flora and fauna and it’s caused entirely by humans, Notre Dame Cathedral burned down on Monday, there are starving children in Yemen, abused and abandoned animals wandering the streets, and dead whales washing up everywhere with plastic bags in their stomachs, but yeah…. I am still bitter about my insurance not covering Natazia (on top of all of the aforementioned issues… the Natazia is just the straw breaking this camel’s back, so to speak).

Like who the fuck gains weight when they go OFF birth control? Don’t most people gain when they go on it? Also, who knew that in addition to PMS bloating, you can also bloat during ovulation… so basically, I only look skinny about 3 days of the month now – and that’s the week my skin flares up with hormonal acne. I never really feel good about myself 100 percent anymore. I’m either bloated or broken out and both make me feel self-conscious and not like myself. By the time my cystic zits go back down, and are just red, flaky marks on my face, a whole month has gone by and then the cysts come right back again along with some added water retention.

It’s OK though… we’re all going to be dead someday, and probably sooner than later at the rate of global warming, pollution, and general discord among the nations…. so why should worry about my thigh gap and a couple of zits on my chin? I’ll tell you why – because it takes away from my worry about microplastics infiltrating the food chain and never being able to afford to have children thanks to astronomical rent prices and student loans… that’s why. I need to focus my anxieties and stress into something I can control… which is precisely why I’ve started carrying a tote bag to the grocery store to haul my groceries home so as to avoid plastic bags…

5EDDEC9D-3780-44E3-837F-5D6A59C07123 — The one day out of thirty I looked and felt good about my body, so I thought I’d memorialize it in a half-naked selfie. This way I can remember when my ovary is dropping an egg each month, and my body decides to hold onto 6 lbs. of water weight, that I’m not as fat as I feel…. being a woman is such a beautiful thing.

I was going to make chicken piccata tonight for my boyfriend, because at some point today I had more energy and felt like cooking something fancy, but after working all day, commuting, doing groceries on the way home, taking a bath, giving my cat a bath, and picking up the house, and now writing this blog, I am absolutely fucking exhausted, and ordered Chinese food instead.

It’s one of those days, and I seem to be having a lot of those days lately, despite trying to stay positive and take a pro-active approach to my life and wellness and happiness.

I have been trying to take it easier on the weekends (i.e. going to bed before 2am, not binge drinking, not making poor financial decisions when I’m binge drinking), which leaves me feeling slightly more mentally stable. I picked up my new glasses last week (fucking finally) and have knocked out all of my annual doctor’s visits, bi-annual dental cleaning, so at least I’m up to date as far as my health is concerned. I also started a new painting and made good progress for the few hours I’ve put into it so far:

8116CCDD-EF41-4FB0-A83F-2AEDB4096F97 — Obviously far from finished…

My new glasses! I’ve needed new glasses for about 5 years now. I last got new glasses/frames in the year 2008 – they were Juicy Couture and are now so incredibly used and abused I couldn’t even donate them… I haven’t worn my glasses in public since maybe 2011 because the frames are so busted… literally and figuratively.

My old glasses: Pretty gross right? The lenses are scratched up, the frame is loose around the joints, and the frame shape is hideous.

In other news, while the world falls apart and I futilely attempt to lose the weight I’ve gained since January, I made the best meatballs I ever made (beef and mortadella), and also the best risotto I’ve ever made and that my boyfriend has ever eaten (his words, not mine).

B9687081-89A1-4A5E-AED5-A36E942F2784 — Beef and motadella is the winning combination – the peas in the sauce somehow make the dish much more savory and comfort-food like, especially served over polenta.

The best risotto I ever made and ever ate… not to toot my own horn, but at least I can do one thing right in this world.

I want to write out the recipe and ingredients but it’s going to have to wait because I’m physically, mentally and emotionally spent for today.

92053411-5214-4E5C-9032-3DF183CE035B (1)

IMG_7363 (1)

I’ll try to update this tomorrow to include a recipe… I’m falling asleep now.

C3C828B3-8441-43C9-A2AA-2E93DFEF61E0 — Happier times – the cheese plate we shared on Sunday after driving to Asbury Park, NJ for a cat convention

Avoiding Taxes, Beets, and The Best Vodka Sauce You’ll Ever Have

Here I am, yet again…. avoiding my taxes like the bubonic plague…. 😀 After I write this blog post, I’m really going to try to make myself finish them – no matter how devastating the outcome. Time to face reality….

I had a most relaxing day yesterday, as one is wont to do on a Sunday. I found a new wine bar that’s so amazing – they have way better pricing than most wine bars do ($9 – $13 a glass as opposed to the typical $13 – $18), a great tasting menu (I had a cheese plate), and the bar was super cozy with a real stone fireplace, which I was lucky enough to sit right in front of. Major score on my part. The place is called Black Mountain Wine House, and despite being about a 15 minute drive from my apartment, was totally worth it. If you live in Brooklyn, I highly suggest.

The fireplace in the wine bar was super hot and cozy and made me reflect on Panther Room (the side room of Output, which closed forever a couple of months ago). I used to love going to Panther room on a Sunday night when I had Monday off and getting all kinds of funked up and then sitting in front of their fireplace… it was so perfect in the winter. I will always hold a special place in my heart for Panther Room and all the good times I had there… I digress….

So nostalgic right now… ❤ (sigh)

Moving on. I have recently become obsessed with beets. I really love foods with earthy (aka ‘dirt’) flavors, hence my love of anything with truffles, mushrooms, super rank cheeses, and BEETS. Lately, I’ve been cooking them once every couple of weeks. They pair so well with goat cheese, and also sour cream and dill – you can use them in a hearty winter salad, or as a main in a thick-ass borscht.

This weekend, I prepared beets for a salad with (you guessed it) GOAT CHEESE. A match made in heaven – right up there with peanut butter and jelly. I know… I get it – beets aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. But this recipe is simple, healthy, and could honestly be made into a main meal if you want to add some hot lentils or quinoa to make the salad a main dish!

C8DF4E57-3D5E-464C-9358-37BC1E36D888 — Beets aren’t just tasty – they’re packed with nutrients and such a pretty color – just be careful and don’t wear white while cooking them!

When you buy fresh beets, you’ll want to first trim off the beet greens (the leafy stems) as well as any root portion growing out the end of the beet. Next, while they’re raw, use a vegetable peeler and peel the beet all the way around. Give the beets a final rinse in cold water just to make sure any dirt is rinsed away (they are a root vegetable, after all). In order to ensure the beets cook faster and evenly (since a bunch of beets usually includes beets of differentiating sizes), quarter or cut them in half depending on their size.

The peeled, cleaned, and still raw beets… yes, the vodka you see is for the vodka sauce I also made that day.. and yes, it is 50 Cent’s brand… I love me some 50 cent (Candy Shop, anyone?)

Quel Couleur! Boil the beets until you can easily penetrate (hahaha… penetrate …) them with a fork. Usually about 25 minutes.

Boil the beets in some salted water for about 20-25 minutes, at a rolling boil. Stab them with the tines of a fork to make sure they’re cooked through before removing from heat.

Baby spinach or baby kale pairs best with beets….beets are definitely not a good mix with romaine or iceburg lettuce (and lord knows I really actually prefer romaine to spinach or kale …). Then of course, the goat cheese is essential – any time you add cheese, nuts, beans or any sort of protein to a salad it becomes more than a salad… it becomes worthy of meal status… this is great if you’re trying to be healthy but also want to feel full.

I also threw in some pine nuts, which really complimented the beets, goat cheese and spinach. Cherry/grape tomatoes go well with just about anything (apart from blue cheese… the acids from the blue cheese and tomatoes do NOT mix… take my word), so I threw some of those in, and then drizzled with olive oil, balsamic vinegar reduction, and sprinkled with freshly ground salt and pepper.

In the past, I have found thinly-sliced, green apples really pair well with beets and goat cheese, as well as walnuts – but this is more of a summer salad to me. As I previously mentioned, you can very well make this salad into a meal by adding some cooked lentils or quinoa.

Now for the main attraction:

DC7D8958-4D5C-4C42-82A1-8BCF74ED6FFE — Turkey meatballs in homemade vodka sauce… you can also use beef/pork or lentil (vegetarian) meatballs… I am going to make the lentil ballz later this week and will post a recipe for them then…it’s been too long since I’ve made them (really time consuming, but worth the effort if you don’t eat meat!)

The vodka sauce – yet another example of bastardized Italian food. Vodka sauce is uniquely Italian-American… doesn’t exist in Italy, only in America. But if you’ve had it, you’ll know it’s fucking amazing:

INGREDIENTS (for the vodka sauce):

1 cup vodka (can be cheap vodka – the alcohol cooks out regardless)
1 large can crushed tomatoes (preferably San Marzano) (28 oz.)
1 tiny can tomato paste (6 oz.)
1/2 Spanish (yellow) onion, finely minced
4 cloves garlic, finely minced
3 Tbs. olive oil
2 Tbs. butter
1 cup finely grated Parmigiano Reggiano (aka Paremsan)
3/4 cup heavy cream
1 tsp. granulated sugar
1 tsp. crushed red pepper flakes
1 tsp. dried oregano flakes
1 tsp. dried basil flakes
Salt and pepper to taste
3 Tbs. finely chopped fresh parsley

DIRECTIONS (for the vodka sauce):

Heat the oil over low heat, and add in the minced onions – cook about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally, until onions are translucent and cooked through.
Add in the minced garlic AND the red pepper flakes. Cook another 2-3 minutes over low heat, stirring occasionally and being careful not to burn garlic.
Add in the can of crushed tomatoes, stir and increase the heat to medium.
Add in the vodka and continue to stir for another minute.
Add in the can of tomato paste, and stir thoroughly.

Add in all of the seasonings (basil, oregano, sugar, salt, pepper)
Taste test the sauce to see if it needs more seasoning… add as necessary
Add in the heavy cream and reduce to low heat. Sauce should be a nice orange color after adding the cream
Add in the grated Parmesan cheese AND the chopped parsley, and stir until incorporated
Add in the butter (this can be optional – it gives the sauce an extra richness)

This sauce is perfect to serve as is with the pasta of your choice after completing the above steps.

If you want to make a heartier meal, go ahead and make the ballz too. In this case, I used turkey meat (recipe for vegetarian ballz coming up this week…).

INGREDIENTS (for Ballz):

One package (1.3 lbs) turkey meat (93% lean, 7% fat)
1 large egg
1 cup panko bread crumbs
1/2 cup finely grated Pecorino Romano or Parmesano
1 tsp. onion powder
1 tsp. granulated garlic
1 tsp. dried basil
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 and 1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. black pepper
2 Tbs. mayonnaise
2 Tbs. chopped parsley
Dash of worcestershire sauce
*** more bread crumbs if too soft when you attempt to roll into ball

DIRECTIONS (for Ballz):

Add all ingredients listed above together in a large bowl, and mix thoroughly with your hands (yes, your hands… don’t be a pu$$y – a spoon isn’t gonna work)
Turn the pasta sauce to a medium heat – you’re going to cook the ballz directly in the sauce this time! (it keeps them so tender and moist)
Once all ingredients are mixed together, grab a chunk of the mixture at a time and roll into a small ball (or large, if that’s how you likey…. 😉 )
Drop the ballz as you make them into the hot vodka sauce
Keep making and dropping ballz into saucepan until you’ve used up all of the meat mixture
Stir EVER SO GENTLY with a wooden spoon or rubber spatula, so as not to fuck your ballz up and massacre them (gently rotate them around the hot saucepan)
Cook on low-medium heat for 15-20 minutes
Serve finished ballz and sauce over pasta or polenta (or if you’re on a “diet,” without either)

Yeah… definitely not doing my taxes now. Oh well. I should just pull an Anthony Bourdain and not file my taxes for years … except unlike Anthony Bourdain (God rest his soul), I will never get rich and be able to pay them off in a major lump sum someday after neglecting them for 10 years running.