I’d like to start this blog off by acknowledging how lucky I am – I am still employed and able to work from home (for now… that may all change in the coming months), I have a roof over my head and food in my cupboards, I am healthy (physically-speaking… mentally, not so much), my family and friends are healthy, I’m not working from home while trying to parent/educate my children at the same time, and I am not a health care worker or food-service worker who has to put my own health at risk each and every day. Shout out to everyone still going to work each day in the health industry, food-service industry, or whatever line of retail or service industry that has you leaving your house to deal with the general public – you’re the real MVPs.
However, this quarantine, now that it has been extended another month, and the state of the world in general has made me feel extremely depressed, and has me wondering what the purpose of life is, if things will ever really get better, and feeling like nothing really matters.
I have lost interest in things that brought me joy, like cooking (food shopping and cooking isn’t nearly as exciting as it was when I was trapped in an office all day and looking forward to coming home and unwinding by cooking something labor-intensive and exciting), writing (I started 3 different blog drafts about three weeks ago, finished none, and haven’t logged back onto WordPress until now), and painting (no inspiration whatsoever). I feel trapped inside this apartment, trapped inside my mind, and I don’t even have a date to or event or anything to look forward to to keep me motivated. It’s really hard to stay positive when you don’t even know when quarantine will end, or if things will ever go back to being even remotely close to how they were.
Will we ever be able to go to concerts or festivals again? Will restaurants and clubs and bars be the same when this is over? Will we constantly be anxiously awaiting the next pandemic or disaster? Even when this pandemic ends, there is still global warming and all of the shit that entails to deal with.
I’ve tried to keep myself active by getting out for walks, if not daily, at least every other day. They seem to help while I am on them, but after I return to my apartment and the high of walking 4 miles wears off, the depression sets in again.
It’s a struggle not binge-eating because there is nothing else to do BUT eat, and I constantly have an empty void inside my soul that needs to be filled with something – whether that something is shopping, cooking, fun activities, or now, food. If I eat too much than I get more stressed than ever, since I am not getting nearly the amount of physical activity I was when I was going into the office each day. I’m not trying to body shame anyone, but the last thing I am going to deal with on top of all of this other shit is hating my body, since I have to live in it and see it every day.
I miss my family and not knowing when I can go see them again without the fear that I might be carrying the virus and infect someone unintentionally. I mean, I could get in a car tonight and drive upstate to stay with my parents, but that is not what we are supposed to do, and like I said, I might possibly and unintentionally get someone sick if I have been exposed to the virus.
My boyfriend and I haven’t been to Italy together since August/September 2018. We were looking forward to a trip this summer to spend time with his parents in Venice and to see his friends and travel to other countries for our own pleasure, and now all of that is not only on hold, but we don’t even know when travel bans will be lifted. It’s just really stressful and anxiety provoking not to know what the future holds. We cannot even make plans so that we have something to look forward to when all of this ends.
My skin has been breaking out terribly, probably from a combination of stress and poor eating habits (excess sugar, excess fats, excess dairy in the form of cheese…). This in turn makes me even MORE STRESSED and fucking crazy. I am trying to remain calm, but it’s kind of hard to do with this current state of affairs. My skin is inflamed and aggravated with ugly, red, painful zits all over my cheeks and chin. It is definitely a combination of hormonal acne and wearing a fucking mask every day when I go to run an errand or take a walk. By the way – I know all of this is trivial bullshit compared to what others are dealing with and going through right now. I know that this is trivial bullshit… but it still fucking blows.
I wish I had a yard to sit in and to take in some fresh air, sans-mask. I wish I had some woods to walk in or a lake to take a paddle boat or canoe out on, or just anything other than these ugly, grey, dirty NYC streets.
The root of all evils
My finger and some extra heavy concealer are covering a few zits… but this picture was taken a few days ago and the situation is now 3x worse. If you’ve ever suffered from cystic acne (which I have), you’ll know how mentally and emotionally destructive it is dealing with huge, ugly, painful acne on your face each day.Trying to hide my zits with a wine glass and party glasses with no lenses.
I’m really trying to stay positive because I know having a positive mindset is everything… it’s just really hard right now. Work has slowed to a crawl… which is scary but I also have more time to take an afternoon walk. I guess only time will tell. In the mean time, I am trying to focus on the things I can control… like staying semi-healthy and fit.
Scratch that title… today was day 10 of quarantine (for me… I’m sure some of you have been home longer or shorter, depending on your situation). I started this blog two or three nights ago, but I’ve been working 12 hour days without leaving my apartment or getting any fresh air or mental breaks. No physical activity apart from manic dance sessions, a few push-ups and some floor ab work. Which doesn’t do shit to negate all of the food I’ve been consuming – not only out of absolute and total boredom, but also the stress of working 12 hour days. It’s a vicious cycle… it really is. I have to stop eating tomorrow (at least, stop eating in the manner I have been, which is probably similar to what a body-builder might be consuming calorie-wise), otherwise, if and when summer finally rolls around and we are allowed to be social again, I won’t be able to be social at all since I will be so unhappy with my physical appearance. Not going out and getting fresh air is killing me. I know I’m not alone in this… but fuck it is draining on my mental state and emotional well-being.
Being stuck inside has really made me value my mobility and my freedom. I feel so much worse now for all of the elderly people and disabled individuals who cannot up and leave their house when they want, or depend on someone to accompany them so that they can leave their house. I feel terrible for all of the elderly people who are home alone 24/7 without even the company of internet friends or family to chat with on the phone. I always had empathy for this group of people, especially because one of my grandmothers rarely got out of her house in the last years of her life, but now I just feel terrible. No one should be so alone and cut off. I’m one of the lucky ones, since I am at least stranded with my boyfriend. At least I have someone to argue with…. JK.
I suppose the most important thing is that we’re all healthy in my family and among my group of friends/co-workers. I am also still employed, which is a relief and puts me in a better position financially than many others who suffered lay-offs as a result of this virus. But HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I am going crazy trying to stay sane and stay inside without my daily 5-6 miles of walking and these 12-hour work days glued to my laptop. I have been dancing like an asshole to 80’s bands (Duran Duran, Depeche Mode, etc.), MC Hammer, classics like “The Humpty Dance,” Michael Jackson, etc. It’s the only way I can burn some energy:
All of the food supplies I bought two weeks ago were used up last week… shows you how good I am at planning for a pandemic. I mean, I didn’t stock up on TP or anything really, because stocking up is impossible when you live in an NYC apartment (Brooklyn, if you’re looking to get specific)… there is just not enough space to store anything in bulk. Grocery stores, delis, and pharmacies are still open for now… so until fresh produce runs out in a few months, I’ll be OK. I still keep thinking this isn’t real… maybe it’s all in my head. Every morning that I wake up, I think I am dreaming and it takes a few minutes to come to terms with reality: no, I don’t have to get up and commute into my Manhattan office; yes, we are quarantined; yes, the world is in-fact FUCKED. Even as I write this, part of me feels like I’m in a dream and this cannot be real life – quarantined in a Brooklyn apartment.
I tried dressing in next to nothing for the first few days of quarantine, hoping it would prevent me from binge eating since I can see my body better and therefore be more “aware” of what I’m putting into it…. didn’t work. Especially after consuming a couple of glasses of vino at night…. I fucking raid the fridge like I haven’t seen food in days.
Since working from home has been so stressful thus far, and each day is so long (8am – 7:30pm or later….), I have been treating myself with copious amounts of wine as compensation. NOT GOOD. I can’t stop though… like, I’m not getting exercise and I can’t leave the house. I’m scared to spend money on anything that isn’t a necessity…. what else do I have to cope??? This week I’m going cold turkey. After the last of the Malbec is gone, I’m done.
Even though work has been off the hook, I’m still scared that I will get laid off in the coming months. Who knows. I guess none of us can possibly know.
I started writing this blog on Tuesday or Wednesday night and it is now Friday. Even though I am trapped inside, I’m thankful I can sleep in tomorrow and not have to concern myself with being glued to my laptop or phone, checking work emails. My big plans are finishing a painting that I started months ago, and taking a walk to the pet store for cat litter. Isn’t that exciting???
Hope you’re all staying healthy and as sane as can be expected.
I can finally wear what I want “to work,” but I never realized how fucking bored I’d be working from home. Holy shit. I guess I am a type A in a lot of ways (***mostly not… honestly, I hate type A people… they’re boring and annoying). But, I guess I thrive on routine (at least during week days). I am only on day two (2) of working from home/”quarantine” and I am already going crazy from not leaving my apartment. If I can’t take my daily walks, I don’t know how I will survive. I am trying to do floor exercises and refrain from eating, if not hungry, but I’m ALWAYS hungry, since I’m fucking bored. I always imagined it would be awesome working from home, but I guess not under these circumstances.
This was me on day one of quarantine (aka, yesterday). I woke up and had time to ACTUALLY take care of myself. For once in my life, I had time to do a face mask… in the MORNING. I was still so full of hope…. I had the whole world ahead of me. I woke up at a decent hour and did a face mask and some push ups. And now? I’ve realized we are fucked. We’re not going back to what we had.
I’m scared of job security. I’m scared of my parents or my boyfriend’s parent’s getting sick… I’m not scared for myself. I can take anything. I probably actually honestly already had the virus. I just don’t want my family to be sick, and I don’t want to lose my job as a result of the market crashing. My boyfriend works in hospitality, so sadly, he is currently unemployed since all restaurants, clubs and bars were mandated to close. I just don’t want it to get worse…. how much worse can it actually get though? I just imagine food shortages, riots in the street, and people being turned away from already-full hospitals would be worst-case scenario.
I mean, I survived the great recession… I feel pretty confident I can live on a bag of rice or some lentils for 4 months and be fine. I just worry about our future. The future of us. My generation has been so so so fucked over, and the generations below me, even more so. Humanity made this mess though – between over-population, mass agriculture, factory farming, all of the shit we have done that contributed to global warming, and now eating endangered, wild animals which has led to this pandemic (“allegedly”… I believe this virus was manufactured in and released from a lab)… we brought this on ourselves.
I don’t know – I guess be careful what you wish for. I’ve been wishing for more time off with my boyfriend since we have one day a week (at best) and totally opposite sleep and work schedules. Well kids, we finally have some time off together – locked inside our one-bedroom Brooklyn apartment with no where to go, nothing to do, and even if we could go out, nothing is open. It fucking sucks. But I am thankful that we’re healthy, our families are healthy, are friends are healthy, and I still have a job (for now).
Switching over to food (I’m sure we’ve all been bombarded with enough news about corona to last three lifetimes now…), I made this delicious eggplant parm on Sunday. The key to good eggplant parm is breading with flour instead of breadcrumbs. I don’t have the ambition to write Any recipes right now, since I don’t really care about food right now. Just kidding – I always care about food. It is the only thing that drives me and inspires me in these dark times. And also tortures me when I am trying not to eat to much of it as I am trapped inside and sedentary….
I also made this focaccia the other day (Saturday, when I still felt sick). Food is the only thing that is constant. Food is important regardless of what is happening. It is what unites us, feeds us, comforts us, or, in my case, makes us suicidal when we’re trapped inside and can’t stop eating it. And soon, we may not have enough of it to go ’round. #cheers
Here – my cats. They’re cute, right? I know. It’s the only thing cute and welcoming I have going for me. Hopefully they can add some joy to your day as well. Shameless shout out if you need some cute cats in your life: instagram.com/peepsandtuna.
Well kids – I have nothing else to say. I’m just hanging on here… taking shit day-by-day. I hope everyone reading is doing the same – staying safe and healthy, and trying their best to also stay mentally and emotionally healthy in these trying times.
Annndddd … I just spilled hot coffee on this keyboard…. #WINNING!!!! <— This actually just about sums up my last two months, if not my entire life…
Despite the title of this blog, there isn’t really much to catch up on to be honest… the last two months have flown by at lightning speed, as all months tend to do once you’re over a certain age. I never believed my parents or grandparents regarding ‘how fast time goes the older you grow.’ It wasn’t until I hit about 25 that I began to experience this strange phenomenon first-hand. The last seven years are a blur, punctuated only by precious moments and mental stills – both good and bad – nights, sunrises, people, lessons learned, the highs and the lows; experiences and memories that I wouldn’t trade-in for anything else. I feel like the last seven years basically happened in the span of one or two.
I think we finally become our “true self” around the age of 25-26. Before this age, you’re still a kid and don’t really know what’s up, because you just haven’t lived long enough or experienced enough or even met enough people to shape you yet. I think our personality kind of solidifies by the time we hit 26 or so…. I still feel like the same person inside at the age of 32 that I did when I was 26. I guess this is also the sad reason that elderly people look in the mirror and are shocked by the reflection they see once they hit a certain age – because even though their body is betraying them by aging physically, they still feel not a day over 26 on the inside. Such is life. My mom always says that ‘youth is wasted on the young’, and she’s not wrong.
This is 32. I figure I’ve only got a few decent years left in me before I start resorting to fillers (**if I can ever even afford them) and healthy living (i.e. green juices, yoga, no more partying, actual work-outs…). I’ve been wearing SPF all these years and avoiding the sun, so at least I have that going for me. It’s definitely hard being a woman and getting older though. I know we hear female celebrities saying this all the time… but it is SO SO true, and I’m not even technically “middle-aged” yet. There is so much pressure to not only stay young (literally impossible to do), but also to stay looking young (which takes effort and possibly money, if you have enough to spend on treatments, the best skin care, etc.).
Despite society telling us that as women, we are only valuable when we’re still young and attractive (and given how shitty that can make you feel inside once you start getting white hairs and fine lines), getting older is a blessing. I feel more confident and more grounded than ever. I know who I am and who I want to be, and I am less selfish and foolish than I was in my twenties. To grow older is a gift and an opportunity that many people will never have. So remember that next time you bitch about turning 30, or whatever age. Some of your peers didn’t get a chance to turn 30.
We all have this idea in our head when we’re younger, of where we will be at a certain age. When I was 25, I definitely thought I’d be married by my current age, possibly a home owner, and definitely working at a more fulfilling and creative job. Even if I am not where I once thought I’d be, I am happy to be where I am. Even with the outside pressure that is put upon me by others and by society, I am OK with where I am right now in this time and place. I sometimes feel like it is easier to grow older in a major city like NYC (at least up until a certain point), especially when you have failed to meet the stereotypical “milestones” set by society. If I were this age and living upstate right now (or in any small, rural town in America), I think I would be bored out of my mind, since almost everyone I know or went to school with is married and has kids now. I don’t think I’d have any friends to go out with or who share the same interests as me at this stage in life given the fact that I am unmarried and child free. I also feel like it would also be 10x harder to live in a small/rural town and be single at this age, since everyone is either married or divorced with three kids. Slim pickings for singletons for sure. Not really sure where this train of thought was going….
I think that what I’m saying, is that even though I ‘hate’ this city and want to move out someday sooner than later, this city has allowed me a chance to flourish as an individual and come into myself fully. This city does not put same pressures to marry and have kids on me that life in a small town might. I guess turning another year older has had me thinking of all of this recently….
I had a relatively low-key birthday this year – stayed in our favorite Airbnb in Woodstock and a nice dinner with my sister on my actual birthday. Tuna also celebrated his birthday (1st birthday, to be precise!) the day after mine. Here we are, together, basking in that birthday glory and, in my case, basking in copious amounts of sugar.
My friend made me this awesome funfetti cake… my favorite cake is, in fact, FUNFETTI :p Hell yeah boiiiiiiiThe view from the back-side of the Airbnb house… I would buy this property in a heartbeat, if only I had the $1.5 million it was just listed for LOL LOL LOL …. #FML
I was also spoiled with sweets at work – cupcakes and macarons. I am not being sarcastic when I say that I feel so loved when people go out of their way to get me food or presents for my birthday. I never feel like I deserve these things or the effort or thought that goes into them … it literally made my entire day, even if my skin paid the price for a full two weeks (major acne flair-up thanks to my diet of Cadbury creme eggs for breakfast, cupcakes and macarons for lunch, and funfetti cake for dinner for a whole week straight).
My For Love and Lemons for Victoria’s Secret dress/robe – totally obsessed and need more opportunities to wear it….
It’s been so long since I posted that I haven’t even posted this amazing dress/robe I got on sale at Victoria’s Secret. Who knew that one of my favorite brands, For Love and Lemons, did a special line of lingerie and clothing just for VS? I know VS is tres gauche these days, but fuck it. I get a gift certificate for VS every Christmas and it’s just about the only time of year I treat myself to overpriced underwear, etc.
Really feeling myself, as the kids today say….
As per usual, one of the only things that gets me through each work day or lonely weekend where my BF works a 12-hour shift on a Saturday, is planning what I will cook for dinner and then executing it. I’ve cooked some really time-consuming things in the last couple of months, including, but not limited to: homemade pasta, homemade gnocchi, Focaccia and French-style baguettes from scratch, and recreated the amazing shrimp etouffee dish that I had on my birthday at Maison Premiere.
I truly hope that Maison Premiere never closes their doors. They’re a Williamsburg institution at this point, serving oysters, cocktails, and a variety of raw-bar foods and plates in a cozy and cool atmosphere. If you live in the greater NYC area, I would highly recommend for a nice date or intimate dinner or drinks with a good friend/couple of friends.
Anyhow, I’m too fucking lazy to write out any recipes, but here is some food porn…. use your imagination and go wild:
Homemade gnocchi with shrimp in a white-wine/butter sauceThe homemade gnocchi in all its’ gloryHomemade orecchiette – easiest dough ever… literally only flour and water (and a wee bit of salt)The hand-made orecchiette, in all its’ gloryOrecchiette with pesto and baked zucchini chipsSome of the most delicious focaccia I ever had (not to toot my own horn…)Mussels in white wine sauce, served with slices of the homemade baguetteAnd finally, the pièce de résistance… my recreation of the shrimp etouffee from Maison Premiere. Literally tasted identical – the only difference is that the shrimp they used had the heads on, and I wasn’t about to fuck with that on a Friday night when I made this
I’ve been so bad at finding/making time to write food posts here these past couple of months. If you want to see the process and ingredients behind my recipes/meals, feel free to follow my Instagram (instagram.com/lilywhitedaydream). I usually post stories to my IG while I am cooking, as long as what I’m cooking seems note-worthy enough to warrant as such. I mean, if you’re even reading this blog, you probably already follow me on Instagram… since that’s the only way I think anyone can find this blog ;p Anyhow, I digress…
[Insert long rant here about the current state of world affairs, animal liberation v animal subjugation, why humans need to go extinct, why I want to get the coronavirus, etc.]
[Delete long rant, after realizing I sound like one of the preachy types of A-holes that I hate and realizing no one gives a shit… ]
Side note: I am a work in progress and actively working on my anger management skills.
THE BELOW WAS WRITTEN PRE-WEEKEND GETAWAY (11/1/2019):
I’m going upstate for two days starting tomorrow, and you’d think I was going on a three-week tour of Europe or like, staying on the beach in Bali for 10 days. That’s how excited I am. I feel like a child on Christmas Eve right now… waiting for tomorrow to arrive so we can pack up and get the hell out of here. I haven’t had two days in a row off with my boyfriend since the last week of August. In fact, I think we’ve only had one day off together in the last 15 days….
I don’t know if I’m more excited for myself or for my cats though – I know they love going upstate and being able to watch birds (other than city pigeons) and squirrels/chipmunks and taking in that fresh, upstate NY air. We had to split our stay between two places, because after we realized we could go away on Saturday instead of just Sunday, every rental was booked. It’s cool though – one of the guys we’ve rented Airbnb’s from before loves us and so we texted him and he gave us a great deal and told us we can stay in one of his houses that we’ve stayed in before! The cats are going to be stoked – so much more room to run and play, not to mention I can walk them around on the leash outside.
I am really so excited. I’ve been saying this all week – this is the only thing that has motivated me through another dull work week…. the prospect of getting out of this hell hole city, grilling seafood, chilling in a hot tub, walking around a lake, and just generally not seeing anyone other than my boyfriend, whom I legit haven’t seen all week due to our work schedules/sleep schedules. I am going to grill shrimp and fish. I’m going to drink wine in the hot tub and by the fire I build. That is all I need in life sometimes.
In other news, I went back on my regular birth control after being off of it for the last 10 months. I finally bit the bullet after 10 months of suffering in my own body, and decided that it’s worth it to spend $200 on a monthly prescription that used to be FREE with my old insurance. Fuck it. My sanity was at stake. I have been gaining 10 lbs in water weight every month… 10 lbs in like a week. That is NOT cool when you’re only 5’2″ with a small frame. My stomach has been unbearably bloated each month, and I feel like I have PMDD in the sense that I’m PSYCHOTIC before and during my period each month without birth control. I literally feel like the world is ending, I hate everyone, especially myself, and the 10 lb. weight gain that I can’t control (no matter how little/healthy I eat and how much I work out) sure as fuck hasn’t helped with my self-esteem or anxiety. I basically feel I’ve been living in a prison for the last 10 months… and that prison is my body. I have been hating myself and my body 2 out of 4 weeks each month and that is no way to live.
I’ve lost 5 lbs in the last two weeks that I’ve started back on Natazia again and finally feel like myself. I finally feel comfortable in my own skin again, well, apart from the severe breakout of cystic acne I’ve been experiencing since I started the pill two weeks ago. I have huge, painful, red and ugly cystic zits on my chin/jawline right now that haven’t gone away despite my best efforts. I haven’t touch anything greasy or sweet, I’ve been exercising and eating healthy. I’ve tried hot compresses, icing the cysts, tea tree oil, witch hazel, benzol peroxide, Prid’s Drawing Salve… you name it, I’ve tried it. I considered going to the dermatologist for a shot of cortisone (which is supposed to make zits of this nature subside within 24 hours), but since I am now committed to paying $200 each month for BC, I don’t really want to pay however much that would cost. I’m hoping these zits will go away once my body is used to being regulated by artificial hormones again.
I’ve also stopped drinking alcohol during the week. In the last month, I have only drank four nights, and all of those nights were Saturdays or Sunday. I feel so much better having cut out alcohol during the week. I was using it to kill boredom while I cooked since I’m home alone every night while my boyfriend works. I will admit, cooking is more fun while consuming a couple of glasses of wine. But I would always binge eat after a couple of glasses and then hate myself the next day. Not worth it. I also feel more rested, even though I still only average six hours of sleep a night. But six hours of sleep is a lot better quality sober than six hours of sleep after downing half a bottle of red wine.
The morning before heading upstate – feeling the best I’ve felt in months… minus the zit that has been lingering on my jawline for 3 full weeks now with no signs of subsiding. After the stress of last weekend I have a few more zits hanging out now too 🙂
FAST-FORWARD ONE WEEK (11/9/2019)…
Last weekend certainly was not the relaxing weekend I thought it would be. I really should have known better since this is usually how things in my life pan out. We had a beautiful day and night Saturday – the sun was shining on our drive there, we dropped the boys (cats) off at the house and went to the local grocery store to get provisions to make dinner. We had a couple of glasses of wine and chilled before we fired up the grill and made dinner. We also started up the nice little fireplace on the deck by the hot tub:
I love this little fire pitTuna chilling on the couch
The cats were happy, running around the house and enjoying all of the space they don’t have here in the city. They liked looking out the many ground-level windows and watching us from inside when we used the hot tub later that night. Dinner was awesome and I was finally relaxing for the first time in a long time. We watched a movie and decided to go relax in the hot tub. Everything was going great until we finally decided to call it a night and head to bed around 3am. That’s when I noticed Mr. Peeper kept going into the litter box and scratching furiously around. I went to clean it each time he came out, and found nothing but a couple tiny spots of pee (usually there is a large clump of litter where he’s peed). I didn’t think too much about it, thinking maybe he was feeling nervous or territorial in the rental, but then when I climbed into bed and tried to sleep, he kept going into the litter box and scratching. I couldn’t sleep at this point, because of the noise he was making and because I knew something was wrong now.
I got about three hours of sleep and then the next morning I awoke to the sounds of Peeps in the litter box again…. he would go in and out every 10 minutes and was producing almost no pee. I started Googling and posted on my Persian Cat Health Facebook group. Naturally, these are two of the worst things I could do for my own mental health. Everyone who responded to my post told me to get him to an emergency vet ASAP because it could be a urinary blockage, which are apparently fatal in cats if untreated for as little as 48-hours. It was Sunday morning, I was running on 3-hours of sleep on what was supposed to be an enjoyable, relaxing, carefree weekend, and now I was convinced my cat was going to die. I started sobbing hysterically and researching 24-hour emergency vets in the area. We were supposed to move to the second Airbnb rental that afternoon and go to dinner at Peekamoose with my parents that night.
I called my mom crying and cancelled dinner plans since I didn’t know if we’d end up at the vet for hours or what was going to transpose of the current situation. Peeper peed a little bit, so I thought maybe the vet could wait until the next morning, but then he started laying in his box like this:
Nothing in my life ever goes smoothly or as planned… I really should have known better.
I spent the rest of the day stressed as hell, and then feeling guilty for cancelling dinner plans with my parents, whom I don’t see nearly as often as I really should. I was now feeling like a terrible mother to my cat for waiting to bring him to the vet, feeling like a terrible daughter for cancelling dinner plans with my parents who I know were looking forward to seeing me and my boyfriend and looking forward to eating at Peekamoose, and like a terrible girlfriend since I couldn’t relax and stop fretting about my cat and just enjoy what precious little time we have off together.
We packed up our cats and bags and headed to the next rental early that afternoon. The next Airbnb was in Stone Ridge, NY and was pretty awesome with a fireplace and brand new renovations/appliances. The cats seemed to enjoy this rental more than the first, because there were a couple of chipmunks hanging out that they could watch through the windows. Poor Peeps was still using his litter box every 20 minutes though and looked like he was straining to pee, and leaving nothing more than a drop of urine behind each time, so I was still on level red anxiety.
Dinner at Peekamoose was awesome as usual, however, I was feeling guilty that my parents weren’t there and also extremely tired since I was running on no sleep. That night, my sleep was again interrupted by the sound of Peeper scratching in the litter box and yowling when he peed. I couldn’t take it anymore when I heard him go in at 4am, and so I got up for the day. We were able to get him an appointment with the local vet that morning shortly after they opened. I was preparing myself for the worst, and praying he didn’t have a blockage or something that would warrant surgery.
The local vets were really awesome and after an examination, determined he did not have a blockage. I was so relieved. He was prescribed antibiotics and an anti-inflammatory – they thought it was most likely a UTI or cystitis. Apparently when cats get stressed, it can trigger bladder inflammation… awesome, right?! WTF. I am thankful we were able to bring him to the vet upstate, because the cost also would have been double what it was in Ulster county if we had brought him here in Brooklyn.
I know I get crazy about my cats, but they are my kids. I don’t have kids to worry about, so I put all of my stock into my pets – they are my life and one of the few things that bring me joy in life besides the few other things I actually like in this world.
After my weekend upstate went awry, it didn’t take long before the rest of the week followed suit. I’m never ordering from All Saints again. I bought my boyfriend’s present from All Saints and it’s been nothing but a fiasco. It took a full week for the order to even ship, and that was after I called customer service multiple times to see why I hadn’t received a shipping confirmation yet. Apparently the distribution center was backed up, but like, why didn’t they give me a head’s up after the order was first placed? The order I placed on 10/29 shipped ON his birthday 11/5, when that’s the day it was supposed to arrive. Then, ONLY HALF of the order shipped! They said they couldn’t find the pants I ordered in the warehouse so they were checking stores to see if they were available there…. 4 more days went by without them telling me if they had in fact located the pants, and so today, I cancelled the other half of the order (the missing pants). Like WTF All Saints?!
After I cancelled the pants today, I got an email saying they couldn’t cancel the rest of the order, because there was another problem with the warehouse or something. Seriously? Fuck this shit. I used to love All Saints and have ordered from them in the past with seamless delivery, but this has been a shit show and more stress I don’t need in my life.
On top of all of this, our heat stopped working (always on the coldest days this happens). So for the past two days, we’ve been dealing with our shitty building management company (literally THE WORST company in all 3 states), and technicians coming to fix the heat who still cannot seem to fix the problem in the long run.
We finally said fuck it. It’s time to move. So now, you can also factor in the additional stress of apartment hunting and moving into my life. We are looking at an apartment tomorrow and trying to get all of our ducks in a row for a December 1st move. We’re not even going to tell building management. This apartment has been nothing but a problem since the day we moved in. Fuck them.
I can’t wait to get the fuck out of here. No wonder I’m breaking out all over my face! I never get a moment to just chill and be before another issue or problem rears its ugly head and I have to find a solution. LOL. I guess that’s life, right? Imagine how boring our lives would be if we didn’t have a shit maelstrom coming at us 51 weeks out of the year?! I’d be so so SO bored. JK.
Thai-style red curry, with butternut squash used as the base… recipe to follow below
It’s Thursday night, which means I’ve just about reached my peak, maximum exhaustion level for the week (actually, the real pinnacle is usually Friday night after work… that’s when I really crash and burn…). I used to hear my mom say it, but Goddamn…. “there just aren’t enough hours in the day.” Seriously. I never even give myself enough time to unwind, exercise, sleep more than 6 hours a night, or even write this shitty blog, and I STILL don’t have enough time to do everything I want to do in a day (cleaning, exercising, writing, etc.). Work and chores and errands and taking care of the apartment, my cats, and everyone-but-myself seems to never end, and this is life without human children! I think I’ve been living in a state of perpetual exhaustion for the past three years, and it shows. I really need to start taking better care of myself, because these bags under my eyes are not cool. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I feel like working a 9-5 office job has aged me way more than the irregular hours and sleep schedule I kept as a server or working retail ever did. At least then I seemed to be getting 7-8 hours of sleep each night.
Thank god tomorrow is Friday so I can sleep in the following day. I’ve turned into a drone who lives for the weekend… FML. Work was absolutely brutal last week – I was doing like 10 hour days and coming in early so I could avoid staying late each night, but that also means working through my lunch breaks instead of getting out for a walk and some fresh air. I fucking HATE sitting at a desk all day and not having time to walk or exercise. I feel like such shit about myself and my body when I am not moving or walking and still eating a ton of food. Some might think I’m joking, but I am definitely asking for a desk elliptical for Christmas this year. I think it will give me a better quality of life LOL.
I’m already thinking about Halloween and trying to make plans in advance so that I don’t end up staying in again. I always have the best costume put together, and the last couple of years I haven’t even worn it out. Such a shame! I love Halloween and dressing up and making costumes…. I live for that shit.
00/00/0000 – Marilyn Manson – – – Keywords: – Photo Credit: Photorazzi – Contact (1-866-551-7827)
This year’s inspo ^^^ I dressed up as MM once before and it was one of the years I didn’t end up going out. This year, I’m going all out….come hell or high water.
Anyhow… here is my recipe for a “Thai-style” aka, white-people, bastardized-version of curry, made with butternut squash:
A couple of notes:
Be careful cutting the squash, they’re really firm and you risk the knife slipping out and towards you if you aren’t careful
This is kind of time consuming since the squash takes a full hour just to cook in the oven, so you may want to prep the sauce/squash a day before you assemble the actual curry….
INGREDIENTS:
A variety of veggies of your choice (below is what I used):
1 medium-sized butternut squash
1 green zucchini, chopped into bite-size chunks
1 red pepper, cut into strips
1 green (bell) pepper, cut into strips
1 can of baby corn
1 can of bamboo shoots
1 package of extra-firm tofu, cubed
1 small jar of red curry paste (Thai Kitchen brand is great and sold most places)
1 can coconut milk
1 box vegetable stock
3 Tablespoons yellow curry powder
1 Tablespoon turmeric
2 tsp. granulated garlic
1 tsp. cayenne pepper (more or less depending on desired level of spicy)
1 tsp. red pepper flakes (more or less depending on desired level of spicy)
1-2 limes (*the JUICE from 1-2 limes)
1 bunch of fresh thai basil, or regular fresh basil
2 Tablespoons fish sauce (*** OPTIONAL *** I’ve used in curries before, but I did not use in this one)
3 cloves minced garlic
2 Tablespoons vegetable oil
Cooked white rice to serve (Basmati or jasmine work best)
DIRECTIONS:
Heat the oven to 400 degrees.
Cut the butternut squash in half length-wise (*** please do this carefully – it cuts with difficulty and you risk slicing yourself or the knife coming out if you’re not careful); gut the seeds and stringy pulp out from the center of your squash by scooping it out with a spoon.
Roast the squash at 400 degrees for 1 hour… test with a fork to see if tender:
The finished squash… yours more take more or less time depending on the size. Note the fork marks where I tested to see that it was soft enough to blend!
1.
Behold: the raw butternut squash
A couple of notes:
Be careful cutting the squash, they’re really firm and you risk the knife slipping out and towards you if you aren’t careful
This is kind of time consuming since the squash takes a full hour just to cook in the oven, so you may want to prep the sauce/squash a day before you assemble the actual curry….
INGREDIENTS:
A variety of veggies of your choice (below is what I used):
1 small jar of red curry paste (Thai Kitchen brand is great and sold most places)
1 can coconut milk
1 box vegetable stock
3 Tablespoons yellow curry powder
1 Tablespoon turmeric
2 tsp. granulated garlic
1 tsp. cayenne pepper (more or less depending on desired level of spicy)
1 tsp. red pepper flakes (more or less depending on desired level of spicy)
1-2 limes (*the JUICE from 1-2 limes)
1 bunch of fresh thai basil, or regular fresh basil
2 Tablespoons fish sauce (*** OPTIONAL *** I’ve used in curries before, but I did not use in this one)
3 cloves minced garlic
2 Tablespoons vegetable oil
Cooked white rice to serve (Basmati or jasmine work best)
Your squash will need to roast 50-60 minutes depending on its size…. notice the fork marks where I tested to see that this was cooked through!
DIRECTIONS:
Heat the oven to 400 degrees.
Cut the butternut squash in half length-wise (*** please do this carefully – it cuts with difficulty and you risk slicing yourself or the knife coming out if you’re not careful); gut the seeds and stringy pulp out from the center of your squash by scooping it out with a spoon.
Put the squash face-up on a roasting pan, and rub the face-up side with olive oil; roast the squash at 400 degrees for 1 hour… test with a fork to see if tender:
Once the squash has cooled down enough to handle, use a spoon to scoop out the orange fleshy part into a blender or food processor.
Add in about 2 cups of the veggie stock or enough liquid that blending will be possible (I know my blender has issues mixing everything if there isn’t enough liquid).
Once you’ve blended the squash to a creamy and uniform texture, dump the mixture from the blender into a large saucepan or soup pan/pot and turn the burner to a low heat.
Add in the entire jar of red curry paste and the entire can of coconut milk.
Add in your spices (granulated garlic, turmeric, curry powder, red pepper, cayenne, etc.)
You’ll most likely need to add more veggie stock at this point, as the curry will be way too thick. My squash was huge, and therefore resulted in a lot of curry once it was blended…. the mixture was way too thick and I ended up adding the rest of my veggie stock.
The curry sauce should be a nice, thick consistency, but still viscous in nature…. it should not be straight-up puree, nor should it be too soupy and watery.
Add in the lime juice, the fish sauce (if you opted to use it), salt to taste, more pepper or seasoning as necessary, and some hand-shredded basil leaves (a nice handful).
Remove the sauce from the heat and set aside or put in the fridge if you’re planning to use later.
In a wok or large sauce pan, heat the vegetable oil over a low heat and get your fresh chopped veggies and minced garlic on deck (the canned veggies, like the corn and bamboo shoots, do NOT need to be sauteed with the raw veggies)
You’ll want to sautee your veggies and garlic at a medium heat for only a few minutes, as they will finish cooking in the curry sauce and you DO NOT WANT THEM to be over cooked and soggy (gross).
Once you’ve sauteed the veggies and garlic, add in the curry sauce and continue to cook over a low heat.
This is the point where you can add in whatever canned veggies you’re using, like the baby corn and bamboo shoots, as well as the TOFU.
Taste the sauce and add more seasoning to suit your tastes (you may want to make it hotter with more pepper, add a bit more salt, or a bit more lime juice for some zing).
Serve over cooked rice and garnish with a bit of fresh basil!
The curry sauce – the squash has been blended with liquid at this point, and simmering on the stove with the addition of all of the seasonings, paste, coconut milk, and more veggie stock… you might want to roast the squash/make the sauce a day in advance since it’s very time consuming
This one was a hit… I will definitely be making this, or variations of this, throughout the coming colder months! Apart from the coconut milk, it’s also pretty healthy 😀 Or, at least that’s what I told myself after eating half a wok….
90 degrees on the first day of Fall… global warming is a real bitch…. I finally bought some sweaters and tights and I’m still wearing sleeveless button-ups. I remember when I was young, we were lucky if it was 65 degrees this time of year!
I want to plan a world-wide work strike against climate change – I’m just not sure how to get started. Imagine the reduction in carbon emissions even if only just for one day, if the majority of people (or ideally all people) took the day off of work and didn’t use their car, and if factories couldn’t operate because they had no workers?! I should take some tips from Greta Thunberg and just start solo-striking all alone… I’m pretty sure I’ll lose my job in the first week…
I was home this past weekend (well, Thursday-Saturday…) to get Tuna neutered. The cost of the vet upstate is about 1/3 of what it is in the greater NYC area. Totally work taking a couple of days off of work (I mean, what isn’t worth taking days off work???). It was also nice to be home with just my parents and to enjoy some end-of-summer weather.
Beautiful goldenrod everywhere… I love this time of year when everything turns shades of mustard and goldBy my family’s woods in West BainbridgeMy parents and Max walking out of our woods
I’m so happy I finally bit the bullet and took the days off to make the trip home and get Tuna neutered. At least it’s done and over with now and he is pretty much back to normal.
If you want to see more pics of the cats or of Tuna in his Handmaid’s Tale cone, here you go: instagram.com/peepsandtunaBecause I can’t post a picture of one without posting the other (that would make me a bad mom…), here’s Mr. Peeper at his finestThis probably won’t be here in the next 20 years if global warming continues unabatedSunset through the woods
Pictures never do real life or lighting justice sadly. I cleaned out my closet a couple of weeks ago and found so many things that I bought with every intention of wearing in a specific outfit, and which have never seen the light of day. The below tutu skirt is one of them…. I know tutu skirts are very SJP circa 2000’s Sex in the City, but It makes for some pretty fun outfits:
Paired with my fave Hello Kitty SweatshirtMy favorite escape in Brooklyn – Greenwood Cemetery …
I made a really good vegetarian Bolognese with lentils last week, the recipe of which is based directly on my classic Bolognese recipe:
Here is the recipe:
INGREDIENTS:
3 cups of cooked lentils (brown or French) (roughly 1 and 1/2 cups dry lentils cooked in 3-4 cups of veggie stock, for flavor)
1 box pasta of your choice (rigatoni, spaghetti, penne, linguini all work great)
1/3 cup olive oil (enough to coat the bottom of a large sauce-pan)
2 large carrots, finely chopped
2 stalks of celery, finely chopped
1/2 of a white or yellow onion, finely chopped
4 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
1 cup dry, white wine (Pinot Grigio works well!)
1 cup freshly shaved Parmesan (plus more to sprinkle over finished pasta)
1 large can of San Marzano crushed tomatoes
1 small can of tomato paste
fresh parsley
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 Tbs. dried basil
1 Tbs. dried oregano
1 tsp. red pepper flakes
1 tsp. granulated sugar
1 tsp. granulated garlic
Salt and pepper (add to desired taste)
DIRECTIONS:
Pre-cook your lentils, boiling in veggie stock until tender (but not over-cooked or mushy, since they will finish cooking in the sauce!)
Set aside the lentils once cooked, and heat the olive oil in a large sauce pan over a low-medium heat
Add in onions and cook until a yellow-y translucent color (about 6 minutes), stirring occasionally
Add in carrots and celery and continue to cook over low-medium heat, stirring occasionally for another 5 min.
Add in garlic and continue to cook and stir, being careful not to burn garlic
Add in the already cooked lentils and cook for a minute over low-medium heat.
Add in the white wine and simmer for about 3 minutes
Add in the can of crushed tomatoes along with the granulated garlic, sugar, salt, pepper, dried basil and oregano, and crushed red pepper; stir together and reduce to low heat
Add in the small can of tomato paste and stir in thoroughly; continue to stir and cook over a low heat.
After cooking over low heat for another 10 minutes or so, add in the heavy cream and stir
Add in the Parmesan cheese and continue to stir and cook, making sure cheese is incorporated into the sauce
Add in the fresh chopped parsley and stir
I advise taste-testing as you go along to ensure the sauce has a good balance – feel free to add more salt, pepper, pepper flakes, oregano/basil, or sugar if needed
Let the sauce continue to simmer over minimum heat and boil a large pot of heavily salted water for the pasta
Cook pasta according to cook time advised on packaging; once pasta is cooked to al dente, drain and either add to sauce pan, if large enough, or back to pot and then add the Bolognese sauce into the pot of pasta – stir well
Serve in bowls with freshly grated Parmesan over-top and a garnish of fresh parsley or fresh basil!
This dish is perfect for fall… super hearty, tasty, comforting and high in fiber (if you know what I’m saying….)
Mushroom “burger” (aka, mushroom patty?) I made last night
I am back from my “grand” vacation of the year… a week in Maine with my family and boyfriend. It was relaxing, as was to be expected, way too full of eating (also to be expected) and not nearly a long enough escape from the hell that is my job and this wretched city (also, to be expected…). What vacation would be long enough though? Apart from a permanent vacation….
Lobster bake at the hotel… one of the best parts of Maine for me is the abundance of not just lobster, but all seafood – especially chowders. I FUCKING LOVE chowders.
I didn’t do as much physical activity as I had hoped to do prior to embarking on my vacation. The hotel had bikes to take out, but the roads surrounding the hotel were not at all conducive to biking as there was no shoulder on the road at all. I also thought the hotel would have kayaks, but sadly all they had were some pitiful rowboats, which I conned my boyfriend into taking out with me one afternoon. We didn’t last more than 40 minutes in the row boat, as the waves around the island we were attempting to skirt around got very choppy on one end, and the oars kept slipping out from the oar holders.
Naturally the one time I took the row boat out the tide was going out and the waters were getting rough… it was still fun. I love being on water, or in water, as long as it’s above 90 degrees.
Boothbay Harbor itself is a sleepy little town with not much to do besides eat, drink, and relax… or go boating. Which is precisely what we did. We took a chartered sail boat out one day as a family which was really nice. We also walked around the little town and explored the shops and restaurants. I’d have to say, my favorite meal of the week was honestly at the local Italian restaurant, Ports of Italy. Who would have thought that a coastal town in Maine would have such a good Italian restaurant?! Not me. I had the frutti di mare, and this amazing cold seafood salad as an appetizer. Everything was awesome, including the wine. My second favorite meal, was probably at the hotel’s dining room on the last night of our stay.
Mussels everywhere! I ate a lot of mussels while I was in Maine…. I’d have to say they’re my favorite mollusk besides oysters.View from the sail boat… the captain and his first mate were very knowledgeable of the area, the history of the area, and very friendly and hospitable sailors! I would definitely take another sailboat with the Schooner Eastwind again.More mussels… and a whole lot of butter.
There was also an alpaca farm near the hotel, where my niece, my sister and myself got a lovely tour from one of the owners and learned a whole lot about alpacas and agriculture! They also had some beautiful chickens that I was obsessed with spotting each and every time we passed their farm in the car.
Hi there!
We made a day trip to Freeport to hit up L.L. Bean’s and the outlets… I got some sweet plaid pants from Calvin Klein that I am VERY excited to wear this fall. I’ve been looking for plaid pants for the last year, and these are JUST what I was looking for. My other “big” purchase for myself was a copy of Anthony Bourdain’s Kitchen Confidential, which I cannot put down once I pick up to start reading. Sadly, my work schedule and demanding cats have been preventing me from picking it up more than I would like this week….
My boyfriend and I also took a drive to downtown Portland to explore. Portland is such a nice, clean, small city with a lot of awesome bars and restaurants. We are planning on going back for a long weekend stay this winter to do more exploring and see just how much worse winter in Maine could be than in NYC.
On our way back from Portland, we checked out a suburb called Cape Elizabeth, which had a surprisingly awesome park that we explored. I was disappointed to find there was no beach though – just a bunch of rocks. The rocks were beautiful, but I am sad to say I didn’t don a swimsuit once this vacation to either get in the pool, hot tub, or ocean. I didn’t go to the beach even once this summer… now that is sad.
I know… I know… I basically take the Instagram/fashion blog shots of others that I would hope they could take of me. Sadly, no one ever takes good candids of me. They get me when I’m looking down and have five chins, or from some weird angle where my body looks like Jabba the hutt. I just know people’s angles… what can I say? I mean, even the shot of the alpaca up above is flattering.
As you can see, the fake tan from my last post is long gone, and sadly not coming back anytime soon. I did, however, acquire plenty of freckles on my face, shoulders, and arms.
I milked my vacation for all it was worth, and scheduled a hair appointment when I came home for some red low lights (I’m going white in my temples, and color is now a necessity if I don’t want to look older than I am), and continued eating like a fatted calf for the remainder of the weekend spent in Bainbridge (you name it, I ate it… I did resist meat however, which I am very proud of). I cooked a mean carbonara for my parents upon returning home Friday night, and then on Saturday night, feeling inspired and not wanting to let the trend of devouring seafood die, I made a linguine with clams for family dinner.
When I came back to NYC, fatter and broker than ever on Sunday evening, I entered into a dark vortex of negative thoughts and resentment towards this city and towards my job, which I am still trying to turn around. I have to get out of this city as soon as I can… I’m just so over it. I also started resenting my choice to get low lights… I think the red is too dark and doesn’t flatter me. But that could just be me being me. I am hoping the color fades/lightens in the next couple of weeks. I’m trying to eat healthy this week, so sadly, I won’t be cooking anything fun.
Ah yes, almost forgot – the second part of this blog: while I was bored out of my mind one night on vacation (since the entire town of Boothbay Harbor shuts down after 8pm, and even the hotel bar was dead after 9pm), my boyfriend and I somehow came up with human profiles for each of our cats, which continued to escalate in absurdity until I wrote the full biographies on Sunday to post on IG. If my cats were humans, here is the type of humans they would be:
MEET TUNA:
Tuna is a door man at a strip club in Queens. He isn’t allowed at his uncles or grandparents house for the holidays because he was caught stealing Christmas ornaments off the tree to sell for cash to buy meth. He spent his high school days in remedial math classes and detention. When Tuna comes home, his parents have to lock up their medications. He usually shows up to family dinners with a 6-pack of Budweiser, and a half-eaten box of Enntemmen’s powdered donuts. Tuna enjoys tailgating at high school football games, fixing dirt bikes, dabbling in psychedelics, and fights at dive bars. Tuna’s idea of a perfect vacation is a week at Water Safari. Tuna’s greatest aspiration in life is to own a worm farm and grow magic mushrooms, as well as to make it to the Trump 2020 rally in Cincinnati. Tuna is a Dooms Day prepper who keeps a stash of ammo, AK-47s and ramen noodles in his parents’ attic. Tuna has a girlfriend named Crystal, who is five months pregnant with another man’s baby… but he doesn’t care, it’s true love. Tuna prefers to be called Chip.
MEET MR. PEEPER:
Peeper is a professor of anthropology studies at University of Oxford. He has a Ph.D. in law and women’s studies from Harvard. Growing up, he was the pride and joy of his parent’s lives – he was a straight-A student, Eagle Scout, and spent his summers voluntarily de-worming orphans in underdeveloped nations. He speaks 5 languages fluently and works as a volunteer, teaching deaf children Cantonese. He enjoys wine tasting, oil painting, baking clotted cream scones, throwing elaborate dinner parties, and donating money to Harvard and Yale science departments. He was also a good friend of The late Jeffrey Epstein – for 10 years they ran a mathematics camp for underprivileged teenagers. When Peeper isn’t working or volunteering, he enjoys traveling to the Cayman Islands, South Africa, and to his winery in Provence. He is married to a woman 25 years his junior, and together they have three perfect, little globe-trotting protégées named Theodore, Eloise, and Amadeus who are all geniuses.
This dish truly was a perfect 10, by my boyfriend’s accord, and by my own accord… which really says something since I’m usually full from taste-testing by the time I sit down to eat whatever I’ve cooked… I wanted second and thirds
Tomorrow is Thursday (actually it’s going to be Thursday in about 30 minutes), so that means I have almost made it to vacation. I cannot wait to have a full week off of work… I haven’t had more than a few days off since last summer when I went on an *almost* three-week vacation.
I cannot wait to be off work, first and foremost. Being out of the city and in Maine is secondary. Is that sad?! Probably. I just really cannot wait. I don’t want to do anything I don’t want to do (I will be on my own schedule, I will not be conned into eating breakfast (I don’t do breakfast, darling), or even worse, conned into eating a breakfast at 8 a.m.). Life is about to be so good for 7 days.
I’ve been off and on fake tanning for the last week or so. I did a heavy application of St. Tropez self bronzing mousse last weekend and loved the result, but then went to my friend’s house where I marinated in a hot tub all night, and as a result, lost the entire tan.
As you can see, there is always some discoloring on the palms and around the ankles, but for a redhead who is pale as fuck and doesn’t tan…. it’s totally worth it to have a few splotches. I get so jealous in the summer when every single person is tan as fuck – everyone looks better tan! You automatically look thinner and your muscles look more defined when your skin is darker. However, I must admit that I feel self-conscious walking around in broad daylight with my fake tan, because I feel like I look orange (like Donald Trump orange) and people are staring at me. Than again, it could all just be in my head…. I don’t know.
I do know the tan photographs well, but that might be about it. I also know my legs look way better in shorts when they’re tan and/or orange. It makes it hard to choose between the lessor of two evils… white and bruised, or fluorescent orange and thinner…
Anyhow! I cannot wait for Maine. I am going to go sea kayaking, and biking, and eat seafood chowder, and just fucking relax. It’s really hard for me to relax….
I cooked this awesome Cacio e Pepe on Monday night, with shrimp on top. I was inspired by an Italian food blog I follow on Instagram, although I couldn’t locate the post again to share here. The recipe that follows is my own, made-up version, as the blog I follow doesn’t post recipes.. only pictures.
INGREDIENTS:
Pecorino Romano (whole wedge/block which you’ll grate a full cup of)
1/2 cup freshly grated Parmigiano Reggiano
1 box farfalle (the Italian term for pasta “bow ties”)
1 egg
1 lb. fresh or frozen shrimp
Fresh basil leaves
1 lemon
salt and pepper
garlic salt
pasta water (water taken from pasta pot)
2 Tbs. butter
1/3 cup olive oil
DIRECTIONS:
Peel and rinse shrimp (thaw first, if you’re starting with frozen), and then chop into fine pieces and set aside in small bowl
Squeeze juice from one lemon over onto the shrimp, and add some salt and pepper to taste, along with 2 Tbs. olive oil; mix together and set aside.
Put on a large pot of heavily-salted water onto high heat and bring to a boil (for pasta)
While the water heats up…
FOR THE SAUCE:
In separate bowl, add 1/2 cup Parmigiano-Reggiano, grate in 1 full cup of fresh Pecorino Romano, add one egg, 1/4 cup olive oil, and a GENEROUS amount of black pepper (1 Tbs. plus some)
Whisk the above mixture together until thick and uniform – set aside!
Once the water is boiling, add in the box of pasta and stir occasionally
Boil pasta for recommended length of time (according to instructions on box)
BEFORE YOU DRAIN THE PASTA, ladle out 1/2 cup of pasta water using a measuring cup or ladle, and pour directly into your sauce mixture and whisk IMMEDIATELY until uniform!
Whip it real good… or rather, whisk it real good
Drain the pasta and add back to pot and place over lowest possible heat setting, stir in the sauce, remove from heat, and set aside
You would have an amazing Cacio e Pepe at this point if you wanted to call it a day and/or you don’t want to cook or don’t actually like shrimp… the shrimp just brings it to another level of heavenly-ness and makes the dish look better
FOR THE SHRIMP:
Heat 2 Tbs. of olive oil over low heat in a saute pan
Add in shrimp and stir around until cooked through (shrimp turns orange when cooked)… DO NOT over cook. Since the shrimp is chopped so finely, it should only take a couple of minutes max.
Plate your pasta, and top with a couple spoonfuls of shrimp
Chop the basil and sprinkle fresh basil on top to finish
Buon appetito bitches
Update: I stopped writing last night because I was too tired to finish the recipe. It is now Friday at 12:19 a.m. and I have only one more work day until I am home free and on vacation. Hallelujah!
I have a great idea for my next blog… how to survive a recession from someone who has already been there and done that. I have the ultimate tips for surviving on no money, minimal food, and the stress of being in a recession without a steady job or paycheck.
Here’s a picture of the lovely cheese pizza I ate on Sunday, before I launch into a tirade about the state of this nation and you wonder why you’re ready this “food” blogHere is a picture of my Sunday evening vino at Huckleberry Bar, where I relaxed for a couple of hours before the real world kicked my ass on Monday morning. You’ll probably need some vino yourself after readying this blog….
#TRIGGERED Usually I HATE when people say they’re “triggered,” but tonight, it’s the only way to describe how I am feeling based on everything that’s going on in this world and out of my control.
It’s 11:05pm on a Wednesday night in August, 2019, and I am already worrying about the outcome of the 2020 presidential election. If Trump wins a second term, I am seriously convinced the entire government is rigged by the 1% (I mean, we already know it is, but…still….). I cannot continue to live in this nation as an American citizen, a nation that has become a disgrace among all of the other developed nations since November 2016. My cat’s a$$hole would be a better president than Trump at this point in time. Furthermore, Lord knows, that in the year 2020, America is still not progressive enough (and certainly MUCH less progressive than we were even 10 years ago) to elect a woman as president of the United States. At this point in time, I’m strongly Bernie or bust. This country needs tax reform, gun reform, free health care, and better/free education for the masses. We need someone who will lift of us up out of this dark spiral into which we’ve been dragged down for the last several years.
The whole Jeffrey Epstein scandal has made me sick to my stomach and furious since he was re-arrested back in July, and even more so since he “killed himself” last weekend. I’ve been following this scandal since the first time he was convicted back in 2008. I usually don’t believe in conspiracies, but I am quite certain that Epstein must have had the dirtiest of the dirt on a ring of high-profile pedophiles running our own government as well as others (hello Prince Andrew and Mohhamed Bin Salman… looking at you). Dude was clearly murdered before he could spill the beans and create more issues within our government. The government is the reason he got such a light sentence back in 2008 in the first place (Alexander Acosta…. all of the high-profile, government pedos involved back then).
I’m also sickened by the treatment of refugees and those seeking asylum or a better life for themselves and their families in this nation. It’s a damn shame that in the year 2020, in America, our government is tearing innocent families apart, jailing both children and parents in deplorable conditions.
The government corruption, together with the ever increasing threat of destruction of environment and wildlife due to humanity has really brought me to a breaking point tonight. My boyfriend just got home from work and told me he thinks Donald Trump will win a second term and it’s lit a fire I haven’t felt in months. I am not being far-fetched when I say that I will have to pull a Hunter S. Thompson in the event that Trump is re-elected. Either that, or I will have to move to Venice and live with my boyfriend’s parents, with or without him. I can’t stay in this country that’s falling apart at the seams if there is no hope for the future.
I already assume we’ll all be dead, or at least in the midst of societal collapse, in the next 10-15 years given the impact of global warming, extreme weather, crop failure, destruction of top soil, plastic pollution, mass migration due to all of these factors, water shortages, etc.. I can’t just stay here as an American citizen and watch what used to be one of the greatest nations in the world with the most civil liberties slowly be ground into complete destruction beyond redemption by greedy corporations, corrupt government, and absolute ignorance and neglect in terms of saving what we have left of the natural world. Instead, we have been turned against each other, the country has once again become rife with racism and sexism due to our esteemed leader and anti-right propaganda, we have to fear being shot as we go about our daily lives, not by ISIS, but by home-grown, white, domestic terrorist psychopaths…. this is no way to live.
Meanwhile, people keep eating factory-farm raised beef and processed chicken nuggets, throwing around plastic, and spraying chemicals on their lawns, with their phone in their hand 24/7, more concerned about the latest episode of the Kardashians, or with some celebrity’s tweet, than about taking what small steps they can to help save the Earth before it’s too late. I am not perfect, FAR from it. But at least I am AWARE and I am TRYING to help in whatever small way I can. I saw some 10 year old girl throw a plastic bottle on the sidewalk yesterday and I almost lost my shit on her, but I knew her mom would have words with me/kick my ass if I reprimanded her child. THIS is the world we live in… this is why people pollute and this is why people don’t give a fuck… they aren’t taught to care.
Anyhow…. before I self implode, let me pour myself a glass of wine to take some of the edge off and focus on something pleasant. Like food. Also, music.
I went to see Korn and Alice in Chains last Wednesday and they were everything I hoped for and then some. Both bands honestly surpassed my expectations and Jonathan Davis of Korn was much hotter than I expected. Oh, and somehow we were front and center!!!!! Not sure how that happened…. but it was fucking awesome:
Jerry Cantrell… up close and personal…. I can die happy now. William DuVall – current lead singer of Alice in Chains. Alice in Chains is one of my favorite bands and they sounded as good live as they do recorded… I am so happy we made the trek to Jones Beach for this concertJonathan Davis in a kilt… that’s hot. Also, this security dude is legit in every picture and video I took since I was in front of the stage… LOL.
I’d have to say, apart from the perfect concert (and this one actually was PERFECT – right up there with NIN and Soundgarden in 2014), the other highlight of the day was getting back to NYC at 12:30am and getting empanadas at Empanada Mama on the Lower East Side because we were starving.
HOLY SHIT… if you haven’t been to Empanada Mama, you MUST GO. Maybe we were starving from walking around all day, slightly drunk, and exhausted. But damn, those empanadas were delicious and inspired me to try my hand at making my own the next day. They have this one empanada that is off the hook called the “Viagra”. It’s stuffed with shrimp and imitation crab and its beyond. I have to go back to Empanada Mama soon. The best part? They’re open 24/7! Despite being open 24/7, it’s pretty nice inside with lots of seating, a full bar, good lighting, and decent decor.
The Viagra empanadas were so good that when I woke up the next day, I was craving more and attempted to recreate them at home!
They turned out pretty good! Not nearly as good as EM, but good for my first try and for making the dough from scratch. I kind of want to get a part-time job at Empanada Mama so I can learn their secrets!
Last night, I made a vegetarian “sausage” and mushroom fettuccine dish, that was so good it fooled my boyfriend into thinking it was actually real meat (he had no idea it was a ‘veggie’ sausage).
I’ll write the recipe for this one tomorrow. Hopefully I won’t be feeling as triggered then. LOL.
I know I get crazy about my cats, but they are my kids. I don’t have kids to worry about, so I put all of my stock into my pets – they are my life and one of the few things that bring me joy in life besides the few other things I actually like in this world.
The High Heeled C*ntessa 